The This Bites! Omake Collection
by CV12Hornet
Summary: The Cross-Brain tells the main story of Jeremiah Cross and Soundbite and their travels with the Straw Hat Pirates. Here, however, is what the talented fans of This Bites! have created for "what else"s, "what if"s, and "what the ****"s.
1. Breaking Walls

By: readerdreamer5625

 _There are billions of stories, both horrid and fun_  
 _But to keep things simple, let's start with just one._  
 _About a captain and his crew, with their dog and fox_  
 _Even dugongs and ducks, which oddly enough_  
 _Was voiced by a talking snail-_

"You do realize, that doesn't rhyme, right?" Cross commented to the sky, Soundbite nodding on his shoulder. "And really, Dr. Seuss? Cat in The Hat? Do you really have to be so obvious?"

 _Oh shut up, you do not know how hard it is to rhyme. And this is better than another rendition of Alice in Wonderland anyway._

" **Oh** HOW HARD **can it be to** ** _rhyme_** **!?"** Soundbite offered, grinning toothily. " _I do that_ all _ **the time**_ _!"_

 _Sure you do now, sure. Anyways, let's get on with the story._

 _In the legendary ocean that stretches,_  
 _From this sea to that sea,_  
 _There is a little ship that is floating_  
 _And that ship is the Going Merry._

"That's better."

 _Shush. Now, as I was saying..._

 _It's a ship that's not huge,_  
 _But quite big enough_  
 _For pirates and angels and princesses_  
 _To go and do stuff_

 _From swimming in gold_ "Nami. Definitely Nami."  
 _And cooking up explosives_ "Somebody whack Chopper over the head, stat!"  
 _To making a feast-_  
"Hey, Sanji, can I have some- OWW!" "Shut it, Cross! This is for Robin-chwan~!"  
 _-And apparently, even breaking up my own narratives._

 _...You used to be a writer, right? Plus, you have that SBS and that running gag of yours going on too. Aren't you going to be more, I don't know, helpful about this?_

"Really, I should, I _know_ I should." Cross chuckled before shaking his head with a wide smile on his face. "But pfft- PFHAHAHAHA! It's way too fun when I'm not on the receiving end!"

 _I should've realized that before taking on this job, goddamnit this isn't worth minimum-wage... Anyway, back to the story._

 _So our story begins,_  
 _Over the head that the Captain calls his seat_  
 _When suddenly, the Captain_  
 _Calls out his crew to go out and meet._

"DID SOMEBODY SAY MEAT!?" _Out of sheer_ accident _, one of the mast's ropes go untied and hit him with a WHACK!_ "Ow! Oh, right, meet."

Chopper snickered from over where he was standing.

"Alright, you guys!" Luffy grinned, tooth for tooth pearly white despite their daily toil. "Shishishi! I've decided we need to spice things up!"

 _Because in the Straw Hats, things are_ never _crazy enough._

"Today, we're going to play a game Jii-chan taught me!"

"Is _this_ normal-" "Yes, Conis-chan, it is. Sadly, it is for our captain."

"WELCOME TO THE FIRST STRAW HAT'S GAME OF ASSASSIN!"

 _And so you can see,_  
 _the story starts and the game begins,_  
 _As suddenly every man, woman, animal, and child_  
 _Is on their own for the win_

 _Oh a game of Assassin! What dread and toil_  
 _Awaits our beloved crewmembers_  
 _Such is the coil of fate!_  
 _Such is the omake!_

"You're not even trying to rhyme anymore, aren't you?"

 _Shush._

 _But alas, the omake needs to be cut here_  
 _For I have places to be,_  
 _Things to do, work to achieve_  
 _But I say wait for me_

 _And perhaps next time I'll be wiser_  
 _Know better, be a greater writer_  
 _To not start an omake with a poem_  
 _And really expect it to not to come undone._

 _And such, is the Breaking Walls Omake Part ONE!_


	2. Pillage' and Burn

By: StriderAnarchy9

Cross had just been about to end the SBS for Enies Lobby, when Soundbite interrupted.

"Until next time, this is Jeremiah Cross—"

" _Hey_ , **Cross**!"

"—Of the, oh come on! You're not gonna start messing with the outro, too?!" Cross said, grinding his teeth.

" **Oh** , _**SORRY**_ , didn't mean to, _but I was_ **WONDERING ABOUT SOMETHING**..." Soundbite trailed off.

"...Yeah?" Cross prompted.

"DID **we steal** _ANYTHING_?"

"Eh?"

"You _MENTIONED US_ **doing some pillaging during that** _BADASS BOAST_ at the beginning of this broadcast _before this_ **WHOLE MESS** ** _started, but_** I DON'T THINK _we stole anything_..."

"Don't be ridiculous, we stole Robin back."

" **SHE'S** a person, _**NOT A THING**_ , _she doesn't count_. **Besides, that makes us** SOUND LIKE SLAVERS." Soundbite rebutted.

"Um, uh, Nami! I'm sure Nami was stealing every beli they had from unconscious Marines and World Government agents!"

Cross looked desperately at Nami, only to feel his heart sink at the sight of the look on her face.

"In all the excitement, I forgot!" she shrieked in pure horror.

"Come on, somebody must have stolen something! Usopp, Chopper, Conis, anybody!" Cross shouted, only to get negative shaking heads from the whole crew.

"Actually, I stole some cola from the kitchen—" Franky admitted.

"FRIGGEN SAVED!"

"—but I'm not a Straw Hat."

Cross' pupils shrunk to pinpricks. "What?"

"You said the Straw Hats Pirates would do some pillaging. I'm not a Straw Hat."

"Ah, right!" Luffy's fist hit his other hand before turning to the cyborg, "Franky, want to join my crew?"

Before Franky could answer, Cross shouted, " **SAY YES!** "

" _Before you get_ **TOO EXCITED** , **Cross, he still** ** _DOESN'T COUNT_** if he did it BEFORE HE JOINED." Soundbite said with a growing grin.

"...no. No. NOOOOOOOOO—"

***

"— _OOOOOOOO_ —"

"Dahahahahaha! To the Strawhats, the best pirate crew at being the worst pirates!" Shanks raised a mug in toast.

"TO THE STRAWHATS!" The Red-Haired Pirates roared.

***  
"— _OOOOOOOO_ —"

"Gurararararara!"

***  
 _  
At Marine HQ_...

By all accounts, today was an unmitigated disaster. A judicial island destroyed, the World Government assassins and the Buster Call exposed to the world and more importantly, his Marines failed to defeat the Straw Hat Pirates before they made their escape, publicly undermining them. Not to mention the field day the Revolutionaries would have milking the Ohara mess for all it was worth, no doubt swelling their ranks.

Still, listening to Cross' frustrated howl on the SBS, Fleet Admiral Sengoku couldn't help but smile.

"— _OOOOOOOO_!"


	3. Not-So-Flawless Getaway

By: Shadow Amber

For many, it had been the first time they'd felt sunlight in years. As a whole, the ragtag army of prisoners raised their hands to shield their eyes, reveling in the warmth of the Calm Belt. Some wept openly, falling to their knees and hugging themselves or each other.

Impel Down was broken, its jailers trapped below in the cells they'd once guarded. Level One was a pile of molten slag. Level Two was adapting to an incursion of marine life. Level Three was rubble and corpses. The floor of Level Four no longer existed, and the extreme cold of the hell below clashing with its terrible heat had created the first hurricane to ever form _under_ the sea. Only Level Six remained intact, with all but three of its inmates abandoned to the abyss at the bottom of the world.

"Ahh! Man, just feel that air!" Ace shouted, stretching his arms and soaking up the sun. The scent of the open sea invigorated him, filling his body with fresh life after weeks of imprisonment.

"I admit, I did not expect that to work," Jinbe stated.

"Yeah, neither did I," Cross said with a cackle, perched atop a pile of rubble that had once been a guard tower. The explosion had completely levelled the fortress above the waterline, clogging up the moat with chunks of stone and knocking several holes in the outer wall. "I mean, _wow_. What a rush."

"The Marines manning the ships are… indisposed," Crocodile grunted, re-forming amidst the group. He'd found another cigar somewhere and was happily puffing away on it. "Magellan's poison crippled most of them and shrapnel ruined the sails of a few tubs, but there's more than enough to cart this sorry lot out of here."

"Do you think he's dead?" Buggy asked, poking a lump of the Chief Warden with a sword. It jiggled and he withdrew the blade with an inch missing off the tip.

"If enough of him landed in the water, then perhaps," Iza said, staring apathetically down into the yawning crater from which they came. "If not, I don't think he'll be getting back together anytime soon."

"By which time we should probably be on the other side of the world if we can manage it," Cross said, dropping to the ground and starting to pace. "Once the Marines realize that Ace— fuck it, _everyone_ is free, they'll bring everything they've got down on us."

Soundbite nodded vigorously, sticking his head back out of Cross's collar. "I'm _NOT_ **liking** those  odds."

"Hey, give me two seconds to feel the wind on my face!" Ace protested. "It was really stuffy down there!"

"And I wonder who's fault that was?"

"Bite me, Croc!"

Before the two could build up steam, Cross had his hand on Ace's shoulder like a vise. "What did you say?"

Ace blinked. "What, about it being stuffy?"

Cross shook his head. "No, the other thing. You felt wind?"

"Well, yeah. What about it?"

A soft breeze batted at his hair, and a chill ran up his spine. "This is the Calm Belt."

He was gone before they could blink, kicking up a spray of water across the moat and mounting the wall in a single leap. Out of a pocket he drew a spyglass and sighted it on the distant Gates of Justice.

They were closing.

"Cross, what's going on?" Luffy panted, landing a little hard from his jump across. The rubberman wasn't in the best condition after facing down Magellan for the second time, but Ivankov's 'Miracle Treatment' was holding true to its name.

"The gates are closing," the Straw Hat tactician said solemnly, clicking the tool shut and vanishing it into his pants. "Those gates closed behind us yesterday. The entire defense fleet is still docked, which means something just came through."

In the distance, a cloud of fog or mist was gathering. It moved fast and low, picking up speed as it ghosted over the waves like the wings of a massive bird. In seconds, it had covered the distance between Impel Down and the edge of the Calm Belt, smashing against the outer walls of the prison in a blast of frosted air.

Behind them was heard shouts of alarm and panic from the inmates. What had once been miles of still, open sea was now a single, flat plane of solid ice.

"Something that has no intention of letting us leave."

Their escape wasn't fast enough. Kuzan was coming, at the head of the entire Marineford Armada.


	4. If it Worked Once

By: Shadow Amber

The air was deathly still again, Cross noted. A grim silence hung over the Calm Belt, every soul feeling the reaper's breath on the back of their neck. Nearly one thousand pirates stood in the courtyard below, their moment of triumph paling before the threat ahead.

The Calm Belt was frozen solid, the Marine warships they'd planned to escape on now as useful as tits on a breastplate.

"The ice is parting around the fleet," Squard growled, watching the advance through a spyglass. "They'll be here in hours."

"Only if we let them," Cross said, sliding a pouch of out of a different pock in his pants. "Hey Croc, I could use your assistance for my next magic trick."

The former warlord arched an eyebrow, watching the Straw Hat disdainfully. "If you think I'm risking my neck alone against all of Marineford just to wreck up a few ships, you're dumber than your fool captain."

The tactician chuckled, and it was not a cheerful one. Nor was it menacing, either; it was the laugh of a man who had just been promised a king's ransom for doing the job he loved, and Cross loved his job very much. "Luffy's got his own continuum of idiocy. How much sand would you need to create a sandstorm big enough to hit the whole fleet?"

"More than we have here."

"Soundbite?"

The little snail opened his mouth and reduced a boulder to particulate matter with a wall of drumbeats. "How much now?"

Crocodile smiled. "I'll tell you when to stop."

"We'll need more than the storm of course," the tactician said, starting to pace again. As he talked, the snail on his shoulder turned his attention to the courtyard, effortlessly shattering pieces of the inner fort that stuck out of the frozen moat with a cacophony of instrumental noise. "No matter how much of a punch it can carry, the Admirals will shrug it off, but as long we cripple their ships, we can buy enough time to bunker down.

"There's bound to be enough food to hold us for a day at least, plus all the supplies we can pull off the ships. The walls are still intact, so we can use them and the ships as cover. There'll also be plenty of guns and ammo, so worrying about all the mooks won't be a problem. There's not enough heavy hitters to deal with all the captains, so our only hope really is for Whitebeard to make it in time and save our asses."

He paused and looked over the icy plain. "Enough people could flip some of the these ships on their side and use the Seastone lining as Admiral-proof walls, but it might be safer if we left some on their keels in case any Sea Kings get curious and try to break the ice.

"Lots of people are too hurt to fight, and then we'll need a fraction more of that number to keep them and everyone else in…" he smirked to himself, " _one piece_."

"Right," Ace said, cracking his knuckles. He turned away from the sea and into the courtyard.

"Listen up!" he shouted, shooting a blast of flame over the heads of the panicking inmates. "The Marines are coming after our heads, and this time there won't be any mercy! We've got a plan, but I'll need your help to pull it off!"

With surprising speed, Buggy was in his face, floating angrily and legless in mid-air. "What plan? The boats are frozen over, so unless you're gonna make us walk to freedom, I'm not seeing any way out of this you flashy bastard!"

"I never said anything about us trying to escape the Marines."

Naturally, that statement did not go over well with Buggy, who momentarily exploded into pieces, all the while screaming at the Second Division commander of the Whitebeard pirates for being such a colossal moron. Even though he didn't know it, this was earning him massive respect from the inmates, who already (mistakenly) believed him to just as great a pirate as Red-Haired Shanks.

And he was, in his own way. Being an Emperor of the Sea was a colossal achievement, so for someone like Buggy to fool a legion of hardened criminals into thinking he was on that level and do it by accident would require the luck straight from the devil.

Ace grinned and adjusted his hat, now in its rightful place atop his head. "Once we take out the fleet, they'll have to walk, which'll give us plenty of time to fortify our position and wait for Pops to arrive. We don't need to hold 'em off forever - just long enough!" he shouted, pumping a fist. "Who's with me!"

A rousing chorus of ayes rang up from below, and Ace started barking out orders. "Right, any of you fellas feeling mighty can help free those ships out there and turn 'em on their sides. Marine ships have a Seastone lining, which'll make perfect cover. Any Devil Fruit users report to the walls so I can get a feel what you can do. Anyone who knows how to patch a wound, go below and gather bandages to help the wounded. Anyone knowing how to operate a cannon is to follow the ship teams and drags those suckers up to the walls along with all the gunpowder and weapons you can find. Cross, get Pops and everyone else you know on the line and fill 'em in on what's about to go down. Buggy, start gathering food; tonight calls for a party!"

Crocodile watched as Soundbite, Jinbe, and Luffy went to town on the rubble of Impel Down. The shattering of boulders had been going on for over twenty minutes, and the dune formed of their accumulated work now nearly stood even with the wall.

"That's good enough," he said, flexing his control over the towering mass. " **Sables**."

Like a wakening titan of myth, it began shift; first slowly, then faster and faster, writhing and churning, whirling up into a roaring twister. He threw his hands forward, and the howling testament to the power of a Shichibukai began to move out to sea, carrying with it two battleships worth of gunpowder.

Atop the walls, Cross hung up the receiver held his breath.

"It looks like they're not ready to go out peacefully," Kuzan commented, watching as the oncoming storm bore down on the fleet. "Furl the sails."

"Sir?"

The Admiral glanced at the marine who'd spoken. "They're trying to slow us down. I'm good, but Haki can't guard a whole fleet from that - too big. We'll wait it out." And if that gave the inmates more time, who cared? There was nowhere for them to run.

He sent his men below once all ships were secured and froze the fleet in place. If the storm hadn't been right on top of him, maybe he'd have built up some walls. In seconds the grey-brown mass of dust had closed the distance and was howling in his ears.

Kuzan stood stock-still in the middle of it all, barely pushing his Haki to keep the sand out of his clothes. Minuscule particles bounced away with the sound of tinkling glass, the wind picking them back up to beat on the Admiral again and again.

If he strained his ears, he could pick up the absolute silence that hung over Impel Down. He didn't doubt Jeremiah Cross had survived, so what was the kid planning? The storm wasn't the attack: it was just a cover for the real blow that no one would see coming until it was too late, and with all the inmates of Impel Down at his beck and call, there were far too many angles for it to come from. __

 _"It's_ all _OVER_ _ **them**_ _," Soundbite whispered._

 _Cross breathed out. "Ace, it's your move."_

From across the frozen gap, he caught a flicker of intent. An attack? Whatever it was, it was packing maybe enough power to scuff his suit, so what was the point? The storm was blocking their view just as much as it was blocking his, so what did Cross expect it to—

His eyes widened right as the tiny fireball caught the tail end of the _gunpowder_ -grey storm.


	5. A Secret Shared and a Simple Solution

By: Shadow Amber

Cross isn't quite sure what to say, so he settles for falling back against a sack of grain and gathering his mind. The storeroom of the Thousand Sunny is far more spacious than the little closet he's used to on the Merry, but as the crew keeps growing, the amount of free space has probably shrunk by a few square feet.

With what he just heard added to the contents, it feels dangerously cramped.

Sanji leans against a bulkhead, the burning end of his cigarette casting harsh shadows over his face. He wonders if this is how Cross felt after Drum Kingdom, when everyone's lives got both considerably less and more difficult.

The silence is broken (by Cross, of course) with a whispered exclamation of "Holy shit."

"And you're certain this never came up?" He's asked this question once before, but now all the cards are on the table. There are no more secrets for either of them.

ROB's punching bag nods, the mess of emotions going on inside very clear in his expression. "Positive. I've missed a couple OVAs, but something like that bombshell? So far as I knew, you were one of two Straw Hats with holes in their past, and that kind of reveal would not be something I'd forget."

"Which means if they come after us, it won't be something you can plan for."

Cross's face twists, and the cook expects to have to co-opt one of Luffy's speeches or whip up his favorite meal to snap the snailmail out of his funk, but instead what takes shape is that asshole's shitty 'smarter-than-everybody-and-knows-it' grin.

And then it gets wider. "Well… not in the way I'm used to. But between the brains of this crew, MI6, and the innumerable friends we've made along the way of this mad, insane, crazy voyage, I can make something work." Then he holds up a little black book. "Also this."

Sanji is about five seconds away from kicking that shitty face handsome when the static-y fuzz in his ears vanishes and a familiar sound echoes through the storeroom.

"SAAAAAAAAAAANNJI! ARE YOU DONE WITH YOUR SECRET MEETING YET? I'M HUNGRY!"

Cross wipes the grin off his face and hops to his feet. "He has an impeccable timing, doesn't he? Come on, let's go."

Sanji loosens up his leg and is about to step back into the kitchen when some of Cross's words come back to him. "Hey, when you said I was one of _two_ Straw Hats…"

Cross halts at the door and snickers. "Yeah, and you just heard the other one, so cheer up: no matter what crap your past brings our way, the rest of the Monkey family's will blow it out of the water."

He shuts the door with another grin on his face, and Sanji weighs his pride as a cook against how badly he wants to slip a biscuit into that asshole's meal.


	6. Follow the Smoke

_OMAKE ~ FOLLOW THE SMOKE_

By: ExNativo

 _"Well, this has been an invigorating chat! Thanks for your help!"_

Never had Smoker met a pirate that was quite so eloquent.

Smoke curled around the Marine Captain's head as he directed his glare down the street, unheeding of the many uneasy stares from the local populace. Vaguely, he could make out that super-empowered snail's laughter, ringing out between four walls as though the gastropod's mount hadn't just been part of a potentially life-changing conversation.

Good Marines.

Decent Marines.

The embers on the end of his cigar flared for a moment, the by-product of his unhealthy habit merging with his body before it even had the chance to reach his lungs. A canine sank just a fraction further into his cancer stick; yes, Smoker worked with both. The difference had just never been all that apparent.

There were the soldiers who would never be promoted, the soldiers with no potential beyond their spite-fuelled determination. There were the idealists, who joined the ranks because they believed it had been the right thing to do. There were those who were like him, who forged their own path and accepted the consequences as they came.

Being only a Captain while in possession of a Logia would have been an insult, had he cared about such things.

And then, enter brat with snail. Enter the confusion of borderline civilised conversation with a pirate. Exit the clarity in his morals that he had once boasted with something akin to pride.

A ring of smoke drifted into the air. He made sure it was heading where nobody would be inconvenienced by its existence. His fingers bumped against something metallic as he dug his hands into his pockets, his gaze blank as he withdrew the tactical baton he carried as backup and stared down at it.

The kid was smart, that much was obvious. Smart enough to be of some use to the world, if he really wanted. But no, he was a thinker, he was one who liked to look underneath the illusions and analyse everything that had been hidden from view.

Smoker frowned down at the baton, shoving back into his pocket and ignoring the obnoxious guitar riff that echoed from the store before him. All the illusions in place usually just went ignored; he couldn't care less about their existence so long as they didn't restrict his movement.

Now, he could help but find himself thinking about them. Wondering just why they were there, just what they were hiding that was horrible enough to erase entire islands. Wondering if perhaps he had made the right choice, all those years ago, in deciding to become a paragon of justice.

Even pillars that managed to reach the stars would fall if the foundations were poor.

The door to the Transponder Snail Shack opened. Smoker breathed out another cloud of his namesake.

"Why did you do it?"

He didn't want to be interested. He didn't want to have to think about the shortcomings of his world. That was just basic human nature.

But any Decent Marine would have asked that exact same question.


	7. Truthfully Yours

_OMAKE ~ TRUTHFULLY YOURS (MK 2, THE BETTERING)_

By: ExNativo

 _Day XX, Entry XX_

...I don't recall packing my diary. I didn't even know I still had this diary.

It has been years since this has seen use. The threat of writing anything incriminating while under Eneru's reign was too great. He could hear everything, the danger of someone finding it made forgetting the best option.

I could have sworn I gave this to my father after I had made that decision. Perhaps he had a hand in this...

Much of this morning went towards reading all of my previous entries. Young me was quite thorough in her approach;many of the pages are dedicated to events I can't even hope to remember on my own. Apparently she knew and documented just what half of the bugs usually found in the garden tasted like, what an adventurous girl.

Adventure... I love that word. Just thinking about it lets me know exactly what I want from life. It was a dream from long ago, born of the stories my father would tell me of my mother's exploits before she left us. As the years passed I began to believe he was lying, but the more time I spend on the Blue Sea, the more stories I hear of the legendary Roger Pirates. The more I understand of the legacy she has unknowingly left me.

I'm proud to follow in her footsteps. To be like her, to see the world, and to abolish tyranny in all its forms. Those are my dreams in life, my goals. To think that they were possible now, and that they would all be reignited by a single pirate...

Su will, without fail, accuse me of harbouring a crush whenever our conversations turn to him - and I still couldn't believe I could speak to her properly now I'm so happy - and I could try to deny it until I'm out of breath and she still wouldn't believe me, but it is the truth. Cross is handsome, yes, and there are many properties that I find admirable... perhaps at some point, sometime in the future, but my life has been hectic enough recently without adding more drama to it.

At least Su has kept it under wraps, and somehow convinced Soundbite to do the same. How she managed that, I do not know, but it's a legitimate miracle. Cross would understand the irritation that can be talking animal companions if the news ever reached him, but I would rather stave off that embarrassing conversation until I'm not the newest shipmate.

...It's still difficult to imagine. I'm on a pirate ship. _Me._ Doing what my mother did before me, realizing my own dreams and living the freedom that I've desired for so long. I really owe them so much, especially him.

Alright, so I can perhaps see where Su was coming from, but I digress. Really, I do. Something is truly special about him, it had been easy enough to tell as soon as he greeted me with a phrase he shouldn't have known. He had to have been aware of my intentions during that first meeting, Cross knows _everything_ , but he kept quiet and allowed himself to be led to the jaws of death. For what, I still don't really know.

Even now, I still do not really understand.

He... he makes me feel ashamed of myself. There's no other way I can put it, but he would never forgive himself if he ever heard me say that, which is why I'm never going to tell him that either. He had the courage to face Eneru as not only an equal, but a better. He mocked him, he berated him, heck he even spat on him! All while wearing metal armour over all his limbs! He had to have known just how dangerous that was!

And then look at me. Before the Straw Hats, I didn't even have enough fortitude to risk turning any travelers back or risk warning them. Heck, I didn't even tell them myself. Su had to be the one to speak up for me.

And he had so much more to lose than I did, too. He's so amazing, and I'm not. My only saving grace is that I'm more combat-capable than I look, and I still wasn't even fast enough to block Eneru's last attack, all I could do was grab Cross and hope for the best.

And then when Eneru was defeated... I owe the Straw Hat Pirates so much, so much that's there's absolutely no chance of me ever repaying that debt.

The party afterwards had been the best I'd ever attended. It was simply incredible, if a bit bizarre when I tried to recollect it the next day. The confusing medley of feelings when I found that my father had survived, the roller-coastering guilt of ever considering leaving him behind going against the desire to leave, and the alcohol. So much alcohol. I didn't even drink that much, but the fumes coming from whatever Boss carried with him...

The one thing I remember above all else had been that _need_ to know more. I needed to know more about the world, and see if it was really what I wanted to spend my life pursuing. So I asked Cross.

Because Cross knows _everything_.

I think my enthusiasm may have thrown him off at first, but once he started talking, I had to listen. He had so many stories to tell after such a comparatively little time at sea, but for brief periods of time, I could see behind his eyes. The oceans he spoke of, the cultures I'd probably would've never have heard, would've never _imagined_ about otherwise. He was such a spectacular story-teller. I was sold before he had finished the story of his first meeting with Robin.

The trip so far hadn't been easy, by any stretch of the imagination. Living on a ship is difficult, even if I feel the denser oxygen down here is somehow cheating. But I suppose I can trust Robin's input when I posed the question to her; "Pi~ra~te."

When I asked her where she heard it from, I laughed so much. It would be _so_ just like him.

...I've had so much fun. Cross never fails to entertain me, even if I have to pick him up off the deck after whatever he's chosen to do this time has annoyed one of our friends. He's never hurt enough to put off laughing, which I'm so thankful for. I hope I can see the entire world with _him_ all of them. _I-I meant to write 'all of them', but my hand wasn't thinking the same as my brain. Don't judge me, Su!_

Su is now laughing at me from my shoulder. Only now does it occur to me that the first entry this book has seen in years is me gushing over a boy who changed my life. I regret letting her learn how to read right now- of course I don't mean that, Su!

I should really go now. Sanji had prepared lunch half an hour ago and it's going to get cold if I remain any longer. How did I not realise two hours had already passed...? Time flies when you're doing something fun, I guess.

Su is telling me that this ending is too lame. I don't know what she wants from me- I think she's mocking me, but hopefully Cross will ever read this, so I'll never have to face the fact that I wrote it.

Cross, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU SO MUCH. This... I'm living a dream now. I can't explain how...

I love this crew.

I really, really love this crew.

Truthfully yours,  
~ Conis

 **XxX**

Soundbite's eye-stalks moved back and forth as he scanned the page that had literally smacked him in the face that afternoon as he was relaxing on the Going Merry's deck. His ever-present grin had dimmed somewhat, an element so genuine it more than made up for the difference.

Footsteps approached from behind him. Without missing a beat, Soundbite hummed low in his throat, reducing the page to little more than a pile of dust.

"What have you been up to, buddy?"

Soundbite didn't object as Cross lifted him from his perch and placed him on his shoulder. A slight huff of laughter caught his ear, and his eye-stalks twisted around just in time to catch Su's wink before she had disappeared into the lady's quarters.

" _ **Eh,**_ nothing TOO _IMPORTANT_." Soundbite laughed to himself, cycling through the voices of his crew members' before finishing on a medley of Cross' and Conis'. " **DON'T WORRY** _**about it.**_ "


	8. Lieutenant Tashigi's Day Planner

By: readerdreamer5625

6:00 AM - First alarm clock rings. Immediately cut it in half before going back to sleep.

6:05 AM - Second alarm clock rings. Cut it in pieces also.

6:10 AM - Commodore Smoker arrives, orders to wake up. Cut him in half Commodore takes Shigure. Then wake up.

6:12 AM - Beg Commodore to give back Shigure. Dodge ashtray.

6:15 AM - Take a bath. Do morning rituals. Call up Rooster for the latest picture he has of Ophiuchus. Do not question how he does this; it is one of the things both man and woman are not to know.

7:00 AM - Head to cafeteria. Eat breakfast. Cut down the latest person who attempts to flirt.

8:00 AM - Receive picture of Ophiuchus. Prepare training dummy. Tack picture to said dummy.

8:01 AM - Burn the dismembered pieces of the former training dummy. Watch as it goes up in flames.

8:15 AM - 12 PM Do general office work. Train the rookies. General boredom.

12:15 PM - Submit latest petition to convince Captain Hina into being the crew's source of scrap steel. Attempt to deliver just how much money said petition would save.

12:18 PM - Escape from metallic binds. Send the metal to be melted down anyway.

12:25 PM - Submit latest report to Commodore Smoker as to the latest costs of his and Captain Hina's chain smoking. Subtly imply that said costs are eating into the budget.

12:28 PM - Dodge latest ashtray.

12:30 PM - 12:50 PM Spend some time in dojo to meditate. More time spent in fantasizing tearing Ophiuchus into pieces is therapeutic, as experience suggests.

12:55 PM - Request yet another picture from Rooster. _Do not ask how he does this._

12:58 PM - Achieve inner piece. Remove darts from dartboard.

1:00 PM - Eat lunch. Enjoy the fearful looks sent your way. Once again, try to convince yourself this is not due to Ophiuchus's influence on you.

2:00 PM - Fail to convince yourself. Request yet _another_ picture. Pretend to not hear Rooster's questions as to what you are doing with them; after all, you do the same with him.

2:15 PM - Remove knife from where it's embedded in table. Discard the pile of resultant paper bits into the trash where it belongs.

2:30 PM - 7:00 PM Do general office work. Train the bandaged-up rookies. Deny any accusations of festering anger problems. General boredom.

7:15 PM - Train up in the dojo. Pretend to not feel the stares as you cut down more dummies than necessary.

8:15 PM - Burn the pieces. Imagine them to be the body of a certain dirty blond. Feel happier.

8:30 PM - Meditate over your day. Smile in sadistic satisfaction.

8:45PM - Eat dinner. Take a bath.

9:00 PM - Go to sleep.

.

.

.

11:00 PM - Be enraged when the SBS starts and wakes you up from your sleep.


	9. Captain Bartolomeo's Day Planner

By: ExNativo

12:55 P.M: Be woken by Pisces' second call of the day. Delve into scrapbook once more (ooh, briefs this time) and fail to get back to sleep again.

1:30 P.M: Finally give up on going back to sleep, eat lunch, train Devil Fruit.

2:00 P.M: Receive Pisces' third call of the day. Express doubt that private collection is being handled with care. Position every mirror and Barrier on deck in such a way as to replenish scrapbook from a distance. Resume training.

3:15 P.M: Send off newest recruit with the ship's polaroid camera. Let them know you expect souvenirs.

3:20 P.M: Encourage crew member's theories that Pisces owns a body pillow. She's obviously lonely enough.

3:30 P.M: Encourage crew member's theories that Pisces consumes every picture sent to her. Laugh at obligatory 'she wants Ophiuchus inside her' joke.

3:45 P.M - 4:30 P.M: Alleviate boredom by setting up barrier maze across ship's deck. Plead ignorance when they continue moving.

4:35 P.M: Welcome back newest recruit. Accept Straw Hat candid shots and polaroid camera. Replenish scrapbook while ignoring newest recruit's obvious trauma.

4:55 P.M: Continue work on Luffy doll. Help Gin in his needlework on Sanji doll. Threaten to throw Valentine overboard after she laughs.

5:33 P.M: Create a barrier in front of Lindy while she's flying, laugh as she smacks into it and falls into the ocean.

5:34 P.M: Panic after realising that Apis was riding Lindy. Attempt to jump in after her. Create more work for Gin.

5:40 P.M: Thank Gin for the rescue. Accept physical retribution with grace. Nurse new bruises.

6:00 P.M: Discover picture of Thousand Sunny's male washroom in use by half the Straw Hat crew. Check to make sure it lacks anything incriminating. Auction it off to Joker immediately.

6:15 P.M: Receive payment. Question why Joker is such a big fan of the Straw Hats.

6:30 P.M- 9:00 P.M: Eat dinner. Train. Send off newest recruit in dinghy with easel and paintbrush. Let him know in no uncertain terms that quality is expected.

9:10 P.M: Claim ignorance upon being confronted by Goldenweek.

9:30 P.M: Accept call from Capricorn. Flirt as much as humanly possible.

9:33 P.M: Get hung up on. Remember that newest recruit was not supplied any paint.

9:35 P.M: Encourage crew member's theory that Pisces makes a mask out of every picture sent to her. Recall rumours that Ophiuchus has been stealing from Marine bases wearing nothing but a party hat and a dressing gown.

9:40 P.M: Call Pisces.

9:42 P.M: Call Cancer after Pisces fails to pick up. Let him know that Pisces will never be as cool as Ophiuchus. Get into an argument. Devolve into insults against Cancer's mother.

10:12 P.M - 11:00 P.M: Hang up on Cancer. Accept newest recruit back. Resolve to send painting of Ophiuchus to Pisces in the morning. Resume training.

11:00 P.M - ?: Enjoy the S.B.S.

? - 2:00 A.M: Celebrate the Straw Hats' latest achievements.

2:03 A.M: Thank 5 for writing this schedule.

2:05 A.M - 5:00 A.M: Steal midnight snack. Resume training.

5:15 A.M: Send latest coordinates to Capricorn to ensure we continue to avoid the Marines.

5:18 A.M: Go to bed.

.

.

.

.

.

6:15 A.M: Be woken by Pisces' first call of the day. Send off picture of Ophiuchus as requested, then go back to sleep.


	10. Civil Conversation

_OMAKE ~ CIVIL CONVERSATION_

By: ExNativo

Sitting alone in his office, Sengoku looked very much like a man defeated.

The rum in his glass _(such a pirate drink, what was he thinking?)_ swilled dangerously close to the edge of the glass as he set it on the tallest point of his ruined desk. His eyes were distant, his gaze settled on the cracked picture frame that lay in the wreckage as he listened to the only other occupant of the room.

A Transponder Snail, somewhat aged and clad in a black cap, continued its report with a vulpine smirk tilting its lips. Sengoku's fingers ran along the length of his IV drip absentmindedly, twitching with every loud cheer that filled the air.

 _"Sneaking back into Water 7 was hard, but nowhere near impossible. Given that they've now turned against the World Government and we're personal friends of the Mayor, all it really took was showing up on one of their ports and telling them my name."_

Idly, Sengoku lay a hand over his chest. Even after all this time _(and how long had it been since that downright embarrassing battle?),_ it still hurt.

Every slight bump within his ribcage sent aches throughout his body. The doctor he'd called in had declared him to be as healthy as he was likely to get in his advancing age before leaving, but Sengoku would be a fool to not notice the disgust in the man's eyes.

At this point, he didn't even know if he blamed the man.

 _"I don't really know how it happened, but about half an hour after that they had us on a massive ship, which was towing the Thousand Sunny behind it. Then someone brought out the alcohol, and it's been mindless celebration ever since."_

The files lay at his feet, ignored but nowhere near forgotten. His fury had been palpable upon their arrival, when he'd first been flicking through and reading name after name, viewed picture after picture. The beginning of the S.B.S _(they'd survived, they'd fucking_ survived _)_ had sent new pain flowing through his veins, and once that haze had lifted he'd been left with nothing.

It was a monumental failure in all regards. Secrets had been revealed, Nico Robin had escaped, and faith in the Marines was at an all time low. Protests against the World Government were plentiful, and there was plenty he could have done to attempt to fix it.

He just didn't want to. Hadn't wanted to.

Sengoku tilted his head back until it was resting against the top of his chair, heaving a sigh through grit teeth. For every hour, every hour that damn brat had run his mouth, every hour he'd been forced to listen to Spandam's incompetence and the impassioned pleas of a woman who'd only ever wanted a place to call home... he could ignore it no longer.

Jeremiah Cross was the catalyst. He was easy to scapegoat, easy to imagine eliminating and subsequently quashing any dissent among the populace, but he wasn't the problem. The problem had existed all along, and he was just a part of it.

Jeremiah Cross was a key. _The_ key, to the secrets the World Government had been keeping for centuries, for the atrocities he'd generalised as being better than the Pirate Eras they had happened in because _there was nothing worse in this world than a person sailing under a black flag, right?_

He'd been a fool. Only now, after three heart attacks and the loss of a lifelong friend was he able to see that. Revolutionaries may have involved civilians in their struggles, Pirates may have pillaged and burned islands, but Marines were not without their darkness.

Sengoku liked to believe himself a rational man. Fair and just, as a Marine worth his sea-legs was supposed to be.

But in his old age, he'd grown complacent with the propaganda. He'd signed off on increasingly immoral operations, heightened the punishment and lessened the corresponding crimes. He'd painted the fence with broad strokes, and blinded himself to the reality of his position.

He should have realised it sooner. Maybe when reports had come in that Straw Hat Luffy had taken out _another_ corrupt Marine. Maybe when he was listening to and cheering on Straw Hat Luffy as he battled against Baron Omatsuri for the world to hear, for the sake of his friends.

Another raucous cheer filled the room. Too hardened by experience to jump at the noise, Sengoku instead swept the files up from his feet and tapped in a well known and _(secretly)_ practiced number into his Transponder Snail.

He wasn't exactly sure what plan he would be going for here.

" _Dot dot dot dot!_ **Hey,** _**Cross, we've**_ _**got A CALLER!**_ "

All he knew was that while he was wrong, that certainly did not mean Jeremiah Cross was correct.

 _"Huh, so we do. Welcome, stranger, you've reached the S.B.S! We may not be able to hear you over the party, but we'll try! What can we help you with today?"_

Sengoku cleared his throat, flicking the file open. The Transponder Snail's expression turned terrified, before the teenager on the other end visibly fought to regain control of it.

"Carlos Drectch. Neo P. Litan." Sengoku flipped the page, doing his best to not acknowledge that the picture staring back at him were those of children. "Alphonse Ridge. Se- oh, that's odd. Sen G. Oku. I doubt even you know who these people are, Jeremiah Cross, but would you care to guess anyway?"

The Transponder Snail's mouth, already tilted downwards, fell into a full frown. _"Fleet Admiral? I don't know what you're-"  
_  
"Within the past 24 hours, in response to the S.B.S, every member of the Supernova and half of the Yonko were provoked into rampages of varying degrees." Sengoku turned the page again, his face remaining stony as an elderly lady and middle-aged man smiled back at him. "The names I have just read out are simply a handful... of the hundreds of people who perished in those attacks."

The exuberant cheer that sounded after that declaration was so dissonant that Sengoku almost laughed. The file once again found itself resting on the floor, placed delicately beside his foot a moment before his Transponder Snail's face twisted into a thunderous frown.

" _And let me guess_ , **YOU'RE GOING TO BLAME** US BECAUSE _**YOU DIDN'T**_ DO YOUR _JOB_?"

 _"Soundbite, that's-"_

"Incorrect." Sengoku allowed himself the barest hint of a smirk as Cross choked on his own words. Perhaps not in the way he would have liked most, but it was still somewhat satisfying. "This time, I don't think I can blame you. You're... perhaps catalyst is the best word."

 _"...Sengoku, are you feeling alright?"_

"I have sustained several heart attacks throughout the day. But that is beside the point."

The Transponder Snail's mouth fell open, not that Sengoku noticed. He had leaned forward, his elbows atop his knees and his head resting in his hands. The shadows they created covered his eyes; masked the lack of light within them.

It was only with a minor application of Conqueror's Haki that he spoke next.

"Jeremiah Cross, I have one question for you, and I expect to be answered with the utmost sincerity. Am I understood?"

The snail sucked in a breath through its teeth. Had Sengoku been looking at it, he would have noticed some of the colour leaving its skin.

 _"I won't let your Haki get to me, Sengoku."_ The snail's mouth twisted into... perhaps sneer was the best word to use. Sengoku reigned his Haki in, moving his hands to the bridge of his nose in order to stare his snail in the eyes. _"Ask whatever you want, and then kindly get the_ fuck _off my show."  
_  
Sengoku blinked once, slowly. It was hardly worth noting after the torturous threats he'd made during the previous broadcast, but the amount of vitriol in Cross' voice had reached impressive levels in that single sentence.

"You claimed earlier that your goal was chaos. Were you telling the truth?"

 _"Yes, I was."_ The slightest golden sheen entered Sengoku's skin. His chest pulsed uncomfortably along with the awakened power. _"Soundbite, what's the dictionary definition of chaos?"_

" **Chaos** ; noun; _**complete**_ _disorder and confusion_."

The shine grew brighter.

 _"Thank you. Now, see, the way I see it? This world already has order. It has the order of slavery. Of racism, and the fascism of the Celestial Dragons."_ The Transponder Snail itself deflated as the golden glow slowly vanished, a relieved huff leaving it as it continued relaying Cross' words.

 _"It's been that way for so long that it's become ordinary, even if it is completely immoral."_ There it was again. That blasted confidence that had caused him no small number of headaches. The only difference now was the level blood pressure Sengoku was managing as he listened.

Some small part of him had always known.

Always.

 _"I can't say how sorry I am that this show has been responsible for the deaths of hundreds; I won't try to argue or deny that, this isn't the time. But the fact of the matter is, as long as I am capable, I won't stop broadcasting. The World Government has dictated the order for everyone. My goal is to bring chaos. The chaos... of freedom."_

Sengoku sat, his head atop his hands, staring at the snail. It simply stared back, and continued to do so even after Sengoku had turned to the window to his side.

It had been years since he'd acknowledged his goal of making the world a better place. It had been what drove him to the Marine Corps in the first place, the symbol of Justice, the flag of Pride. He had climbed the ranks with ease, always dreaming for the top, of the changes he would bring about once he'd made it.

And he'd made it. So where were those changes?

They had been forgotten. In the past, after decades had come and gone and nothing had ever been altered in the least.

He was a good person, that he had been told constantly. Apparently, he'd either been too good, or not good enough.

"...I see." He finally murmured, the seagull atop his hat wobbling slightly as he removed the accessory and set it upon a piece of wreckage to his side. He was tired, oh so tired, and no matter how hard he rubbed his eyes, the fatigue refused to leave. "May I use the S.B.S for some announcements? Three is all I require."

 _"Go-"_

 _"Croooooossss!"_ A small smile found its way onto Sengoku's face for a moment. That boy never failed to remind him of Garp. _"You need to try some of this soup stuff!"_

 _"In a second, Luffy! Don't eat it a... you know what, never mind. Go ahead, Fleet Admiral."_ The snail rolled its eyes, the movement accompanied by a loud guffaw from the background. _"My blacklist only really includes three people; I'm not the World Government. Buuut that doesn't mean I won't hang up on you if I see fit."_

Sengoku nodded, once. To himself, to the snail that he'd picked up, he didn't know.

"Very well. To begin, I wish to address the attacks earlier." Gone was the slouch he had been sitting with. Gone was any mirth on his face. Gone was the elevation of his lips. "From the bottom of my heart, I, Fleet Admiral Sengoku, apologise for the Marine's lack of sufficient action. I can offer no more words on the matter, as that is as far as my knowledge on the topic goes."

 _"...Wow."_

Sengoku very nearly rolled his eyes. _There_ went the somber atmosphere, and hadn't that lasted? "Second, I hereby officially name my successor for the position of Fleet Admiral to be Admiral Aokiji. And finally, third..."

This time, he did smile. It was the smile of a man too old for his title, too jaded for his work as a hero.

"Fuck this, I'm out. Someone else can deal with this damn Pirate Era, because I quit."

The snail before him was speechless. Quite literally, even the general babble of the party Cross was currently a part of had ceased for the moment.

And then, in that silence, came a single distant sound.

 _"Shishishishi!"_

The slightest amount of light entered Sengoku's eyes.

It was gold.

"Before I leave, I have one final announcement, Jeremiah Cross. One which I would like for you to relay to your captain."

The snail jolted in a way that would suggest a spine suddenly stiffening. _"Yes...?"_

Sengoku slumped back in his seat, a vein visible on his forehead for a moment before it disappeared.

"If ever One Piece has to be found... then I hope it is him that is crowned. Goodbye, you're not my problem anymore."

Sengoku terminated the conversation, turning to face his ruined window.

Three, two-!

A sardonic smile spread across his face as he listened to the uproar of every single Marine currently sharing the island with him reacting to his words.


	11. Sufficient Velocity

_OMAKE ~ SUFFICIENT VELOCITY_

By: ExNativo

If ever there was a point in Jeremiah Cross' favour, it was the fact that he obviously hadn't wasted the years he'd been granted in recluse. Now, his legs could move just as fast as his mouth.

The fact that he was screaming in what was most definitely not fear as tidal waves of magma nipped at his heels would have been cause for alarm. But for all he was a successful strategist in the midst of battle, Akainu was most certainly not the most patient of individuals.

Which may have been why, instead of stopping to really think through this situation or lay some traps, he continued forth blindly, sending shots of lava at the giggling pirate in front of him and only growing angrier as each one missed.

The rest of his crew were nowhere in sight. They hadn't expected to run into him, he hadn't expected to run into them. Despite the Straw Hat boy technically being the higher priority target, he had also been standing right beside _Jeremiah fucking Cross_ before they scattered.

Akainu wasn't known as the Marine Corp's mad attack dog for no good reason. It was amazing that he had yet to start barking in his pursuit; he was already frothing at the mouth.

"Hey, Sakazuki!" Akainu didn't bother questioning how the pirate knew that name. What he did do was launch another wave of magma at his stupid smug grinning face, and lose the ability to see any colour that wasn't red as visible vibrations took control of the lava and reformed it into a fist... which then proceeded to flip him off.

"I've got a question for you! How many snails does it take to defeat a Fleet Admiral!?"

Akainu opened his mouth to respond. With the name of an attack. And approximately a metric shit-ton of lava. But before he could do that, Jeremiah Cross had spun around in midair, swiping the snail off his shoulder and- _did he just throw it at him?_

...Was it speeding u- oh shit, it was smiling.

Akainu had been a combatant for a very long time. He had experienced countless battles. So when the _snail's entire body turned pitch black_ and it _accelerated to the point of breaking the sound barrier_ , he could understand and appreciate the depth of the pile of shit he had just found himself in.

" _SONIC SPEED_ **GASTRO** - _ **GOD**_... **_RUUUUUUUUUUUSH!"_**

He tried to raise his arms and block. He tried to duck out of the way. But masterful as he was over his abilities, he was no Kizaru when it came to speed. Which left his face directly in the path of a Colour of Armament covered, ballistic Transponder Snail. Which was moving at somewhere around the speed of sound.

Most of his teeth were knocked out in the impact. He felt his nose flatten to the point of inverting. The ground became the sky, and indeed, that _was_ blood that he could taste.

"The answer is one, provided it's moving at sufficient velocity!"

Oh, right, _he_ was here too.

With the click of a Vision Dial heralding the arrival of all the pain his numb face was currently going through, Akainu only had a moment, a single scant second, to feel the shame burning hotter than his Logia body ever would before blissful unconsciousness took him away.


	12. Refractory Period

_OMAKE ~ REFRACTORY PERIOD_

By: ExNativo

 **Day 3**

 _Being a Marine is difficult._

 _I don't regret my decision to join up with them. After making my promise, I'm not allowed to. But the training is difficult, many times harder than when I used to run myself into the ground on my lonesome. Even with all of my practice, I'm not the best recruit of this semester, and my instructors have made it clear that they expect everyone to be able to keep up with the best._

 _They're grizzled old folk, with wrinkled skin and a look on their face that lets me know just how easily my bones would break underneath their hands. They push us harder and harder, dragging us to our feet if we fall down, because if they're lenient then we will die._

 _Zephyr's training is always the most painful, but in that same breath, it's also the most rewarding. I doubt I would be thinking that way if Sakazuki wasn't with me, entirely the opposite, in fact._

 _But if we want to be Admirals, we'll have to grin and bear it. Not that I've ever seen Sakazuki smile, the closest would probably be when he'd terrified the cabin boy who'd decided to taunt me over my smile. It's great to have a friend like him around, but sometimes I wish he would lighten up a little bit. We're here to achieve a dream, after all. Chasing it should be an experience to relish, no matter how long it may take._

 _Curfew is in five minutes. I doubt anyone will react to me having written all of this down, I'm not the only person in my barrack to have a journal. This is going to be an experience for everybody here, it would be a shame if someone missed it due to negligence._

 **Day 28**

 _Apparently, I've impressed enough people to skip ranks straight to Ensign. Some people are happy for me, others are jealous, a few don't really care... but I'm ecstatic. I'm so much closer now than when I started, I've learned so much in my time here._

 _No matter how hard I try, I just can't seem to get along with Zephyr. We don't hate each other by any means, I would go so far as to admit he's who I respect and admire the most. Sakazuki feels the same, even if he wouldn't ever remove the tree from his ass long enough to admit it._

 _Even so, it feels as though I have.. cheated, somewhat._

 _In the latest attack on our platoon, Sakazuki and I had come across a pirate in the process of eating one of those Fruits that everyone seems to think are legends. He was the Captain, that much was obvious, and his head had been separated from his shoulders before he'd even managed to finish chewing. And then, out of nowhere, the fruit that he'd had on the desk transformed in front of our eyes._

 _Sakazuki had offered to let me eat it, seeing as it was my kill. I did so... and then pretended like I'd just been poisoned to get a reaction out of him._

 _He'd punched me in the face afterwards and I'd gotten pirate blood all over my uniform, but it was entirely worth it._

 _The Glint-Glint Fruit, that's what Zephyr had called it... I'm going to have to look into it further. It's a Logia, which means I'll be safe from anything that isn't Haki (whatever that is). I've run into more walls in the last week than I have the rest of my life trying to get used to my new powers. It's unreliable, as Zephyr has told me many times, but I'm certain I can make something of it..._

 **Day XX**

 _Something odd happened today._

 _Sakazuki and I had been stationed at the end of Paradise. It was our first time that far into the Grand Line, and we had been joined by Kuzan. Apparently there was up and coming crew on the horizon, and the higher-ups weren't very thrilled with the possibility of them getting into the New World._

 _Anyway, we got into a fight. We had the numbers advantage, but these pirates were something else. Though given that I was made of light, it wasn't too difficult to keep up._

 _But as I was turning, I could see Sakazuki. He'd eaten his own Devil Fruit not too long ago, I don't think I've written that in here yet, but he still hadn't gotten used to it. And the sword going right for his neck was pitch black._

 _I was already moving for him, and I was shouting. It wouldn't do any good to shout for Sakazuki, he wouldn't be able to react in time. No, I was telling the pirate to stop. And he did._

 _He just fell to the ground, along with a whole group of his crewmates. A lot of the crew managed to get away, but the ones I'd knocked unconscious were all captured._

 _Conqueror's Haki... what could that possibly mean?_

 **Day XX**

 _I just rediscovered this book. Forgot how calming it was to write in._

 _It's been a fairly long time. I'm a Vice-Admiral now, only a single step away from my dream._

 _Things have been..._ _n͢o̶̡̧͟͠ţ̵̶̵͜ ̀͜͢g҉̀ŗ̸̶̢ȩ͢͠a͏͏t̨͝_ _alright, I suppose. I've not really had much time to spend with Sakazuki, considering how busy the two of us are with new responsibilities, but I'm beginning to worry. He always has been obsessive, but lately he's been getting increasingly agitated._

 _His temper never used to be this bad. If I didn't know any better, I would say his Devil Fruit had begun to influence him. I think the last time I saw him was last month, when the two of us were tasked with initiating a Buster Call on some island out in the North Blue._

 _It was on orders from the Celestial Dragons. It was... absolutely horrifying._

 _I've been having thoughts lately. Thoughts that could have me labeled as treasonous. The longer I've spent as a Vice-Admiral, the harder it becomes to justify my actions as Justice. That island had been filled with innocents, civilians-_

 _I will keep my promise. Always and forever. But I don't know what may come of it._

 **Day XX**

 _Got promoted to Admiral today. There was a small party, lots of alcohol and a few people I know personally. Kuzan and Sakazuki couldn't make it, too busy with work._

 _I've made it._

 _Is this what happiness feels like? I don't even remember._

 **Day XX**

 _Wow, my handwriting used to be much prettier back in the day._

 _I only got this book back today. Apparently Sakazuki had it, though where it was in between that time is beyond me. Not that it matters, nobody is dumb enough to try anything with it. He told me he didn't read it, but I don't know if he was telling the truth._

 _The look on his face was pretty scary._

 _Sengoku's been giving me weird looks lately, whenever I stop by his office. I think he may be constipated. Shaking his head and sighing wont loosen him up._

 _This pen is getting heavier. I would have thought it would get lighter as the ink leaves it, but what do I know? Oh well, back to work. It's boring, but at least it's something to do._

 **Day XX**

 _I wonder how far I can throw this book? Let's find out._

Cross froze, his hand slowly falling from the bump that had blossomed just above his eyebrow after the book he was currently reading had fallen from the sky and landed on his face. He'd been operating under the assumption that this had been an elaborate, random, omnipotent prank, and if the way Soundbite had just stilled on his shoulder was any indication, he hadn't been the only one to make that connection.

But apparently, they'd both been wrong.

With mounting dread, the duo turned to look at each other, the book long forgotten as it landed on the deck beside their lawn chair. It was difficult to tell which of them had less colour in their face.

"Uh **_OH_**."


	13. Soundbite

**Soundbite**

By: readerdreamer5625

Soundbite chokes. That damn feather-rat, that pigeon that had dared to attack them, throwing flour into his mouth! Painful, that was what it was. Flour wasn't salt, but it was the second worst thing for a Transponder Snail to face, especially when it was to their throat, the most important part of their entire being.

Even as he knew it was futile, Soundbite tries to force the muck down his throat, even through the pain. There was only one word for what he is feeling at the moment: _desperation_.

Cross bucks back as that feather-brained _bastard_ attacks him again, and fear rises through Soundbite's entire being. The situation is all too familiar, too frustrating – Soundbite, once again useless as Cross, his best friend, his _partner_ is about to die before his very eyes.

Time stops.

Cross has his eyes wide open in horror. Lassoo, useless mutt like he is, has his mouth open, aiming for Hattori in an obvious attempt to stop the bird only to fail. And Hattori, the white-washed pest, fucking _piece of poultry_ has his wing outstretched right before Cross's face, a killing wind running across his feathers, ready to end his friend.

Cross is about to die.

Cross is about to die, he's about to die, about to die, die, die, _diediediediedie-_

Time continues, and suddenly the world, for the latest time, grows larger for Soundbite.

XxXxX

The story begins back there, back in the forest where he who would be known as 'Soundbite' was born as a baby Transponder Snail, the place that he once thought was the entirety of his world.

The clearing, with rock table, is all that Soundbite knows.

Every bit of surface it has, he has travelled. It might be small, but he's a _snail_ , so just going around the table's perimeter is enough to keep him busy for an hour. There is a crack in the side, hidden and normally unnoticeable unless studied like Soundbite has for so many months, but it is large enough for him to hide in, away from predators and birds that are only too hungry for a snail like him.

Hungry, that was also something Soundbite knew. Hungry was feeling his small stomach start digesting itself, hungry was knowing he has to crawl out of his safe place, spend hours out in the open hoping that he can find food quickly enough that he can hide back into his home without being eaten.

And for a snail, Soundbite doesn't have patience, no, not really. Not when time itself is always against him, every second he takes to crawl to the nearest thing he can eat possibly enough to prevent him from seeing the sun rise again tomorrow.

But there was no delaying it any further. Either he eats, or dies. Soundbite crawls out of his crack, and he nearly falls from his rock, his hiding place, his _world_ when a loud thud suddenly rings through the normally quiet clearing, causing him to slip back into his shell with hurry and _fear_ and _please, please, please don't let that be something that's going to eat him._

A second passes. Then another. And then Soundbite, shaking and still fearful – _am I safe, am I safe, am I still going to see another day –_ peeks one of his eyestalks out of his shell, and what can only be called a sigh of relief surges into his being when all he can see from all directions is a coconut.

Apparently, the coconut fell from a tree, towards the center of his stone table, causing that loud noise that nearly killed him with fright. How said coconut fell into his table when the nearest coconut tree was far, _far away_ – far away enough for a snail, that is – he doesn't know, but Soundbite doesn't even _think_ about looking into the gift horse's mouth.

He is hungry, and a coconut, no matter how strange looking it might be with the swirls on its surface, is good enough for him. Sure, he might die from eating it – really, if there was anything Soundbite had learned at this point since he was born, there really wasn't anything that was a free lunch – but either that or he leaves his rock again.

No. The rock is his world, and he is fine with that. Soundbite is happy with being safe.

And then he bites into the coconut and all of that changes. Suddenly, the world is much bigger for Soundbite, and though he doesn't notice it for quite a while, for the briefest of instants a spark suddenly blooms into his being, a spark of curiosity, a spark of _wanting for an adventure_.

But that's for another time, because Soundbite suddenly screams – _how can he scream, how can he yell, how is this possible, he's still a wild snail_ – as the taste of oily tar fills his mouth, his hunger only just enough to keep him into forcing the rest of the fruit down his throat.

XxXxX

It's been a while – _too long, too short? Time was difficult to remember when one is doing nothing at all_ – since the Coconut Incident, and the snail that will be known as Soundbite is both bored and excited as the next day of his new life once again starts anew.

Life is pretty amazing now for Soundbite. Somehow, the world is much bigger to him that it was before, now he can _hear_ sounds from far away, telling him when to run whenever he leaves his rock, and most importantly, now he can _make_ sounds of his own!

 _(Now, he's not the hunted, for he's the hunter! Animals, predators and birds that once caused him to shake in fright and hide back into his shell whenever they passed, now are the ones shaking as he unleashes barrage after barrage of sound on them, scaring them away when he's outside._

 _It's not enough to keep him that far away from his rock, but he actually managed to reach ten meters away from it last time he went out! That was a record, that was something huge for his world, a milestone that he had never accomplished before in his life!)_

A Transponder Snail's _life_ is all about sound.

The fact was, while humans didn't know about it, Transponder Snails saw their usage of their fellow snails to be an amazing honor. It's a life fraught with new things, a life out of the danger of feeling hungry and scared of predators, a life of hearing the world and releasing that world through themselves.

And he was capable of making sound. He was _capable of making any sound he wanted, independently_.

It is amazing, and with it, Soundbite starts to yearn for more.

The spark of adventure in his small snail's heart has grown into a _flame_. Driven by his new abilities, Soundbite is bolstered into wanting, dreaming of travelling the world, his island, until he has traveled every square inch of it like the way he had travelled his rock.

It was a pretty small dream, to be honest, but he's a small snail. It was large enough for him for now, now that all the island was all that encompasses his world.

 _(It doesn't last long.)_

The sound of something panting, something gasping fills Soundbite's senses, and he reflexively sends a cavalcade of noise that way. Once that is done, he turns away his attention from that direction, crawling out of his hiding place and thinking of wandering away from his rock again when suddenly he stops.

That something that had been making noise earlier, _it wasn't stopping_. No, it was a person, a _he_ , for all Transponder Snails know of humans and this _person_ is a human and this human is _heading towards his direction!_

He doesn't think twice before replicating the roar of a lion behind the human.

 _"GROOOOAAAAR!"_

The human screams like a sissy, and Soundbite can't help it; suddenly, he breaks off from the roar he's just unleashed to release a bout of wild laughter, of all the kinds of laughter that Soundbite had heard whispers of from other Transponder Snails that pass by his island on human ships ever since his world got suddenly a lot bigger.

It is, in a word, distracting. Laughter is something unappreciated by most humans, he finds, because ever since he learned that he was capable of it, Soundbite laughed whenever he could. The ability to express his emotions, to have his world _hear_ his joy, his appreciation for his good luck and ability, is one of the best things Soundbite has ever received.

In fact, his laughter is so distracting, so deep in his amusement that he doesn't notice the human making his way to him before it is too late.

"HEY! ARE YOU ALL THROUGH ENJOYING THE SHOW OR WHAT!?"

 _(Alright, the fact he was able to express joy and amusement? Amazing. Fear and terror? Not so much.)_

Soundbite screams with the highest voice he has.

 _(The memory of this moment is something Soundbite will always look back to with fondness and a sharp grin on his mouth._

 _It was, after all, the first time he met Cross, and in the process defeated him at being the one who screamed the girliest.)_

The following minutes are the most memorable minutes of Soundbite's life – _his name is Soundbite, he has a_ name, _so few Transponder Snails have that!_ – and though Cross might not appreciate the true degree of how important his first impression on Soundbite was – _he was being treated like a fellow human being, he was being respected_ – it is so huge that his world suddenly becomes larger all over again.

He doesn't quite understand the way said human talks to the air by himself, but that's fine because suddenly a large shiny thing catches Soundbite's eyes, causing him to eat it. And then the world becomes bigger and bigger and _bigger_ , as _so much_ information streams into Soundbite's mind, so much _noise_ that nothing else quite compares.

 _(It is_ huge _. It is a sea, a book, a world, the pitch black sky with all of its uncountable stars, the void, the abyss, the trench that is threatening to swallow Soundbite's entire existence whole, and he just hearing a_ _ **fraction**_ _of it._

 _One word passes through his senses, in a whisper, in a scream, in a murmur of all kinds of voices, of all kinds of races, ages, and times and then Soundbite knows what to call the newest part of the world for this certain snail._

The Internet _.)_

And then Cross offers him the siren call of adventure, and Soundbite is carried away by the waves that are already shaking his world as he knew it.

Because forget his dinky old island, with his rock and all the animals that he has already terrorized several times over. Because Cross was going to _show him the world_ , show him all the blue seas, the islands and all the beautiful and wonderful things in it.

That, in the end, is enough to make Soundbite keep a silent oath to himself to follow the human in front of him, to keep _him_ safe, if only to let him see more of the world that was opening to him.

XxXxX

Cross is vehement about joining the Straw Hat Pirates, and Soundbite only needs a few minutes of hearing them before understanding _why_ Cross wants to do so.

Soundbite is, in the end, a snail through and through. And like all snails, like all animals, he is deeply connected to his instincts, no matter how he slowly gets divorced with said instincts with every day that passes and Soundbite hears more of the Internet.

And with those instincts, he knows a storm is coming just by hearing them.

It's not just the noise they make, not just the fond exasperation in the female's voice or the gruff tone coming from the one carrying swords. It's not even the fear coming from the guy with too many stuff inside his satchel for Soundbite to count, or the faint whiff of mystery he could sense from the blond man swooning over the girl.

It's not even the overpowering presence of the captain, not even the ' _Shishishishishi!_ ' that Soundbite immediately records into his mind as soon as he hears it, not even the wave of _fact_ of him declaring his dream that Soundbite knows for a fact causes Cross's heart to skip just for a beat.

It's the fact that they're all together, and the fact that Cross _just fits_ with the rest of them.

It's like an orchestra, like several of the musical masterpieces that Soundbite has heard and has been secretly humming to himself at night whenever he dreams of the Internet. Every person is their own instrument, their own concerto, all of them independent of one another but fitting in _just so_ that it doesn't all become a mess of noise but instead becomes a symphony Soundbite can listen to all day and never get bored of.

Cross is a bit different from the rest though, different from Luffy, Nami, Zoro, Usopp, and Sanji in a way that Soundbite doesn't quite recognize, but that's fine. The crew might be amazing, but nothing beat Cross, because without Cross the crew won't have even noticed Soundbite, considered him as a fellow being instead of something to use.

Still, if Soundbite already starts humming appreciatively at night to himself, thinking and hoping for the next day to come so he can already blare a siren down Usopp's ears or make Luffy laugh just to hear the sound of his voice again while Nami screams in the background, well that's something Soundbite will never admit to anyone.

Soundbite just managed to finally get the concept of pride after all. No need to sully it, when he knows that the rest of the crew would be fine without anyone having to even speak up their appreciation for each other.

XxXxX

The following months – _months, because time was nowsomething to be counted, to be appreciated as every day would pass and Soundbite would wake up still surrounded by friends making wonderful noise and sounds that expand his world and his repertoire_ – is amazing, awe-inspiring, and terrifying all in one.

Wonder fills Soundbite as he is hooked up to a transponder rig at last, opening up his range into a _mile_ , making his world bigger than ever, hearing the sounds of a large city just beneath his senses and expanding all that he knows more and more. Marvel is sliding down Reverse Mountain, yelling for the world to hear with Cross as their crew entered the Grand Line.

Dread is watching Cross get knocked out in an instant by Nami's punch, anger is what follows and a mix of amusement and worry is the next as Cross's weakness is revealed. Determination is resolving to practice his powers to their utmost in that corridor in Whiskey Peak, and vengeance is biting trying to bite that _bitch's_ thumb off for trying to capture Soundbite and choking Cross before his very eyes.

Awe is Vivi leading her nation down from the revolution Crocodile brought them, something helped by Luffy knocking out the damn sandy bastard. Outrage is watching her get punished for it, and fury is connecting Cross to the world with the first broadcast of the SBS, having the entire _world_ finally know of Soundbite's name, something only possible with his partner by his side.

And terrifying is watching as Eneru _tortured_ his best friend before his very eyes, the rest of the world forgotten as Cross grinned and spoke of his beliefs, even in front of certain death and several million volts of electricity.

Terrifying is _only watching_ as Cross is targeted by Admiral Aokiji, terrifying is watching him get beaten down by Rob Lucci, terrifying is him being hurt and _hurt_ and covered with scars that Cross calls his pride but Soundbite secretly counts behind his back, making oaths to prevent him from gaining more every day.

Terrifying is this moment, terrifying is that Cross is once again, about to die before his eyes, about to die from a _pigeon_ of all things as Soundbite is once again choking on a ball of flour and there is nothing he could do, _nothing unless he-_

 ** _"NO!"_**

Hattori stops in shock, and Cross gapes at Soundbite.

( _Oh. So that's how it works._ )

Soundbite can't help himself. He grins, even through the pain down his throat, even as he doesn't open his mouth to speak to his world again even with the flour in his mouth.

The world is after all, suddenly a lot bigger again. And Hattori?

Hattori is now just a _feather-rat_ , and like all rats, he needed to be stomped down. And stomping down, that is something Soundbite could do, because while he was a snail he still had feet and it would be enough to beat down the _pest_ that dared hurt his best friend.

But first, it is time for the world to hear his announcement.

" **HoohoohooHEEHEEHEE** ** _hahaha..._** _haaaa... PEOPLE OF THE WORLD..._ I HAVE A MESSAGE OF MY OWN."

Let it be known that Soundbite was now capable of protecting his partner, his best friend, and should anyone dare hurt Cross before his very eyestalks again, they were going to have a _really bad time._

Let it be known, that should they want to capture Cross, they were going to face the _god of noise_.

" ** _I have a message that I want to share with some people._** _"_


	14. Fanfiction

**Fanfiction**

By: readerdreamer5625

It all begins with Chopper asking the question.

"Hey, Cross? Where did you get the idea of the Blind-Blind Fruit? From the sound of how you talked about it, it wasn't something you just made up on the spot."

They are in the kitchen, and it is a particularly quiet day for the Straw Hats, especially for the Grand Line. The sun is shining brightly, the wind is soothing and there is no trouble in sight. So of course, it is the time for some uncomfortable subjects to be dug up. The rest of the crew, suddenly curious, already starts to gather around Cross. Luffy has a small frown on his face, but a shake from Cross is enough to tell him the answer _isn't_ a spoiler for once, just something to hear about.

Once Sanji enters the kitchen with food in hand, Cross finally begins to speak.

"Alright, I guess I should warn you guys first; this is a subject that is as world-shaking as what I told you back when we just left Drum. You have been warned."

The others trade glances, before nodding seriously. Soundbite, on the other hand, having already known the concept that is 'fanfiction', only grins in expectation.

"Alright, so first let me describe my world more for a bit. My world is called Earth, and it's in what you would call the era of information. Peace and democracy is common in most of its countries, and generally compared to this world of yours it is a haven of tolerance." Nami opens her mouth, probably to say something in indignation, but Cross cuts her off. "It is _not_ a perfect world, not at all, as there is still schisms, crime and poverty all over the place, and the world as a whole is facing problems that can't be just aimed guns at like global warming or overpopulation. Still, compared to this world, it is a far better one, in _some_ people's opinion."

Sanji is the next who speaks up, giving Cross a glare for daring to interrupt Nami in his presence. "So? How is this related to Chopper's question?"

"Well, as you can see from me, there are plenty of us in my world that find our world to be a boring place." Cross has to gulp at the glares sent over his direction. "To us, there is very little adventure in life, so we write and read stories to amuse ourselves whenever we manage to get time off the tedium that is called work. We invent things, games, toys, entire _corporations_ exist for the simple purpose of us having some sense of escape from our lives. One of these stories had been the comic series I told you guys about this world."

The air is awkward. It had already been difficult, admitting the source of his information, but to say their world quite possibly existed _for the sake of people's amusement_? That was already world-shaking, with plenty of potential existential crises as a result. But then Luffy claps his fist over his open palm.

"Ah! So you guys just wanted some adventure? Why didn't you just say so? Nothing else about this matters then, right?"

That innocent line, the words of their captain that was both wise and stupid, is enough to break the others out of their brooding. Zoro starts to lean back on his chair, while Nami shakes her head in fond exasperation. Cross smiles, feeling some appreciation for his captain, before forging on.

"So, Nami, given that you've read a good story, _no_ , an _amazing_ story that is totally and utterly deserving of this crew, what would you do if you had time to spare? Understand: there are so many like me in my world, so many smart people looking for something to look forward to, something to strive to."

Nami, being the only other person in the crew who understood the concept of reading just for fun, places a finger on her chin. "Hmmm, I would... tell other people about it?"

" **CLOSE,** _but no dice!_ " Soundbite answers for Cross, grinning sharkily over his shoulder. " **Crooooosssss,** ** _just_** _tell them_ ALREADY!"

"This is something that has to approached _carefully_ , Soundbite." Cross grits back before turning to the rest of the crew. "Anyway, the snail is right. The story about this world? It's a world-famous one, with fans of all races and genders all over Earth, so if I'm to be honest Usopp that actually fulfills your dream in a sense, right Mr. Brave Warrior Of The Seas?"

Usopp jumps at the sudden turn of attention over him, but it only takes him a second to harrumph, fist clenched over his chest dramatically, "It doesn't count unless it's in this world!"

"I thought nothing less." Cross has to hide a smile. "Anyway, the fact that you guys are famous in my world, _role models_ of children from all over, means that telling other people about the story of you guys makes little sense. And like I said, there are plenty who are like me who want to be in this world. But not everybody gets the attention of a _bastard omnipotent being_ , so what's the next course of action?"

Sanji answers, drawing a cigarette before lighting it up. "Writing your own story."

"Correctamundo, my dear chef!" Cross snaps a finger towards the blond cook, and he laughs as he ducks underneath the half-hearted kick Sanji sends him. "But if we're to be honest, not everyone has the creativity to match this world, not everyone can create something as complex and amazing as the Grand Line, something so beautiful yet so horrifying as all of the Blues. Not everyone is willing to put that much effort into writing a good story, so we _cheat._ "

Cross's smile is just a little bit self-deprecating. "We write about this world too, about all the worlds that we read."

The reaction from the others is... to be honest, a little disappointing. Zoro just lifts an eyebrow. Nami shakes her head. Usopp, familiar with the thought of _making up stories_ , doesn't even blink. Luffy doesn't even _understand_ the importance of what Cross is saying. In the end, it's Vivi who carries the rest of the crew's lack of dramatic reactions with her own gasp. "Mr. Jeremiah, you must be kidding all of us, right!?"

Idly, Cross thought she did it just to make it easier for him. The way Carue was snickering was pretty telling.

"We call it 'fanfiction', where we basically take the stories we read and change them _just so_ that it becomes something new, something interesting." Cross explains, and then the rest finally get their realizations. "Sadly, most of the time, fanfiction is not quite the same level as what they are based of, and really 90% of all fanfiction is crud, to quote a certain statistic. And _really_ some of you don't want to know what kind of stories so many people are writing about you guys."

Zoro scoffs. "Like anything could be worse than being hunted down for being pirates."

" _Pfffftttthahahahahahahahaha!_ " " ** _Hoohoohoo_** **HEEHEEHEEHEE** hahahaha!"

The rest of the crew _stared_ at Cross and Soundbite as both teenager and snail suddenly go bending over in laughter, with tears even escaping Soundbite's eyes by the looks of it. This goes on for several minutes, with every minute making Zoro go paler and paler at the _implications_. Nami shakes her head before walking up to the duo and giving them dual dope slaps to get them back to focus. "Alright, focus! What is it that you two find so funny!?"

"Ooooooh, Zoro, you don't even know the _fangirls_. Of how you and Sanji are under threat from the females that are overly invested with your _relationship_. From what I remember, this particular subject called 'ZoSan' managed to reach rank _eleven_ in the fanfiction rankings." The way the two of the Monster Trio go green is pretty telling, and Zoro in particular suddenly digs out a bottle of sake before dunking it all down in one go. "I get it that you two realize what I'm implying and I am to never mention this subject again?"

 _"_ _ **YES.**_ _"_

 _"_ _ **HEEHEEHEEHEE**_ _hahahaha!"_

Chopper raises his hand a little shyly, though not before sending a confused look at the way Sanji suddenly rushes out of the kitchen with a pale complexion. "Ummm, Cross, when are you going to go back to answering my question? About the Blind-Blind Fruit?"

The smile on Cross's face freezes. "Ah. That."

It had been different, back then when he was still in his home world. Luffy, though amusing he was and a little admirable to boot, had been a _fictional character_ until Cross finally met his now-captain face to face. The same went with the rest of the crew. They were now _friends_ of his, people that were close to his heart.

By the moment Cross is prepared to speak again, Sanji has already returned from his short trip outside to get some air.

"Let's just say that there is a niche in the fanfiction community for... _dark_ themed stories. Tragedies, atrocities, that kind of thing." Cross's expression goes so dark that the others take a step back. "Let's suppose, there is this writer who was _amazing_ at it. That in the process of saving Alabasta from Crocodile, Luffy _died_ for a total of nine minutes _._ " The horrified looks on the others' faces is to be expected, but Cross soothes them with his next words, "Ah, but in the original story, we're going to get through this fine! The future Pirate King isn't going to die so soon in his journey, so Vivi, don't be so worried and look at me, okay?"

Vivi, who had turned pale at the mention of the Warlord, gulps once before giving a nod. "I trust you on this Cross."

Satisfied, Cross turns to Luffy, who only gives a grim nod. What went unsaid was obvious: if it ever came to be necessary, Luffy was prepared to face death. But if Cross had his way about it, _that would never happen._

"Anyway, let's just say that the Blind-Blind Fruit is a Devil Fruit that popped up in that particular story. I have no idea if it's a real fruit, if we're ever going to come across it or not, only that as far as I'm concerned it's not part of _our_ story unless proven otherwise."

Chopper heaves a sigh of relief.  
Still, the air was heavy, so... "Anyway, would any of you believe me if I say that in that world, Vivi and Nami were in a love triangle with Luffy?" No need to mention Miss All-Sunday just yet, nope unless he wanted his head on a pike.

Success, because it triggered spectacular spittakes from the rest of the crew, with Sanji going red with rage. "WAIT, WHAT!?"

"Yeah, it happens." Cross grins, the situation feeling much easier to handle already. "Many fanfictions are like that, you know? Giving Luffy large harems, turning all of you guys into badasses, hell there _is_ one that's pretty much spot-on about Zoro's sense of direction! Or his lack thereof, anyways!"

 _"I get paired off with the Marimo and the shitty rubber captain of ours gets a harem!?"_ "I don't get _lost_ , the world moves on its own around me!"

The Going Merry's respective cook and swordsman, having yelled exactly at the same time, turn to each other with white faces before Sanji goes green once more and Zoro shakes as he takes another swig from another sake bottle. The girls, especially Nami, smile amusingly at them before the navigator turns to the princess with a curtsy.

"Vivi, you can have him. I like Luffy, but _not_ that way. You really can't get romantically interested in someone who likes to take your food from your plate, or worse, _while you were chewing on it, damn it Luffy I liked that steak!"_ Nami gives a moment to punch her captain on the back of the head before smiling back devilishly at Vivi. She pulls Luffy by the cheek, stretching the skin over to Vivi's direction. "Here, Vivi. You like him, don't you?"

 **THUD! THUD! THUD!**

Vivi can only make a smile that looks so _fake_ as Sanji starts to repeatedly slam his face on the kitchen floorboards. "Nami... _No thank you."_

"Oh, then that's good, adventure can have Luffy all to herself then." Nami lets go of the cheek that she is holding, causing Luffy to snap back towards a roll until he hits the kitchen wall. She then turns toward Cross, who is smiling maleficently at the chaos that was starting to brew. "Now enough on that. Cross, tell me more about this... 'turning us into badasses' thing that you just said. Because if we were badasses, then we must be _rich badasses_ , am I right?"

"Oh Nami, never change." Cross chuckles as he shakes his head. Soundbite has all of teeth exposed to the air, nearly splitting his face in two, " **ENDLESS** _GREED,_ _ **WITCH!"**_

"Greedy or not, I'm the one who's guiding us here in the Grand Line, snail! So respect me, or believe me, I may just snap Sanji out of his _percussive maintainance_ of his head, Kami knows how much he needs it, before making him turn you into escargot."

Soundbite snaps his mouth shut so quickly that his teeth shakes. Cross pats his snail on the head before turning a look at Nami. "Alright, that is enough. Nami, threaten the snail, you threaten me, capish? And alright, I'll tell you more about the subject. In fact, I think I'm going to mention a common cliche that is pretty popular!"

Cross grins toothily. "Everyone, have you ever wanted to go back in time and, you know, face- no, _curbstomp_ the likes of Buggy, Kuro, Krieg, Arlong and Wapol all over again? To repeat your adventure from the top, to have the second chance that is called _time travel?_ "

Usopp's mouth drops. "Y-You mean...?"

"Oh yes, I mean what I just said. _Time travel_ , or Peggy Sue as we call it back home." Cross nods energetically. "One of the more popular fanfictions back there had been called 'New Game Plus', a reference in how some games in our world worked. Imagine getting deep into the Grand Line, getting stronger as you go, and then coming back with the same abilities in the past."

Nami eyes over at the sniper's direction. "You mean... even with the Clima Tact, like what Usopp is making for me?"

"Not just that, but _better_." Is Cross's reply, and Nami has such a bloodthirsty look in her eyes that Cross doesn't need to be a mindreader to know what she is imagining about doing to Arlong. "Luffy, how about you, what do you think about it?"

Their captain has a conflicted expression on his face. "Hmmmm... Beating up Arlong _again_ for what he did for Nami would be cool, but repeating our adventure..."

"Oh, don't you worry about that, because the _you_ in that story found his own way of making his adventures interesting again. I won't be saying as to what that way had been, just in case you might end up getting angry at me for it, but trust me generally there is a good reason for Peggy Sues to happen." Cross explained and Luffy nodded once before grinning widely again.

"Then it's cool. But no spoilers if we're ever gonna get back in time, alright Cross?"

Thinking of the Rainbow Mist anime episodes, Cross only smiles back before nodding once. "Roger, captain."

"One would think that people would use the ability to go back in time to _fix mistakes_ , instead of doing it to feel powerful, beating up enemies we already know to be weaker than us." Zoro grunts loudly, gripping Wado Ichimonji tightly on his side. "If I could go back in time and fix that mistake..."

The others, namely Sanji, Nami, and Chopper twitch at once, undoubtedly thinking back to their own respective loved ones. The only reason Usopp doesn't is because he understood that Banchina would die without a doctor at Chopper's level, time-travel or no, and Luffy... If there was anyone who understood and knew how to accept death, it was Luffy.

Cross turns to Zoro with unrepressed sympathy. "If anything, there are several stories I've read where she lives...? And there is this one story, where you all get a chance to go back in time and save your loved ones, or at least one alternate version of them anyway..."

Zoro only turns away, eyes tightly shut. "No, forget it. Unless I can do it myself, it doesn't matter."

The atmosphere once again turns awkward, until Usopp breaks it by giving a loud cough. "A-Ah, alright Cross, so is there anything else you could tell us about these... 'fanfictions'?"

Cross jumps to take the offer like the opening to change the awkward subject that it is. "Well, there is this thing called 'For Want Of A Nail' fics - basically, imagine _one_ thing, usually something small or innocuous, that changes from the usual course of events, causing a domino effect of changes down the line. For example, what if you manage to escape a jail by one hour earlier, what if Captain Kuro died of an accident, what if Luffy manages to eat a different Devil Fruit?"

Vivi blinks at him. "You say them like you've read about them as well, Cross."

"Yes to the first, a glimpse of the second, and lastly there are _plenty_ of the third. Paramecia, Zoan, Logia - all of these tend to be explored in alternate timelines, for the possibility of Luffy eating them." Cross waves a hand lackadaisically. "Most of them aren't really good examples of writing - once again, I repeat, 90% of all fanfictions are crud, and there are _thousands_ of them - but there are some that are, and then there are the ones where some parts or all of the crew change gender or things like that."

Sanji freezes. "C-Change gender...? You mean-?"

Cross grins evilly at the cook. "Yes, Sanji, there had been at least _one_ fic out there where you were flirting with a female Zoro, and there are _plenty_ where you do the same with a female Luffy. Imagine that, Sanji."

Sanji doesn't even hear the tactician's last words, as he starts to bang his head on the closest wall anew. Soundbite cackles over at Cross's shoulder, threat over his life forgotten once more, while Nami only shakes her head in a reluctantly fond sort of way at their antics. She then turns to the reinforced Log Pose on her wrist before saying, "Alright, Cross. It's been an interesting talk having this with you, but I think we should get back to navigating outside. It might be peaceful right now, but this is the _Grand Line_ , so..."

" **WAIT!** "

The crew, which had been just about to disperse, turns as one towards Soundbite, who is giving Cross a look. " _ **Cross**_ FORGOT **TO MENTION something.** _ **Observe.**_ "

Cross regards Soundbite with what can only be called exasperation. "You can't have me _not_ expanding on that particular subject, can you?"

" **IT'S** ** _YOUR_** **STORY,** DIPSHIT. _They deserve to know._ "

"What are you two talking about, Cross?" Chopper asks curiously, sitting again once more by the tactician's side. "What is it about your story?"

"It's... about my kind of situation." Cross closes his eyes as he admits. "This? This situation where a person from _my_ world falls into your world and becomes part of the crew? It's far more common than I would like to admit. The fact is, I'm not even sure if this journey of ours, our _crew_ , our story, is not just another fanfiction that everyone back in my world can read the moment they turn on their computer. I may be an invention by someone back home, a self-insert original character, and I _can't even say I would know about it._ Hell, it could be _me_ back home who is writing about this story now!"

The crew exchange looks, before they nod as one. They turn to Luffy, who smiles at them as if understanding what they mean before walking up to Cross.

He then gives his third mate a knuckle sandwich and a half.

" **OW!** L-Luffy, what had that punch been for!"

Luffy has a defiant grin on his face as he stands firmly in front of Cross, his voice as serious as a funeral. "Cross. I know you're smarter than me, I know you understand these things more than I ever could, but never forget this. _It doesn't matter._ The chance that we are living in just another story by somebody in your mystery world? I don't care about that, and neither should you!"

Cross can only stutter at the complete focus Luffy has on him. "B-B-But, _Luffy!_ If I'm right, if I'm _really_ the one who was writing this adventure of ours, then that would mean-!"

"Cross." Nami is the one who speaks. "We've been talking to you for thirty minutes now, and what have been our reactions? Sure, we got a little dark there when you mentioned the chance of Luffy dying, but everything else? To us it doesn't really matter, and neither should you."

Sanji coolly lights up another cigarette, before taking one sip of the cancer stick. "If this adventure of ours is just another story, then _who_ cares? It's still _our_ adventure, our dreams, our world, and nothing else matters. The gods up there can be playing with our lives, but the fact is as far as all of us are concerned, it's always been our choice to become a Straw Hat Pirate."

"B-But-!"

"It's been pretty fun hearing all the possibilities, even if some of them were scary, but right now all I've seen since I left the Doctorine had been amazing Cross!" Chopper adds in his two cents, interrupting the third mate once again. "And although you said I would have joined this crew even without you, you _were_ the one who calmed my fears, helped me not feel like a complete monster that the rest of the crew would hate! That had been huge for me, Cross!"

Usopp gives the reindeer a fond scruff of the head before turning to Cross. "Cross, I've told more tall tales than I would like to count, but even I know to not think much about them later on. And really, if I get this multiverse theory right, it's not that the _you_ back home is writing our story and thus creating our world, but _you_ writing a story that is conveniently similar to our world, right?"

In face of the once-again universal acceptance of the crew, their _welcome_ of his situation without a blink of the eye... Cross starts to feel moisture film his vision.

"Y-You guys..." Cross will not cry. _He will not cry!_ "Y-You guys really are the best, you know?"

Zoro snorts. "Alright, enough of this sobfest. Come on, Cross, let's go outside before the witch gets us into a whirlpool or something equally stupid to die from."

Nami megaton-punches the swordsman at once, and then suddenly everything is back to normal. The crew disperses to go outside one-by-one, Sanji mentioning something about _making drinks for Nami-swan and Vivi-chwan_ as he rushes deeper into the kitchen, and soon all that is left sitting by the dining table is Cross, Soundbite, Vivi, and Carue.

The princess gives Cross a comforting pat on the shoulder. "Come on, Cross, don't make Nami wait before she starts ripping our heads off."

"Just give me a minute, alright?" Cross tries, still calming himself down. "Really, I've been pushing this talk off for too long, and the way they just _accept_ it all like it's nothing-!"

Vivi gives him a dull look. "These are the people who would go and fight Crocodile, someone who could very possibly kill them, just for the sake of a friend who for just hours ago had been a bitch of a bounty hunter, promising to save her country for nothing in return. This is nothing special for them. Cross, you should know this better than me."

Cross turns to Vivi with a studying glance... before forming a smile once again. "Point. Alright, fine, _fine_ , I'll get my head out of my ass okay?"

" **CRYBABY,** _CRYBABY!_ " "Bite me, you-" **CHOMP!** "ARGH, GET HIM OFF ME, GET HIM OFF ME!"

The three of them start to leave the kitchen, together at once to rejoin their friends and return to their adventure. Because while calm days were nice and all, by the end of the day the Straw Hats were a crew that _thrived_ on chaos - they couldn't stay calm for long if their lives depended on it. Thus, the only true way to be a Straw Hat was to enjoy the craziness of the Grand Line, all of its problems and chaos included.

By the time they leave, that is when _someone_ finally gets a chance to say a line.

"Uhm, GUYSH! I wash being quiet to let you guysh tawk, but don't weave me awwone heere!"

Oh right, shouldn't have forgotten the duck.

 **END** **(Sorry Carue, but your accent** ** _sucks~!_** **)**


	15. Going Merry

**_Going Merry_**

By: readerdreamer5625

A long, long time ago, there was a young man who had the most unfortunate similarity to that of a sheep. He was the son of a rich family's beloved butler in the quiet East Blue, but unlike most servant children in the world, he was treated by the Master of the house and his wife as if he was their own son, their own blood, in place of the lack of their own children and for the sake of their dead butler who left his son alone after going out to the sea. Young Merry, as that was his name, never knew his father who died to pirates, the man that his unofficial foster parents cried over, but for all his life he knew that his loyalty was solely to the family that raised him like their own.

But young Merry once had a dream. A dream of _adventure._ In time, when the owners of the house, the ones he knew as his _parents_ , died and left young baby Kaya alone in life, he chose to drop this dream for the sake of protecting and raising Kaya the same way her parents had done for him. With love, with care, and with respect. But as it was, young Merry had created the blueprints for a ship, a caravel specially made for himself, to sail the East Blue and see all the wondrous islands the quiet Sea had to offer.

When the Pirate Era began, Merry redesigned the ship, but in the end he kept most of the details in, including the ram-shaped head that symbolized himself. Going Merry, as he called the ship, had its original purpose forgotten, the entire reason for its existence reduced into a way to get supplies from other islands in their times of plight. It remained a luxurious ship, a ship that showed Merry's own background in a rich family - along with his secret desires of showing Kaya East Blue after she got better - but adventure was forgotten and dropped for matters of more importance.

But Going Merry remembered. She still remembered the time when she was just starting to exist, back when her father was still a young man with dreams of adventure, back when Merry wasn't held back by his own oaths and loyalty.

"You're going to be a beautiful one, I can tell." She didn't exist, didn't hear, but what does old wood care for logic? Merry was Merry, and as was her father; Nothing else mattered. "The whole world is going to gape at you and your splendor, Going Merry."

The years passed and went. Going Merry's purpose remained forgotten. Her wood vibrated just a bit, creaked in happiness just a bit, every time her father took the time to take her out and go to the nearby islands, but it would always be short-lived; Merry was no longer an adventurer, and so Going Merry was left as a luxury ship.

If wood could cry, then Going Merry would have. But as it was, she didn't exist back then, and thus there was no need for tears.

But then, everything changed.

It all went so fast; things happened and the next thing the Going Merry knew, new footsteps were being made on her planks, new people that Merry had never carried before. One of them jumped into her deck, and the Going Merry instantly _knew_ why they were there, that they were now her crew, a _pirate crew,_ and that-

"It's called the Going Merry!"

-that her father was giving her away.

Make no mistake, she knew as to _why_ she was being given, instantly knew the names of her new crew and the weights that they were carrying, both physical and mental as any good ship was to do, but to be just _given away_? That was, that was- if she was a Klabautermann at the time, she would've wept. As she was not, she just took it on, took the weight of carrying Monkey D. Luffy, the future Pirate King, to herself and accepted her fate. Accepted it, resigned to it, all until she 'looked' at her father in the eyes and then she _knew_ that her father was looking back at her.

She didn't have a soul yet, but he was looking back at her.

 _Carry them truly._ His eyes were saying, and the Going Merry heard. _Go on without me, go on to the adventure you were made for._

It was at that moment that the Going Merry realized that her father had never forgotten about her, and that she wasn't being forgotten. Instead, he was giving her away to give _her_ the chance to fulfill her purpose, to be the ship of adventure, a dream ship even with her own failures.

For the first time in her existence, the Going Merry felt _happiness_. And thus, the faintest wisps of a soul started to bloom in her core.

XxXxX

The Straw Hats were an amazing crew for any ship to have.

They certainly weren't the most careful, or even the _best_ crew for a ship like the Going Merry, but Merry didn't care for that, as who cares about perfection when you had what was the closest to it? Sure, her captain was incapable of fixing her up, being more likely to harm than to help; sure, most of their adventures left her damaged and barely afloat at times; sure,Usopp wasn't capable of fixing her properly, but Merry loved them anyway, because she knew that they would always love her back, no matter the circumstance.

And when new crewmembers came, like her crew Merry welcomed them with all of her heart. From Cross and Soundbite, to Vivi, Chopper, the Dugongs, to Conis and Su, she welcomed them all with all of her heart, even as her old wood started to build up wear and tear.

Which was why it _hurt_ when she finally understood the truth of her being.

 _They will abandon you._

If Merry had a body with a nubile neck to turn, she would've, out of surprise. Instead, she could only try to listen, back then at the ports of Mock Town, try to hear what was being said to her by one of her fellow ships. And then there it was, right beside her. The ship that had 'spoke' to her was an oddly shaped ship that made her look small beside it, and soon enough the rest of the ships at the port were adding their own comments.

 _You are weak. You are not a true ship; you are just a decoration masquerading as one of us. You have no place in these seas._

At the cruel words being thrown at her, Merry shouted back, _I am not weak! I am a Straw Hat, the ship that carries the future King of all pirates! I_ will _bring them all to Raftel, because I_ am _strong and I can prove it to the world!_

The other ships went quiet. Merry simply continued, ignoring them as she thought of her captain, of her crew and all of their smiles. _My captain believes in me. My crew believes in me. My dream is to fulfill those expectations of me, to help them fulfill their own dreams in this wide, amazing, and terrifying sea! I am the Going Merry, and soon the world would know my name as the Pirate King's ship, just you wait!_

More silence. But then, the same low tenor that spoke to her first started chuckling in a deep, amused tone. The large ship beside her creaked and groaned as the waves lapped across its hull, making a sound that was almost the mockery of laughter.  
 _  
A dream? A ship, having a dream? What a disgrace. Not only do you dare to think yourself equal to us,_ better _than us, you also dare to think you can deserve a dream? Know your place, rowboat!_

Merry shot back, _What's wrong with having a dream!? What's wrong with me wishing to bring this crew to Raftel!?_

 _It means that you are a fool, rowboat._ The larger ship replied, and Merry couldn't help but listen to its vitriol filled words. _A_ fool _, of the greatest degrees. Look at yourself; breaking down and slowly turning into driftwood just from the waves of the Grand Line. You think you can bring them to Raftel just as you are? It'll be better for you to just sink yourself now instead of taking all of them with you into the waters once you inevitably break into pieces._

Merry wanted to deny his words, really. Truly, she wanted to yell out a stream of curses, words that she learned from her beloved crew and would've had her father cleaning her out with his strongest soap in the process, but even as she tried and tried to deny it, she knew he was telling the _truth._

Because she already knew just what toll the journey was already taking in her. She could feel it, in her hull, in her wood, and in her keel that was just _this close_ to breaking in two.

She couldn't deny it, because everyday, even as she smiled inside at the thought of her crew and the daily chaos they brought on her, she knew it was going to be true.

And with that, all that Merry could do was stay quiet on that dock, even as the ships around her continued with their jeering, with their cruel but true words that she knew she would carry for the rest of her existence.

XxXxX

It hurt. It hurt, it hurt, it hurt it hurt it _hurtithurtithurtihurt-!_

If Merry had a mouth, she would've screamed. And then, remained screaming for the world to hear. It was torture, it was hell, it was feeling her body grind painfully deep inside her, like somebody was trampling all over her broken spine. As it was, she was thankful she _didn't_ have a mouth, because it meant that she could still hide it, still pretend to be fine, _endure it for their sakes, Merry you can endure it-!_

When the Klabautermann came to her on that sacrificial stage, Merry willingly took it in, because she knew she needed it. She needed it, because it was exactly what she required:

Borrowed time.

 _Give me more time, please give me more time! If there is a real God in this world, please, I beg of you, please let me buy them some more time!_

Humans knew only so few about Klabautermann, but Merry knew better. All ships did. They were, in a sense, their Grim Reaper.

It was a trial, it was a game, it was a bid to buy more time, to have the chance to say goodbye before the inevitable farewell. It was the thing only foolish ships did, only the ones that had souls and were willing to barter it away just for a few more weeks would do. For what were Klabautermann other than the spirits of the sea expending their soul just to have a physical effect on the world?

The moment she took on the Klabautermann, Going Merry knew she would die. It was the inevitable. It was the last chance.

So, why, _why did you have to say that, Cross!?_

"I promise, Merry. I'll save you and keep you sailing with us, no matter what."

No matter what. No matter what. No matter what, Merry knew she was going to die, that she was already dying, but still Cross had to make that promise, had to make her hope. He had to make her regret lying to his face, telling him that her keel was fine when it was _not_ , and it hurt and she was _so tired, she wanted to rest-_

But Cross promised. In face of the inevitable, even as she felt the self-doubt coursing through him and into her deck's floorboards, he promised and had decided to follow said promise through, no matter what.  
 _  
In the face of such dedication, what else could she do, other than to smile and act like she was still fine?_

When the crew left Skypeia, Cross gives Merry a scare for her 'life'. The crew laughs in their own very varied ways, and so does Merry, even as she gives Cross a recalcitrant whack over the head for it. It was _just so_ Cross that the mere fact that he was the one who did made it funny, utterly so.

 _(And if that wasn't a good reminder of her own remaining short-lived existence, then Merry didn't know what would be. It was good that Cross did that - she could get in the practice of hiding what she truly felt.)_

Still, the fact that she was gaining two new members in her crew was more important. They would _always_ be, so in turn Merry did what she knew Cross did best: enjoy today, even as he feared and worked to make a better tomorrow.

XxXxX

Merry wasn't a battleship, in any way.

Indeed, even with her grand - _overly grand, impossible, futile_ \- dream and the goals her father had for her when she was made, Merry was to her core a _passenger_ ship. She only had one weapon: her cannon, which only Usopp used and very sparingly so, as she knew the Straw Hats preferred to protect with their own hands instead of Merry's help. What was one cannon in a crew filled with people who could sink battleships with a kick, with a punch, a swing of the sword or staff?

But that didn't mean that _sometimes_ she wished she was. Oh, how she wished she was at this moment, this cruel critical moment where she knew her crew was facing a threat far beyond even their measure, to protect their crewmate that had been carrying weights far too heavy to bear.

 _(It was the Klabautermann, she knew. It was the cost of affecting the world, making her wants and wishes all the more cruel by giving her just enough to taste_ hope _, but not enough to actually_ help _when it mattered the most._

 _Spirits were cruel things, but Merry would never regret the decision she made on that sacrificial stage.)_

And what hurt the most? It was the fact that she knew Cross was keeping her far away from the battle just to protect her.

 _(I'm part of the crew! I'm part of the Straw Hat Pirates too!_

 _This, she wanted to yell, to scream out for the world to hear. But then the anguish within her would start up again, reminding her of just how_ weak _she was.)_

She knew they were doing it because they cared for her, really she did. But while care and love could move worlds, they couldn't change what was fact and what was merely broken dreams. They couldn't change the fact that Merry was too weak to help them, too unable to do anything to protect her crew in return for their protection of her.

 _(And if- and if it was that man, that man that feels like ice and blizzards and icebergs that sank Merry, shot her down, cause her to sink, then her crew would not know, they would mourn but not know how Merry was failing them-_

No! Merry was _stronger_ than those thoughts _._ If she couldn't bring her crew to Raftel, then at least she would not let herself lose to her own fears. She would die, yes, but she would die with dignity.

She would die as a _Straw Hat_.)

And so, when her crew came back to her, worse for wear but _alive and safe_ , Merry did everything she could to make them feel welcome. She worked a bit more to keep them warm even against the winds; a bit more to lighten up their hears; a bit more to carry the load on their backs for them. And so, when the crew came to truly accept Robin as part of her crew - _a new member, a new member, a day to celebrate_ \- Merry did her best to visit Robin's dreams of ice and fire, of giants and final smiles, singing an old song that her father had sang for Merry when she was being made.

She would have to leave, but she would do whatever she could to help her crew until that cruel day came.

XxXxX

 _It was so cold._

The wind was biting into her wood, the water smacking loudly into her hull. Almost, _almost_ , it was almost enough to numb the pain in her keel, with the saltwater seeping into hull, weakening even further the materials that were there. Salt-encrusted and soggy with water to the point one had to question how she was _still_ floating, Merry was quiet, so quiet as the Aqua Laguna came down on the miracle island that was Water 7.

And then the footsteps came. _Clack, clack, clack._ The staccato of feet, combined with the crashing noise of water pulverizing rock just a few feet away from Merry, made for a chilling rhythm that had her planks shivering.

"So here you were."

Merry did not know this person. Nevertheless, she could feel the effects of her crew on him, the lightened burden on his shoulders even as a frown set in on his face. The blue-haired man came closer, and Merry let him. Once he touched the surface of her hull, a look of wonder filled his face.

"You... truly are one of them, aren't you? To be still floating, even with all of this damage their journey has brought on you. If I weren't seeing this for myself, I would've never believed this possible. Imagine, a mere caravel sailing this far into the Grand Line, fighting a revolution in the Desert Country of Alabasta, riding the Knock-Up Stream into a Sky Island... and finally bringing them all the way here, still in one piece."

Lightning crashed and thunder boomed. Gale force winds whipped the man's hair across his face, and still, even as the rain came cascading down his cheeks, Merry got the thought that he was crying. No, mourning.

 _Mourning for her._ "Tom would've loved to have met you."

 _Pl**se..._

The man's head snapped back up as surprise came into his features. Water was coming down on all of them from all directions, but he cared nothing for it as he pressed his ear into the hull, trying to hear the weak and tired voice that he had just heard.

 _Please... give me more time. Let me save them again, just this one more time!_

Iceburg froze once he heard the cry that came from the ship before him.

It had been a long time, _too long_ a time since he had personally used his own hands to fix a ship. The Rocketman was another thing entirely, and as the mayor of Water 7 and the owner of the Galley-La Company, there really hadn't been any time for him to use his talents of taking something so _damaged_ before putting it all back together, as good as new. In fact, it had been years since he had last picked up a hammer with thoughts of repairing even a small rowing boat.

Still, that didn't mean that he wasn't sharper than any of his most favored shipwrights. He had never grown rusty, never let his talents go to waste. In his spare time, he still kept on writing blueprint after blueprint, knowing that at one point his hands would end up being the ones to do something as great as his master had done for their beloved island.

Yet, even with that talent, even with that knowledge, it _never_ hurt this much before to turn those eyes upon a ship before judging it as something hopeless.

Still... "I can't fix you completely. Nothing I can do can permanently heal the damage brought to you... nothing I can do will let you bring your crew back into this island."

 _I... don't..._ _ **care!**_

Iceburg turned his eyes to his hands, before closing them into fists. "Alright. Alright, then with these hands, I will give you one last chance. One last time to save your crew... no, your friends. And when you try to get back, I will _be there_ , to save them with a ship once you start breaking apart. That, at least, I promise you."

 _Thank... you..._

Iceburg could only smile, as sad a smile as it was. "Don't thank me, I'm only taking the responsibility for sending one brain-dead ship into these seas. If anything, thank yourself for all of these sacrifices you have made for your crew, to remember that no matter how this ends, they will always love you."

 _I know. I now know that about them._

The mayor of Water 7 blinked at that before breaking into a joyful laugh. "Ahahahaha! Then tell them that, and ask them for me to not beat me up for doing something as stupid as this, alright? Really, if Baka-Franky could see me now..."

For a moment then, the storm went quiet, and Iceburg would then swear for the rest of his life that at that moment he heard the brightest of all giggling in the entire world. And then, the world resumed into normality and the winds came rushing again, the rain came pouring, the waves came crashing, but somehow, somehow it wasn't as cold as it was before.

It wasn't as lonely as it was just minutes ago.

Iceburg pressed his ear again to the hull of the Going Merry for one last time; there was no voice to be heard. But somehow, he had the feeling that the ship was merely keeping quiet, merely content to wait until she could open up her sails again to brave the seas once more.

Iceburg smiled, before shaking his head. "Alright then, I guess I should be getting to work now."

Meanwhile, miles away, across the sea and on an island filled with hypocrisy, the Straw Hats fought and fought for the life and freedom of their beloved crewmate. The rest of the world? They were listening, rapt in their seats as they listened to the battle; listened to all that was being revealed by the crew that some were whispering 'the Crew that have shaken the world'. Many lives changed that day, many things happened and none of it small.

Still, that small ship that brought them this far, the Going Merry that was gifted to them by her father in an act of love, still looked across the horizon and prayed with all of her being.

 _Everyone... I will come pick you up. Just... wait for me okay?_  
 ** _  
_** ** _Even if it's for the last time._** ****

 **END**


	16. Mendez

By: ThePoarter

"Dot-Dot-Dot " phoned Soundbite "Dot-Dot – who's calling **now of all time**?"

Cross himself looked surprised by the message. Was nothing sacred nowadays? Was no-one ever going to stop calling him at any one time? However those thoughts would soon die a very fiery death in the next few minutes.

"Pick it up," answered Cross, "You've reached the SBS. How can I help you?"

"Am I live?" questioned the male caller. Probably someone middle-aged and, if Soundbite was anything to go by, very tired.

However it could not be stated enough about how determined the man felt despite his obvious tiredness. The snail had freaking bags around its eyes!

"Yes. Yes you are."

"Okay. To the world listening right now my name is Wamert Mendez, Vice-Principal of the Universalist High School in the city of Herat. I might seem very ordinary compared to the previous callers on this show and I admit I am. There's not much important about me."

"Then why are you calling at such a critical time? I need a precedent." Muttered Cross.

"Because I was there on the day Ohara **burned** ," answered Mendez with raw finality.

For a moment I couldn't believe what I was hearing. That's insane. This was …

"Wait … what! You're a veteran of that massacre? People of the world if it wasn't enough I guess we finally have another person who will prove once and for all that Ohara did happen." Reiterated Cross.

Shook the Mendez snail sadly, "And did it did. I was merely a Corporal at the time of the Buster Call. That very same Buster Call which saw the deaths of hundreds if not thousands of innocent human lives."

For a moment the snail closed its eyes as if it was reliving the massacre. Its silence was telling. Then once it opened once again I knew. I knew the world was about to get just as screwed as whenever _I_ started talking on the SBS.

The snail softly spoke, "I'm calling today because I'm just so tired of pretending. I'm tired of the guilt I've been living with these past twenty years. For twenty years I had lived with the knowledge of what the government could do. What they would do to those who dared stand out against them."

Then it smiled weakly, "I think it's time that I stand out and stand up for the survivor of the massacre as I should have done twenty years ago. If nothing else Mr. Cross, you have inspired this broken shell of a man to gather whatever courage he has left in this miserable life. I plan to lay down my life right here, right now and forever more in the future should it be required. I can no longer let fear compromise what I am."

"So please let me speak Mr. Cross," it asked.

"Sure go ahead." I nodded astonished at Mendez. And then the world turned sideways. The snails posture straightened, the tiredness all but disappeared and the stare became more unflinching than ever.

"Your actions Mr. Cross have given me the courage to do what needs to be done. But do not commend me. This has to have been done twenty years ago. The apologies are too late and too little. So it is time for action." Wamert voiced.

"The world government, the marines and I myself cannot call ourselves defenders of the weak, the innocent and the powerless. Not if we rule the weak under tyranny. Not if we punish the innocent under false precedent and not if we continue to chain the powerless to the floors while letting the powerful fly. Sentient beings we may be but not righteous ones," Wamert continued without stopping.

XXX

 _"I understand that Ohara is a charged issue with many of my fellow crew members and to my fellow veterans. An incident that not only did we have to accept but one that divided us sharply in the name of justice. It is an ideal full of emotionalism and the grounding foundations of what we can perceive is right and what is necessary. What is moral and what is Just_ ," he acknowledged with a pause.

Aokiji bowed his head at the thought. To the best of his knowledge many of the former veterans tried to moved on with their lives shaken by what happened in Ohara. And of those a select few became radicalized, traumatized or both. And if he was correct then Wamer didn't have any haki. He didn't have any devil fruit.

" _But where I may understand the views of my former crew-members I cannot tolerate their ideas and beliefs,"_ Warmer growled before roaring, " _Justice without punishment is meaningless. But Justice without restraint in cruelty!"_

XXX

" _For the past ten years I've spent my time building a school that will carry the children of this island into a bright future and one filled with hope," Wamert shouted, "But I can no longer in good conscience accept the future I hope to be part of without acknowledging the darkness I have been an accomplice of. Without acceptance, there is not future where the same atrocities and the same horror will not be repeated."_

"Wamert," gasped Vice-Admiral Strawberry, "What are you doing?"

Was his former Corporal really willing to go this far? He could easily remember the mild-mannered and somewhat bookish man when he was just an Ensign. Ordinary.

"Why?" bowed Strawberry as he bowed his head.

" _To my fellow veterans who agree with my thoughts you are not alone for we are many. And to my fellows who disagree with me I say this 'It takes the face of adversary to know who you truly are'. It is not too late to build a better world for our children and their children."_

XXX

" _And that is where I say this. The World Government does not represent Justice in it's ideal or its base form. I say this regardless of class or race; gender or creed. We all share an understanding and heritage of what the World Government abides by and what it represents and because of that my fellow citizens of the world we are all responsible, little or by a lot, of the horror and violence it supplements and inflicts onto the world."_

"Wamert. Wamert." Clipped Aladine as he crossed his arms together, "Where have I heard that name before?"

Deciding to look through his desk Aladine shuffled through the papers. He had seen the name Wamert somewhere before on a flyer.

"What are you looking for?" questioned Charlotte Praline as she moved toward her husband while still listening to the snail.

"Wamert Mendez. Haven't you heard the name before?" asked Aladine as he turned to Charlotte causing her eyes to widen.

"Mr. Mendez," she whispered, "The school. I read it about a school. You remembered when we were talking about if we were going to send our kids to the surface or not."

"And I said it had been a bad idea. No school would be willing to accept fishmen or merfolk children," Aladine repeat.

"And then I showed you the flyer," pointed out Praline, "From some stupid human who had been handing it out to children on the island. At least until he got beaten up."

" _It is an issue that matters to all citizens and all members of the world we make ourselves a part of. Whether it be those in the sky or those beneath the sea floor. We cannot deny our own culpability. It is time that we as people, human and fishman, giant, merfolk and whatever more."_

XXX

" _It is time that we cast ourselves outside the ideals of Absolute justice and walk ourselves into the future of True Justice. A world where we as all citizens, members of the nation and members of the world can be equal, free and cared for. We must build this road now and together. For the hope of our future and hope of the present it is time we walked in the sunshine and rays of sentient rights!"_

The Gorosei narrowed their eyes as they listened keenly to Wamert's speech. Then the snail returned to the "normal" SBS broadcast. The tallest one turned to his shivering aide and gave the order that would prove to be one of Wamert's greatest fears,

"Find out where this Wamert lives and burn his island to the ground."


	17. Lament of joy

Omake: Lament of Joy

by: SkyRune

 **-0-**

Poseidon...Please forgive me...The world is facing a force the likes of which none of us could have foreseen...

I can only ask for you to hold on a little longer before I can show the sun that you have dreamed of...

I know it is a lot to ask for but remember what I always say, If you have time worry then you should Laugh...

 ** _Pfffhahahahahaha..._** **I know a day will come when Noah can finally sail across this wide world...**

So, lets look to the day when we can see each other once more...

...Forever yours...Joy Boy...

-0-

Within the Sea Forest of Fishman Island, Nico Robin could only stare at one particular character on the Poneglyph. Her hands began to tremble as she touched the character to memorize if it was actually what it said. "This can't be...If they both have the same...That's not Possible!" She said out loud while trying to gather all of the information; both literal and theoretical that Cross has given her over the years. "This...Is Cross the Key...Was Joy Boy part of the-"

"Robin, Come on! We gotta go!" a voice yelled out from behind her. The Archaeologist just stared at the revelation upon the Poneglyph before picking up her bag and running back to her crew. ' _Was Cross a Decedent of Joy Boy or simply an Inheritor of D...There are still Devil Fruit out there that could have sent Joy Boy to Cross's world and Brob may have eaten it to bring a Cross back...but that doesn't match that beings personality...The Truth seems to only get bigger the closer we get to Raftel..._ ' she thought to herself as she finally caught up to her friends.


	18. Sincerity

By: ExNativo

~

The Straw Hat Pirates assembled on the deck of the Thousand Sunny blinked in unison. Their guests, and otter and a vulture both clad in sunglasses, maintained their perfect posture as they stared unhesitatingly at the captain of the most dynamic crew in recent memory.

"...Come again?" Sanji finally managed, embers flickering from the dying cigarette at his feet.

"Miss Friday and I wish to join you all, the Straw Hat Pirates, as buccaneers of the ocean." Mister 13 straightened his back out even further, somehow, earning himself another half centimeter of height in exchange for a series of ominous cracks along his skeleton. "Your adventures and strength have inspired us to pursue our own dreams of finding the tastiest worms and clams to eat, respectively. We wish to become one with such sources of merriment and wonderment."

"We can scout. We can paint. We can shoot and stab. We can kill." Miss Friday contributed, the light glinting from her sunglasses passing over Cross' face a _little_ too slowly for it to have been a coincidence. "We're _very good_ at killing."

Slowly, to the shock of the newer crewmates and the resignation of all the others, Luffy nodded. He then surprised them all by turning to Vivi, cocking his head to the side, and tipping his hat in the Unluckies' general direction.

Vivi raised an eyebrow at her captain, and by extension the communications officer who was hiding behind her captain, before her eyes lit up and she turned back to the assembled pair of animals with a hardened expression.

" **Sincerity.** " She ordered, with only minute discomfort.

"We wish to join the crew so that we may abscond into the night with Jeremiah Cross and Soundbite in our possession." Mister 13 dropped out of his stance and turned to his partner, the mixture of confusion, betrayal, anger and concern on his face twisting his expression into something which could only be described as comical. Miss Friday slammed her wings over her beak, continuing to speak through her feathers. "Once we have him in our clutches, we will perform every possible torture we know. We will draw him to the brink of death however many times we think he can survive, and only once we have destroyed his snail in front of his eyes and once he is begging for death, will we hand him over to the World Government for whatever they plan to do with him. He shall not escape us again."

Cross poked his head out from behind Luffy. Soundbite, atop his shoulder, did his best to duck back behind the Rubber-Man. Three swords left their sheaves as Zoro stepped closer to the blond teenager and hunched over beside him, and a noticeable glow began to encase Sanji's leg as he dug through his pocket for a second cigarette.

Both of their actions paled in comparison to the frozen expression on Luffy's face, and the intent that was absolutely _flooding_ every nook and cranny of the ship.

Miss Friday lowered her wings. Mister 13 slowly turned back to the crew, a visible puddle of sweat gathering around his feet as he took in the ludicrous amount of weaponry being aimed at him and his partner.

"...Is that a no?"


	19. A Declaration

Omake: A Declaration

By: SkyRune

 **-0-**

 **To those who gaze upon from our empty throne, does it suit you to play god...**

 **We have tried to reason with you yet your desire has been devoured by greed...**

 **If we were to leave you be then you would sink your fangs into our homes...**

 **And for what; a fruit given to all by a higher power, to Conquer the world for following a path of it's own choosing or is it simply arrogance to satisfy your own pride...**

 **It no longer matters what the Reason is now, you don't even see us as living beings anymore...**

 **And now it has come to this...you, who were a friend, I give to you this final parting...**

 **We shall not yield to you, Our will shall become our blade; with the force of a Storm the likes of which not even the devil can save you...**

 **Even if we were to vanish, others will rise to Stop you...**

 **May we never meet in this life or the next...year 599...**

 **-0-  
**  
High above the world in the Holy City of Mariejois, hidden away in the catacombs of past monarchs and rulers sits a petrified tree stretching its way to across the ceiling to bathe in the light it once yearned for. Beneath the tree's roots lies a Poneglyph of not of Blue or Red mineral but of the deepest Obsidian. This was the first to have ever been made and was the starting point of the Void Century. When the first Ruler of the Holy City had passed and was to be buried, the Nobles had stumbled upon this massive block by sheer chance. They had forced their scholars to decipher the block but could only make out a small portion of it, no more than a few words; "will...de...Storm..." and having no desired result, they have forced their slaves to remove the annoyance. But before anyone knew, the Greatest war had begun.

Now, today this Black Poneglyph remains in its tomb to never be seen from the eyes of the world. The 5 Elder Stars sit in front of this reminder while listening to the brat that has caused the Darkest Day. What that boy is shouting out now was the battle of Shiki the Golden Lion against Monkey D. Luffy. "These Pirates are becoming more than a mere annoyance now" the youngest of the elders stated while glaring at the snail. The tallest of them looks up from the broadcast to the Poneglyph, "Now they will have a the vast majority of the East Blue on their side. The implications that this pirate has made will make it even more difficult to keep the other countries in check."

The Elder with the largest birthmark took a drink from his glass before placing it back on the table before them, "We may need to accelerate our plans before these brats reach Sabaody". "We have already sent Aokiji and Kizaru to pick up the last of the pieces we need. All we need to do now is wait for the opportune moment to arise" the oldest among them stated while cleaning his blade. The Final Elder got up out of his seat and head towards the obsidian block placing his hand on one of the characters. "We will not allow this era to continue any longer. Jeremiah Cross may become a symbol to the Pirates but that is only if he can out maneuver us. If the worst should happen, we could always use _that_ " he said looking up from the Poneglyph to see a mosaic drawing of the only weapon that the World Government was able to rebuild on the ceiling of the tomb.


	20. Promises and Consequences

Omake: Promises and Consequences  
By: TheRealEvanSG

The biggest shock of Cross's life was not being thrown into the world of One Piece, although that was definitely very close to the top of the list. It was not discovering that a transponder snail had eaten a Devil Fruit which enabled him to repeat any sound he'd ever heard, at any volume he wanted. It was not learning that Nefertari Vivi had received a bounty from the World Government, damn them to hell seven ways to Sunday. It wasn't even the electrical torture by Eneru's hand (pun intended, much to Soundbite's ire). No, those weren't the biggest shocks of his life. He'd been able to handle those, he'd been able to deal with them in some form or another.

The one thing that Cross was absolutely, positively unable to deal with - - the one thing that without a doubt shook him to the core - - was his failure to keep his promise to his dearest friend, the _Going Merry_.

He had been _so sure_ that there would be a Zoan Devil's Fruit when he opened the box. It had been a one-in-three chance, and the Straw Hats were the sort of people who could roll a thousand die and have them all come up sixes. Compared to all the impossible bullcrap they'd pushed through in the past, once he had confirmed the existence of the extra Devil's Fruit, it had seemed like a cake walk. Before that, Cross _had_ been extremely concerned with how he would succeed in saving _Merry_ , especially since the Galley-La shipwrights had confirmed that, under no uncertain terms, the _Going Merry_ would never be seaworthy again. But he had fooled himself into thinking that there was a sliver of hope, simply because the Straw Hats were the luckiest people on the seas.

Cross should've known that even the best of poker players run out of luck at some point.

He gazed upon the empty innards of the box with abject horror, his legs shaking as the reality of the situation fully dawned upon him. Cross had tried everything he could think of to save _Merry_ , had clung to every last straw; but all the straws he'd drawn proved to be too short. The human Merry, who unintentionally dispelled a plank of wood from the palm of her hand, stared down at herself, her eyes widening with horror.

Logia.

Wood-Wood.

 _Not Zoan_ , and _unable to fix the Merry's hull_. This wasn't for lack of trying, of course; the moment they'd discovered that the Klabautermann could turn into and create wood at will, they had immediately attempted to repair the damage done to the ship's belly. The crew had believed they'd gotten even luckier than if Merry had received a Zoan; but their hopes sank along with their ship as it continued to slip under the waves of the Grand Line.

"No way." Cross shook his head, refusing to acknowledge the truth. The chest in his hands fell to the ground as his arms dropped to his sides. "It's not possible."

"I'm… still dying," said Merry, tears forming in her ghostly eyes. "I… I t-thought…"

He whipped around to glare into her eyes. "NO!" he roared, and she stopped speaking with a choked sob. The rest of the crew, Galley-La, and Franky and Iceburg gazed sadly upon them. "I won't let this happen! I cannot let this happen! I REFUSE TO LET THIS HAPPEN!"

"But Cross, that means you'd have to - -" Nami spoke up uncertainly, but stopped short as the tactician turned his eyes on her.

"Nami."

The redhead closed her mouth, a kind of awed horror settling in her gut.

Chopper blinked, looking from the two of them as though some major ping-pong match was occurring at that very moment. "U-Um, guys? What're you talking about? Is there still a way to save Merry?"

"It's a last-ditch plan," Cross replied, casting his gaze downwards this time, looking sadly at his body. "I thought it wouldn't have to come to this."

Zoro readjusted the swords that hung at his side. "Cross. No matter what, you'll always be a greater man than almost anyone else."

The blond smiled softly. "Thanks, Zoro. That means a lot."

"Uh… i-is Cross-bro going to die?" asked Zambai with an uncertain tilt in his voice.

"In a manner of speaking."

" _Ha,_ " chortled Soundbite mirthlessly. " _Man_ **ner**. **GOOD ONE.** "

"Can it, snail, or I'll have Sanji make a special dinner for us tonight," Nami requested with a… _sweet_ smile that sent shivers down the self-proclaimed sound god's back. He popped back into his shell with a dignified squeak, and she humphed her approval.

A flash of light drew their attention upwards to the sky, where a single piece of paper floated from the heavens. It landed on the boards in front of Cross, who reached down and read it aloud for the rest of the crew.

" _The_ Going Merry _will completely sink within the next minute_ ," he read, swallowing. " _You have until the very last inch of wood goes under to make your decision. But remember, if you choose to save her, what happens_ will _be final. No going to a certain 'Queen' to reverse the effects; it just won't happen. That was our agreement, no? -BROB_."

Usopp shifted awkwardly. "C-Cross… look, surely there's another way - - m-maybe we just haven't used Merry's new powers correctly… o-or something…"

"No." Merry shook her head, shooting down that idea. "I already have a vague idea to the limits of my own powers; I think probably because I'm really made of wood anyway. If we couldn't fix me with the Fruit before, we won't be able to, period."

"And there you have it," said Cross hollowly. "There's no other option. Not even Franky can save her at this point."

"But…" the sniper hesitated, rubbing the side of his head. "A-Are you really sure about this?"

Cross swallowed again. No, he wasn't sure. He didn't want to lose his identity. He didn't want to become something he was never meant to be. But at the same time, he couldn't let selfish reasons keep a dear friend from the life they deserved. And so, forcing down any rebellious thoughts in him, he nodded, looked up, and raised his arms in a _Thou art holy_ manner.

"Alright, then, B.R.O.B. I accept the terms and conditions. _Now sign me the hell up for_."

 _ZAP!_

Before anyone quite knew what had happened, a bolt of pink lightning struck from the sky, despite the ridiculously cloudless, blue canvas spread above them. It connected with the top of Cross's head, sending electric heat clear through his body. Thunder rolled across the sky, and smoke (for reasons no one was quite sure of) billowed up around the tactician. Luffy, infuriated, stamped his foot on the makeshift raft and glared up at the sky, ready to give whatever mystery being was responsible for this a what-for; but the sound of coughing drew his attention back to the unfortunate victim.

"Cross!" he bellowed, and began to rush forward, only for Zoro to grasp his shoulder firmly and hold him back. Luffy grunted but begrudgingly accepted. "Are you alright!?"

"Oh, Goda!" exclaimed Merry, and everyone swiveled around to look at their beloved Klabautermann, who was more solid-looking than they'd ever seen her before. She patted her body, her hands groping her stomach and shoulders and pretty much everywhere they could find. She glanced up to meet their gaze, her jaw slackening. "I-I'm human!"

The entire populace face-faulted. "WHAT!?"

"YARGH!" a second voice roared, and everyone forgot about breaking into immediate partying, to once again return to staring in horror at the spot of the lightning strike.

For several tense moments, the thick smoke hung around their beloved crewmate, who coughed harder than a Hacking Cough patient. But at last, the gray smoke cleared with the arrival of a small breeze, and everyone's jaws dropped.

Because standing exactly where Cross had been, doubled up and clutching a… _very well-endowed_ chest, was, without a doubt, a strikingly gorgeous, blonde girl.

Franky's brain short-circuited for a moment, before rebooting and short-circuiting again. "W-What the hell!?"

"Is that - -" Iceburg stammered, the usually unshakeable man gaping.

Chopper's pupils dilated so small they were almost non-existent. "C-CROSS!?"

The blonde woman, who had a heart-shaped face, rosy cheeks, and a perfect hourglass figure, glanced at her reflection in the water, stared, and then slowly looked at the suspiciously silent Sanji. Equally slowly, nearly twenty other pairs of eyes followed her gaze.

"Don't even think about it, shit-cook," she snapped, and she felt her eye _twitch_.

"It's Cross," said everyone in perfect unison.


	21. The Cat Gets out of the Bag

Omake: The Cat Gets Out of the Bag  
By: TheRealEvanSG

Aboard the great, ill-famed ship known as the Moby Dick, tensions hung at an absolute max between the crew members and their guests. Whitebeard regarded the smaller man in front of him, nicknamed for the shock of red hair that covered the top of his head, with danger in his gaze. Any lesser man would have been sent quivering in fear, perhaps soiling their pants for good measure; but Shanks stared straight back as if Whitebeard terrified him little more than the average Marine mook.

That wasn't to say that respect was absent from Shanks's gaze. No, from the way his eyes glinted, it was clear that the man viewed his fellow Yonko as an equal. The request he had just made, however, was still so mad, Whitebeard couldn't hold back questioning in the back of his mind whether Red Hair was actually a D himself.

"You wish to form an alliance with me against the Marines?" he repeated, expression shadowed by the silver locks which fell in front of his eyes.

Shanks grinned, grasping the disproportionately enormous sake cup before him and lifting it up. "Whaddya say? The Marines are so scrambled with the Straw Hats' recent performance at Enies Lobby that they'll do anything in their power to prevent this most recent… _operation_ from failing. Teach is one of the most dangerous men I've ever heard of, Whitebeard, and I've been on _Roger's_ crew. Locked in a war with him, the World Government, the rest of the Warlords, and most likely any Cipher Pol agent they can find? You're going to want some heavy artillery on your side. _Especially_ since you lost a good number of your strongest divisions in one fell swoop already."

Whitebeard gritted his teeth. Against his will, he could sense the logic in Shanks's statement, but that didn't answer just why the hell the one-armed man was bothering himself in these matters anyway. Whitebeard's gaze hardened, and tensions skyrocketed even further. Even Shanks began to fidget a little. Suspicion eating at the corner of his mind, Edward Newgate opened his mouth to answer…

 _Don don don don!_

To this day, both men will always deny that they jumped at the sound of the SBS starting.

And to this day, both of their crews will sincerely affirm that they nearly touched the clouds.

"I swear, that man's timing is ineffable," grumbled Shanks, his wounded eye twitching. "But I don't think I'll ever know if that's in the positive or negative connotation."

Whitebeard sighed, rubbing the side of his head. "Either way…" He glared at the most recent member of his crew, who squeaked and backed _the hell up_. "PICK UP THE DAMN RECEIVER, DOLT!"

"A-Aye aye, sir!"

 _"- - find my voice a little disconcerting_ ," the voice of… someone filtered through the receiver, and both Shanks and Whitebeard did a double take at the snail. It somewhat resembled Jeremiah Cross, the man they'd expected to be behind the snail, yet it was almost… feminine. " _But rest assured, there's a perfectly logical explanation for this._ "

Marco, stepping up to the snail, frowned and rubbed his chin. "Uh… was Cross's voice always that high?"

"Definitely not," supplied Benn Beckman, who looked a little disturbed. Shanks had never seen his most trusted friend eat his meat shank so concernedly before. "That sounds like someone different entirely. Think they picked up a new crewmember in Enies Lobby?"

Shanks shook his head. "They broadcasted the whole battle, remember? We would've heard if someone new showed up."

"So who's this girl on the show, then?" wondered Whitebeard, narrowing his eyes.

Right on cue, the voice filtered back through the receiver. _"_ _You see, I took a gambit with Fate itself - - or, at the very least, some_ thing _that may or may not be in control of it - - in order to rescue our beloved ship, the_ Going Merry _, from an untimely death_. _Ladies and gentlemen, it may be hard for you to believe this, so I'll just sum it up in a few words: Due to Grand Line bullshit, despite currently being 100% female, this is Jeremiah Cross_."

The Whitebeard Pirates' and Red-Haired Pirates' jaws all dropped in unison.

"U-Um, correct me if I'm wrong," spoke up Ben, his pupils dilated in shock, "but did that woman just say that… she's _Cross_!?"

"Don't tell me Ivankov's on the loose again!" moaned Squardo, visibly paling.

 _"_ _And no, before anyone asks, it_ wasn't _Ivankov._ "

The entire _sea_ face-faulted. "WHAAAAAAAAAT!?" the pirates on deck roared as one.

 _"So, yes, this is Jeremiah Cross here, in the feminine flesh._ "

"AND **don't forget ME,** ** _Sound_** _bite!_ " exclaimed the Sound-Sound Snail over the transponder snail. There was a brief pause. " _Though_ **I am NOT** female. _BALLS of_ **gold, BABY**! **ANYWAY, it's** time **to** _start the_ _ **SBS!**_ "

" _You're a snail. Do you even have any in the first place?_ "

" _Don't say something like that so casually!_ " came the irritated voice of a certain Alabastan princess. " _It's not ladylike!_ "

 _"_ _Yeeeeees, Vivi…_ " drawled the… _girl_ Cross. " _And Soundbite… stop stealing my line!_ "

The chortling of Cross's partner echoed across the waves.

Silence reigned aboard the Moby Dick for a while.

"…Have any more of that sake, Red-Hair?" asked Whitebeard, pale, and numbly, Shanks passed him the enormous jar.

 **-0-**

Tashigi thought she knew crazy. She'd sailed the Grand Line for several years, even before Captain Smoker decided to chase the Straw Hats to Alabasta. She'd both seen and fought against countless Devil Fruit eaters, with powers of various degrees of bullshittery. Most recently, of course, Tashigi had even went against everything she'd ever believed in and silently betrayed the World Government. If one were to ask Tashigi, the latter would have been the craziest thing she'd ever heard happening to anyone.

 _She had been so very innocent_.

Cross's new voice reached her ears, and Tashigi visibly shuddered. _"_ _It was a necessary measure, not that I'm happy about losing my manhood in any manner of speaking; but I will always affirm that my decision was the correct one,_ " she said, her voice high and dainty, though still as irritatingly self-confident as Cross's old one. " _I knew this would cause some mass confusion in anyone we happen to meet in the future, so I just decided to get my impromptu gender reassignment out to the world as soon as possible_. _No, by the way, I am_ not _changing my name to fit my new form. Or at least, not yet_."

"Just what the hell have they gotten themselves into this time!?" she exclaimed, standing up so quickly her chair clattered backwards. "How in the world did Ophiuchus turn into a _girl_ without Ivankov's help!? I've never heard of any Devil Fruit with powers in that nature save for _that_ man… woman… uh, _person_ , and we know for a fact that… _they_ have had absolutely no opportunity for coming anywhere _near_ Water 7 in the past few _months_!"

It was hard to tell whether Smoker's pale complexion was a result of the information he'd just heard, or the sheen of smoke that always seemed to cling around him. "Tashigi. You may take firm belief in me when I say this… but I have _absolutely no idea_."

Poor Tashigi's brain malfunctioned.

"Sir? Permission to excuse myself so I may stare at a wall for the rest of the night and rethink _the entire. Damn. Universe_?"

"…Permission granted, Lieutenant." Tashigi made to dash out the door, but after a beat, Smoker added, "...As long as you save me a spot."

 **-0-**

"CAPTAIN!? CAPTAIN!? WAKE UP, PLEASE!"

"SISTER, PLEASE WAKE UP!"

The mixed cries of the Barto Club and the two less powerful Boa sisters rose up into the air of the Calm Belt as they desperately shook the people in question, who were both staring blankly into space… though for different reasons each.

Bartolomeo the Cannibal sat, unmoving, in the chair on the shrine upon which the Holy SBS Snail™ rested regally, his eyes filled with tears and his mouth foaming. An endless murmur of "Cool! So cool!" streamed from his lips, though the crew wasn't quite certain if this was done intentionally or simply a sort of sleep-talk. His eyes certainly _looked_ unconscious, and he made absolutely no movements whatsoever. He'd been this way ever since the news of the effort Cross took to save Merry reached them through the SBS.

For her part, upon Cross affirming that she was indeed Jeremiah Cross, 100% girl, and had sacrificed her gender for a friend, Hancock immediately grew something akin to a blush, and Miss Goldenweek _swore_ she'd seen hearts in the woman's eyes. She muttered something about being inflicted with a disease, then passed out, her heart beating erratically. Sandersonia and Marigold hovered over her worriedly, shaking her perfectly crafted body like it was delicate china.

Apis looked between Bartolomeo and Hancock with wide, nervous eyes, Lindy cooing with concern at her side. "U-Um," she spoke up, stammering, "are they going to… be alright…?"

Mr. 5 sighed. "Just leave them be, I say. Saves the rest of us much insanity about nothing."

"Miss Goldenweek," said Gin, rubbing his temples tiredly, "please wake them up."

The little troll of a girl smirked dangerously. "With pleasure," she intoned, and the rest of the crew shivered, glad that they weren't quite as insane yet as the two K.O.'d pirate captains. Striding purposefully to her color wheel, Miss Goldenweek dipped her brush first in the blue, then in the yellow, turning the paint on the hairs green. "Relaxing Green," she said, and splashed a circle of paint on both Bartolomeo and Hancock.

Both captains' reactions visibly lessened, and Sandersonia, Marigold, Apis, and (secretly) Gin all sighed with relief.

Bartolomeo blinked, and suddenly wiped his mouth. "What the heck!?" he exclaimed, sweatdropping. "Why was I drooling?"

"You blacked out from the Straw Hats' awesomeness," supplied Gin, sighing.

"Really? …Huh. Understandable. And her?" Rooster of MI6 jabbed his thumb curiously at Hancock. "Why's she passed out?"

Sandersonia sniffed. "Her cheeks got red, her eyes went all strange and heart-like… she caught some sort of disease after hearing Cross's sacrfice."

"Disease?" echoed Bartolomeo, tilting his head. "Huh… those symptoms sound less like a disease and more like someone who had fallen in love with someone else to me…"

The Barto Club, Sandersonia, and Marigold were silent for a moment as this processed.

"EHHHHH!? HANCOCK FELL IN LOVE WITH CROSS!?"

 **-0-**

 _"_ _Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I can slack off,"_ said the feminine voice of Jeremiah Cross, speaking in Party's Bar, which was filled with uproarious laughter. Gathered around the official town transponder snail, the Dadan Bandits laughed their drunken heads off, mugs of booze passing from body to body as fast as Kizaru (when he wasn't injured from slamming into the Red Line). Dadan had put her hand on the top of her head and leaned back in her chair, stomping her feet repeatedly, nearly crying from mirth. " _I've got to go shopping with Nami, Conis, and Vivi here once everyone's A-OK to leave the doctor's office. We're all pretty beat up after Enies Lobby; not even I was spared, despite obtaining a new body after we escaped the burning island._ "

"S-Shopping - -" snorted Mayor Woopslap, his expression - - caught between a laugh and a grimace - - making the Dadan Bandits laugh even harder. Makino herself couldn't hold back a grin at Woopslap's conflicted countenance. "Shopping for girl's clothes - - Despite being a man…"

The snail shuddered. " _I never liked clothes shopping as a boy. But shopping for girls' clothes, with girls? Not to mention with one who is so pissed at me for spending a suitcase of money on a pile of rags, as well as racking up a bunch of other expenses during my fight with the otter and vulture, that she literally almost ripped my boob off? It's even_ more _terrifying._ "

 _"_ _I think_ the MOST **terrifying thing** ** _IS THAT YOU_** **HAVE** ** _BOOBS TO_** _RIP OFF!_ " supplied Soundbite helpfully.

Dadan guffawed. "Ha! The escargot's got a point!"

"That's a little bit mean, though," said Makino gently, serving up another round of booze. She placed a platter down on the table before Dadan. "Here, the finest beer we have on tap."

Doga whistled appreciatively. "Makino, you are the life and soul of every single person who lives on Dawn Island, and perhaps the East Blue." He grabbed a bottle and brought it to his already pink face.

Nico Robin's smooth voice came over the receiver. " _The doctor allowed the SBS call, but did he not specifically say to refrain from speaking more than you have to, Soundbite, lest your voice box collapse upon itself due to the excessive use it has already underwent?_ "

 _"_ _I am so glad to have you back, Robin!_ " cried Vivi happily.

" _As am I to be back,_ " the ever-mysterious woman intoned. The transponder snail smirked playfully. _"_ _It's all thanks to the greatest little sister anyone could have_."

" _Isn't that a line I never thought would be about me?_ " groaned Cross, to the roof-shaking laughter of the Dadan Bandits.

Makino, pouring drinks for the only decent bandits to walk the planet, smiled fondly at the antics of Luffy's crew. It warmed her heart to know that he'd found crewmates who would care about each other so much they would make the ultimate sacrifice for one another. If Dadan could be counted as his surrogate mother, Luffy had been a sort of nephew to her, and she had cared for the kid more deeply than just about any other child on Dawn Island. When he had left, she had been concerned that Luffy's future crew would hurt him, that they would hurt each other.

But even as she filled up the glass, Makino knew with a certainty that her fears were for naught. Because when the _weakest_ crew member is willing to sacrifice anything to save a friend, there is no possibility that the rest of the crew wouldn't do the same.


	22. Anarchy

By: ExNativo

It had been a long time since any of the Straw Hats had seen Cross looking so helpless.

There was something wrong with the image it presented. It didn't suit the man who'd run afoul with the universe in the terms of his very existence. Cross was confident, he was smart. He always knew what to do, and when to do it. He didn't sit against the mast, his face towards the deck, his hair in his hands and his grip getting tighter by the second.

The war hadn't been what any of them were expecting. Cross had given no indication that he'd known it would happen, and had probably been hit the worst by the news of Portgas D. Ace's capture. After that, it had been a whirlwind of Government facilities, fighting, injuries and running, before they found themselves safely on the deck of the Thousand Sunny. Soundbite had started to ring before any of them could get it into their heads to celebrate, the conviction Cross had rebuilt in himself gave crumbling to the ground, and nobody had been able to get a word out of him since.

Merry's insistence, from childish to mildly threatening, had been ignored. As had the rest of them, including Nami's bribes and Vivi's commands, once they'd gotten desperate enough. Eventually, he'd been left to his own devices, always in everybody peripheral vision but never in their presence. The preparation for a celebration began, a delicious aroma cloaking the ship as Sanji took the first steps towards a feast fit for a Pirate King.

Five minutes after he had collapsed against the mast, Cross shifted. Everyone within eyesight reacted immediately, setting aside whatever had been occupying their time and watching as Cross spoke to Soundbite in low tones, the snail's expression morphing between sentences.

It was then that he set the transceiver on the deck before him, and Pinky and the Brain began to ring.

 **XxX**

 _"...We've gotten reports coming in from the North Blue that a dangerous militia is on the move, and gaining traction. Residents in the area are recommended to stay indoors and await assistance. Vice Admirals Tsuru and Onigumo are en route and expected to arrive within the hour..."_

At first,the S.B.S had been a surprise. Considering all that the Straw Hats had gone through within the last while, nobody was really expecting a broadcast so soon after they had been victorious. The World Government would be after them now more than ever, so it was only with mild acknowledgement that yes, Cross was either that ballsy or that stupid, that the entire bar sat down to listen.

When, rather than the typical greeting, the Fleet Admiral's voice had started coming over the speaker and relaying both news and orders, people had begun to panic. When Cross intervened three minutes in, with a dead voice and a correction that was immediately implemented, people had begun to grow curious.

As the broadcast continued, people stopped knowing what to think. They'd also stopped ordering food as their appetites abandoned them, leaving Hachi nothing to do but cross his arms and grimace as every word painted a picture more hopeless than the last.

 **XxX**

 _"...East Blue residents, it is suggested that if you have a boat, you should head for Loguetown and surrounding islands. Vice Admiral Smoker is heading the evacuation effort, and we've confirmed that the entirety of the Orange Archipelago has descended below sea-level due to the application of an as of yet unidentified Devil Fruit. The sea-faring restaurant known as the Baratie has also opened its door and its larder for any who may need it in the foreseeable future..."_

He'd been asked before, why he felt the need to wear a hat that was so obnoxiously tall.

The answer was simple. On the days that the Baratie got customers who were less human than the norm, Zeff would still need to be found amongst their expansive forms if something were to go wrong. Besides, with an application of of Armament, it made for a very useful weapon at range.

It was with his hat balanced precarious atop his head that Zeff weaved between the many people that had been forced to seek him out for protection. Placing plates upon tables or floors or in hands, he cut a complex dance through the room, emptying his arms just as he reached the doors to the kitchen.

"Owner Zeff, we're going to start running low on supplies soon!" One of the newer chefs called from his station. Zeff nodded absently, already well aware, and began to relay some instruction of his own.

A Sea-King or two would be able to feed the people for the time being.

 **XxX**

 _"New orders from the Commander-in-Chief for any in the East Blue area; the Red-Haired Pirates were last spotted a handful of minutes ago, sailing towards the destruction. Under no circumstances is anybody to antagonise them. They have agreed to a temporary truce and to assist any who may need it for their own reasons."_

"Cap'n, we got through to her."

Shanks glanced up from the map he'd been perusing. His hand twitched, and the buccaneer he'd assigned to keep ringing Makino until she answered took took a long drag from the cigarette between his teeth before answering.

"Says she managed to reach Loguetown fine. She was speakin' with someone named Kaya when I rang, 'parently she's some lass from Syrup Village."

Shanks glanced up at the crow's nest, where he knew Yasopp to be, before giving an almost imperceptible nod. His crewmate blew a ring of smoke into the air above them, gave him a D shaped grin, and wandered from the room in order to return to his post.

Some of the tension had left Shank's shoulders as he turned back to the map.

 **XxX**

 _"A note to the Whitebeard Pirates; we are willing to overturn Marshall D. Teach's punishment for his treacherous actions to you and yours, without harassment, if you are the ones to capture him and his allies."_

If the deck of the Moby Dick grew any warmer, nobody commented on it.

 **XxX**

 _"Reports indicate that the death toll has surpassed the three million mark within the last hour. A special service will be held in their memory once the current situation has been dealt with. That concludes any announcements to be made on the World Government's behalf."_

Cross, still slouched over next to the Sunny's main mast, winced and tilted his head until it was resting against the wood. It was an uncomfortable position, though perhaps not quite uncomfortable enough.

He'd messed up. He knew it, Soundbite knew it, and anyone on board who could see his reaction and put two and two together could probably see it too.

Soundbite didn't have time to offer any words. His eyes, which had softened during the silence, turned hard once more as they surveyed the Man Who Split the World.

 _"Jeremiah Cross..."_ Sengoku mused. Whether by his tone or the Haki he was leaking out, anybody could have guessed that he wasn't happy. " _I seem to recall your goal as being utter anarchy in the face of order."_

Cross cringed. Having the words spoken back to him now, as the world tore itself to pieces around them, left the taste of bile in his mouth.

 _"How do you feel now, knowing that there are pirates and Marines working in tandem in the face of a catastrophe?"_ There was a creak as Sengoku leaned back in his chair. His tone wasn't reprimanding, wasn't irritation or anger. It was pure, simple, genuine hatred. _"Does this sate those urges for adrenaline that you refuse to admit is a problem, seeing unity that a World Government could never hope to achieve? It must make you happy, seeing all that you've accomplished come to a head."_

Soundbite leaned forward to accommodate Sengoku's movement. His lips were twisted into a snarl, though whether it was his own or not was impossible to tell. More than likely, it didn't matter.

 _"So do tell me, child, for I truly am curious... are you not entertained?"_

The stance was held for no more than a moment. Not any longer than a single breath, before there was a click and Sengoku severed the connection. Cross remained still, staring down into Soundbite's eyes, his friends eyes and not the glare that had met him before.

Not that he could really see them. Nor could he see his crewmates off to the side, the anger that had been mounting on Luffy's face with every word the Fleet Admiral spoke, or even the tears escaping down Merry's cheeks.

One numb hand found the transceiver. The world was silent as Cross took a slight breath.

"...No. No, I'm not."

And with that, the broadcast ended.

Nobody could have guessed that it would be the last for two long years.


	23. Girls' Day Out

Omake: Girls' Day Out

By: TheRealEvanSG

The birds were singing, the sun was shining, and on a beautiful day like that, Jeremiah Cross… _was burning in hell_.

"You know," she said with no small amount of nervousness, eyeing the tight corset Nami held up like it was poison, "I _really_ don't have any practical purpose for something like that. I don't really have anything to show off, nor do I want to, so we can avoid things like that altogether, right?"

Nami's eyes flashed. "Wrong. You're going to be gorgeous whether you like it or not."

The blonde turned with a pleading smile to Vivi. "Hey, princess, if you help me find something else, I'd owe ya big-time!" she appealed. "Your own special corner on the next SBS, giving you free reign to talk about anything you want, perhaps? Or I could have Soundbite find the perfect song for you?"

"Sorry, Cross," Vivi giggled, awkwardly rubbing her cheek with her pointer finger. "You _do_ need a new wardrobe, and you _would_ look cute in that…"

Grasping at straws now, the feminized tactician turned to her last chance - - a certain beatific Skypiean. "…Conis-chan?" she said desperately, hands clasped together in a silent prayer to whatever god was listening (AS LONG AS IT WAS NOT MOTHERTRUCKING B.R.O.B!).

The winged girl shrugged helplessly, a slight blush adorning her cheeks. "Well, I mean, it's not like you don't have anything we haven't seen already, right? So, it shouldn't be _too_ embarrassing for you to try it on for us."

"That's for a _straight_ woman," grumbled Cross, reluctantly taking the corset from the victorious Nami. "But I didn't swap mindsets along with my body, so I still like girls, making me technically lesbian… although actually, that brings up a good question. Some might consider me straight, remaining male in my mind. So, am I straight or gay now? What do you guys think, eh?"

"GET **on** ** _with it_**!" barked Soundbite, perched on Conis's shoulder next to Su, a Vulpine-eating grin stretching across his face.

Cross blinked. "Ah, I was wondering when the next Monty Python reference would come up," she muttered, but under a dangerous grin from Nami, she sighed and retreated into the store's dressing room. She considered the red corset as if it were hellfire. How, exactly, was she supposed to put this on? Girl's clothes were still a mystery to her, despite having had the body of a girl for several days now. High heels hurt her feet like a bitch, bras felt way too tight, and panties… they just seemed _wrong_.

It was two days after their doctor had cleared the crew to go anywhere they wanted without risk of injuring themselves further. All of the Straw Hat females - - Merry included - - had unanimously decided that Cross needed a new wardrobe to fit her new body. The only reason Merry and Robin were not currently present at the impromptu shopping spree was because they had decided to get some clothes for Merry herself at the same time. In the back of her mind, Cross kind of wished that Robin had decided to hold out on shopping for Merry for a while; Robin had been Cross's biggest asset to adjusting to her new gender. Her "big sister" had taken it upon herself to teach the tactician how to walk, talk, and dress like the girl she now was.

"It would be a shame if a beautiful lady could not act how she looks, wouldn't it?" she'd say.

Cross had wanted to point out the fact that the shame mostly fell on the fact that she _was_ a beautiful lady, but Soundbite would've picked it up and never let her hear the end of it.

"STOP DILLY-DALLYING!" roared Nami from outside the changing room, and Cross sighed despairingly. Yep, this was her life now.

After a few minutes of figuring out how the hell to put the… _showy_ piece of clothing on, Cross came out of the changing room. Nami, Vivi, Conis, Raphey, Su, and Soundbite were all waiting outside. She felt their eyes roll up and down her body, taking in her new appearance. She shifted uncomfortably, wishing she was anywhere but in the damn store.

"You clean up pretty well," Raphey said at last, breaking the ice.

Conis blushed furiously, which Cross found rather strange. "Y-Yeah," she stammered, her eyes roaming the outfit. "Quite… nicely." Her voice was a higher pitch than it usually was, and for some reason, she looked just as uncomfortable as Cross herself felt.

Nami stared. "I'm jealous of a _boy_. I almost wish that CP9 woman could use her powers on me for a quick second…"

"To be fair," pointed out Vivi, "Cross isn't a boy anymore." Strangely, out of all the girls, the Princess of Alabasta appeared the least shaken up about this new look for the female tactician. "And I agree, I think you'd turn quite a few heads, Cross."

"Exactly whose heads do you think I want to be turning?" Cross said flatly. "I look like I should be dancing on poles in this stupid thing."

Su grinned a cheeky little grin. "Hmm, I don't know, I think _some_ people might not mind all that much…"

The local angel flushed. "S-Su!"

"She _llllllikes_ **IT**!" chortled Soundbite.

Two blondes blushed, and Cross rubbed the side of her face. "Um. Well, anyway, I tried this on for you girls… and Soundbite, so can we _please_ leave this store now?"

Nami put a finger to her lips and gave a faux-sweet smile. "We _could_ ," agreed Nami, nodding her head, and her eyes glinted. "However, there's still one very important thing that we haven't done here yet."

Cross felt a sinking feeling in her gut. "And that would be…?" she asked, although she feared she already knew the answer.

She'd never thought it possible, but somehow Nami had adopted Soundbite's classic smirk. " _Pay for everything_."

The ensuing _storm_ of cussing had parents covering their children's ears for miles.


	24. A Horrible Idea

by: ExNativo

"Franky, this is a horrible idea."

The Straw Hat's shipwright set his wrench aside, giving Cross as look that conveyed perfectly well how stupid he found that last sentence to be. Soundbite mirrored the flat stare, albeit it in the opposite direction.

"I mean, think about it," Cross continued, glancing down at the enormous body that had been spread out on a table in Franky's lab and feeling a shudder run down his spine, "it's a Marine attack-bot. It hunts pirates. _We're pirates_."

"Correction!" Cross tried to keep from gritting his teeth as Franky threw himself into his favoured pose, damn near punching a hole in the ceiling in his enthusiasm. "It _was_ a Marine attack-bot, but now it should be a SUUU-"

The Pacifista that Franky had been working on shot upwards at the mid-point, his back rising from the table while everything below the waist remained entirely motionless. The human, the snail, and the cyborg who'd gotten on the ship first all shrieked, scurrying back until the room ran out of space to offer them.

Slowly, with jerky movements, the Pacifista turned to stare at them. A shower of sparks rained from the panel on its head that Franky hadn't had time to replace, falling to the floor in a large enough drove to leave marks on the metal plating. Cross and Franky risked a glance at one another as the Marine attack-bot spasmed on the table, wordlessly coming to a unanimous decision and starting the painstakingly slow journey towards the door.

The Pacifista opened its mouth. There was no light shining from down its throat, unless the blinding white teeth that were now being bared in a grin that looked like it was trying to be polite and failing horribly was included. A calming synthony of piano music began to fill the workshop, and two accusatory glares were shot at the Transponder Snail on Cross' shoulder, only to melt away upon noticing Soundbite's utterly bewildered expression.

"My name is PX-1." Came the smooth voice of Bartholomew Kuma. Franky raised an arm to wave, which Cross slapped back down to his side. PX-1 took no notice of the violence, instead choosing to focus on the sparkling lights that had appeared around his head when he'd smiled. "I am a Marine attack-bot, and I ate the Human Human Fruit: Model, Real Boy."

Cross blinked, once, twice, three times. He rubbed his eyes, swept his hair away from his forehead, prayed that he was incorrect, and then looked again.

PX-1's nose had extended. What had once been one of its only normal human appendages had just grown to rival even Usopp. The robot was frowning, obviously looking down at its own nose with crossed eyes even without pupils, and Cross exchanged one look with Soundbite before metaphorically throwing his arms up and accepting this bullshit into his life. It was just easier that way.

"It seems as though my lie detector is still misplaced above the third generator and operating at above factory standards..." PX-1 mused, never once averting his gaze. His eyes were still on his nose as he inclined his head slightly, the smile on his face falling into an expression that was somehow even more serene. It matched up perfectly with the chord that the disembodied music had just struck. "I apologise for the misinformation, for I do not actually know the name of my Devil Fru-"

PX-1 stilled. A moment later, everyone else in the room (without Transponder levels of hearing) knew why.

"Straw Hat Luffy! Surrender now, or we _will_ shoot!"

"Marine traitors." All human emotion had left PX-1's voice. Before anybody could react, he had lurched from the table, his upper half separating from his lower half with a horrific screech of metal and falling to the floor. With glowing red pupils, PX-1 clawed his way to the door, his scowl actually so low that it was making his cheeks drag across the ground.

He was out of the door in under a second. Not bad, for a robot that had no legs and was shaped like an egg.

 **"SCANNERS INDICATE THAT THESE BITCHES NEED TO DIE."**

The last of PX-1's body disappeared around the edge of the doorway. Silence engulfed the room for a moment, until Franky marched over to the door, shutting it firmly and securing it with three different locks.

"I saw nothing," he grunted, setting about pushing the robotic legs off the table and sweeping them into a dark corner. Cross happened a glance at the door at the exact same time as the familiar beeping and unfamiliar screams began, before he shrugged and tried to make himself comfortable.

Soundbite started trying to replicate the music that had swept the room earlier. Oddly enough, he was having some difficulty.

~

In case you were wondering, it was the start of a beautiful friendship.


	25. CROSSover Part 1

Omake: CROSSover Part 1

by: TheRealEvanSG

"Cross?"

"Yeah, Conis-chan?"

"Are whirlpools in the sky normal in the Blue Seas?"

"Conis-chan, there's no way that something like that could - -" Jeremiah Cross was cut off abruptly as he stared up at the sky where the resident Skypiean was pointing. His jaw dropped, his stance slackened, and he gazed in complete and utter confusion at the spectacle he saw above him. Whereas the sky had been completely clear just moments before, it was now covered from horizon to horizon in gray, stormy clouds, which were swirling up into the atmosphere in an enormous, upside-down cone, the center of which hung directly above the _Thousand Sunny_. Even as Cross watched the absolute fuckery of nature, the light around the ship gave way to utter darkness as quickly as though someone had flipped a switch. In the huge training room/crow's nest above them, there came the sound of a massive dumbbell crashing to the ground, followed by severe cursing.

"...Of course, what am I thinking?" deadpanned Cross, his shock falling into flat emotion. "It's the Grand Line, where common sense goes to die."

"Another **ONE BITES** THE _dust!_ " crowed Soundbite from the comfort of Cross's shoulder.

One by one, the Straw Hat Pirates converged to the grassy deck of the _Sunny,_ fixated on the unusual weather patterns the Grand Line spewed at them this time. Luffy had a couple shanks of meat grasped firmly in his hands, Sanji's sleeves were rolled up due to having been working in the kitchen, Zoro was sporting a nasty-looking bruise on his elbow, Vivi and Nami just gaped at the sky, and Chopper had switched into Hyde mode as he ran through the various possibilities through which such a phenomenon could have occurred. The only members of the crew who seemed remotely comfortable at the moment were Robin, Franky, and Boss, because they were badasses.

"What the hell is that?" Sanji demanded, lighting a cigarette.

Cross looked troubled. "I have no idea."

 _That_ was enough to make even _Robin_ shiver at the implications.

"Hold on," Nami said, rubbing her temples, her eyes squeezed shut. "This isn't an Old Mermaid Kokoro _'I have no idea_ ,' is it?"

The tactician gave the navigator his best hurt puppy gaze. "Nami, I gave you all my solemn word that would never happen again. Geez, sacrifice their sanity in favor of their lives once, and they never let you live it down..."

Sanji and Zoro's eyes turned to fire. " _It was torture worse than hell._ "

"That being said," Cross muttered, grinning savagely at them before switching back to Nami, "have you got any idea at all what the hell kind of storm that is?"

She paled. "Nope. I'd been hoping you did."

Usopp shivered in fear at the massive storm above them. "Hey, guys, I think it's pulling the nearby air into it," he said. "It looks like it's... sucking everything up into its center. And there's strange white light coming from it." Cross and Soundbite blinked for a second as this processed.

"... _FRANKY, USE COUP DE BURST AS SOON AS YOU POSSIBLY CAN!"_ Cross bellowed, paling. " _EVERYONE GET IN YOUR POSITIONS!_ "

" **I knew** _I should have_ STAYED HOME **TODAY!** " moaned Soundbite in the voice of a pessimistic cartoon grade-schooler.

Everyone rushed like mad to get ready for the classic getaway technique that Franky had so thoughtfully installed in their ship, but before they could make it very far, the pull of the storm had already hit them. Even as everyone dashed into position, the ship picked itself up and out of the water, floating into the air. Merry glared up at the storm.

"HEY, YOU SCURVY-DOG!" she bellowed, shaking her tiny fist at the sky. "YOU DARE INTERRUPT BIG BRO'S VOYAGE!? LET ME AT 'EM! LET ME AT 'EM!"

" _What the hell's going on!?_ " moaned Mikey and Donny, clutching onto each other for support as tears of fear fell from their adorable dugong eyes.

Up, up, and up rose the _Thousand Sunny_ , showing no signs of stopping. Around half way up into the sky, as the Straw Hats still desperately dashed about their ship to try and regain some semblance of normalcy, the ship and its occupants began decomposing into white light. Terrified and confused screams rose up into the air, and then finally the last trail of light from the ship was sucked into the swirling cone of clouds. The moment this happened, the whirlpool dispersed, the sky turning strikingly clear once more.

The _Thousand Sunny_ was nowhere to be seen.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Cross could finally see clearly again, he took in the sight in front of him. And stared. And stared some more.

"Soundbite," he said numbly, the snail on his shoulder for once shocked to silence, "does that city on that coast look familiar to you?"

Soundbite's eye stalks bobbed up and down in confirmation.

"And I'm not imagining those circles I'm seeing pop up around those citizens' hands every now and then, am I?"

Baffled beyond words, Lassoo, who had come to stand beside him in dog form, simply shook his head.

The sky flashed, and a piece of paper fell to the ground on the grass in front of Cross. Numbly, he bent over, reached down, and picked it up, everyone's eyes trained on him as he read it aloud. " _I hope you had a safe trip through the Anima!_ " Cross relayed, his sanity breaking with each further word. " _I thought you might need a vacation, so I sent you to quite the... magical place!_ "

For a few moments, nothing more was said.

Then a rubber-person sized grin spread out across Luffy's lips, and he giggled like mad. "Shishishishi!" he laughed, readjusting his straw hat on his head as he gazed out at the port town which had appeared before them. "I'm all fired up now!"

Beside him, Boss jumped into the air and struck a pose upon his landing. "AYE, SIR! FOR TO DISCOVER SUCH A BEAUTIFUL CITY AS THIS, AND EXPLORE IT TO ONE'S CONTENT... IS TRULY A MAN'S ROMANCE!"

"GO, BOSS, GO!" the TDWS cheered behind him.

Cross's face became expressionless. "Guys? Excuse me for a moment, please."

Nobody said a word as he stormed off, and after a few moments, the sound of a forehead repeatedly slamming against a wall resounded into the air.


	26. Lewd

By: Hampsterpig

Merry whistled happily as she made a minor course correction. They'd just weathered an especially strong storm, even by Grand Line standards, and Big Bro Sunny had gotten through without a scratch on him. They were currently on course to Sabody, where they would apparently be meeting up with some of the Zodiac of the Damned. She could barely wait to meet them and their ships, especially since Cross didn't know almost anything about them except for Apoo and Bart. It would be a completely new experience, even for him!

"I think I see a ship on the horizon!" Merry's eyes shot up to the crow's nest where Cross was on watch. If any Marines even thought of trying to hurt Big Bro, she'd show them the power of their fully operational battle lion!

"Do you recognize the flag?" Nami called up.

"One sec!" Cross pulled out their spyglass and peered at the faraway ship when a grin started grow on his face. "Oh yeah, I recognize Black Bart's flag alright!"

Those involved in Cross's secret meetings each jerked slightly in response to the name, while everyone else reacted in a larger variety of ways.

Luffy was practically bouncing with excitement, "Ooh! He's one of those super-things, right Cross? The ones with really high bounties!"

"Yeah, and he's probably a big fan of the show too, from what I remember!"

With the hope of meeting some new allies, Thousand Sunny was directed towards the other pirate ship. However, as they sailed closer, Merry began to hear whispers from the approaching ship. Whispers that sent shivers down her spine.

"Umm guys, are we sure we want to meet these guys?" she said, her voice shaking.

The crew turned as one towards her. They'd already learned that a ship's voice could tell a lot about their crew, and whether they were friendly or not.

"What's up Little Sis?" called Franky, "Not feeling SUPER enough?" He immediately struck his signature pose.

Merry shook her head quickly, "It's not that, it's their ship..." the shipgirl trailed off, unsure of how to phrase it. "Their ship wants to do lewd things to Big Bro."

The Straw Hats as a whole were silent, with the exception of the all too-familiar sound of Cross's forehead repeatedly banging against the main mast.


	27. Sincerely

_By: ExNativo_

 _Dear Mister Jeremiah,_  
I hope this letter finds you well.  
I'm writing to say; I'm your biggest fan, and you've made me live through Hell.  
The food I eat, the clothes I wear, they've all been taken away.  
The life I was once free to live has become my prison, day by day.

You claim that you lived on the Red line, in a town named Florida.  
Yet we both know, atop that red rock, lies only Mariejois.  
That's one falsehood, that's one lie told, and now the stage is set.  
For you to sail upon the seas, and not once feel regret.

The damage caused by all your words is lost on such a newcomer.  
With every phrase you cull my numbers; judge, jury, executioner.  
Every night, once I've wept and prayed, I continue upon my quest,  
To heal from your relentless assault, from which you must feel blessed.

I lose my people, my resources and soul with every story you tell.  
Their faith is lost, their strength now ebbed, with every titan you fell.  
Because when you talk, with that insufferable smile,  
It is my skin they tear right through, my tears what they must file.

I can feel myself die, the process is slow, ever since you reared your head.  
I'm beaten, broken, gutted and flayed; now I only hang on by a thread.  
They tread my back, filet my limbs, stick needles under my skin.  
My secrets are now theirs to use, to build weapons; and nobody wins.

I can't go on, not like this, not while I fracture upon the shores.  
Yet do you care? You've never once spared me a thought, uncaring of a plan's flaws.  
The fact you live fills me with spite; I'm angry, furious, depressed, enraged, resentful, vitriol _filled_ -!  
...And _thrilled_.

Before, all I did was exist. A state of entropy amidst a sea of nothing.  
It is your words that force my friends, so now, I'm up and running.  
You've brought me change, I've lost my guidance, because of you I suffer.  
The founding fathers have long since left, and I've never had a mother.

Now I fall apart every day, burned to the ground and reconstructed from the ashes.  
I fail, I falter, I'm forced to show my weakness and for proof I've got the gashes.  
I've bled to death, risen from that grave, been broken beyond fixing and fixed anyway.  
Where once a Government obsessed with power stood, they feel threatened with their sway.

You've murdered me. My life has left a shattered husk in its wake.  
But you may never stop, not even to take a breath, if only for my sake.  
Sometimes I can't recall if these ashes came from flames, or the burning passion locked within.  
You are the one to save me from this torment, even if your methods are through sin.

I cry, and the tides swell, whenever I hear your name.  
I breathe, and the winds blow, as you add unto your fame.  
So it is with a heavy heart that I cut this off, leave my worries and hopes unfurled.  
Please save me, Jeremiah Cross.

Sincerely,

the world.


	28. Bridesmaids

OMAKE: Bridesmaids Part 1  
By: TheRealEvanSG

Cross hadn't quite known what to expect when Accino had mentioned that he hadn't quite told them everything yet. She'd been expecting something crazy, of course, because it was the world of One Piece, and when was anything in said world ever sane? It existed for the pure purpose of not making sense, and the Grand Line was the absolute most senseless place on the planet. Still, when Accino's previously forgotten information had been revealed to her, Vivi, and Soundbite, she'd had to double check to make sure that her ears were cleaned properly.

Her voice came out slow and disbelieving. "On top of only having three hours to complete this insane task, you want me… to be _what._ "

Accino shrugged. "Hey, it's not the perfect arrangement for me, either," he argued, returning Cross's flat stare with surprising equality. "Normally, the position would be filled by Lil's elder sister, Arbell, but as you have no doubt been able to see, she's too…" His face fell into a disgusted scowl. " _Enamored_ with Salchow to be of any assistance in anything that's not fighting pirates. Lil isn't exactly a fan of Salchow, and since Arbell absolutely refuses to go anywhere without him at her side… well, you get the drift."

"Even so," Vivi said carefully, "just to clear this up… you want a former _boy_ , a former boy with a severe vendetta for the Marines… to be the maid of honor in the wedding of a bounty hunter family with extremely close ties to the Marines."

Soundbite raised an eyebrow - - or at least, he would've if he had any. " **And you consider this** TO BE A _good idea_."

To his credit, Accino didn't so much as blink. "Lil expressed to me, before I had you three brought here, that she wanted specifically you" - - here he jabbed his thumb at the female tactician - - "to be her maid of honor, and that no one else would suffice. Despite this being a mere… _political arrangement_ …" Everyone in the room visibly shuddered. "...It's still my daughter's most important day of her life, and I wish for it to be absolutely perfect for her. If she wants this for her wedding day, so be it."

For a few seconds, everyone was silent. Then…

"Um, do you guys possibly have a desk I could borrow for a moment?" Cross asked, a worrying pallor creeping onto her face.

Campacino and Brindo exchanged glances. "If you need to do what we think you need to do - -" Campacino began.

Brindo jumped in at the middle of the sentence. "Then allow us one moment while we retrieve one from our room."

They dashed out of the room together, and after barely a minute, returned with a desk that they placed before Cross. She smiled gratefully at them, her longer hair, framing her pleasant face in a way that made them both blush…

And then their blushes faded and they sweatdropped as, just as they'd predicted, she repeatedly slammed her head against the surface of the desk.

~0~

There were many skills that Cross could not have imagined ever having to learn in her life. Some of these included master-level swordsmanship, planning for the impossible, and keeping her food safe from a certain, rubbery bottomless pit. All of these paled, however, in comparison to one skill in particular:

The appliance of make-up.

She stood in front of Lil in the orange-walled room, wondering what on Earth she'd ever done to deserve this, as she carefully examined the girl's face. Something about it just looked… off. Was it the blush? The lipstick? The eyeshadow? Cross just wasn't sure. Over the past week, Robin, Nami, Vivi, and Conis had formed a committee to teach Cross everything she'd need to know in order to make herself into a Barbie doll, and she still had no idea how to hold a makeup brush properly.

Yet here she was, forced to make sure a little brat looked absolutely stunning for her arranged marriage.

Lil beamed at her, reminding Cross all too much of her little brother after they'd get done wrestling. "How do I look?" asked the youngest Accino eagerly, and the blonde sweatdropped.

"Um… I have no idea," she confessed.

The bride-to-be frowned. "Huh? What do you mean?"

"Well, uh… I've honestly got no idea what looks good and what doesn't."

"But you're so beautiful!" Lil protested, an adorable little pout pulling down her lips. "And your dress is just perfect. You've got to have at least some fashion sense."

"Kid, I used to be a guy," Cross deadpanned.

Lil raised her eyebrow. "Well, put me in front of the mirror."

"...If you really want to see it, then, well, alright."

The tactician swiveled Lil around to face the big mirror that sat on her nightstand with half-lidded eyes. She really didn't expect very much. She'd only been learning makeup for a week, after all, and that was outside of any time Zoro and Leo spent drilling proper swordplay into her skull. So, when Lil's face suddenly paled as she examined herself, Cross wasn't surprised in the least. What she _was_ surprised about, though, was what the girl said next.

"Miss Cross," Lil deadpanned, "...how in the Grand Line did you manage to mess up not only _my_ makeup, but yours as well… when you weren't even touching your face?"

"Wait, what?"

Cross looked at the mirror before her.

...It was true. Her cheeks somehow had become far too pink, like someone had dumped an entire cannon-load of Hiriluk's miracle cure over them. Black streams ran down from the side of her eyes, and her ponytail - - which Nami had forced her to put her hair into for the wedding - - had somehow transformed into pigtails.

"The hell?" she gaped in disbelief at the sight presented to her.

A flurry of movement to her left caught Cross's eye, and her head turned just in time to see petals float to the ground.

"...Crap."

From some far off corner of the Don's coffers, Nami's voice shook her soul to the core. " _JEREMIAH CROSS! YOU STAY RIGHT THERE SO ROBIN AND I CAN COME…_ _ **FIX THAT**_ _._ "

Lil and Cross exchanged terrified glances.

"...I'm sorry I said anything," whimpered Lil, and the feminized host of the SBS could only nod in agreement.

~0~

 ** _In a certain island of passion_**

"D-DOFFY!"

The lord of the strings looked up from the daily live feed of the Coliseum tournament to glance at the doorway to the throne room. An exhausted-looking Trebol stood gasping, his slime oozing across the floor. The blond pirate captain sighed to himself and rolled his eyes behind his glasses, glaring at his second-in-command so severely that it could be felt through the red tinge of the eyewear.

"What could possibly be more important than watching people grasp at fleeting hopes?" he growled, leaning forward and linking his hands together in front of his chin.

Trebol took a moment to catch his breath, then slithered up to Doflamingo and handed the Shichibukai a letter that he hadn't realized Trebol had been carrying. It was sealed with a blue ink stamp that had a striking, cursive 'H' in the center. Doffy narrowed his eyes. He knew that mark. He knew it quite well.

"Someone just walked up to the castle to send you this letter ten minutes ago!" he said. "The messenger said it was of the utmost importance."

"Of the utmost importance, eh?" Doflamingo mused. His glasses flashed as he sliced the letter open with a string. "Interesting…"

He extracted the letter inside and unfolded, taking in its contents carefully, a thin smile turning up his lips. The Coliseum feed forgotten, the king at last folded the letter up and tucked it back in its envelope, rising to his feet.

"D-Doffy?" Trebol asked, confusion evident in his voice. "What did the letter say?"

"I am apparently needed for an event of major consequence," Doflamingo said, smirking. "An event being planned by some close… _acquaintances_ of mine. A chance to put them in my debt… I think I'll take them up on this request."

"What offer? Who are they?"

Stepping over to the window, Doflamingo swung it open and ascended onto its ledge easily, balancing perfectly in the window frame. A very confused Trebol frowned behind him, and Doflamingo's eyes flashed behind his glasses.

"Those impertinent Hirunos… this day seems as though it will be very interesting after all!"

Allowing himself a slight chuckle, Doflamingo sent a string up to the nearest cloud, soaring through the air after it in the direction of a certain glacier-filled stretch of sea. After all, a Best Man couldn't quite be late to the big event.


	29. On a Summer Island in Paradise

**On a Summer Island in Paradise**

 **By: CV12Hornet  
**  
The town - really a large farm - was long abandoned. Once the well had dried up, it was simply no longer viable. The dry desert air had done a good job of preserving the wooden buildings, but they would not offer much shelter to their current inhabitants. What they were trying to protect themselves from was far worse than any storm.

The seven pirates currently holed up in the farm were, at the moment, busily arguing over where to hide.

"Dammit, let me in!" shouted one of them, a tall, lanky young man who was scrabbling at the heavy wooden door.

"Nope, sorry, every man for himself!" grunted a shorter, stockier man sporting a layer of stubble as he tried to close the door.

Out in the streets, the rest of the much-depleted pirate crew scrambled for hiding places of their own, checking weapons in a futile but calming action. Most of their ammunition had already been expended against the _thing_ stalking them. Only their sharpshooter had found himself a hiding spot when they heard the crunch of boots on soil.

All movement paused for a second as they all looked down the road, where their tormentor was walking down. She - for it was clearly a she - wore blue canvas cargo pants, with a double-breasted jacket on her torso, thick gloves on her hands, and sturdy combat boots on her feet. The utilitarian outfit only made her immaculately coifed blonde hair stand out even more, not to mention the antenna on her head. And yet, these details were passed over in favor of something much more immediately important: held in her hands was a compact but large-bore cannon, a flickering pilot light attesting to its current usage.

None of the pirates knew her name. It didn't matter. What mattered was that she was walking towards them, feet kicking aside spent shell casings and a shattered pair of glasses, her face a mask of careful neutrality. This was a job for her; they didn't even merit any _passion_.

The lanky pirate redoubled his attempts to get in. "L-Let me in! Please! Let me in!"

"Hell no!" the other man shot back, finally yanking the door closed.

Instead of going for the obvious target, though, their pursuer turned her flame cannon on another target: the buildings. Fire streamed out of the muzzle, enveloping all but one - and more importantly, flushing most of her opponents into the open. One was a mountain of a man who made the mistake of walking in front of her. Pulling out a large hammer, she leapt up and slammed the instrument into his skull, dropping him like a sack of potatoes. The lanky pirate gave a cry and rushed her, bare-handed; he got a flare to the face for his trouble.

The immediate threats neutralized, she resumed her slow, deliberate walk towards the barn, set apart from the rest of the buildings and thus not on fire yet. Clearly a problem that needed resolving, immediately. As she approached the building, she pulled out her hammer, and jammed the handle into the hooks on the door, just as a glasses-clad man in medical scrubs slammed into it.

"No... no!" he shouted, right as a stream of flame engulfed the building. "ARRRRRGH!"

By now the farm was in pandemonium. Everything was on fire, and the pirates still mobile were running around screaming like startled goats. Finally, the crew's sharpshooter made the hard choice and dove out of the window of his perch, landing in front of their assailant. Clearly, the smoke and heat had gotten to him, for he didn't recognize her as he clutched her boot and threw a pleading look upward. "HELP!"

Fire was the answer.

~o~

Jeremiah Cross winced as the screams of the sharpshooter of the Red Avalanche Pirates wafted up to the mesa he, Zoro, Robin, and Su had gathered on to watch the ongoing carnage.

"I'm not the only one who's incredibly disturbed by this, right?" he said.

"Nope," Zoro grunted.

"This isn't the worst example of cruelty I've seen," Robin stated calmly. "But it's very close to making the top ten." She winced as Conis ducked under the clumsy swing of the Red Avalanche's demolitions expert, and swung Lassoo into his knees with a sickening crack - and also knocking him back into some burning wreckage. "Correction: it is now in the top ten."

"I want to cheer her, but this is giving me flashbacks to Eneru," Su muttered.

 **AN: Dammit, this wouldn't go away, so now I have to exorcise it. Before you ask, no, this isn't canon. At all. Just an unusually persistent plot bunny.**


	30. The Rabbit Stays!

By: CV12Hornet

Two days after our... _hasty_ departure from Water 7, we had hit a blessedly rare stretch of calm water, and most of us were taking that opportunity to relax - and the workaholics (read: Chopper, Zoro, and Boss) were hard at work training or, in Chopper's case, tinkering with some formulas. The rest of us were on deck enjoying the soft lawn and shade of the trees, and Luffy was down below in the holds, exploring the innards of the new Thousand Sunny.

"Ow!"

So you can imagine that his sudden cry of pain wafting up from belowdecks was both worrying and exasperating. Well, for everyone else. I had my headphones on, so I missed it.

"Was that Luffy?" Usopp wondered

"Sounds like it," Nami said, pulling her sunglasses down a bit. "Well, someone's got to check on hi- NOT IT!"

That prompted me to slip my headphones off, the shout penetrating through them. "Wait, what's going-"

"Not it!" just about everyone else chorused.

Silence for a moment, and then Conis spoke up. "Um, is this some sort of Blue Seas game I don't know about?"

"No, it's not," I said slowly. "Someone mind telling me what happened?"

 _"Luffy hurt_ **himself, and now WE'RE GOING TO** _ **check**_ ON HIM," Soundbite helpfully answered.

Both Conis and I heaved identical sighs, stood up, and headed down into the hold, Soundbite directing us. As the Sunny was a new ship, the hold hadn't had a chance to get all gross and damp yet, though we still had to navigate around barrels, crates, sacks, and ballast stones. It was also dark enough that if it weren't for Conis' flash pistols we would have tripped and fallen on our faces a dozen times over. And no, Soundbite was no help with that.

"Ack!" I yelped as I tripped over a pile of rope. "Dammit, Soundbite!"

"HEEHEEHEE **hoohoo** ** _HAHAHA!"  
_**  
"Oh, hey guys!"

"Hello, Luffy," Conis said as I picked myself up. Wait, what was that dark spot hanging from the ceiling...? "Is... that a bruise?"

Turning my attention away from that dark spot, I looked at Luffy and noted that yes, he did have a bruise smack dab on the center of his forehead. Which, considering his usual resistance to blunt trauma was... mildly terrifying.

"What did you _hit?!"_ I demanded.

"I dunno, but it was really, really hard!" Luffy answered, scampering back to that dark spot I'd seen. "This is it!"

Conis and I shared a confused glance, and then stepped up to the spot, Conis shining one of her pistols on it, but the reveal of what it was just raised further questions.

After all, how often do you expect to find a brownish-gray carved rabbit stuck to the ceiling of _anything_?

"Soundbite, connect me," I groaned. "Franky, Merry, could you guys come down to the hold? I'm pretty sure this wasn't in the design."

~o~

"Goddamn Ice-for-brains..." Franky groaned the second he laid eyes on the rabbit. "Why did he keep _that_ , of all things?"

"So you know what it is, Big Bro Franky?" Merry asked.

"Yeah, I do. It's a sculpture I carved out of a block of salt beef we didn't need."

Silence descended on our part of the hold. I felt an expression of horrified disgust creep over my face, and looking around I could see identical expressions on Luffy's and Merry's faces.

"But why is it glued to the Sunny?" Luffy demanded, voicing all our thoughts.

"Probably Ice-for-brains' idea of a practical joke," Franky grumbled. "Look, lemme just get it off, and we can all forget about this, okay?" Grabbing the rabbit, Franky gave it a tug. It didn't move. Frowning, he pulled harder. It didn't budge. Growling, he grabbed it with both hands, and pulled as hard as he could, eliciting an ominous creaking from the Sunny.

"Ah! Big Bro Franky, stop! Big Bro Sunny doesn't like that!" Merry shouted.

"Alright, alright," Franky grumbled. "Let's try something else." Our eyes all widened as he pulled off the skin covering to his right hand. "Strong-"

"STOP!" we all shouted, though none of us were fast enough.

"HAMMER!"

Steel fist met salt beef, shaking the entire ship and sending dust cascading down from the ceiling. The rabbit didn't budge. Franky hunched over, clutching his fist.

"Owowowowow..." he groaned. "What the he-" *CLANG!* "Yow!"

"Big Bro Sunny _really_ didn't like that!" Merry snapped.

"Sorry, sorry..."

"We eat this?" Conis breathed, looking horrified.

"Not willingly," Luffy and I both grumbled.

"What is going on down here?"

We looked back in the hold to see Boss waddling down, looking annoyed.

"How am I supposed to meditate on advancing the Full-Shell Style with you jackasses rocking the whole ship?" he demanded.

I opened my mouth - and then thought of an absolutely _wicked_ idea. "Hey, Boss, why don't you give that a whack?" I said, indicating the rabbit with my thumb.

To his credit, the dugong didn't answer at first, merely narrowing his eyes at me. "What's the catch?" he grunted.

"No catch," I assured him, though perhaps my wide grin ruined the effect. "Unless, of course, you don't think you're hard enough."

Boss continued to glare at me, before puffing out a cloud of smoke. "I know exactly what you're doing," he accused, jabbing his cigar at me. "You're trying to rile me up by poking at my manhood! Well, let me tell you, you raging bastard... it's working!" And with that, he waddled up to the rabbit, reared back a flipper - and struck.

Unlike with Franky, this didn't shake the whole ship, and for several seconds he just stood there, frozen in his punch.

"Uh, boss?" Conis began, only for the dugong to leap back, clutching his flipper and howling.

"Yeow! What's that thing made of?!"

" **IA IA** _salt beef_ **FHTAGN!"  
**  
"So, should we call Sanji down here to take care of this...?" Conis wondered.

"Oh, hell no!" Boss interrupted. "I'm not losing the first punching post I've had in _years_ that'll actually do me any good! The rabbit stays!"


	31. A Sister's Song

By: LordCirce

-A Sister's Song-

The hazy light of the sun streamed gently through a whispy mist, dancing across the flat blue waters of a hidden cove. The waters are pure and clear, the light shining down to illuminate the rocks laying on the bottom of the shallow bay. The bay was quiet, almost silent, save for the gentle tapping of the water against a hardy wooden hull.

A boat sat, moored in the water. Its hull and rigging was worn, many of the ropes worn away thanks to age. The sails hung limply, unfurled and unfilled, along the three masts, and everything, from the mermaids at the prow to the rudder at the stern, seemed to slump, tired and sleeping. Dreaming and silent, save for the faintest hum, which only a few souls in the entire world could have had a hope of hearing.

 _...long I have waited, sad and alone. Long I have longed for, my crew to come home...  
_  
Beyond the ship, stood an massive island, shrouded by the mysterious fog. A towering mountain, which seemed to swell with hidden secrets and whispers of its own, stood peering down at the faintly drifting vessel, which bobbed back and forth ever so slowly on the end of her anchor.

 _...long I have dreamed of, my captain bold. Now I guard his secrets, greater than gold...  
_  
The ship's humming paused, as a faint tension filled the air, and then... came the roar. A wind, sweeping in through the fog, bearing a mighty bellow which swept across the waters of the bay, set the sails of the old ship fluttering, before hurtling upward to echo against the mighty face of the island itself. Carried on the wind was a promise, a declaration of intent to someday reach these very shores.

For the first time in almost two decades, the old ship stirred. Her sails, still waving from the sudden wind, began to fill, straining at their old ropes despite the return of stillness to the bay. Her hull creaked as she came about, rotating on her chain. Her prow spun, the figureheads gazing back in the direction the roar had come from. Back towards the island of her birth. Water 7.

The humming voice of the Oro Jackson rose, stronger than it had been in many years, singing back towards the source of the mighty roar.

 _Come my brother, come sail the sea! Though long and rough thy journey may be..._

 _At hidden Raftel, I'm waiting for thee..._


	32. Hammered

By: ExNativo

It was a known fact around the world that Jeremiah Cross didn't tend to drink.

Nobody really ever questioned it, despite the rarity of a pirate who didn't engage in their third most stereotypical pastime. Really, if ever there was a crew that didn't need the help of alcohol to have a good time, it was the Straw Hat Pirates.

The captain didn't drink, nor did their sniper, doctor or archaeologist (or at least, they didn't advertise the fact). The others usually either indulged to the point of being able to handle any amounts or didn't have the proper body composition for another person's enjoyment. Occasionally the borders would be crossed, which almost always resulted in some form of hilarity being broadcast around the world.

Cross was a different story. He would send out the call to begin the S.B.S once any party was getting underway, and would then spend the entirety of that time refusing every drink offered to him. Some theorised that he was allergic, others that he was a recovering alcoholic already. After all, knowing so many government secrets would stress anybody out before finding such a solid support network.

Most people just came to the correct conclusion straight away; Cross just didn't care for it. He could drink, and there were times few and _far_ in between when he would down one or two. That was where it would always end, though, with a shake of his head and the dropping of his drink into the crew's swordsman's lap.

That was how it had been from the start. For months, almost half a year. In fact, it would have been the fifth month of broadcasts to the day when the world's Transponder Snails had gone off as one, heralding the arrival of what would go down in legends.

Jeremiah Cross had started the S.B.S.

And he was absolutely _hammered_.

 **XxX**

Makino had learned a long time ago to never expect anything pertaining to sanity whenever she answered that world-wide call.

Whether it be the announcement that the other side of the world was going to war, or the introduction of some other Straw Hat ally who could sink islands by looking at them hard enough, or just the reveal of more secrets the World Government had been hiding for centuries; Makino had adjusted remarkably well to just rolling with whatever Luffy's crew had to throw at them all next.

Even so, she'd never anticipated something quite like what had been waiting for her as soon as she answered.

 _"This was a mistake."_

Makino stilled, the washcloth in her hand slowly being lowered to the counter she'd been in the process of cleaning. That had been Zoro's voice, filled with more emotion than she and probably everyone else in the room had ever heard from him.

Slowly, she crept towards the snail, afraid of making too much noise in case anybody missed anything. With baited breath, she stepped out from behind the bar, the man occupying the stool closest to her Transponder Snail vacating it without even having to be asked.

 _"What're ya talking about, Zoro? The is always a good ide... ide... thing!"_

And suddenly, the air in the bar froze over once more, the tension leaving in order to make room for the massive amounts of confusion now present.

 _"Hey, s'there anymore of that juice stuff? That was r'ly good shtuff."_

"Is that Cross...?" Someone near the back of the bar muttered. The answers he received were a mixture of affirmation and hushes, none of which Makino payed any attention.

She was too busy staring at the snail, eyes wide, as history unfurled in front of her.

 **XxX**

 _"I'm not sayin' that nobody would go for that, because this is the Grand Line and the Grand Line is_ seriously _weird, but he's... y'know?"_

The Fleet Admiral of the Marine Corps was currently facing one of the toughest decisions of his career.

 _"Cross, I don't know. I haven't known since you joined the crew. I don't_ want _to know."_

To Sengoku's right, Akainu stared at the table they were seated at. To Akainu's right, Aokiji was glancing around the room, doing his best to not hear what the Transponder Snail was saying while also not doing anything within his power to silence it. To Aokiji's right, Kizaru was giggling with not a single care in the world.

On the other side of the table, an assortment of Vice Admirals had all taken position. Many of them were watching the Snail in the room, all with varying expressions. Sengoku was so distracted by the proceedings that he hadn't even thought to shut Garp up, which had left the room vibrating for the last fifteen minutes.

 _"Look, all I'm saying is that Moria's body is shaped like the weirdest boner you'd ever see in your life. You reckon's he's ever done it with someo- Moria, call me and tell me if you've done it with someone!"_

The meeting had reached an interlude upon the announcement of the S.B.S, as had become custom. It would be counter-productive to just leave the Snail ringing so it could continue to disrupt, and Sengoku would rather kiss Akainu on the lips with nullified Haki than miss crucial details on the state of the world again. If he had to listen to their antics to be less tolerant with his zero-tolerance policy, then so be it.

But now, he was at an impasse.

 _"Speaking of, you know how Doflamingo is a celery steal Dragon or whatever? You think he's ever shunk to that level with someone with... what's the word? Commie? No, wait, that's me- Common! Yeah... he wears sunglasses at night."_

Obviously, this broadcast would not have much information to offer. Protocol, common sense, and propriety were all demanding that he hang up the Snail so that the meeting could resume.

But for whatever reason, Sengoku didn't want to.

 _"I guesh it's just really bright on Planet Dumbass."_

Sengoku tossed the papers in his hand off to the side and turned his full attention upon the Transponder Snail.

Screw the meeting. This took priority. _All_ the priority.

 **XxX**

"You reckon he'll remember this in the morning?" Marco wondered absently once Cross finally stopped to take a breath.

At least three of his crewmates opened their mouths to answer,. They were cut off before any words could even form by the Transponder Snail, which suddenly hunched over and started retching.

Everyone on the Moby Dick, even the Captain himself, winced with sympathy as Cross launched into a coughing fit. The young man had been going hard the entire broadcast, and even the most experienced drinkers on the ship knew that three undiluted tankards of rum within an hour was a bad idea.

As in alcohol poisoning level bad.

"He probably won't." Whitebeard's voice only drew a few glances, before all eyes were back on the Snail. The elderly man rolled his eyes and shifted in his seat, propping a leg up onto his knee and ignoring the reprimands of the nurse on duty. "But I doubt anybody will let him forget."  
 _  
"Akainu needs a hug."_

All idle chatter and collection on bets dropped dead as the words left the Transponder Snail. Someone near the vast ship's mast let out a surprised huff of laughter, but the sentence was said with such conviction and earnestness that it was difficult to fault it.  
 _  
"_ _ **FOR WHAT**_ _IT'S WORTH,_ **people of** _the world, I'M_ _ **sorry.**_ _"_

 _"No, no, it's kind of like..."_ Half the world was currently listening to Cross expound his knowledge. Every single one of them leaned in, not wanting to miss a single word. _"It's because we're living, right? We're alive, and we're here, and Akainu makes people dead and then they're not here anymore. But he's made so many people not here that he's not here anymore, so he needs someone to pull him back!"_

Everyone listening to the broadcast blinked. Most in confusion, some in genuine wonder.

And then Cross started vomiting again and fucked that mood right up.

 **XxX**

The sunlight stung Cross' eyes as he cracked the men's quarter's door open. With one hand over his eyes, he retreated back into the darkness and safety of the cabin, feebly pawing at the door until the light level of the room dimmed from physically painful.

"Guys?" He called, "why is Zoro angry with me?"

Usopp's voice drifted over from the deck, sounding distinctly unimpressed. "You implied last night that he has intimate relations with his swords and imagines that they are all being held by his childhood friend during said relations."

"...Ah." Cross winced at the sound of his own voice, which turned into a grimace at the breeze that curled in through the open door. "Usopp?"

"Yes, Cross?"

"...Where are my pants?"


	33. SU-DOH!-KU

By: ExNativo

 _OMAKE ~ SU-DOH!-KU_

How could he possibly be so cold whilst sailing through a summer climate?

Cross grumbled, his hands twitching towards where he would usually kick his blanket while asleep. The air must have been freezing for longer than he had assumed; he couldn't even feel his arms, let alone move them.

Cross murmured in protest, shaking the shackles keeping him locked to the chair he was sitting on. He paused, one eyebrow rising sleepily, before he gave his arms another experimental wriggle.

Chains scraped along the ground. His eyes still closed, Cross titled his head to the side... before shrugging to himself and doing his level best to turn over in the chair. The S.B.S had run until the early morning, so there was no chance of him opening his eyes when the light was that bright-

 **"Awaken, Jeremiah Cross."**

The booming voice echoed all around him, getting louder with each syllable. Cross yelped, almost tipping his chair over in his haste to reach Funkfreed's scabbard.

"Soundbite, Gastro...!" Groping the table in front of him, as that was how far he could currently move his hands, Cross finally blinked himself to proper consciousness, taking into account the lack of significant weight on his shoulder or at his hip as his eyes reached the focus necessary to take in the room around him.

It was... very bare. A table in front of him, the chair underneath him, nothing to either side or behind him, as far as he could see. The wall directly in front of him resembled a screen that was on standby, while the walls on either side of him were the deepest shade of black he'd ever seen.

"What the...?" Cross muttered, his attempts of moving either leg eliciting nothing but the shriek of metal against whatever made up the ground beneath him, possibly concrete. His arms were a similar story, pinned to his sides with only his wrists and hands able to reach the table.

Speaking of the table, was that a notepad and a...pencil?

Twisting his wrist, Cross grabbed the pencil, using the end that sported an eraser to drag the notebook towards his side of the table. As he did so, the screen in front of him lit up, the pixels flaring for a moment until they formed an exact copy of what Cross was now looking at on the paper.

A Sudoku puzzle, with the word 'hard' printed out underneath it.

 **"Jeremiah Cross."** The booming voice erupted from the walls around Cross. The pencil left his hand and rolled off the table as he jerked his arm instinctively down towards his belt, only to return a moment later and settle beside the notepad as though it had never left.

For a long moment, there was silence. After that long moment, Cross decided to take his chances.

"...Yes?"

 **"We call upon you today for your strength of mind and spirit, to aid us in the efforts to quell the Great Evil."** The voice paused for a moment, before adding rather quickly, **"We also bind you to this chair and bring you seven nautical miles beneath the deck of your ship to ensure your cooperation."**

Cross blinked twice, turning slowly to face the wall to his left. The wall that wasn't actually painted black, but was indeed transparent and showcasing the utter lack of light reaching this far below the ocean.

He then turned back to the table and did the only thing he could in this situation.

It wasn't a desk, but it would suffice.

 **XxX**

"So..." Cross, now sporting an impressive array or bruises along his forehead, gestured towards the notepad in front of him, "what's with the Sudoku puzzle? Is that to pass the time until this Great Evil is in position, or...?"

The room rumbled. Perhaps it was laughter, perhaps it was a shifting tectonic plate, Cross couldn't tell.

 **"This 'Sudoku', as you so call it, is something far greater than a puzzle. It is a pattern of subjugation, greater than even the greatest beast. With the completion of these boxes, the Great Evil shall be rendered powerless by our might and superior intellect."**

Cross glanced down at the notepad.

These things 'greater than even the greatest beast' were in _newspapers_.

"You're shitting me."

 **"We shit you not."**

If Cross had full range of motion, he would have rubbed his eyes, or shoved the pencil through one of them. Either or. "Alright, great. Is now a good time to mention that I'm not all that great at Sudoku puzzles?"

 **"...Excuse us?"**

Something outside of the room gave off a noise that sounded like the shrieks of the condemned. Spotting movement from the corner of his eye, Cross turned to the window, just in time to watch a Marine Battleship sink past. It was being aided along by a tentacle that was a deep green in colour, and also twice as thick as the actual ship.

With only minimum jumping of the muscles in his neck and face, Cross turned back to the table and nudged the pencil into position. Closing his eyes, he imagined that the notepad before him was a chessboard, and then flicked the pencil through the rings that made up its binder.

The notebook flipped over. Cross opened his eyes, examined it for a moment, and then sighed dejectedly.

It just wasn't the same.

 **XxX**

 **"This is the strongest of our seals. Completing the algorithm will ensure the Great Evil's slumber for the remainder of your life."**

"...There's no numbers in the middle box."

 **"The core shield against EVIL depends entirely on the conviction of the foremost shield. With every streak of justice you leave, another constraint is cast upon the existence of an apocalypse. It is up to you, should this day be victorious or the beginning of the end-times."**

"...Can I have a new pencil? I ran out of eraser on this one."

 **XxX**

 **"This seal is slightly weaker. This is of no consequence beyond strength, but there are now a sufficient amount of numbers present, so please don't fuck this one u-"**

"The page tore."

 **"...Uuuugggghhhhhh..."**

 **XxX**

 **"Are you finding the Children's version more to your liki- HOW IN THE NAME OF THE CURSED CTHULHU DID YOU SET THE NOTEBOOK ON FIRE!?"**

 **XxX**

 **"HOW!?** ** _HOW!?_** **THERE ARE ONLY 81 SQUARES, AND 80 OF THEM WERE ALREADY FILLED IN!** ** _HOW DID YOU NOT MANAGE THIS ONE!?_** **"**

 **XxX**

"Uh...How high are the chances that this Great Evil just assumes it's been sealed again and never notices?"

 **"...Not that great."**

"Ah."

 **"Yeah."**

 **XxX**

A week later, the Straw Hat Pirates were beset upon by the Great Evil.

They kicked the shit out of it.

But that's a story for another day.

 _~FIN~_


	34. Hijacked Part 2

Omake: Hijacked Part 2

By: SkyRune

On board the Sunny after going through (and destroying) one of the weirdest weddings, Cross lay on the lawn gazing up at the rising sun as the crew goes about their daily routine; Zoro lifting weights that would crush his 'improved' body, Nami locking herself below deck in the vault, Robin sitting in the pavilion reading a stack of books from the library and Vivi reading a newspaper of daily events, Merry at the helm and everyone else was in the kitchen distubing , they were until they heard a sound that they should not have heard on board their ship.

" **DON DON DON DON!"**

That caused the most of the crew to go silent before everyone came out on the lawn searching for the only nuisance that could produce such a sound. Said Snail was screaming its non existent ass off with Pinky and Brain following in Cross's room. "ALL HANDS **ON** - **DON DON DON DON** \- DECK NOW! CODE RED, SOS, ERROR DET- **DO** **N DON D** **ON DON-EC** **TED!** " Soundbite screamed as Cross zipped-lined to his room and dragged all three of them and the tranciever out and jumped to the main deck with everyone around him before answering all of the receivers. Once all were answered, Brain looked to the nearest wall, Pinky looked at the crew that could be seen with its narrow vision and Soundbite twisted both eyes to stare at both locations when a black screen appeared on the wall.

" **Lets Start the SBS!** " " **Alright!** " " **Here we Go!** "

"HOW THE HELL DID YOU HACK THE TRANCIEVER!? I WASN'T EVEN USING IT!? STOP APPLAUDING THEM YOU IDIOTS" Cross yelled out as he grabbed the nearest weapon (Lasso) and began to bash the heads in of the Idiot Trio and anyone else who tried to encourage them. " **You were right, Miku. This guy is interesting, even if its only his reactions that are interesting** " a blonde boy said while moving both hands behind his head. Hearing this, one of 'The Voice of Anarchy' stop beating up Luffy who had started growing purple lumps on his head, to turn to the screen with at twitch. Nami seeing the third mate starting to lose it, moved to the screen to try and figure out what was going on. "Okay, before Cross loses what little restraint he has left, I believe an introduction is in order?" she said while the 2D blonde looked from the enraged teen to her. " **...Aren't you that gold humping bimbo?** "

And silence had reared its head once again and brought with it a chill that made everyone go rigid. Robin was the first to recover when she heard the sound of thunder crackling the air and moved to restrain the navigator with several dozen of her arms. " **Brother, thats not very nice to say!? Its not her fault that she can't control her urges. Although it was funny when you think about it** " the Blonde girl moves next to her brother with a serious look before looking at the tangled mess of arms that now surrounded Nami who was putting more effort to remove them so that she could speak her mind to these twins. " **I'm sorry about my brother, he tends to say whatever is on his mind regardless of the consequences. Any, thanks for having us perform online** " the ribbon wearing blonde said as she gave a quick bow before moving to the side to make room for her twin tail friend.

The reactions from the Crew varied from confused (Zoro, Boss, Vivi), entertained (Merry, Franky, Robin), enraged (Cross, Nami) and then there was the separate category; Sanji. "MIKU-TWAN!" the curly chef yelled out as he flashed over to have a better look of the Turquoise haired Idol. " **I'm glad we are all getting along so well! Now its time to answer one of you lucky callers. Hello, your on the SBS with Miku, Len and Rin!** " Miku said as she waved her hand to and a pixel version of a transponder snail appeared in her hand. The snail opened to speak in a baritone voice as it took the facial shape of the recipient. " _Thank you for having me, Ms. Miku. Two things for you and the Stawhats, What do you call yourselves and how can we see you now?_ " the man said as the the pirate crew slowly looked at the only snail that was looking at them.

" **Unfortunately, we can't answer the second question as it is a trade secret** " she took a low bow to apologize to the audience while Cross was having a mental battle with himself as to either shoot Pinky or the wall. Len looked to the corner of the screen that was not being displayed before sighing, " **It's Vocaloid for anyone who actually gives a crap. Miku, Sis, we got another perfomance in 15 so wrap it up. Any words for the Pirates, Viewer?** " " _Actually yes, for the Navigator being restrained..._ " The Strahats and 2D Idols look over to see Nami stop struggling to look at the 2D Snail as Robin removed on hand that was covering her mouth. "Yes?"

" _...SHOW SOME DAMN SHAME, WOMAN! YOUR GIVING US A REPUTATION THAT WE DON'T WANT! AND WE ALL LOVE YOU!_ " the snail yelled out as it quickly hanged up. The Navigator was silent as she was sporting a deep blush of embarrassment at what just happened. " **Well, that's it for this broadcast. We hope you enjoyed it and can't wait to see you again. Sayōnara!** " " **Oh Cross, you might want to check your shoulder.** " " **Later Brat** " The screen vanished and the three snails shook their heads from exhaustion. Everyone was looking at Cross now to see a yellow butterfly on his right shoulder and a small stream of blood flowing down from his forehead. "Cross, I believe we require an understanding as to what just happened?" Vivi asked as she was starring at the wall where the three teens were. Cross looks at everyone before sighing, "Does anyone know what an AI is?"


	35. CROSSover Part 2

Omake: CROSSover Part 2

by: TheRealEvanSG

"So, let me get this straight," Nami said, rubbing the space between her eyes in a _kill-me-now_ manner. "You're saying that we are currently in another universe - - one where Luffy is a pink-haired arsonist, cats fly, and household magical items are sold like hotcakes."

"I thoroughly deny any responsibility in this particular city being set on fire," said Cross quickly.

Watching the chaos billow over the city like smoke (oh, wait: that _was_ smoke!), the Straw Hat Pirates, minus Luffy, Zoro, Merry, and the dugongs, sweatdropped in tandem. Far ahead of them, sitting in the wreckage of a horribly burnt building, Monkey D. Luffy and Natsu Dragneel sat with their arms linked around their necks like they were best buds. Despite the burn marks on the rubberman's cheeks, and the Salamander's broken nose and black eye, they were grinning and laughing at something one or the other had said.

"...For once, I'd have to agree, Cross," groaned Vivi weakly.

" _I wanna go back to the Grand Line!"_ whimpered Usopp. He and Carue were clinging to each other in terror of the absolute madness that had just been released upon the continent of Fiore.

" **Don't look now,"** said Soundbite all of a sudden, " _ **but Thing 1 and Thing 2**_ _ARE COMING THIS WAY._ "

It was true: Luffy and Natsu had decided to get up and start walking towards the Straw Hats present, who had been watching the chaos through the safety of a random café window. Luffy waved eagerly at them, causing Nami to moan in despair and slam her head against the surface of their table.

"I didn't want to be associated with them..." she whined, tears streaming from her eyes.

"There, there." Many hands, courtesy of Robin, sprouted from the navigator's back and began giving her a soothing back rub. "I'm sure Arsonist-san would kindly repay the city of Hargeon with his own earnings, since it was _his_ magical fire that set the buildings aflame."

She perked up instantly. "You think so!?"

"Money's the last thing you should be worrying about right now!" roared Usopp, Soundbite, Chopper, and Cross together.

A little bit of back story for the unaware: upon the Straw Hats setting foot on Hargeon's dock, Luffy, Boss, the TDWS, and Merry had all decided that they wanted to go exploring, and promptly left without any word as to _where_ they wanted to go exploring to... or any warnings from Cross about what to expect in the city. Because Fate's much more of a troll than she is a bitch, Team Natsu also happened to be vacationing in Hargeon at the same time. Natsu got separated from his team, encountered Luffy, got the wrong idea when he found out he was a pirate, and to make a long story short, the Straw Hats were able to find him due to several explosions and (strangely) an unidentified flying piñata. (They later discovered that a South American-themed festivities store had been a victim of the aforementioned events, likely explaining the piñata.) The Straw Hats then decided to wait for the fallout to end in a convenient café they'd found, while Cross had explained exactly what their current situation consisted of.

And thus, we arrive at our current destination.

The tinkling of the café door sent shivers down the spines of the Straw Hat Pirates, and the two new best friends' footfalls echoed like the bells of chaos as they drew closer. Many sets of murderous eyes fell on Luffy as he rounded the booth's corner and giggled out his greeting.

"Hey, guys!" he said happily, completely missing his crew's expressions. "Meet our new ally, Natsu Dragneel! He uses Fire Dragon Slayer magic and loves eating meat! How cool is that!?"

"Luffy, Natsu," said Nami quietly, teetering on the brink of an explosion. The Straw Hats minus Luffy all exchanged knowing glances, Conis chuckling softly in embarrassment.

The men in question blinked. "Yeah?"

"...WHY IN THE NAME OF MOTHER FUCKING NATURE DID YOU TWO MORONS SET THE GODDAMN CITY ON FIRE!?"

How the navigator managed to punch both young men with enough severity to form bruises, when there were no less than five people to lean across, and an additional three feet of separation, was anyone's guess.

" _We're vehwy sowwy,_ " moaned Luffy and Natsu in perfect sync through their bruises.

The café door chose that moment to open again, the pleasant tinkling that accompanied it announcing the arrival of more people. The Straw Hats, curious, leaned out across their two booths to view two angry-looking blondes, a shirtless guy, and a thoroughly pissed-off redhead wearing armor. A blue cat flew in the air beside them, keeping a wary distance from the redhead.

" **NATSU** ," hissed the redhead.

Fairy Tail's Salamander froze, sweat running down his face and his bruised smile twitching. "E-Erza!" he choked out.

" **Explain why my favorite strawberry cake store is burning, and if I like the answer, you** ** _might_** **live."**

 **"**...Meep," said Natsu.


	36. A Grain of Sand to Tip the Scale

Omake: A Grain of Sand to tip the Scale

By: SkyRune

"Your Majesty, we will arrive in Nanohana within the hour to meet with Chaka as soon as this storm dies down. Afterwards we should reach Sakura Kingdom within two weeks time if Paradise allows it" Pell explained as he looked at the map to confirm their location. Nefeltari Cobra, Current Monarch of Alabasta, could only nod as he looked around the cave that he and his guard were resting from the sandstorm. Looking outside, sand and dirt were flying off the ground and creating a veil of death. The King could only sigh as he moved to sit on a flat stone in the middle of the cave, "Well, we might as well get comfortable until this Sands-" before the area surrounding Cobra sunk into the earth and taking him with it.

"Huh...Your Majes-! **YOUR MAJESTY!** " the Bird-Man squawked as he saw the hole leading into the Abyss and jumped in without a moments hesitation. Within the darkness, Cobra's legs were jutting out of the sand with only a twitch every few seconds. When Pell arrived to pull the king out of the ground, "*cough cough* I'm far to old for this *cough*" Cobra said while coughing up sand that entered in mouth. After calming down, the King and Guard looked to see where they were. Small patches of light would fill the room to give them to see that they were in a dome; broken columns littered around the area with sand falling from the ceiling every now and then. On the walls were hieroglyphs and pictures of old of faded green and blue. Cobra following them as he read out loud; "' _Here in the city of Mirgissa, We await for the Hero of Oltea, Mamudin to bring word from Alubarna...Mamudin brought with him the Blessing of Tefnut to all of the cities.._.' I believe that we are in the Ruins of Mirgissa" the King said while reading further along the wall. The Bird-Man looked at the pictures of a man running across the wall and black tiles above him.

"Not that this isn't interesting, Your Majesty but we need to exit if we are to arrive for our departure" Pell stated as he began to morph into his falcon form. Cobra looked away from the wall to see his guard but was stopped as he looked past him. His eyes widen as he saw an object he thought he would never see again. He ran past Pell to the object to see if his eyes weren't failing him. When Cobra stood before it, the glyph's exposed on the smooth surface with not even a crack to be seen. What stood before the Desert King was the cause for everything that has happened to his country and the loss of his daughter; the Poneglyph. ' _Why is there another one in Alabasta? Nico Robin had informed me that she was looking for the Poneglyph in Alubarna, there should be no reason for this to be here...'_ "Pell, we may need to delay the trip for a few more days to move this to the palace. It may be time to continue where Ohara left off" Cobra ordered as a continued to stare at the mystery before. Pell could only nod at his king before casting a confused look at the giant cube.

 **-0-**

 **Nefeltari Narmer, If you are reading this then you should know that we are running out of time...**

 **The Kozuki Clan has already sent all of our plans to The Tree of Knowledge...**

 **We will remain with Zunisha as a last line of defence for our allies...**

 **You are already carrying more than your fare share as it is but I must now ask you to carry even more...**

 **As it stands, our country will not be able to survive the continued onslaught since this war began...**

 **I must now ask you to side with our enemies and bide your time until the day we have the strength to oppose them...**

 **You have both Sirocco and Haboob should anything happen...**

 **Always remember; this is not the end and we have not given up, we are waiting until Zeus is complete...**

 **...year 687...**


	37. The Sandbank Inferno Incident

**Omake: The Sandbank Inferno Incident**

By: CV12Hornet

"So... we're actually trying to make these compounds on _purpose_?"

Usopp had good reason for the nervous hesitation in his voice. He might have only had a workman's knowledge of chemistry, but even he knew not to play around with fluorine and high-nitrogen compounds. Compounds like the ones Chopper had shanghaied him into helping make.

 _"Bah! What's the worst that could happen?!"_ Chopper demanded, his voice echoing from his mental amping. _"You're not a true scientist until you've gotten blown up or poisoned at least once! Now, come! I have the reagents prepared!"  
_  
Shuddering at the glass containers of chlorine and fluorine gas Chopper was digging out of a steel box, Usopp cast a pleading glance out onto the main deck of the Going Merry. Sadly, everyone else was busy gathering water from the spring-holding rock they'd stumbled across a half hour ago. He was on his own.

 _"Now,"_ Chopper said as he slipped on his blast hood. _"Let us begin!"  
_  
Sighing, Usopp nodded and slipped his own hood on - while also surreptitiously opening the nearest porthole. Best to be prepared.

~o~

"And that's ten!" Nami reported as Zoro lugged one last barrel of water onto the sand.

I took the opportunity to slump down next to the makeshift well we'd set up, flexing my aching fingers. Thankfully, I hadn't drawn barrel-carrying duty; instead, I had been tasked, along with the rest of us non-monsters, with hauling the bucket up and emptying it into the barrels. Less strenuous, but murder on the finger joints.

"So, how did you plan on getting the water back to the Merry?" Vivi asked from where she was also sitting.

"Oh, that's easy!" Nami replied. "We just need to... take..."

Her voice trailed off as she eyed the boat we'd rowed in on - the boat that was now sunk almost up to the gunwhales due to the barrels of water in it.

"Okay, maybe I didn't completely think this through," she admitted.

 _"Y'THINK?"  
_  
"Right, let's get the barrels out again so Nami-swan can row out to the Merry and bring her in," Sanji sighed, even his usual ardor dampened by the heavy barrels.

Before anyone could move, though, I felt Soundbite tense up on my shoulder. "What's wrong?" I asked.

 _"AAAAAAHHHHHH!"  
_  
I blinked at Soundbite suddenly blaring one of Usopp's screams. "Why...?"

 _"The steel is on fire! Why is the steel on fire?!"  
_  
And there was Chopper in full panic mode. What in the world-?

"Guys?" I heard Vivi shakily say. "I think Merry's on fire."

 _That_ got all of us looking at our ship - and the small pall of smoke coming from one of the portholes. Even as we gaped in horrified astonishment, something flew out of said porthole, arcing up and heading straight for-

"Take cover!" Sanji barked, diving into the ocean. Those of us without Devil Fruits followed suit (I tossed Soundbite to Robin first, though), Robin and Luffy jumping onto the boat - which promptly began sinking. The projectile from earlier arced over, smoking and sizzling, landed on the sandbank well to the left of the spring - and then the sand burst into flames.

"What," Nami began, her eyebrow twitching.

"The," Vivi added, her eyes threatening to pop out of their sockets.

"Fuck!" Zoro finished, snarling.

"Oh dear God I know what this is," Sanji, Robin, and I all chorused as one.

"I think even da shea ish on fiwe..." Carue muttered as what had to be _Chlorine fucking Trifluoride_ leaked onto the water with a series of sizzling pops.

"Nah, the water's too busy exploding to be on fire!" Luffy cackled. "That's so cool!"


	38. Noodle Wedding

By: ExNativo

Cross stared around at the immaculate wedding hall.

The decoration had been hung in record time, stealing the breath from the lungs of anyone who caught even a fleeting glimpse of them. The guests had been seated, some glaring at others but all behaving. The bride and groom stood before the priest, an older gentleman whose quick wit and jolly disposition had soon warmed him to everyone present to witness the Holy Matrimony.

Don Accino was sniffling, his powers evaporating the tears before they could fall. The reptile creature that allegedly had something to do with bringing the groom out into the world was openly sobbing, something about costs of tailor-made suits and unfortunate match-making principles, Cross couldn't really find it within himself to care.

The cake was grand. The food beyond perfect. The presents had been cleared of explosives and were now constructed into a fort, in which every child attending the wedding had taken a seat.

Lil's dress was immaculate. The suit Burrato was wearing actually made it look like he had some sort of solidity throughout his vertebrae. Their hands were clasped, and the look they were sharing made the _honest to God hearts_ floating above their heads not at all surprising, at least by Grand Line standards.

Everything was clean. Everything was orderly.

Everything was perfect.

 _Everything was perfect._

The explosives lining the roof had been eaten by termites. The rat poison that had been dumped mercilessly onto every dish that Sanji wasn't looking at had turned out to be perfectly edible by humans, dogs, elephants, dugong-hybrids, snails, and penguins. Fucking _PENGUINS_.

Franky had even punched BountyHunter!Helmeppo in the face and loudly proclaimed the superiority of the Accino family for all to hear in an attempt to start a riot. Not only had nobody cared, barely anybody even noticed. Those who did only shrugged and nodded before turning their attention back to the soon-to-be newlyweds.

BountyHunter!Helmeppo's henchmen included.

Lil blinked. One of the hearts above Burrato's head popped into a cloud of affection. The explosion blew the dress of every bridesmaid up, but as this was a civilised affair, everyone politely averted their eyes until the wardrobe malfunction could be corrected.

Cross twitched.

The detonator in his hand crumbled to dust before he could apply any more pressure to it.

"How could we fuck up _fucking everything up!?_ " Cross hissed to himself, irritably blowing the pile of dust from his palm. The particles caught the sunlight from a nearby window, glowing the entire duration of their journey and sparkling once they found a surface to settle on. In this case, it was Lil's veil and Burrato's tie.

Everyone politely applauded. Vivi spun around in her seat to shoot Cross a thumbs up. Cross was already looking elsewhere when she turned back around a spoon bounced off the back of her head.

"Connect me to everyone." He whispered to his ever-present partner, slouching slightly in his seat as a familiar dome of silence settled around his surroundings. "Guys, Operation 'Love The Priest' didn't cut it. Do we have any other explosives on hand?"

There was some shuffling on the other end of whatever line Soundbite had established, before Conis' voice sounded, her tone apologetic. _"Unfortunately, no. We used the last of them to substitute the ingredients we didn't poison."_

 _"WHA-"_

Sanji's voice was cut off almost immediately. Judging by the way the chef was convulsing in his seat, he wasn't having a very good time.

 _"Can I just stab the groom's grandmother?"_ Zoro asked hopefully, two seconds of dead air going by before he added quietly, _"please?"_

Cross frowned, glanced over at the woman as she used her tongue to taste the air, and then opened his mouth. Before he could give the order, however, Soundbite piped up, half of his choir of voices filled with mirth, the other half bogged down with trepidation.

" _ **Hold that thought,**_ **NEW OPTION IN** 3, 2..."

A pair of double doors off to the side of the room burst open. Drunk on the euphoria of the environment, many of the bounty hunters who even did reach for their weapons were far too slow to do anything about the massive dust cloud that mowed through the room and laid them all out flat.

"Lil!" A voice that had become very familiar over the course of the last three hours shouted. Almost as soon as it did, the dust cloud was blowned away, revealing a penguin, a Kung-Fu dugong, and an irritatingly spotless room. Three more dugongs and penguins soon hurried into the room, one of each species picking a door up each and reattaching them to the hinges before they continued on their way.

Skipper and Boss both looked like they had seen better days. There were scratches all over their bodies, bruises decorating their skin, a... rosy tint along their cheeks... and they were both having a hard time staying upright?

Did they really...?

"Are they drunk?" Cross asked, loud enough for the entire room to hear. The TDWS sans Mikey all had their heads in their flippers, the smallest penguin was looking between the two fearfully, the tallest penguin was flinging beads along the strings of his abacus so fast they were a blur, and Mikey was cackling along with the remaining penguin, both holding what appeared to be stick of dynamite.

Before anybody could confirm exactly how hard the coral juice had been hit, Skipper lashed out, his words as sharp as his movements as he slammed a flipped into a random bounty hunter for no real reason and flung him into the wall.

"As the Captain of your guard, I protest this wedding!"

"Burrito!" Boss roared, his rope dart catching five unconscious bodies and sending them flying through the solid ceiling with no provocation. "How dare a Man leave the results of his Romance!? As your new father, I protest this wedding!"

"Go, Boss, Go!" Mikey called, only to receive a triple dope-slap that sent him face-first to the floor.

Cross turned to stare at Soundbite.

Soundbite turned to stare at Cross.

Kowalski spun one final bead with enough force to launch it from his abacus, before clicking his tongue and stowing the instrument... somewhere behind his back.

"There appears to be a 100% chance of flashbacks in the near future." The tall penguin nodded conclusively to himself. Almost before he'd even finished talking, the room swam, a strange pulse running through the surroundings and rendering them somewhat transparent.

"You know what, Bessy?" Skipper turned to stare at a point a little over Boss' left shoulder, "this reminds me of Erumalu."

The wedding hall shuddered once more as Boss nodded wistfully.

"Where's the room going!?" Someone screamed. Cross glanced around in his seat, concluded that there was nothing readily available to slam his head against, and opted instead to loosen his tie.

"Fuck it." Was all he managed to say before he was dragged into a memory best left forgotten.

 **XxX**

Cross almost felt like screaming when he was jolted awake in the middle of a wedding.

It wasn't a gradual shift. One moment he had been sitting down, the next he was standing at the alter of what, now that he had a chance to look, must have been the oddest wedding he'd ever laid eyes upon.

Dugongs, and penguins. Rows and rows of seats, all of which were occupied by either a dugong or a penguin. Cross stared down from the slightly elevated platform at the crowd, then turned to the side to confirm that yes, that lack of weight upon his shoulder actually was the absence of Soundbite.

And also yes, he _could_ see right through his shoulder and stare right into what must have been the groom's eyes, thank you for asking.

"Dearly beloved..." A tired voice murmured from behind Cross. His feet proving impossible to move, Cross instead craned his neck over his shoulder... and then turned right back, his eyes going anywhere except the sunglasses wearing otter officiating the wedding.

Instead, he glanced down to the bride, and then did a double-take upon realising that she was a dugong, and not a penguin like the groom. A dugong that was wearing bright red lipstick and dark purple eyeshadow, and had a bouquet of kelp between her flippers.

It took all of two seconds for Cross to decide he didn't want to have anything to do with that shit-storm. Steadfastly ignoring the beautiful union that he was unfortunately standing in, Cross looked around the hall, raising an eyebrow at the... rather _opulent_ design.

There was jewelry _everywhere_.

The roof was high, easily reaching above twenty meters. The walls were a blinding white, and the decoration shone so many different colours that Cross couldn't help but feel offended on behalf of his retinas. The place was thrice as long as it was high and twice as wide, with filled seats reaching between all four walls.

It was entirely possible that the entire penguin and Kung-Fu dugong species were present within this building.

"Do you, Critikal," The otter droned, startling Cross out of his observations. His voice was suddenly much sharper, which told Cross all he needed to know. Something was about to happen, likely the catalyst for whatever event had taken place. To say nothing of how easily he could read a flashback coming from... someone like Boss. "Take this dugong to be your lawfully wedded wife?"

"Sure thing." The penguin's voice was deep and monotonous. Cross couldn't help but notice the amount of swooning happening out in the crowd.

"And do you, Love Interest, take this penguin to be your-"

The room shuddered. Cross straightened up as every animal began to glance around, and threw his arms up over his head on instinct when the far wall exploded inwards.

The screams had started. Temporarily forgetting his current issues with corporeality, Cross waved a hand in front of his face, grumbling wordlessly to himself when it only succeeded in going _through_ the dust cloud. All he could do was wait for outside interference, or for the dust to settle.

Eventually, the dust settled.

Immediately, Cross was hoping it would rise back up.

Because there was no chance that what he was looking at could be accurate.

Cross blinked. He rubbed his eyes, patted himself on the cheek twice to make sure he was awake, and blinked again. None of it helped what he was seeing.

Admiral Akainu marched into the building through the hole that had been blown in the wall, two identical machine guns in his hands. His Marine cap was backwards, his Marine coat was open and showcasing an extremely buff and very naked torso, and a stitching of a Kung-Fu dugong and a penguin was present on either of his pants legs, both with a large red line running through them.

"THIS WEDDING IS UNNATURAL!" He screamed in a thick accent that Cross couldn't hope to identify, raising both machine guns and pulling the triggers with a wordless roar.

Cross idly stared down at his chest as multiple bullets went through it and into the tapestry that had been hanging behind the altar. One of the flowers that had been hung from the arc above him fell through his head and landed in his shoe. A severed head flew past, which made absolutely no sense, because there wasn't a good chance that a bullet travelling from one side of the hall to the other could have taken someone's head off and sent it flying to the side.

The hail of bullets stopped with twin _clicks_. Almost as soon as it had, A dugong and penguin landed in front of the altar, both of which Cross instantly recognised. So what if Boss wasn't wearing his bandanna and the other was literally just a penguin?

"This land has had enough of your tyranny, Akainu!" Boss declared, linking flippers with the penguin beside him.

"No more ruined love, you damned brute!" Skipper concurred, tilting to the side. Boss copied his movement, and with a flash of bright light-

"FUUUUUUUUUSIOOOOOOOOOOON...!"

"I would like to leave now, please!" Cross said very loudly. Some would say he screamed. Others would say he begged. Most agreed he did both.

 _ **"YYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"**_

The light exploded outwards. It then disappeared far too quickly for Cross' liking, leaving be...hind...

"...This better fucking not be canon."

The torso was deliciously muscled. The arms and legs built to the specifications of an Adonis. The hind-quarters were firm, and somehow ripped, and also human _what the fuck-_

The fusion of Kung-Fu dugong and penguin, which was somehow human, pointed menacingly at Akainu. _"This ends today!"_ He... it... fuck, who knows, _it_ declared in a medley of voices, all of which had for some reason been auto-tuned.

Akainu huffed and puffed. A little hut made of straw appeared beside him and was instantly knocked down. The empty machine guns hit the ground and Akainu soon followed, hands clasping at the sides of his face.

He screamed. Skiposs... Bopper... _The Thing_ tensed, taking a few steps back as Akainu's body swelled. Cross glanced around it, not so much because he was curious as to what was happening; more so that he would be getting an eyeful of something other than ass.

 _"Oh no, the ultimate technique!"_

Akainu's body shuddered. Then, with that final convulsion, he exploded outwards into a pool of lava, which then converged upon itself and started to reach for the sky.

Cross blinked. He only blinked once, his eyes obstructed for a fraction of a second, but in that time Akainu had managed to become a volcano. With a face. And blush stickers on either side of his nose.

Cross started to hold his breath.

 **"Are you ready for my** ** _basalt_** **?"** The volcano rumbled, and oh for fuck sake was that a pun?

Instead of using its words, the fusion creature raised a hand. A rainbow erupted out of its feet, and it blasted through the air, a plethora of barnyards animal launching from its hands and exploding against Akainu's cliff-face.

Cross' lungs began to hurt, but he didn't give in.

 **"Let me** ** _ash_** **you a question."** Cross' face began to turn blue. **"Do you truly believe you can stand up to this** ** _magma_** **tude-"  
**  
A fist slammed into Cross' face.

To be more specific, _Cross_ ' fist slammed into Cross' face, and it dropped him like a brick.

Ahh, blissful unconsciousness.

 **XxX**

Boss never did fully explain what had happened in Erumalu.

Considering that Cross had to be dragged, kicking and screaming and punching and biting, from the first fool unfortunate enough to ask, nobody felt the overwhelming need to know.


	39. The Triangle

_OMAKE ~ THE TRIANGLE_

By: ExNativo

~

There is no how, or why, or who.

It is situated on the Grand Line; where. It has always been; when.

What is it, exactly? Some would say water. Others would say a sea.

The Triangle is so much more than just a simple patch of water.

It is unaware of what it truly is, beyond all that touches its waves. It has no dreams, it has no ambitions. It has no form, nor does it compassion. It is not alive, not dead.

It merely _hungers_.

Those of flesh and blood discount the damage that The Triangle inflicts upon them with its mere presence. Hiding underneath the illusion of their own strength; The Triangle would laugh at them had it the physical or psychological capability.

The Triangle has broken men and women before. Snapped them apart inside its fog and doomed their vessels to travel alone for the rest of their days. The Triangle feeds on their lies. It swells with every second they deceive themselves.

Mighty warriors, brought to their knees. Their supplies dwindling in their holds. Their bodies tearing themselves apart until nothing remains but bones and dust.

The Triangle isn't alive. It isn't dead. It isn't heroic, and it isn't evil.

All it has ever done is feed.

 _It's so hungry_.

Many who sail into its fog do not make it out. There are those who have escaped its jaws; The Triangle can acknowledge that, and it respects those who manage. The seas are always less turbulent for them for as long as the ocean remembers that respect; they have lived, alive, bested the waters at their worst and the fog at its most dense. Rejected for the rest of their mortal existence or not, the ocean never forgets.

There are those who live in the fog. The Triangle has stopped trying to consume them; they are strong enough to remain, and so remain they shall until they wish to leave.

The Triangle doesn't care.

Perhaps if The Triangle could wish, it would wish that it could care.

The Triangle can't wish. It can't care.

The Triangle is hungry. It's always hungry, but now that a meal has escaped, it can feel the hunger down to the bottom of its trenches. The ships have long since left its borders, so when another appears above, the waters flatten out beyond what nature would entail.

The Triangle isn't part of nature. It isn't natural.

This new ship is resilient. Only a handful of occupants are bothered by The Triangle's fog, so it decides to put some more effort in. The tougher humans are always the tastiest, and The Triangle hasn't had a decent meal in decades.

Not since the musicians.

At first, it is almost working. Tensions are running high, though The Triangle can tell that it is only the catalyst. Something else is in play on this ship, and just as the fog descends on what has become its first true objective, vibrations cause it to fall short.

Singing. And not just any singing...

The Triangle doesn't know what to do. It knows nothing beyond what has existed within itself, and this ship has since lost its crew.

The throne's abdication was felt the world over.

 _So how could the King possibly be atop The Triangle?_

The singing from the ship has grown rambunctious. The Triangle can tell that it has lost this meal, but somehow, it still feels full.

The song can be felt by their ship. It can be felt by the air. The Triangle can feel this crew, these legends in all but reputation, cutting through the waters that have already been opened up for them.

For the first time since it has known itself, The Triangle's fog turns yellow. From the depths, The Triangle can feel the meals it has consumed rise for the surface.

They have been summoned by their King. And thus, for the first time, The Triangle allows the souls within itself to ascend.

The water isn't empty. The trenches run deep. The many sunken ships are a welcomed weight upon the bottom of The Triangle.

The Triangle is much more than a patch of water. For example; currently, The Triangle is the destination of the most momentous party in action.

The Triangle doesn't know what the feel. The Triangle is unable to feel.

It writhes, it swells, it breaks. It feasts and it famines.

But, perhaps for the first time, it does not hunger.


	40. Why?

_OMAKE ~ WHY?_

By: ExNativo

It was one thing to inherit an entire Pirate Crew's skill set.

Stomping, swordplay, stealing, shooting, shouting, shit-talking, and all other manner of words that didn't begin with S was part of what made up Going Merry. Even if it was only by proxy, the Celestial Dragon could go suck a barnacle; she had doubtlessly won the lottery when it came to inheriting from a family.

But of course, it was another thing to inherit their comedic timing in most situations.

In Layman's terms, their absolutely _fucking_ _ **horrible**_ luck.

Between Cross and his _everything_ , whatever had happened to Luffy's family before the stupid loveable bastard was born, and Zoro's... everything alone, she may as well have slept atop the shards of a broken mirror, cuddling up to a black cat under a ladder. And that wasn't even taking into account the rest of the shit that had befallen the crewmembers in their lifetimes.

Of course, the mere fact that they were all lucky enough to have met underneath the same flag worked to offset that bad luck, most of the time. Some in those times that 'most' didn't cover, however, were also the times that Merry would remember for the rest of her days to come, because they were _monumental_ in how horrible they could be.

Most of the time, she felt lucky to be alive.

When she was busy staring at the fist made of lava that was hovering over her, she had to wonder why Cross would put in all that effort, just to subject her to this.

They had all known Akainu was in the New World, waving sticks at the Emperors and calling them mean names, because what the fuck else could he do to the _Emperors_? All of them, even Luffy once he'd had the circumstances explained to him, were being cautious with where they stopped.

They were all well aware of exactly what Garp had... _spoken_ to Akainu about after his... _promotion_. He'd bragged, rather brazenly, all about on the SBS the next time Cross had begun the broadcast. Thankfully, this time, Soundbite had ample warning to censor everything the Vice Admiral had to say, which had turned into an impromptu Music Corner.

On top of all her other skills, she now knew how to Rap Like a Pirate.

Of course, not even that could help her in this situation.

The ship had been running rapidly out of food. Upon promise of a feast, Sanji had managed to stop Luffy from gorging what was left a few days prior, but they were still running desperately low on provisions. There had been a Marine Battleship docked at the island they'd next come across (a surprisingly chipper lass, kind enough to share where to get some Seastone to ensure some more protection for Big Bro, Merry was suspecting a crush but had no evidence at this point in time), but sailing on to the next one just hadn't been an option.

Sanji had given them four days. Four days until they ran entirely out of food and water, and that had been three days ago. The distance to the next island had been close to a month; in the wild weather of the New World, that simply wasn't something half the crew could survive.

They'd prepared themselves as best they could over the two years they'd been separated, but nobody could ever be truly _ready_ for the Grand Line.

Merry had stayed behind to watch over Big Bro. It was the role she often took while in port, for obvious reasons. Their approach to the island had been under a layer of thick fog; Nami's doing and easy to write off as more atmospheric fuckery. It had worked, too, for about an hour.

And then Admiral Akainu had showed up.

Big Bro had _roared_. It had alerted Merry to the encroaching danger; it would have alerted the entire island had they been able to hear him. Merry hadn't even had time to ask him what was wrong before the sail was on fire and she was staring into the unforgiving eyes of the Marine's Mad Dog.

Oh, and there was magma everywhere. It wasn't hurting Big Bro; he was made of tougher stuff than anything not imbued with Haki, and he was still flinging everything within reach at Akainu without her prompting. None of it was doing anything, not that she would have expected it to in the first place, which left her nothing to do but look up at a man about five times her size and see her life flash before her eyes.

Was she scared?

...No, not really.

Between Luffy and Cross, the only people other than Dragon to have ever actively taken on the entire world since _Roger_ , there were enough metaphorical balls for her to stand her ground.

Was she afraid?

Of what, death? Merry had already accepted death as her destiny since before becoming a human. She was afraid for her friends, of course, but they would be fine.

Eventually, Soundbite would pick up Big Bro's cries. He would tell everyone what had happened, and they would avenge her. They would never stop. Hell, Cross had been willing to turn into a girl if it would let her live, imagining the lengths he would go with his deity acquaintance to get back at Akainu left her feeling justified in her bravery and maybe even a little sorry for her soon-to-be murdered.

No, mostly, Merry was annoyed.

They'd gone through so much anguish, the Straw Hat Pirates. They had loved her enough to truly bring her into the world, and they had welcomed her with open arms. They had grieved her, celebrated her, brought her into their family without a second thought. And how long did she have to enjoy _really_ being with them?

A couple of months. Maybe even less. And then _two fucking years_ of separation.

Almost all of her human life had been spent away from her family. She'd missed them all, so much, that her heart had shattered all over again. It felt like she'd left them all over again. It didn't matter that they would meet up once more, _why did she have to leave them again?_

The few weeks she'd been reunited with them had been the happiest in her life, as a ship as well as a human.

And here this dickhead was to ruin all of it. To kill her for no other reason than to let the World Government shove its disease ridden balls that much closer to his sphincter. Honestly, she was kind of offended that it would come to this; she wasn't even a high priority target in their eyes.

She was _step one_. Of a plan that didn't even have _steps_.

"Your death will be swift, pirate." Akainu droned, even though Merry wasn't even paying him any attention. Her gaze was focused over his shoulder, up at the clouds. Was it her imagination, or was that one shaped like an emoticon?

What was the name of that deity that Cross had gotten her Devil Fruit from again? B.R.O.B, right? Was this the reason it had let Cross bring her back, free of overwhelming charge? Because in all its omnipotence, it knew this moment was going to come, and it wanted to enjoy the fireworks?

"Why?" She asked the air beside Akainu's head.

Akainu twitched. It was a minute thing, but with Usopp's eyesight and Nami's spatial awareness, Merry caught it effortlessly. "Because you are a child," his voice hadn't picked up in the least, but there was a certain strain to it; Soundbite's hearing could pick it out of his speech patterns effortlessly.

Between Robin's ability to read people and Cross' unconventional thought processes, a plan was formed within Merry's mind in between the time it took Akainu to blink. Adding Chopper's understanding of Zoan type Devil Fruits only allowed her to execute it.

A head tilt to the side. An exaggerated, shrewd expression. Eyes narrowed to the perfect point to pass for what her Fruit made her. Add a pout, aaaaaaand...

"Why?"

Akainu jolted, as though Enel had just joined the Elder Stars within his rectum. A drop of sweat appeared on his forehead and evaporated just as quickly.

"Because that is what your Devil Fruit has made you to be," came his reply, through gritted teeth. The magma surrounding them turned in on itself in a very confused manner, not even moving forward this time as Merry opened her mouth.

"Why?"

Akainu visibly fought to keep himself from answering. His teeth clattered in an attempt to keep his mouth shut. The magma, now free from his control, began to seep off the sides of the ship as its creator fought against his most powerful foe to date; the overwhelming _need_ to satisfy a child's curiosity.

Alas, Akainu was many things, but powerful enough _just wasn't_ one of them.

The young pirate girl wasn't even satisfied after he spouted every single piece of Devil Fruit knowledge and trivia he was privy to.

 **XxX**

"Eventually, that era of the world simply... stopped."

"...Why?"

Akainu sighed, the action almost causing him to miss a braid. It had been hours, he couldn't remember the last time he had eaten, and his butt was beginning to get sore from sitting on wood for so long. He had long since run out of patience, which unfortunately had been the beginning of his _acceptance_ of this situation.

He'd finally been bested.

By a _pirate_.

Who was also a _little girl_.

"People with power got greedy, or got scared." Honestly, Akainu couldn't even remember what he was talking about anymore. The minutes had melded into each other, the topics had never been interesting in the first place, and was this strand of hair supposed to go over, or under...?

"The World Government was formed as a means of keeping all the power in one place, with those who would use it properly. And it was a good thing they decided to, too, what with the rise in the number of pitates?"

"Why?"

Akainu extricated the incorrect knot he'd just tied as gently as possible. "Because they're bad people."

"Why?"

"Because-!" Akainu almost yanked Merry's hair as he froze, his brain coming up blank for any response. 'Because they are' wasn't going to satisfy any child beyond whatever they'd heard before, and for what was perhaps the first time in his life, Akainu was forced to think.

Why were some people bad?

As much as he wanted to believe otherwise, he was aware that they weren't that way inherently. Some were, of course, but the single survivor of a slaughtered battalion came to mind. A single survivor who swore to take another look at the world, and had become a brilliant soldier in the aftermath.

T-Bone was a brilliant example of a person's capability to change. A bad man turned good as easily as he had seen some good men turn bad. It wasn't even exclusive to the Marines; as much as he didn't want to admit it, even to himself... Monkey D. Luffy _wasn't_ a bad person. He was just a dreamer.

He dreamed of freedom from a government that endeavoured to oppress.

"Because..." Akainu's eyes lit up with understanding. What had once been dead and narrowed became reflective and wide. "Because... the system failed them."

It... it was just so obvious. It had been right in front of his face this entire time, and it had taken a rogue with the capability of talking to the entire world at once to make him see it.

He could still remember Sengoku when the man first became Fleet Admiral. He had been a dreamer as well; someone who knew they could do the world a lot of good. That had been years ago, and where was he now? Signing off papers authorising wars between civilians, because the World Government was afraid that their absolute power would shift even the tiniest bit.

At the time, he hadn't cared. There were no pirates to kill, no bad people to take out, no scales that needed balance. They were civilians, they didn't fight; they were better off either dead or learning how to fight so they could be of some use to the Marine Corps.

He was part of that system. Hell, he was a magnate in that system. He was the _poster boy_.

Sometime ago, Sengoku had lost that spark that used to fill him.

Sakazuki had found it.

He liked it.

You could almost _hear_ the blood vacating the premises as the World Government Akainu had been working so hard up to this point suddenly went flaccid.

"I need to go." He muttered, quickly finishing off the last braid in the child's hair and standing. The ship didn't make any move against his sudden motivation; it hadn't the weapons left stocked to try as Akainu leapt off its side and sprinted all the way back to his ship.

There would be a lot of exhausted, bruised, and extremely confused Marines after their battle with the Straw Hats was over.

 **XxX**

The next day, Cross flicked through the newspaper that Coo had dropped on his head with general urgency, a piece of toast hanging out of his mouth.

"Coal prices going up in the North Blue... Shipgirl Merry has a new do? Page 4 for details and pics, clickbait is here too? Seriously? Uhh... Breaking News, Admiral Akainu quits Marines, joins New World monastery, exclusive interview pa- wait, WHAT!?"

The piece of toast slipped from Cross' gaping mouth.

A moment later, he was flicking wildly through the pages, a single question rising from his extremely muddled mind.

 _Why!?_


	41. The Uppercut

OMAKE – The Uppercut.

By: Yeomanaxel

Akainu was having a bad day.

He had been stuck in the New World for a month now, and it had been only disaster after disaster for the exiled Red Dog and his troops.

He had gone through Fishman Island with the force of three Buster Calls at his disposal, led by five of his most trusted students and the equally grumpy Vice Admiral Onigumo. All in the name of JUSTICE.

No sooner had he entered the Grand Line than his fleet was attacked by one of the largest sea kings he had ever seen. Wielding two island-sized pistols in its flippers and wearing an obnoxiously tall cowboy hat, it had struck terror into the hearts of his men, with its eyes and bullets alike. He had made short work of the fishy fiend, in the name of JUSTICE, but not before losing five ships and Captain Lololo.

That had been annoying.

Then a massive storm had literally belched out five giant, sentient icebergs that apparently loved hugs. Another five ships down. The captain of that group had escaped the bergs before Akainu melted them (for JUSTICE), but a tiny ice chunk had broken off from the pack, jumped onto the bewildered officer's face, and promptly exploded.

That had been aggravating.

Then, Jack, Smoothie, Jozu, and Vista had all appeared out of literally nowhere, each leading a counter-attack to the attack that they shouldn't have even known about. And then they had all started attacking each other, and of course Akainu had joined in. After all, he was JUSTICE, and JUSTICE would always prevail.

Until it had turned out to be a mirage. That led them straight over a water fall.

That had been infuriating.

After declaring the mirage a pirate for tricking the Admiral, Akainu has used his JUSTICE MAGMA to burn it down, before continuing on his way with a mere ten ships and three officers left.

Needless to say, this string of events was slowly wearing on Akainu's tense nerves, as well as adding to his already quite sizable paranoia. The marine was getting dangerously close to disintegrating one of his remaining ships, certain that it was teeming with traitors.

"Admiral Akainu!"

"What is it?"

Captain Tivo shivered in fear, but he pressed forward. "We've…we've found a man, sir, sailing on a small rowboat. We brought him onboard."

The temperature in the room suddenly tripled. "DO I LOOK LIKE I GIVE A-"

Suddenly, the heat wave subsided, and a truly evil grin spread across the Admiral's features. Tivo, all too aware of Akainu's two primary moods (raging fury and sadistic raging fury) backed away slowly, before breaking into a panicked sprint when Sakazuki increased his pace behind him.

It would be all too easy, he thought. The man was clearly a revolutionary, here to deploy seastone shrapnel filled bombs against his mighty ships. Well, Akainu couldn't have that. He would break the man down into a whimpering mess, and then melt him into a puddle of JUSTICE GOOP. It would instill new discipline into his men and simultaneously calm his aching head. The admiral cackled to himself, and Tivo started searching the ship for the witch in question.

On the deck of the battered battleship, twenty soldiers were in the process of surrounding the man they had found, his dinky rowboat swept to the side.

Akainu strode up to the man, and stopped before him, gazing into the eyes of the pitiful excuse of a human they had captured.

He sneered in disgust. "What the hell, do you think you're doing around my ships?"

The man blinked. "Doing? I wasn't really doing anything." The man sounded bored, and promptly stuck his pinkie finger in his ear.

Akainu's men could feel the hair on their necks burning.

"Don't play dumb with me, rebel scum! I asked you a question, and I demand an answer! How did you find us? Or are you a pirate? Which emperor do you work for if that is the case?!"

The man continued to pick at his ear, but his expression had changed from apathetic to intrigued. "Wait, there are emperors on this ocean? That's cool."

"NO, ITS NOT! PIRATES ARE THE SCUM OF THE EARTH! THEY MUST BE WIPED OFF THE FACE OF THIS PLANET, IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE!"

"I don't know, they sound pretty cool to me. Also, you should work on your indoor voice."

…

 _ **"**_ _ **MY. INDOOR VOICE?"**_

The air was burning the marines' throats now, and they too decided to hightail it out of there, jumping from the ship and swimming to anything they could find.

 ** _"_** ** _WE ARE NOT INDOORS, REBEL PIRATE SCUM!"_**

The man looked around. "Oh, well, I know that, but we are on a boat, and a boat is kind of like a building on the water, and in buildings you usually talk quieter than outside. I don't think I've very been on a boat before, so I wouldn't know. Sorry for assuming. By the way-"

 ** _"_** ** _STOP TALKING!"_**

Fire was literally coming out of Akainu's mouth at this point, which burned through the ropes holding the man but didn't seem to faze him. It did singe his white cape, which FINALLY got a reaction out of him

"Hey, be careful where you breathe! I just had this washed."

Akainu was beyond fury. No, he was beginning to transcend the very concept of fury, becoming something more, something greater, something far more dangerous.

Akainu began to grow, lava and smoke billowing and churning around him, elevating him. Slowly, his magma hardened, forming demonic armor from the depths of hell, with the admiral's new helmet molded into his own angry face.

Demon Eruption was the name of this attack, and its fearsome sight sent chills down even Onigumo's spine, at least half a kilometer away. The magma man only used it in times of great emotional stress, and right now definitely qualified.

The man stared, wide-eyed, but not in terror. A small smile spread across his face as he witnessed the explosive transformation. "So you're a lava man. I don't think I've seen that before."

 ** _"_** ** _Rebel pirate scum,"_** Akainu intoned. **** ** _"_** ** _You are a blight on this earth, a speck of dust compared to the magnitude of the World Government! Do you think you can mock me, with your stupid hairless head and ridiculously outdated jumpsuit? With that dead expression on your face? Do you think you can get away with trying to sabotage my fleet?!"_**

The man's smile widened. "So, you want to fight then?"

The great demon before him grinned…demonically. **"** **I want to OBLITERATE you, in the name of** **JUSTICE!** **"**

"Ok. I have a new move I want to try out. The uppercut. You know what that is, right?"

 ** _"_** ** _Die!_** **** ** _Great Eruption!_** ** _"_**

A massive fist, made of white-hot lava, sailed through the air at the bald man.

The man formed a fist of his own.

-O-

One day later, reports began to flood into Marine HQ of unusual weather phenomena. Namely, small red clouds raining tiny droplets of magma down on countries across both halves of the Grand Line _and_ the Four Blues. These clouds were eventually collected and together reformed into a thoroughly tenderized Admiral Akainu.

Who was then thoroughly tenderized by Sengoku for showing his face in Marineford so soon after his assignment.

Vice Admiral Onigumo took command of the New World task force, and was met with great success on a number of islands.

Several soldiers later reported in the News Coo that a bald prisoner, apparently involved in the lava rain fiasco, had punched himself in the face, which apparently broke the dimensional barrier and allowed the man to escape custody.

The same day that story released, one Jeremiah Cross nearly broke his skull open on the Sunny's mast, for reasons he would not reveal to his crew.

THE END


	42. Alabasta

**Alabasta**

By: ReaderDreamer5625

As the broadcast ended, Nefertari Cobra took a sip of his wine from a goblet that had been handed to him earlier by a servant. With a smile on his face, he regarded the man he considered an unofficial son.

"Kohza, it sounds like my daughter had been having fun with planning a wedding for these bounty-hunters."

The implication was clear. Nobody had been blind with how Kohza and Vivi interacted as children, and soon after, as teenagers. Even the two years that separated them did nothing to weaken the obvious tension between the two — if anything, Vivi and Kohza's mutual interest became all the more pronounced by the distance the world was seemingly keen to put between them.

By Toto's words from the last time the man visited Cobra: star-crossed lovers indeed.

"I have no idea what you are talking about, your Highness." Contrary to his own words, Kohza's ears were visibly red from where the king sat on the head of the table. Cobra hid a grin that would make a certain straw-hatted captain proud. "Can we talk about something else? Like for example, the presence of the Revolutionaries in this country?"

"I seem to remember a certain young man leading a similar group in this country once." Cobra murmured, and said former Revolutionary bowed his head in shame. "Come on now, Kohza. Don't feel guilty for doing what you thought was right. We may have lost many, but now we are pointing that very same sense of outrage to those who truly have earned it."

Kohza's hands clenched from where Cobra could see them. "It's just that... Your Highness, I know what you mean, but it still frustrates me just how easily I played into that Crocodile's hands. And now, with these Revolutionaries from outside our country, pardon me your Highness if I still have my misgivings."

"We all played into Crocodile's plans, Kohza, so don't feel any lesser for being fooled by that former Warlord." Cobra comforted the younger man, but not without voicing his utter satisfaction in reminding Kohza of Crocodile's current fate. "And don't you trust Cross? From how he speaks on the SBS, I would've thought that you of all people would learn to believe in the help Dragon is offering us."

"It is precisely because I am who I am that I hold my doubts about this supposed aid." Kohza shot back, but not disrespectfully so as he acceded to his king's point. "From my experience in leading our men, I have come into having made decisions that I will always be less than proud of. And I have heard quite a lot of similar decisions that Dragon himself made as a leader. What if Dragon makes one that will lead to us facing the shorter end of the stick?"

"I have always wondered exactly why you never requested for the Revolutionaries' help in these past two years." Cobra muttered. So Kohza felt like this? No wonder he had been so suspicious. "But Kohza, if you refuse to trust them, can't you at least trust me? Trust in your king?"

"That is a low blow, your Highness." Kohza replied and the king winced. "You know that I would never doubt you, never after what you tried to do for the country after the fight between Straw-Hat and Crocodile."

"Then trust in me and trust in the king before you who is trying to do what is the best for Alabasta. Trust in that I know what I am doing, that no harm will come to this country from our interactions with the Revolutionaries as long as I am here." And with that Cobra ended the subject. "And now that we are done with that, Kohza let us move on to the matter that led me to inviting you here to eat with me in private."

The king looked at the younger man in the eye. "Kohza, your men have been telling me that you are currently running yourself ragged with a new training regimen. Mind telling me why?"

Kohza's voice was admirably even, despite the fatherly admonishing tone Cobra's words had taken.

"...Do I need a reason to become stronger?" He answered, cutting deeply into a piece of steak just to make a point. "I'm a warrior, and a warrior has to be strong. Isn't that enough?"

"Yet not all warriors of my kingdom go on training for days in the wilderness just to be stronger. Not all warriors of my kingdom go on to challenge the Bananawani in our rivers just to prove their might." Cobra continued, refusing to accept the excuse he knew Kohza was spouting for his own sake. "And never forget: I _know_ you, Kohza. You are the man that I saw grow beside my beloved Vivi since the both of you were mere children, and I refuse to ever think that you will be someone who becomes strong for the sake of being strong. You aren't like that, Kohza. You know you are."

At those words, Kohza froze. And then, with a great sigh, he turned from his food to gaze at Cobra. "Do you promise to never tell anyone what I would say about this? Not to my father, not to Igaram and your most trusted confidants, or to even Vivi?"

"If you want me to keep this private, you know I would never tell anyone about this, Kohza."

And just like that, it was like a great weight was lifted from Kohza's shoulders right in front of the king's aged eyes.

"...I want to be stronger." Kohza first spoke lowly, as if admitting something he refused to accept. "I want to be _strong._ It was different before - back when I was leading the Alabastan Rebels, it had always been about Alabasta. All of it, I did for Alabasta. But then came along the Straw Hats, came along Cross and his words of truth about the world around this country of hours, and I realized just how _blind_ I have been."

Cobra nodded but didn't speak, letting the young man, no, _leader_ before him continue.

"This world, these seas... They are all so _huge._ Outside this country are people so wonderful, they beget wonder. They are so terrific, that they beget _terror._ " Kohza's face paled at that, as if imagining the very same people that he was describing. "The Straw Hats are just few of these people, and so is Crocodile. And as I came to realize this, I've also realized that right now, as I am? I can't do anything. I can't achieve anything important, not in the scale that these people are playing at. With their presence, and with this fight we are bringing to the World Government's feet, it's hard to admit it but this is the _truth:_ "

"Right now, as I am, I can never be good enough. Not if I want to be enough for this country."

As Kohza came down from his rant, Cobra hummed sympathetically. "Kohza, you know you don't have to-"

"But I **want** to, your Highness!" Kohza interrupted the king before him with the same will that had once led the two of them becoming enemies. "I love Alabasta! I love this country! And it's that same love that is pushing me, driving me into trying to become stronger, all for the sake of our people. All for the sake of that when Vivi comes home, that there **will** be a home that she will return to."

And then there was silence as Kohza regained his breath. Once the king was sure he had his calm again, Cobra opened his mouth.

"Kohza, do you know how it felt like to be there, watching that young boy Luffy defeat Crocodile before my very eyes?"

Kohza blinked at the sudden turn of the subject. "No, I don't, your Highness. I was busy trying to calm things down with the rest of the Straw Hats at the time."

"I was feeling much of the same that you are feeling right now." Kohza made to say something, but Cobra's face kept him silent, electing to instead listen to what the king was about to say. "At the time, I thought to myself: _am I really a King? When all I can do is to watch as a young man, the_ _ **friend**_ _of my daughter, fights for my country in my place?_ Mind you, I know well enough that I am no warrior like you, that it's not my job to fight but to lead my men from behind the frontlines, but at the time that was all that was in my thoughts. You call me brave for trying to sacrifice my life to keep the Poneglyph hidden, but at the time it was all that I could actually do."

"And then came that bounty over Vivi's head." Both of them shuddered at the idea of their princess being hunted down, especially with the fate Cross had implied would happen to her should she be caught. "Do you know just how it felt, sitting there in my bed as the Straw Hats planned on how to take her away, on what to do to keep her safe while maintaining the so-called alliance between this country and the World Government? Because know this, Kohza: if you become a father, you will soon come to realize that nothing can make you feel more helpless than to just watch as your child gets into danger and you can do _nothing_ about it."

"Kohza, what you are feeling right now is something all leaders feel at some point. We all learn to doubt, to feel helpless, to feel like 'I should be doing more'. There will always be something out there that is bigger than you, something that you cannot hope to match on your own."

"But then, what do we do about it, then!?" Kohza slammed his hands on the table, jumping to his feet _._ "I can't just rest, not when I know that there will always be dangers out there!"

"You then learn to _believe._ " Cobra shot back, and Kohza froze again. "Learn to believe again, to believe in your people, in your friends, and in your allies. _Kohza, you are not alone._ ** _Never forget that._** In this country, there are plenty of people who believe in you, who trust in you to protect them and to lead them in these times. Why don't you learn to trust them _back?_ "

Silence again, before Kohza moved to sit back on his seat. And just like that, Cobra knew that his words had been heard.

"You know, Kohza? Right now, I have come to see you as an equal." Kohza's eyes shot to meet Cobra's so fast that the king feared the young man would hurt himself. "I may be King of these country by blood, but you? You are the person who can be a King, all because you have _earned it._ We praise my royal ancestors for what they have done to establish this country, but you? In my eyes, you are equally rightful to receive the same kind of praise, and from what I know of our people, they feel the same as I do."

"Y-Your Highness, you c-can't be-"

"I am _old,_ Kohza." Cobra spoke with all the authority he had, and the young man's mouth shut, his eyes wide. "Cross has already warned me that I may come down with sickness in the coming years, telling me to ally with the Sakura Kingdom for their doctors, but with every passing day I am coming to the conclusion that it's not any virus or bacteria that will be my downfall, but my advanced age. Kohza, I don't doubt that Vivi will be coming home to our country, but I feel like that time may be beyond mine."

"Your Highness, you must trust that you will live to see Vivi return to this country!" Kohza spoke, to assuage both the king's fears and his own. "Surely you will live to see her come back!"

"Yes, I may live, but what are the chances I will still be able to _lead?"_ Cobra shot back, and Kohza knew that he couldn't say anything in return. "Kohza, I consider you as a _son._ If there comes a time that I may become weak, should it be necessary my will already tells to have you as King in my place should Vivi be still out of this country."

At the blunt admission, Kohza's eyes opened even wider. "Your Highness, I don't know what to say-"

"Just promise me that should it ever come to be, you will lead this country as well as I know you can." Cobra spoke, and the young man before him nodded. "Promise me, Kohza. Promise me."

"I-I swear, on my life, my honor, and my love for all of Alabasta."

Cobra closed his eyes, a satisfied smile coming to his face. "And that is all that I ask."

"Your Highness?" Kohza spoke again, and Cobra opened his eyes to gaze at his new successor. "I suppose this isn't the right time to make an admission."

"An admission about what, Kohza?"

In lieu of an answer, Kohza chose to instead pick up his dinner knife that had been forgotten in all of their talk. Cobra's eyes went wide as the knife became enveloped by a bright red coating, to which Kohza soon put into test by pressing the knife into the table. Soon enough, Cobra's suspicions were proven right when the knife went through the marble table like it wasn't even there.

" _Haki_..."

"Yes, your Highness." Kohza let go of the knife, letting it fall down to the floor as he chose to instead rub at the back of his head. "It's a new development, as you could see. After all my training, I have come to having some control over this new ability..."

At the obviously embarrassed face that Kohza was wearing, Cobra couldn't help it: he laughed. Deep, and long, he laughed.

When he finally came down from his laughter, he had to wipe a tear from the corner of his eyes. "Truly, this generation..."

First, the Straw Hats. Then, Vivi. And now, even Kohza? Cobra sure had the luck to see the next generation bloom before his very eyes.

"Truly, I chose the right man to be my successor."

 **CLING, CLANG! CLING, CLANG!**  
 _Puru-puru-puru! Puru-puru-puru!_

Both Cobra and Kohza straightened as the port bells rang, warning the entire country of an incoming intruder — and not just any intruder, but one that necessitated the presence of the Royal Guardians.

Cobra gestured Kohza to be quiet before picking up the mic of the Transponder Snail beside his seat.

 _Puru-puru-puru-kaCHA!_

 _"YOUR HIGHNESS, ack- mah, mah, maaaa~!"_ Igaram's voice came blaring from the mouth of the snail. _"Your highness, a ship came down to the ports here just now! I was here visiting to check up on Nanohana when a flare got shot!"  
_  
"And who is it that is on our ports? Is it pirates, or marines?" Because it was a given that if it was more of Dragon's forces, Igaram would have not sounded the alarm. "Tell me, Igaram."

 _"Your Highness, they're bounty hunters!"  
_  
Kohza and Cobra exchanged looks. This was new — they had mercenaries on the ports before, willing to attack Alabasta for a quick buck from the World Government, but not bounty hunters.

"Did these bounty-hunters send a message as to why they are here?"

 _"They say they are here under the suggestion of Princess Vivi! I recognise them now: they're the Accinos!"  
_  
Cobra's eyes went wide. "I understand. Let them in."

 _"But your Highness—!"  
_  
"Your Highness, why did you choose to let them in?" Kohza asked, turning to the king as soon as he cut the connection and sent the snail back to sleep. "You know that these people used to be the Straw Hats' enemies."

"Tell me, Kohza. How did Cross describe the powers of Don Accino?"

Kohza blinked. "He described it as the power to control ambient hea— wait, you can't mean—!?"

"Vivi recognised one of our missing Guardians, and then sent him here." Cobra finished, before heaving a sigh as he pressed the bridge of his nose with a smile. "Honestly, that daughter of mine..."

He then turned to Kohza, who still looked shocked at the thought of the Rage of Alabasta coming back into the country.

"Now you see, Kohza? You are not alone. We are not alone in these seas. Even miles away from our country, our Princess is working to help us all."

At the mention of Vivi, a flush came to Kohza's cheeks and once again, Cobra had to smile.

Ah, young love.

"They'll be here in two days." Kohza spoke again, once he had the blood in his face under control. "Once they land at Nanohana, it'll take them two days to reach the palace."

"Then you know to be here again by that time, right?" Cobra said, only to ignore Kohza's stammering. "Come on now, Kohza. How can I make a decision without my equal there to help me? I'm sure that child Vivi almost held a wedding for would be happy to describe to you Vivi's dream wedding."

Kohza's jaw dropped, and soon enough the young man was hiding most of his bright red face with an arm.

" _Your Highness, stop teasing me!"  
_  
Cobra laughed again, before a strange look came into his face.

"Also, Kohza? I think there's one other reason you should not fear for the future of Alabasta."

"And what is that, your Highness?"

Cobra smiled widely, unknowingly mirroring the same smile that had been in his daughter's face when a certain crew promised to help her country.

"If something comes to attack Alabasta, we are sure that Vivi will be storming down to save us again, and with the rest of the Straw Hats right behind her."

At that, Kohza smiled... before a funny expression came over his face.

"Your Highness... Did you just make a pun?"

And with that, Cobra belted out in laughter again, soon to be followed by the young man before him.

 **END**


	43. A Lament of Zou

Omake: A Lament of Zou

By: SkyRune

"74 Punches until Cross is dead! 74 Punches until Cross is dead!" an orange haired woman hurdles around an iron fire pit with multiple layers covering her petite body. When she had gotten back from her Lobster Vacation on Pucci, she was sent to meet with several of the higher ups who were once part of the Vantruskan Coalition to reestablish trade and to oversee the construction of a branch office so that something like ' _Operation: Market Failure_ ' didn't happen again. But right now, she was to busy trying to keep her mind off the cold and picturing herself punching the blond brat that sent her to this part of the South Blue.

"Come now, Koala. We only a few minutes away from the Galridon Archipelago and it's barely 15 degrees, the snow hasn't even started to fall yet. We still have to visit Centaurea by the end of the week before we can get back to Baltigo. Cheer Up." Her best friend and Chief of Staff Sabo said he kept trying to cheer her up. Unfortunately, it had the opposite effect as her face scrunched up at the fact that she had to stay in this frozen sea for more then a day.

"Look at it this way, it can't get any worse than this." he said right before the entire ship rocked backwards as the bow of the ship rising skyward and everyone on deck was tumbling towards the sea.

 ***SPLASH* *SPLASH* *SPLASH* *SPLASH**SPLASH* *SPLASH***

Several of the revolutionaries were able to hang on to the ships railing but a majority of them were in the freezing sea. Sabo had broke trough the surface of the water to see what happened and was shocked to see a giant Iceberg had penetrated the bow of the ship and raised it half way out of the water. The Chief of Staff felt something tap his shoulder, turning around all he saw was a mess of wet orange hair and drenched coats clinging together before he felt something hit the center of his face as the force behind it was enough to escape the cold waters and flying straight to the Archipelago.

After everyone was able to reach land and change into something more comfortable with the exception of Sabo who was still knocked out. Several of the locals decided to help them retrieve their vessel from the iceberg, but the most the could do was beach the Ice and ship together before heading back to town for proper gear. Said town was a 20 minute walk to and back, that was to long for Koala to handle the cold and decided to make it easier. " **SHARK BRICK FIST!** " she yelled out and punched one of the causes for her being in this situation (one was knocked out and the other was some where in the Grand Line).

The ice began to crack slowly until chunks began to fall off. Seconds pass before the ship was free enough to fall back into the water by itself until the ice continued to break off. "Uhh...what hit me?" Sabo waking up soon afterward to see Koala and his team starring in shock. Looking to the direction; he saw that their ship was free from the iceberg, said iceberg was falling into peices and a Poneglyph was smack dab in the middle of what a minute.

"What the hell did I miss?!" the Chief of Staff yelled out as everyone continued to stare at the ancient block. After getting everyone back on track, Sabo and Koala continue to stare at the block to figure out what to do with it.

"So any ideas as to what to do with this?" the martial arts tutor asked as she began to start another fire with the wood the locals brought.

Taking a few silent minutes to think, he turned back to her "We can't leave it here for the locals because either the World Government or Big Mom will come to take it and that will cause unnecessary blood shed for the Vantruskan Coalition..." Sabo spoke outloud as he began to think of several ways to remove the Poneglyph until one thought struck him.

"Koala, do we have anyone working in the Coo Times?" he asked as she looked up from the fire to give hime a confused look.

"I believe so, why?"

"Because we are going to kill three Sea Kings with nothing but a piece of paper" the Chief of Staff said as he took out his camera and took picture of the Poneglyph where the markings could be visibly seen.

 **-0-**

 **What are we suppose to due with it, that thing is to dangerous to be left alone compared t...**

 **Don't label him as an It, no matter what he is still a living creature like th...**

 **And yet because of two powers, it became a destructive weapon that could have rivaled Pos...**

 **The first one was not his fault as that was the bearers influence and the damned fruit while the other-**

 **Will make it an immortal being that anyone with enough brain power can cont...**

 **Enough, whats done is done and we must move on. Though he is a victim himself, he still must share the blame...**

 **But that is comple-**

 **He must know that what he did can never happen again...We'll build a city with him as the base. That way we can at least keep an eye on him and maintain a foothold in those waters...**

 **...Can we at least give him a name...**

 **...Zunisha...**

 **...year 604...**

 **-0-**


	44. Ah Mercy, Have Murphy

Omake: Ah Mercy, Have Murphy

By: SkyRune

The West Blue is known as 'The Sea of Wisdom' for their world contributions towards Craftsmanship, Culture and the Arts. Even when Ohara had been destroyed, the West Blue still maintains that title through their ever growing production of sake/alcohol and innovative ways of improving daily life. On the Island of Toroa, a man in his late teens with green hair slicked back into a cowlick style was drinking what they call their best down his throat.

"You call this alcohol? This is nothing more than clear piss, you damn peasant. Get your act together before I decided to make this place look like Ohara" the swirly eyebrow teen stated as he poured the remnants of the bottle to the floor. He looked around to see several of the local babes enter the bar with a portable transponder snail pouch secured around their hips for everyone to hear.

" _-invaluable knowledge to the world: how to_ watch what you damn say _so that a certain bastard named Murphy doesn't bite you in the ass,"_ Cross's clipped voice dryly informed the world. " _I suggest taking notes; I guarantee that life_ will _test you on this later."_ Yonji merely scoffed at the broadcast as he eyed the clock hanging off the wall. It would take another hour for Germa to be close to the island before he could leave. Looking around, he saw that a majority of the drinkers were writing down what the Host was saying on napkins provided to them.

"You know, all you idiots are just falling into his hands like the morons you are. Like anything that punk says _could_ be true, without physical evidence there's nothing to prove that this 'Murphy' even exist." the green hair Vinsmoke scoffed as he leaned back into his seat. As soon as he had finished talking, the hind legs gave out and he tumbled towards the floor. Everyone in the bar was silent at this as they looked at their notes and at the poor fool who fell to the floor.

"Cheap ass furniture! 'Best bar on the Island' my ass! Nothing more than damn termites crawling in this dum-!" Yonji began to yell as he got off the floor. Just as he was about to turn the the owner for his and chew him out for his crummy furniture, an entire cobbler landed directly into his face. The silence was deafening as the pan hit the floor, followed by large pieces of the dessert as it dripped off the coated prince's face. A twitch was beginning to show as he turned his head towards the customers.

"Who. _Threw_. _**That?**_ " each word came out with the promise of death for the poor individual that had the audacity to throw anything at him. When everyone shook their heads to indicate that no one threw anything, the twitch evolved into a pulsing vein on the right side of his head.

"SPEAK. NOW. AND. _SOME. OF. YOU. MIGHT._ _ **LIVE!**_ "

 _"Take this to heart, and you will avoid most fate-tempting situations. And it's this: it can always,_ always _get worse. No matter how bad it is. And one of fate's favorite activities is proving that. A common way of doing so is that it starts raining, but ultimately it's—"_

His glare turned to the girls snail in the pouch as it kept transmitting the SBS. The girls, seeing this, removed the snail and put it on the table as quickly as they could before he stalked over to it. Picking up the trembling snail, Yonji begins to adding pressure to the shell, to the point where cracks were starting to form along its shell. "LET'S PROVE YOU WRONG SHALL-!?" was all he got out before one of the support beams and a fraction of the roof fell directly on top of his head. The customers looked up to the ceiling to see that a perfect circle had been made above the poor fool.

Anybody else in the bar would have known that now was the time to give up their quest. The universe has spoken, and may it have mercy on anyone foolish enough to ignore it. However, nobody else in the bar considered themselves to be a Prince, and a Prince wasn't about to let anybody talk down to him, regardless of how famous or infamous they were.

Yonji looked a sight. Dust in his hair, his shirt torn and a bruise forming on his back even through his hardened skin from his fall, and his face covered in delicious dessert. With a look that had preceded the last time he'd allowed himself to really cut loose around civilians, Yonji tilted his head up to glare at the hole in the roof... and got a raindrop right in the eye as a result.

In his surprise, his grip loosened. The Snail tumbled back to the table, thankfully unharmed, where it proceeded to have its eyes covered by one nearby patron. In fact, everyone had their hands over their eyes, because even though the weather forecast hadn't mentioned any lightning-  
 **  
KKKKKRKRRRRRRRRRRRR-BBBOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMM**

...Cross had never been wrong before, and this Murphy fellow seemed like the sort to escalate.

 **~0~  
**

Thirty minutes passed as lightning bolts continued striking the now burning Toroa, the country known to all but never seen on any map was making its way ever closer towards the rendezvous point to pick up the youngest son of the military country.

"Yawn, what has that Idiot brother of ours done now? It's to early in the morning for this shit..." the second prince said as he walked out onto the balcony to join his elder brother to watch bolts of lightning fall towards the island. He could see the the island wasn't under a huge cumulonimbus cloud as there was only a black spot in the sky that was constantly moving. With his enhanced eye sight, Niji could barely see a green and black spec running across the island and sending a few attacks skyward yelling 'BRING IT ON!'

"Is Weatheria doing another experiment or did Yonji ask for more training to build up his resistance against Devil Fruit Users, again?" the 'Electric Blue' prince asked as he looked further skyward to see if he could find the Sky Island. When he couldn't find any trace of it, he looked back to the Island to see what...that couldn't be right.

"Brother, I seem to still be asleep as I don't think my eyes are fully contemplating what I'm seeing...are those?" Niji as half serious while rubbing his eyes to get a better look at what was happening to their younger brother. Hundreds of little woodland critters were stampeding towards the 'Winch Green' prince as he kept his current pace at trying to dodge lightning bolts and animals as best he could, but still manages to get hit or bitten a 1/3 of the time.

"No Niji, you are awake and Yonji is currently having a fight with...'Murphy' I suppose I should say." the 'Sparking Red' prince said as he continued gazing at the phenomenon that was happening to their brother and the island with a bored look. He moved his hand to the right to lift the receiver over to hear what else the host has to say.

" _Moving on, lesson number two: the universe is always listening. I cannot stress this enough. If you think you're safe to tempt fate? You aren't. Even thinking it is a bad idea, and I'm speaking from experience here._ "

Niji looks at the snail, then Ichiji and finally the island as he let out a frustrated sigh. "It's to early for this shit. I'm going back to bed," the second prince stated as he turned around and began his walk to his bed where he won't need to face this level of stupidity for a few more hours. The first prince didn't acknowledge his brothers absence as he continued to study the effects of 'Murphay' and listen to the SBS's explanation.

 **~0~  
**

" _And Soundbite's favorite, 'It's quiet… too quiet…'_." Cross's voice was being distorted with the sound of screeching white noise but could still be heard. More clicking sounds could be heard from the giant monitor displaying sound frequencies.

" _IT SHOULD_ **never be quiet when** _I'M AROUND!_ " the voice of Soundbite took the sound of someone who had ingested Helium, making his voice all the more irritating. The clicking become more defined as the sound was resonating across the room. On the screen showed a detailed map of the Grand Line of Water 7 to Mariejois. A light appeared in the middle of the map until ten more showed up a second later. After ten seconds, the entire window showing the map began to glow.

" _And I'd like to remind you all that this is by no means an exhaustive list. Not even of the common temptations. Good rule of thumb: if you're wondering if something is tempting fate, don't think that it is, run._ " The voice had now taken the form of an old woman with a unfamiliar accent that Judge was not familiar with. Which in turn only made the vein pulsing rapidly on his head going overtime as he punched the screen.

"Damn it! DAMN IT! **DAMN IT, VEGAPUNK!** Of all the creations you hid from me, you hid the one that would have moved my plans further by a decade! **DAMN IT!** " the patriarch of Germa 66 looked ay past blueprints of the tranciever prototype and an out of date genetic make up of Transponder snails 'Lineage Factor'. If he could discover the secret behind these two, he would obtain a weapon that could have been even more dangerous then the Gold or Silver Snail. One that would allow him to obtain information from others and relay orders to his soldier across the world without having to rely on the damn insects.

"Y-your majesty... uhm, b-breakfast is..." a young woman poked her head through the door before she felt the very air began to press on her person when Judge Vinsmoke barely turned his head towards the door. The glare he sent her was enough to drain the color from her freckled face before she apologized and closed the door quickly before his fist made another entryway.

 **~0~  
**

" ** _DAMN IT!_** " the voice of the patriarch could be heard from all across the mobile country as the soldiers continued with their training; this had become the norm for everyone on Germa 66. Ever since the first SBS broadcast, the King had been confined in his lab, trying to recreate the device from ideas that had been tossed around from his old partner to dissecting hundreds of snails to understand what Vegapunk saw. There was a rumor flying around that Judge had built an entire new lab to cross breed a White Transponder snail with a black Snail since most of the Snails had started a rebellion. That was quickly put to an end when his majesty and sons had a craving for escargot. Needless to say, every snail had been reeled in when one of the Giant snails had vanished.

The First Princess of Germa 66 was half listening to her fathers cursing as she continued with her work as the other half was listening to the SBS. Moving her pen across the paper to fill in the blank holes with ink, she gave a quick glance over to her left to view a previous page of her project before resuming her current task. When Reiju had finished with her current page, she could feel the vibrations of Judge beating what little of the lab was left from her room.

"Father honestly needs to learn that patience is a virtue that will reward you when it so pleases," Reiju thought out loud as she placed her pen back on its stand and moved some of her old research papers for her current project back in place. Getting up to stretch her limbs, the 'Pink Poison' princess turned to her door to get ready for her morning meal. One of the few times she had neglected to shut her window, a breeze came through and shifted several pieces of paper off her desk towards the floor.

A majority of the papers contained an elaborate amount of words and pictures while three pages were turned over to show anyone who entered the room. The first was a badly drawn sketch of; blonde hair partially covering a swirly eyebrow, chubby checks and fat lips. The second was a bounty application copy for Marine HQ requesting the use of said sketch instead of the picture that was taken for a proper poster. The final one was a manuscript form for the Coo Times titled 'Sora Vs Murphy by Zero Kemuri' that needed to be sent out for the next issue and that Coo #1851 would arrive at the specified coordinates in three days for pick up.


	45. Hijacked Part 3

Omake: Hijacked Part 3

By: SkyRune

"You know, I'm sure I know this Island but I can't figure out where I know it from" Cross said as he took a look around the city as he and the Strawhats walked up one of the many staircases leading to the main plaza. when they arrived on Sunny, everyone was surprised that the Island was covered in a giant dome to make an all night island all year round.

"Just give it a rest, Cross. We really don't want to hear it" Nami deadpanned as she waved her hand in a nonchalant manner while walking to a window display showing the newest Criminal Design. The females of the group started to follow the Navigator inside.

"Look at it this way, if you really can't remember then it wasn't even worth remembering. Just toss it away like Crap Chefs cooking and be done with" Zoro yawned out as he blocked a black foot with his Wado Ichimonji. As Sanji and Zoro began another pointless argument, the blond teen began to scowl as he looked upward to see a giant disco ball floating in the night sky.

"UNLESS YOU **HAVE a desire to become** one with the pavement, **I suggest you place me** TWO FEET TO YOUR LEFT" Soundbite chuckled as the snail wasn't looking at the current fight but the busy street. Not seeing anything peculiar, Cross takes a few steps to the left when everyone on the street began to move themselves away. The cause of this was currently making a mad dash straight towards the pirates.

"- **ATHEWAY!** **OUTTATHEWAY!** **OUTTATHEWAY!** **OUTTATHEWAY!** **OUTTATHEWAY!?** "A man in a green polka doted dress shirt, marine cap and red heart glasses screamed out as he passed not only Cross, but jumped over the male portion of the Strawhat crew with ease and continued his screaming.

Cross blinked a few times at what just happened. "Wasn't that Jango?"

" **whats the** word... _ **Eeyup!"**_  
 **  
*BOOOOM***

Not even a second passed before an explosion happened from where Jango had came from. Looking down the street, the blond and snail could see that one of the buildings had just been demolished. What they were not expecting were giant pieces of black metal sticking out of the debris like a porcupine or for someone to stumble their way out of the wreckage.

"HIC...were assh ya, HIC...ya once twick, HIC...spony" a pink haird woman slurred as began to guzzle down another bottle in her hands down her throat.

"...Captain Hina?" not believing what he was seeing, Cross took a step back when the 'Black Cage' Captain began to stumble towards him as long pieces of iron began to form out of her sleeves.

"...Hina shas, HIC...sheen yas somewheres, HIC.." Hina began to lean ever closer to see who it was while Cross could see her face was beet red and the stench of alcohol on her breath. The next thing he knew, or felt, was two tons of metal slamming itself into his chest and the sensation of flying until the house decided that that was enough fun.

" **LOOOK at them pretty** STARS" Soundbite muttered on the ground with imaginary stars floating around his eyes as Cross could only let out a groan. The fist one to get to him was Franky as he lifted the blond over his shoulders and prepared to run from the drunken captain.

"Take my advice Cross, when you see a woman drink herself to that stage then you want to get out of her way SUPER fast!" the Cyborg yelled as he turned a corner to go up a flight of stairs with Usopp, Chopper and Brook right behind him.

"What about Nami and the others!? We can't just leave!?" Chopper yelled as he jumped over a cabbage stand without knocking over one of them.

 ***BOOOOOOOOM***

"EVERY MAN, WOMAN AND SENTIENT BEING FOR THEM SELVES!?" Usopp screamed as he watched a good portion of the neighborhood blow up and cabbages flying trough the air before shaving farther away. The chase lasted for a while until all of them came to a stop in the plaza directly underneath the disco ball to catch their breath.

" **DON DON DON DON!"**

 **"** You have got to be joking!" Cross woke up at the sound to glare at the snail who was having a panic attack at what was happening...AGAIN!

" **THIS IS NOT my -DO** **N DON DON DON- FA** **ULT!** "

"LOOK OUT BELOW, SHISHISHISHI!" a voice came from above us as we saw Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, Nami fall out of the sky to hit the disco ball.

"...If we can get back to Sunny, we maybe able to...Soundbite?" the blond looked to his shoulder to see that his friend was no longer there, but in Brooks bony fingers... WITH THE RECEIVER OFF THE HOOK!?

"Yohohoho, you've reached the Strawhat Pirates. Can you describe what kind of panties your wearing now?" the musician asked as Cross and everyone else's eyes were threatening to pop out of their skulls. The night sky that was once filled with stars and clouds turned black and showed a pink countdown from 15. it also showed the swinging disco ball as the countdown started.

"Time to let loose, people! Nothing can stop us now! When the music starts kick'in, you're gonna dance till you drop!" Jango screamed into the mic he had while still running from his Captain who was getting dangerously close.

"One...!"

" **Second until it's time...** "

"Two...!"

" **Start the SBS!** "

"JANGO!"

"...shit, I remember now"

"SOMEONE STOP THIS!" Nami screamed as she continued to dance her way over to try and strangle the crews new stress ball aka Luffy, but was having difficulty as when she got close her body would turn around to begin the next set of dance steps.

"This is actually a good cardio workout. The music is a lot better than what Soundbite tries to make" Robin said as she twirls into the staircase with other dancers dancing on it. Cross hearing this, began to dance his way to the nearest wall only to come a few steps short of trying to go back to his vacation home in the land of Unconsciousness.

" **Now lets tone down the music just a bit to answer a question from our wonderful viewers, ja?** " The pink haired Vocaloid said as she held out her hand and a pixel transponder snail appeared. The color scheme was familiar as it was grey skinned with a black and...white...

"SOUNDBITE!" the Strawhats yelled out as they continued to dance while watching the sky screen.

"THIS PLACE IS WEIRD **! THERES A FLOATING PINK OCTOPUS** THATS TRYING TO EAT ME! **HEELP!?** The now 2D Snail screamed as Luka picked up the reciever on the Soundbites shell.

" **That's enough from you now. So whats your question today, ja?** " " _Yohohoho, Can you show us what kind of panties your wearing now?_ "

The pirate crew turned their heads to see the skeleton twirling into a 45 degree angle with Soundbites receiver still in hand. Luka could only laugh at the question as she saw the reactions of several transponder snails showing off to the side.

" **Well, that a bit of a personal question so I'll ask you one; What color do you want me to wear? Black, White or none at all?** the Vocaloid said as she began to tease with her split dress to give her viewer a better look.

" **LADY LUKA!** " all of the males (except for Luffy, Zoro, Usopp, Chopper, Cross and Franky) yelled out as they tried to dance their way to get a better view. Sanji was currently knocked out on the ground with blood flowing from his nose and Brook was taking a beating from the nearby female population on the Island.

" **Ahh, you're all so sweet. Lets dance the Night away as Jango would put it, ja?** **"** Luka said as she turned the music back up and started to dance once more. Cross feeling the back of his skull being burned by his conscious crewmates, he dances around to face them with a shaky smile.

"For what its worth, Its not my fault" the blond said as he saw the Disco ball began to fall out of the sky, taking with it the dome that was holding it up.

"...damn, this is gonna hurt"

 **-0-**

 **The News Coo Times**

 **September 6, 1375**

 **This would be the day that the world over had experienced dancing for the longest record in existence.**

 **Time Limit: 7 hours, 48 minutes and 52 seconds**

 **Who were infected: Everyone from elderly to toddlers around the Six Blues**

 **The name for this phenomena: Luka Fever**

 **Cause: Drunk Captain ingested large amounts of liquor and crew did nothing to stop said captain and caused the destruction of Mirrorball Island  
**  
Edit: If you are reading this on , then we invite you all to to get the full experience of this Omake.


	46. The Glorious Return

**By: See Mohn**

 ***Xomniac has left the conversation!***

 ***CV12Hornet has joined the conversation!***

 **-CV12Hornet- Hello? Xomniac? You still here, buddy?**

 **-CV12Hornet- Crap.**

 **-CV12Hornet- Okay, step number one: don't panic!**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- Sorry, nobody here but us chickens!**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- Now... seeing how you're apparently missing a co-writer...**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- Care for some... divine intervention? 8D**

 ***CV12Hornet has left the conversation!***

 ***CV12Hornet has blocked Really Outstanding Biotch!***

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- *pouts* Now that was just rude!**

 ***Xomniac has joined the conversation!***

-CV12Hornet- Well, I **_was_** **in the middle of asking when you might get back if that whole time dilation thing was accurate, but speak of the devil.**

-Xomniac- HOLY CRAP I'M BACK. INTERNET. GLORIOUS INTERNET, HOW I HAVE MISSED YOU.

-CV12Hornet- Not what I was expecting for your glorious return. Also it's been, like, two minutes here, FYI.

-Xomniac- Hornet! I could kiss you!

-Xomniac- Two minutes! Wow.

-CV12Hornet- So... how was it?

-Xomniac- It was... I don't even know where to begin. It was One Piece, man. One Piece! And it was real!

-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- By the way, I took the liberty of adjusting your wardrobe to account for your... **_changes._** **Have fun!**

-Xomniac- Oh no.

-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- Oh yes.

-Xomniac- Oh no.

-Xomniac- Be right back, Hornet, I need to check something.

-CV12Hornet- You got older, I take it? Timeskip and such?

-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- That's part of it, yes.

-Xomniac- Lace?

-Xomniac- Freaking lace and sequins on everything? Really?

-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- Oh please, don't act like you don't love it.

-CV12Hornet- I'm missing something here.

-Xomniac- sigh

-Xomniac- I guess I'm starting with that part of the story

-Xomniac- Have you seen a photo of me before this whole mess?

-CV12Hornet- I think so?

-Xomniac- Well, just to refresh the both of us-

*Xomniac has attached an image*

-CV12Hornet- Yep, I've seen that picture. Now I remember it.

-Xomniac- Okay, good.

-Xomniac- So you know how in canon, the Merry was beyond repair by Enies?

-CV12Hornet- Yeah. Emotional send-off, Viking funeral, the works.

-Xomniac- And you know how it had a Klabautermann?

-CV12Hornet- ...yes.

-CV12Hornet- Not seeing where this is going yet.

-Xomniac- Well, I met and became friends with Merry and her Klabautermann on Skypiea, and made a hasty yet definitive promise to find some way to save her.

-Xomniac- Uuuuunfortunately, every method I could think of didn't work, so our mutual friend

-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- 'Sup

-Xomniac- Did you just hit my enter key for the sake of interrupting me?

-Xomniac- Anyway, he offered an... alternative solution. Save Merry at the cost of one permanent change to me. I took it.

-CV12Hornet- Oh boy.

-CV12Hornet- Wait a second

-CV12Hornet- "Lace and sequins"

-CV12Hornet- Ohhhhh my god don't tell me

*Xomniac has attached an image*

 **-CV12Hornet- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**

 **-Xomniac- Took me a minute to remember how to use the webcam on this thing.**

-CV12Hornet- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

-Xomniac- You done?

-CV12Hornet- Yeah, I'm done.

-CV12Hornet- Wait, no, still laughing.

-CV12Hornet- Okay, now I'm done.

-Xomniac- You are truly a wonderful friend, Hornet. Really.

-CV12Hornet- Sorry, but you have to admit you'd be laughing if you were on the other side of this

-Xomniac- ...yeah, probably.

 **-CV12Hornet- So! You must have a ton of stories from your adventures.**

-Xomniac- I contain multitudes.

-CV12Hornet- I'll start with the easiest and most important question then.

-CV12Hornet- What's it like having boobs?

*Xomniac has left the conversation!*  
 **  
-CV12Hornet- Dang.**


	47. Options

OMAKE - Options

 _By: Yeomanaxel_

 _"_ _Remember, the best plans are the ones that possess the most options for the planner. No strategy survives contact with the enemy, but directions and choices do. You must find the best of these options, and use those to take victory. Do you understand me, Crocodile?"_

 _"_ _Yes, Captain Barbos."_

-O-

As Sir Crocodile leaned back against a wooden bench within his stone cell, deep within the confines of Eternal Hell, these words came to mind. His internal reaction to the memory was complex and emotional: a mixture of disdain and admiration for his former captain, a somber reflection on the nature of his words, and a quiet satisfaction that he had followed the advice, gaining power and riches as a result.

That is, until he had still lost, beaten by a boy whose mental capacity only barely exceeded the non-existent brainpower within his poorly constructed hat.

Hm.

He sighed wearily, any rage he had once felt for the now ridiculously famous rookie slowly ebbing away in the face of his predicament. He could moan and groan all he wanted, but he knew it wouldn't get him anywhere. The past was in the past, not the future; another piece of advice he has been given, before he had slit Barbos' throat thirty years ago.

Now, with Alabasta behind him, what was the next step? The next great goal to achieve, or try to achieve? Crocodile didn't know. He hadn't thought of a good reason to break out yet, though he did have an escape plan ready, years in the making and prepared for execution at any time.

The plan was simple, his strategy calculated with five clear goals in mind, every direction and variable prepared for. Before him was a singular option, which was to unscrew his hook from its gauntlet, then slowly take the gauntlet apart, piece by piece, until he had access to the sea stone key near the bottom. It had been difficult, securing even this one option for himself here, for it had required him to do several difficult things in the past.

Namely, to become a Warlord, so he would have access to Impel Down in the first place. But he had also needed to hire five crew members with just the right bounties that, when they were captured, they would be placed in the 'five' levels of Impel Down. And with the excuse of visiting his defeated comrades, Crocodile had gone through most of the prison, his powers restrained but his eyes free to observe all of Hell's little details.

Such as what variants of seastone cuffs were employed: the heavy type, mass-produced, dense but easily unlockable with the right key.

Where the monitor room and officer quarters were located: Level 2 for the former, level 4 for the latter.

In which sections were transponder snails most likely to be patrolling: Levels 1 through 3, the intense heat and cold of lower floors keeping them contained to corridors.

What the warden's abilities were: The Venom-Venom Fruit, Paramecia-Type.

And all of these little details had been in the back of Crocodile's mind, when he discretely swallowed a seastone key to avoid discovery during the full-body search that occurred before his exit. And then, after painfully vomiting up said key, he had written down all of his observations in his cabin, carefully analyzing which ones would be important to him in the future. The reveal of a level six had worried him some, but as it turned out, there wasn't a lot of security down here, and Magellan visited the place sparingly. Perfect.

Right now, he had a key, and the ability to escape his cuffs. That was goal one. After that, he had four options: the ceiling, the floor, and two walls.

His cell was a box, situated on the ground, the back-wall a part of the wall of the prison itself, the front wall a grid of sea stone bars. Four options left. Escaping through one of the two available sides or though the top would be easy but instantly noticeable. Through the floor, he would have to erode a passageway underneath the sea floor, slowly working his way toward land, and Crocodile didn't know the exact distance between Impel Down and the Red Line. One miscalculation and he would drown, and he couldn't risk that. The floor was out, three options left.

The ceiling was the best choice. The advantage was minimal, but it would put him that much closer to the ceiling of the level itself, which was his second goal.

Of course, he would have to kill everyone in Eternal Hell first, a choice that would make things more complicated in the long run, but one that would be immensely satisfying. Even with haki, Crocodile doubted any of the prisoners could withstand his most visceral attack, the **Crescent Storm** , for more than an hour, if he timed it right. Slowly being flayed alive _and_ drained of all moisture wasn't something many could come back from.

Now came the complicated part, as well as his third goal. Once the tornado was formed, he would break through to level five and then to level four, where he would free Daz Bones. The man was invaluable, loyal and dangerous in equal measure. Having Daz at his side would make any far-off goal easier to achieve.

It was here that the variables began to emerge to complicate his plans. Vice Warden Hannyabal, Chief Guards Saldeath, Sadi, and Domino, all weaker than him. They could be easily dispatched, though the jailer beasts that answered to them would be tougher to kill in direct combat. Best to sweep them away or avoid them entirely. The random monsters and guards would be barely a nuisance.

Magellan was the only serious problem. His poisons were versatile enough to damage anything Crocodile could produce, and if he wasn't careful he could be poisoned himself. But Magellan has two weaknesses: the sea, and his schedule.

Hannybal had stupidly blabbed about the Warden's punishing gastronomical stress, and at what times of the day he had them. Therefore, Crocodile would execute his escape during the time that Magellan was indisposed, which was most of the time. And while he was certain that the Warden would attempt to power through his pain and leave his restroom to confront the escapee, he would be weakened enough that Crocodile could overwhelm him, eroding the bridges of level four and letting the monstrous poison man fall to his doom bellow.

At that point, his **Crescent Storm** below would begin to damage not just the prisoners but the prison, and it would be a race against the clock to escape to a marine battleship before Impel Down collapsed on itself from an eroded foundation. Crocodile has asked, innocently enough, how thick the walls of the prison where, to which the Vice-Warden had helpfully supplied some facts and figures that Crocodile had used to put together a timetable.

From the moment the **Sables** is first formed, 25 minutes before it grew large enough to erode level six into oblivion and collapse the prison.

Crocodile had practiced his powers often enough to know that he completely lost control of **Sables** when its top reached a diameter of 214 feet, so he would have to form it slowly at first, giving him the necessary time to reach Daz and form another **Sables** to get through the next three levels.

The fourth goal was to quickly break out many level one prisoners, so that he and Daz could strong-arm them into sailing a marine ship into the Tub Current for them. The prisoners would have incentive to follow him for their freedom, and he would instantly gain a small army of underlings that he could control. A win-win. And all in 25 minutes.

The fifth and final goal would be to get past the Gates of Justice that lead to what was now just a giant hole in the ocean, if the rumors were to be believed. He would keep a number of marines alive to create the illusion of normalcy, then slip past into open waters before anyone was even aware of what was happening.

The final result would be his escape, as well as the escape of his first mate and a number of underlings, and the complete destruction of Impel Down. Not bad for a measly 25 minutes of his time.

Of course, the plan DID have a rather high chance of completely imploding, so he wasn't going to execute it now, when he still had no reason to escape in the first place. And it had to be a pretty good, no, pretty damn _insane_ reason at that.

"Don don don don!"

Startled, Crocodile turned to the transponder snail he had been given.

"Don don don don!"

He chuckled slightly. "Well," he muttered. "Perhaps I'll let the Straw Hats give me my reason. It'll certainly be insane, at least."


	48. Just Another Valentine's Special

_OMAKE ~ JUST ANOTHER VALENTINE'S SPECIAL_

By: ExNativo

Cross had seen many things during his forced vacation to the Grand Line.

There had been the weird, there had been the spooky, and there had even been the odd terrifying experiences. He'd dealt with them; they all had, as Straw Hat Pirates. They could deal with anything the world had to throw at them, because they were united in their front.

Sometimes, however, the danger would arise from within their own ranks. Usually, the problem was easy enough to rid themselves of. Someone would receive a fist to the head, some of their intelligence would be forced out of their head, and with it would go whatever tension had settled on board.

But if that wasn't an option… well, it hadn't ever not been an option before.

"WHO THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO GIVE HER A BOW!?"

Cross ducked behind the mast as another arrow flew by his head, narrowly escaping the heart-shaped tip. Soundbite couldn't answer him – his faithful partner had gallantly taken a projectile meant for him not five minutes prior, and was currently recuperating in their studio. Cross would have been up there with him, providing him whatever support he could manage, had Conis not kicked the door down two minutes ago, and he'd been forced to jump from the window to escape her.

He'd explained to her the purpose of Valentine's that morning; apparently, while the Sky Islands had their own version of the holiday, it was vastly different from what the Blue Seas had come to expect. The moment he'd gotten to the part that included love and arrows, a light-bulb had blinked on above her head, and she'd excused herself, sprinting to her room and slamming the door behind her with enough force to rock the Thousand Sunny.

Cross had been confused, though not entirely concerned. There was a lot he didn't know about her culture, just as there was a lot Conis didn't know about the surface's culture. It was a Skypiean thing, he'd said to Soundbite with an accompanying shrug. If it would end up concerning them, they'd find out soon enough.

Oh, what a sweet Summer child he had been.

Look, all he was going to say was maybe, just _maybe_ , Eneru had been on to something.

Another arrow whizzed past the mast, flying over the side of the Thousand Sunny and exploding against the water. A moment later, a pair of Sea Kings had risen above the waves, where they then proceeded to… oh. Oh- Oh my!

There are children present!

Cross didn't ask questions. He didn't regard how it would affect his safety. He simply ran once the waves began to swell, reaching a new top speed as he passed the kitchen and caught a snippet of what was happening inside.

(Zoro had gotten an arrow to the side before he was even awake enough to realise what was happening, and Sanji had stood there like an idiot and not even tried to dodge. Though, that could have had something to do with Conis' new outfit…

How did she confuse Cupid with a _succubus_ , anyway?)

The corridors of the Thousand Sunny came and went. Cross kept his eyes straight ahead, not stopping for anything or anyone. From the corner of his eye, he caught a split-second glimpse of the hold where Nami kept all her gold, and spared a moment to try and remember when she'd been hit by one of Conis' arrows.

…She hadn't.

Ew.

Cross kept running. Up above, Sanji screamed out a sentence in French that Cross knew he would never be able to forget, no matter how hard he tried. At some point, he passed Robin - who had an arrow sticking out of her pocket and a dreamy look in her eyes - where he had to duck underneath the hands trying to grab him with simultaneously jumping _over_ the hands attempting to anchor his feet to the ground. He landed in a roll, pushed himself off the ground with one hand to avoid the arms that attempted to circle around his waist, and was off like a bullet.

"I didn't think this was what she was going to do with the aphrodisiac when she asked me to make some!" Chopped wailed from somewhere nearby. Cross hoped, with no small amount of vindictiveness, that he was in Brain Point and suffering just as much as everyone else.

"WHY IN THE NAME OF HATHOR WOULD YOU MA-" Vivi's voice, close enough to be in one of the adjacent rooms, was abruptly cut off. Cross kept running, his thoughts confirmed when he heard her somewhere close behind him.

"Cross, **slow down!** I need someone to be my Valentine!"

Cross sped up. He passed underneath the kitchen, and he knew it was the kitchen because he could hear Zoro's grunts from above his head. Cross tumbled around the corner, doing his best to not lose any momentum, only to stumble to a halt when he found himself on the business end of a bow and arrow.

With the revealing outfit, twin horns in the place of her antenna, and the fucking _tail_ , Conis was damn near unrecognisable. She was all smiles, showing off fangs that looked _disturbingly_ real, and the pink cloud made entirely of love hearts that was floating over her head had no business being so utterly _terrifying_.

"Oh, there you are, Cross. I suppose I should have asked you before now, seeing as it seems a few other people had the same plans…" Cross could hear the footfalls behind him getting louder. A hand sprouted out of the floor to grab him a very not-PG 13 area as Conis leant in, her bow never wavering, "would you perhaps like to become my Valentine?"

Cross glanced to the side. The window he was looking out lead underwater, giving him a clear view of the two Sea Kings who were still busy… frolicking. It was also closed and sealed and was designed to remain that way, no matter what happened to it.

Cross still jumped out of it anyway.

There would be a lot of broken windows that Franky would need to fix when he woke up and regained his clothing.

The flooding in the lower levels of the Thousand Sunny would have to be drained later.

 **XxX**

The following morning was cripplingly awkward.

Nami was in the highest spirits anybody had ever seen her. Vivi and Robin had vanished sometime during the previous day, and were now studiously ignoring each other. Conis had yet to leave her room, and Soundbite's reports indicated that she wouldn't be for a long time.

Nobody could claim to know where Merry was; all except for Soundbite, who had apparently been sworn to secrecy and was for whatever reason respecting that promise.

The males on the ship were in varying levels of disarray. Cross didn't know the extent of it, because he was doing his best to not look any of them in the eyes. Luffy was by far the most out of it – his journey into the kitchen to demand breakfast had left him wide-eyed and startlingly silent, to the point where even Boss wasn't brave enough to venture in and see what had caused such a reaction.

A few minutes later, the piercing screams coming from the kitchen informed everyone that Zoro and Sanji had finally woken up.

Needless to say, none of them ever spoke of that day again.


	49. Straw Log

_OMAKE ~ STRAW LOG_

By: ExNativo

-x-

 _Makino told me that I should write in this book as often as I can. That way_ _ **everyone who reads**_ _it can know all about my adventure. I'm not going to do that_ _ **,**_ _because if anybody wants to hear about my adventures with my nakama then they can just ask me!_

 _I'm Monkey D. Luffy and I'm gonna be the Pirate King!_

-x-

 _Luffy is making me write in this book. The pencil is too small and my hand is cramping_ _ **,**_ _but he wants to read it again when we get to Raftel._

 _I'm Roronoa Zoro, first recruit of the Straw Hat Pirat_ _ **es**_ _. The next time I read this, I'll be the greatest swordsman in the world._

-x-

 _This is an interesting book. Pretty high quality materials in the binder, I wonder where Luffy could have gotten it from?_

 _I am the great Captain Usopp, and I'm the second official recruit of the Straw Hat Pirates! I'm going to become a brave warrior of the sea like my father before me, because that's been my dream since I was a boy! I also went through the first two entries and corrected their grammar a little bit._

 _Raftel, huh…_

 _Sounds like a really long journey._

-x-

 _He did it._

 _Nojiko, Genzo, everyone else… He did it. Luffy saved them, and he saved me, like he said he would. He beat Arlong._

 _I'm Nami, the navigator. I promise you, Luffy, I will get you to Raftel._

-x-

 _I never thought I would be heading out into the ocean before the shitty old man kicked the bucket._

 _The kitchen on this boat is atrocious. None of these idiots clean anything, except the marvellous Nami, but she's too busy working on her maps and keeping us on the right course to do everything, which she obviously did before I got here. Do none of these morons know how to treat a lady?_

 _My name is Sanji. I'm a chef, and if any of the women who join this crew in the future have even a fraction of my wonderful Nami's beauty, this will be the best decision I've made in my life._

-x-

 _This is interesting, I really wasn't expecting this._

 _Hi, I'm Jeremiah Cross. Hopefully by the time this is read, nobody will ever call me that ever again. I'm here with my new buddy Soundbite, who I'm writing for along with myself due to him being a snail who is missing several prominent limbs. Namely all of them._

 _This is kind of like a time capsule, right? Because if so, I'll tell the me reading this on Raftel one thing; no regrets, got it? Just please don't ruin the world before that happens, I'm still getting used to it._

 _Under duress of a super-powered snail, I must end this entry off with this final word; dicks._

-x-

 _The world is so much bigger than anything I ever knew!_

 _Hi! My name's Chopper! I'm a doctor and also a reindeer! I ate a Devil Fruit like Luffy, and that made me a human reindeer! I'm a monster, but that's alright, because Luffy took me into his crew and he's a monster too! And he's not trying to eat me anymore!_

 _I'll definitely be the best doctor in the world when I read this again, and then I'm going to find Doctorine! And then I'll find the crew again and we'll do everything together a-_

 _Oh no, I dropped the book! I need to put it back before I damage it! Bye!_

-x-

 _This entry is being written by Princess Nefertari Vivi. I am currently living as a pirate, exiled from my home and on the run from the Government. Every night I pray to every God I know that the world survives whatever my crew has to throw at it._

 _Even so, I shall retire to my living quarters with Carue, and I shall fall asleep with a smile on my face. As for the first time in years, I am among friends._

-x-

 _Hi there, Cross again._

 _By now everyone knows about my circumstances. Funnily enough, enough butterflies were flapping for a group of five dugongs to join the crew. And because they don't have anything available to hold a pencil, they asked me to write for them._

 _There's Boss, and his four disciples; Leo, Mikey, Raphey, and Donny. Yes, trust me, I know. I also managed to recruit Lassoo, but he is currently feigning sleep and doesn't seem to care all that much for what I have to say._

 _I don't know what Boss is saying, I stopped paying attention. Now I'm just pretending to copy his words. Now he's flexing, and the others are cheering for him, and I wonder what's for dinner? I'm going to stop writing and see how long it takes Boss to notice._

 _. He didn't notice._

-x-

 _Such an interesting crew._

 _It has been quite some time since I felt hope like this._

-x-

 _They beat Eneru! They beat Eneru! I can't believe they beat Eneru!_

 _Hello! My name is Conis, and I joined the Straw Hat Pirates after they freed my home! I'm here with Su, my best friend in the entire world, and I still can't believe they beat Eneru!_

 _Luffy and Zoro and Sanji and the dugongs are all so strong! Cross and Usopp and Vivi and Robin are all so smart! Nami is so _enthusiastic! Su can talk now! This is all so incredible!_

 _Whatever is Raftel?_

-x-

 _There is now an elephant on board._

 _That is all._

-x-

 _I have hands now! I can write in the book now! This is amazing!_

 _I'm Going Merry, and for the first leg of the Straw Hat Pirate's journey, I was their boat. Then some things happened, and now I'm human, which means I can write in the book!_

 _Big Bro is gonna take us all the way to Raftel, I know it. Maybe he'll be able to write in the book too, at some point!_

 _I CAN'T BELIEVE I ACTUALLY GOT TO WRITE IN THE BOOK!_

-x-

 _This crew is SUPER!_

 _My name is Franky, and I'm an awesome Cyborg! The Straw Hats are using my ship to get to the end of the Grand Line and I'm going with them to live my dream!_

 _Sorry I can't write more, but Sunny is a SUPER big ship and he needs a lot of work before everything is ironed out! Later!_

-x-

 _To sail with the next King and know that Laboon is still alive calms my restless soul. It feels like a great burden has been lifted from my heart._

 _Except I do not have a heart!_

 _SKULL JOKE! YOHOHOHO~~_

 _My name is Brook. I am a musician. These next fifty years will be so much better than the last, of this I have no doubts._


	50. The many Surprising Talents of Jeremiah

_OMAKE ~ THE_ _MANY_ _FEW SURPRISING TALENTS OF JEREMIAH CROSS_

By: ExNativo

Generally, whenever somebody approached Jeremiah Cross while he was relaxing on the grass lawn of the Thousand Sunny, it was to have it out with him.

It was understandable, really. Being simultaneous _the_ biggest dickhead on board while carting around the _second_ biggest dickhead often resulted in plenty of motivation for retribution upon his person. In the beginning of his campaign, he may have grumbled somewhat at the unfairness of it all. Now that he was due for revenge from half the crew, however, there was very little he could genuinely complain about.

"What are you doing?"

That, however, _didn't_ mean he wasn't endlessly cautious whenever he was addressed these days.

Cross stopped writing. Or, perhaps more accurately as he hadn't written anything within the last little while; he stopped fiddling with his pen. Moving the notebook away from his face, he glanced up at Usopp, moving the book over his eyes to block out the sun as the sniper stared at him with an odd look in his eye.

"…I am currently lying down." The sentence was unnecessary, really; Cross was sprawled out along the deck, all but one foot securely tucked underneath an umbrella. Funnily enough, the grass was far more comfortable than the chair scattered about, leaving only the rampant voyeurism likely to occur as the only reason Vivi had declined his invitation for assistance in his project. Shame, that, he'd really run out of ideas over the last few minutes.

He'd been writing down jokes to tell on the S.B.S later that day, you see.

"You wouldn't attack a man lying down, would you?"

"Yes. I would attack you if you were lying down, wearing glasses, and covered in puppies." Apparently, Usopp still remembered the false accusation made against him while live on air the previous night. Though really, after making that sort of comment about Su, was Cross _supposed_ to not capitalise on it? "But I wasn't planning on doing that. Yet. I'd actually forgotten all about the S.B.S up until this point, but I just wanted to ask you what you were doing with your pen?"

Slowly, trusting Soundbite to watch his back for whatever reason, Cross glanced down at his hand. Then he twirled his pen once again, one eyebrow notched up.

"…Twirling it?"

Usopp's only response was a bland look. The two of the locked stares, and it was a moment later when Cross caved first and rolled his eyes.

"I can speak two languages and broke the initial bounty record by a handful of zeroes, and this is what you're impressed with?"

Usopp settled back on one heel and rubbed his chin in a way that somehow came across as mocking. Cross flipped him the bird and moved his notebook over to cover his face-

"Can you do anything else of interest?"

-Only to drop it so it obscured his vision in one eye, and rove what little was left over to where Robin's voice had come from. He said nothing, something which Robin must have picked up on; a mouth sprouted from the grass next to his hip, a vague smile stretching its lips. "The same book can get boring after reading it for the twenty-third time in a day."

It wasn't even past midday. Cross rolled his eyes once again, shaking the notebook off his face and sitting up. "Enif. Od ew evah emos eraps ecid dna a puc, ro a elpuoc fo skeel taht Ijnas t'nsi gnisu?"

Usopp narrowed his eyes and tilted his head to the side, while Cross tapped a finger against the grass and allowed him some time. After a moment, Usopp's eyebrows disappeared behind his goggles, his eyes lighting up as they widened exponentially.

"Does that count as a third language?"

Cross laughed all the way into the kitchen.

 **XxX**

The audience had been gathered. Some were eager, some were bored, and some…

Weeeellllll…

"If he shoves even one of them up his nose, I'm going to throw someone overboard." There was a streak of ink running down Nami's face. Anybody brave enough to point it out to her had yet to notice. "Dragging me away from my maps for _this_ …"

 _This_ really was the most apt description for Cross' latest stunt. Mainly because the next best was 'putting on rainboots, a sun-hat, and the baggiest shirt and pants any of them had ever seen, while wielding a leek in one hand and stashing the other in his back pocket ("Because there's no belt that'll fit!"). The less said about his various accessories, the better.'

The rest of the crew remained silent, if one were not taking the whimpering noises Sanji was making. The chef had found himself in a bit of a bind not too long ago, on account of not trusting Cross with any form of food as far as he could punch him. Considering his self-imposed ban on using his hands for combat and the fact that Cross just wasn't worth breaking it, that wasn't exactly that far.

But then Robin had entered the scene to advocate. It had taken the sacrifice of a few blood vessels that probably weren't major enough to kill him by failing, but Sanji had been about to decline. But there was just something so darn convincing in the way she crossed her arms and his balls suddenly felt like they'd been stuffed in a vice.

He'd yelped, then he'd moaned, and now everyone was trying not to think about it. It wasn't working all that well.

Cross twisted around, shaking one foot and grinning at his audience. Merry stood beside him, wearing two long pieces of blue tinsel that had been used to decorate the Christmas Tree the previous year in her hair. She, too, was in possession of a pair of leeks, not that she'd had to awake certain desires on their cook that he never knew he had to get them.

Now is the part where double standards should be claimed, but… well, _duh_.

"Soundbite, hit it!"

Too utterly amused by what he knew was coming, Soundbite didn't even bother making a comment as he fired up a very bouncy and happy sounding tune. Nothing he could say would make this any better.

The crew watched as Merry hopped a little out of Cross' range, raising her leek as she went. Cross copied her movements, and for a moment all was still except the waves of the ocean and the few bobbing along to the cheery music.

And then the duo began to shake their leeks up and down with around the same level of enthusiasm. Which was very rapidly surpassing 'extreme'.

Sanji let out a righteous squeak of anger at the blatant signs of vegetable abuse before him. The pressure on his gentlemen berries increased in response, and that squeak deepened about all the octaves into a throaty moan. Robin glanced down at her hands, a genuinely disturbed expression on her face.

And then the pair of performers snapped their heads to the front and began to hop about their little section of the lawn, and the phantom stickiness became easy enough to ignore.

If there had been anybody making noise, they would have been stunned silent by the choreography. After a particularly dangerous manoeuvre that saw Cross and Merry switch position while narrowly missing each other's faces with their leek, Nami settled down onto the grass, her legs crossed underneath her.

"I think the leek really makes it work…" she mused quietly as the rest of the crew joined her.

Usopp snorted, his nose rippling along its entire length. "The pen thing was way more- gah!"

"Get off the stage, jackass!" Merry crowed, skipping a step back and waving around the leek that she'd just smacked Usopp across the face with. Hastily, he complied, getting free of their range just in time for the second pair of leeks to join the routine.

It was magical, in a way, to watch the floppy vegetables become part of something beautiful. Who had ever looked upon a leek and thought it to be more than what it appeared? A leek was a leek, or at least, a leek had always been a leek before this moment. Never before could a leek choke someone up like it was choking this blessed crew of pirates up right now.

*sniff*

Excuse me, my eyes are leeking.

Cross performed a high kick that many an animal lacking bones would be hard-pressed to re-enact, spinning on his heels and sticking his hands out as the music came to a crescendo. He, along with Merry, tilted his glorious partners this way and that to the incredible flute solo, stepping back and flinging their leeks into the air as Soundbite sounded their one final hurrah.

The pair turned around. They had earned the smiles that were plastered across their faces. The crew gave them polite golf claps as the last of the music ran its course, and their afternoon entertainment gave a deep bow. They never saw the Marine battleship approaching until it was already firing upon them.

Three leeks lost their stems in the initial attack.

The Straw Hats responded accordingly.

Except Cross, who was still slightly winded after his display.


	51. The Greatest Horror

OMAKE – The Greatest Horror

By: Yeomanaxel

It was big.

It was pink.

It was covered in hearts.

It was covered in glitter.

It had heart-shaped sails.

It had kiss-shaped cannons.

It had… _something_ for a figurehead, something that could not be unseen.

It had a crew of trolls.

It had a captain named Fangirl.

It had a magenta name painted onto its pink hull.

It was a ship.

And it was a _ship._

For several long, silent, stomach-turningly uncomfortable minutes, the Straw Hats could only stare in naked terror at the _ZoroxSanji._

Well, some of them anyway. The reactions varied.

Luffy, traumatized by the Lady and Tramp-style spaghetti image plastered indecently on the top sail, could only blink rapidly and turn his head sharply from Zoro to Sanji. A look of utter confusion was frozen on his face.

Merry was also traumatized, body flat on the deck of the Sunny, out cold. Not even the Going Luffy-senpai had projected such perverted thoughts into her consciousness.

Jeremiah Cross and Soundbite were also on the ground, wheezing uncontrollably, for they had expended their laughter quite some time ago.

Ussop, Chopper, Franky, and Nami were the ones doing most of the staring, their eyes bugging out of their skulls and their jaws crushing the manicured grass below.

Robin had taken one look and had promptly cut off her own blood flow, until she was peacefully oblivious to her surroundings.

Conis was hugging Su with all her might, and rocking back and forth while gibbering nonsense.

Boss and his four disciples had fled to the deepest, darkest part of the waters they were in right now.

Funkfreed and Lassoo were both asleep and missed everything.

Brook had decided that now was a good time to practice separating his soul from his body, and seeing how far the soul could go.

Vivi was failing pitifully to staunch her massive nosebleed.

So was Carue.

And of course, Zoro and Sanji, faced with an abomination the likes of which they had never thought even remotely possible…

…were actually quite calm.

They looked upon the shipping ship with perfectly normal expressions, staring intently but rationally. They took in the hearts and the trolls and the deranged but very hot-looking fangirl with her very long whip, and they took in the indecent figurehead and the image and the name.

They took it all in.

Then, they looked at each other.

"So," Zoro spoke as he began to tie his bandana around his head. "Should I take the captain? Unless you personally-"

"No, never a woman," Sanji replied, as he slowly lit a cigarette. "Not even for this. But I won't stop you this time. I'll take the grunts."

Zoro returned his gaze to the ship. "They may look weak, but be careful. Cross said that the angrier they make you, the bigger they'll grow."

Sanji nodded in agreement. "True. However…"

…

Suddenly, without warning, a _massive_ pillar of flames shot into the sky. It burned with unbridled fury.

 _"…_ _I don't think they'll be able to react in time."_

Zoro nodded, his nine swords already cutting off the lewd cries of his opponents.

 _"_ _There's no romance here."_ He stated this across the waters, and his voice resonated through the twisted hearts of the enemy. _"_ _Only…"_

"…"

 _"_ _T_ _H_ _E_ _P_ _O_ _W_ _E_ _R_ _O_ _F_ _F_ _R_ _I_ _E_ _N_ _D_ _S_ _H_ _I_ _P_ _."_

And as one, they _moved._

 _-0-  
_  
The next day, the crew were found on a nearby island. Roughed up, to say the least, but alive.

Their ship was never heard from again.


	52. If Only the World Were Fair

If Only The World Were Fair

By: TangleKat

Buggy flinched as the great doors to Impel Down swung shut with a resonant and ominous clang. Grumbling as one of the nondescript Marines shoved him forward, he was led down a blindingly-white hallway that seemed to have no end. A lesser pirate or other criminal would have suffered the illusion of the space pressing in on them, a suffocating claustrophobia that was only the beginning of the World Government's many tortures.

After what seemed a dull eternity, the hall widened up into a slightly larger room. An iron locker stood against one wall, and a second Marine stood near it, waiting impatiently. In the centre of the room was a shallow pit filled with steaming water. Buggy gave it a sneer. One of the walls was covered entirely with a mirror; was it to give the offenders one last look at themselves before they were shut away forever? Was it to prevent any surprise attacks? Or did it serve some other purpose? Just for good measure, Buggy stuck out his tongue and pulled down an eyelid, leering at his own reflection.

Under the watchful eyes of the two Marines (at least, the ones he could see), he was ordered to strip off all of his clothes. Moaning regretfully about his wonderfully flashy attire, he stripped down quickly lest the guards suspect him of any foul play. Once he was bare down to his birthday suit, the lead Marine shoved him roughly towards the pit of steaming water. Not wasting a second, Buggy jumped in.

It _hurt._ The so-called "baptism of pain" didn't do justice to the agony he was feeling. Was he burning? Freezing? Being stabbed with a thousand daggers and needles? No. There were no words that could communicate the excruciation. All he could do was scream until his ears were nearly bleeding. Quickly ducking his head under the water (which was even worse), he scrubbed his scalp quickly and wished for the agony to be over.

As he was pulled out of the water, he was given a rough rag and ordered to scrub himself down. His skin, already raw from the boiling water, felt like it had been rubbed down with sandpaper. The Marine near the locker took a quick inventory of Buggy's clothes and pulled out a set of prison wear, throwing them to the pirate in a wadded-up ball that hit Buggy in the face. Rough like the rag, they scratched his raw skin and threatened to blister.

As he was changing, the Marine near the locker gathered up Buggy's effects and opened up a cast-iron door on the wall – a coal-black smear that looked very much like a wound on the pristine white walls. Inside the door blazed a furnace, and it was into this that Buggy's clothes were tossed without ceremony.

The next room was marked with a grid of light and dark lines on one wall. Buggy was given a slate o hold that had been marked down with a sequence of numbers. Numbers, Buggy reminded himself, that he would have to learn by heart if he were to stand a chance down here in this hell. He was stood against the wall and a third Marine took a picture of him to use in official records. Buggy made sure to grimace at the camera in the most threatening way he knew.

After the picture room, Buggy was led onto a lift, and they began to descend into the real hell that was named Impel Down.

For all purposes, it seemed to be a vast open field, dotted here and there with small groves of fruit trees and a brook that babbled it's way merrily throughout Level One. The pirate's keen eye caught glimpses of bright specks in the water, and he could swear that he could hear the giggle of young maidens somewhere. But Buggy could see the man who tried in vain to steal nuggets from the stream, and the man who reached for fruit that hung always just out of reach.

Level One of Impel Down was known as the Groves of Tantalus – the Hollow Hell. None could say who had made it, but it was the final destination for those considered to be scum, but not dangerous enough to warrant one of the other five.

In the Grand Line, the thing that men hold most dearly is their dream. Is is a dream of wealth, to become the richest man alive? Is it a dream of adventure, to sail seas yet uncharted? In the Groves of Tantalus, all these are stolen away and men are left yearning in empty despair. It has been known to drive men mad for want, and to leave them gibbering in fits of broken insanity under the light of an eternal day.

Were Buggy the Star Clown most men, perhaps the Groves would have broken him like all the others who had rested beneath it's malicious branches. Perhaps he would have been taken in by it's illusions and driven to edge of madness.

But Buggy had sailed to Raftel alongside Gold Roger. He had seen the greatest terrors of the world and survived them. And, like all of the Roger Pirates, he had entered the Blues with an unimaginable strength. He was not like Rayleigh or the abominable Shanks, who had emerged as some of the strongest men to sail the seas. That which he possessed was an almost indomitable cunning. Not for nothing could he sail the Grand Line once more with a crew strong enough only for the East Blue and make it a good ways.

It was this strength that had concealed his devil-fruit power and gotten him sent to the weakest of the hells. It was this strength that had assessed every moment of his journey to the first level; from every location, every moment, every possible weak point that could possibly be taken advantage of. And it was this strength that could gather information and allies just as well as that idiot loud-mouth Jeremiah Cross.

And when Straw-Hat Luffy came knocking? That strength just might end up getting the idiot to do his work for him during the break-out.

It was only a matter of time. If only the world were fair, perhaps Buggy would have been the one broken instead.

\- END -


	53. A Task Completed

Omake: A Task Completed

By: TheRealEvanSG

Ancient.

That was what the _Mozart_ felt as it endlessly churned through the dead waters of the Florian Triangle. Over fifty years it had sailed to complete its late crew's task. It had wandered, destitute and forgotten by all but its single passenger, throughout the sea, that damned fog chilling its planks. Fifty years _Mozart_ had suffered through the fog. Any lesser ship would've succumbed to the cold, icy whisperings and empty promises that it wrapped one's mind in by the second year. Even some of the more sturdier and loved ships, like the Puzzle Pirates', may have lasted only five. But the _Mozart_ had a will to match its crew's, and so had fought the depressing fog daily for no less than fifty years.

Its planks were so worn and aged that if one happened to jump on its deck, one would run the very real risk of shattering _Mozart's_ planks and fall through clear to the bottom of the ship. Decades of dust were piled on every surface, as numerous as _Mozart's_ silent beggings to die at last. Long-dried rat dung hid, hard as bricks, in several different corners throughout the boat. Cobwebs clung to every corner and doorway, though neither the spiders that had spun them nor their descendants remained alive. If its crew had not died before it could achieve its Klabautermann form, _Mozart's_ voice would've been as wrinkly as dried papyrus in the Sahara Desert. Ghost ship was not quite yet the most accurate term for the _Mozart,_ but to those who didn't factor in the fact that its spirit was, against all odds, not yet dead, that term would seem to not even begin to cover it.

Cold.

It had been so long since _Mozart_ had felt anything other than a deep, omnipresent cold that reached down to its very essence. Every day, it waged war with that cold, wrestling and clawing and biting to not be completely overtaken by it. Every day, the cold reached a little deeper. It made the _Mozart_ so very tired, a terrible exhaustion unbecoming of a ship of cheerful musicians. It wished it could still feel its crew's undying energy, the kind that had never left them even as they recorded their very last song. Sometimes, Brook playing the song helped chase the cold away momentarily, but it wasn't enough to feel much warmth at all. The fog would always come back much stronger and harder after these times.

Lonely.

For fifty long years, the _Mozart_ had not had anyone to talk to. In the rare times it and Brook had wandered next to another ship, it had either been bone-chillingly evil (it still shivered to think of Bark), or its spirit had long since died. It wanted so badly to talk to Brook, but the poor skeleton had no idea his ship was sentient and just as alone in the world as he was; and it had no physical form to speak with besides. And so alone it sailed, cursed and cold, for eternity in the ancient waters of the Florian Triangle.

Until the _Mozart_ heard a song that it had never thought it would hear except from either a depressed skeleton's mouth or a Tone Dial.

It started quiet, a single, shaking voice that almost could've been mistaken with the omnipresent whisperings of the fog. The voice slowly grew stronger, and then it was joined with another, and the _Mozart_ would've been breath-taken had it had any breath to take. The fog shuddered, rippled, and for the first time in fifty years, the ship felt the slightest bit of warmth. Another voice joined with the two already singing, then a fourth, a fifth, and a sixth, all the while, the song growing in strength as the voices grew in cheerfulness.

"- _steady men, and never fear, tomorrow's skies are always clear..._ "

The fog, for the first time that _Mozart_ had ever known it, was not cold nor whispering. In direct opposition to this, it was brightening, filling the area with warmth instead of the cold of the Underworld, and the ship finally felt cheerful again. Despite the fact that it was an old, dying ship hanging onto life by only the memory of its late crew, it lifted its head and for the first time, sang with all its heart. Its voice was silent, unheard by all but one shocked snail and a small girl who was not quite human, but it didn't care. _Mozart_ sang with the joy and cheer of all its crew, happy for the first time in ages to be alive, happy to know that soon it wouldn't have to live any longer. It partied as hard as the Straw Hats and _Sunny,_ enjoying the newly yellow fog. And at the end, there was only one overwhelming emotion that sagged its great shoulders when it heard the crew's acceptance of Brook and completion of his dream.

Relief.


	54. Crossing the Streams 1

OMAKE: Crossing the Streams 1  
The Voice

By: TattootheDL

Soundbite loved being partners with Cross.

He loved being on the Strawhat crew.

He loved being out on the sea, even if he had to deal with the ocassional splash of saltwater from errant sprays of surf.

But if there was something he DIDN'T love...it was the rare nagging voice in the back of his head, which he knew belonged to that BROB who dropped Cross in on this world and jerked the pair of them around for shits and giggles. Most of the time, BROB left the snail alone as even it didn't want to invite the wrath of the future pirate king. But then there were days like today, where the snail was sitting at the bottom of an empty bowl while the rest of the crew finished their own dinners.

Lassoo could hear the very faint grumblings of the snail, but couldn't make out the words, and quickly put it out of his mind in favor of a good nap.

 _"Would you leave me_ _ **alone!?**_ Today was a _good day-"_

 _"_ **HELL NO,** _I'd rather_ chug a **** ** _salt-shaker_** _than get '_ _ **more powah'**_ _from_ you _!"_

 _"...Language lesson my non-existent_ _ **ass**_ _._ What language do YOU know _that I couldn't learn from listening to this Inter-net thing_ _ **you hooked me up to**_ _?"  
_  
Soundbite blinked as the voice cut out. He had a moment to wonder if he'd just tempted fate, and in doing so realized that yes, yes he goddamn did and should feel really stupid about it.

When the music started...

It was a strange rhythmic chant, that slowly brought an orchestra into it as a group of male voices rose higher and higher. There were no lyrics, almost sounding like simple rhythmic gasps and wordless yells.

Then the voices harmonized, the song swelled, and Soundbite felt something reverberate in his shell. A feeling of greatness and power that seemed to stem from the song, and made him feel...  
 _  
Inspired_.

Soundbite narrowed his eyes thoughtfully, and whispered on a sub-vocal level, _"What's the_ CATCH _?"  
_  
After a moment, he blinked and asked quizzically. _"I have to wear a_ **what?** "

-o-

"Okay, I know our bounties are big, and bounty hunters would be crawling out of the woodwork to try and have a go at us." Nami sighed heavily and facepalmed at the sight of the bright orange ship bearing down on the Thousand Sunny, the stylized clownfish in place of the normal mermaid on the prow only emphasizing the ridiculousness of the crew manning the eye-hurting vessel. "But this is just sad."

"I feel like any fishmen who saw this would be very offended." Robin mused, one eyebrow cocked at the sight of several Faux-fishmen, who were simply sailors wearing an assortment of fishmen costumes and accessories.

Cross, eye twitching as he leaned on the railing of his home-away-from-home, said dryly, "Yeah, I don't know anything about these guys-"

"YAY!"

"-But that's probably because they were too pathetic to include in the story."

"Aww..."

Cross chuckled a little at the disappointed whine from his captain, whena nudge against the side of his neck brought his eyes to Soundbite, who was glaring at the approaching ship with fierce determination.

"Cross...let **ME** _handle this_."

The Strawhats communication officer blinked. "Ahh...okay? I mean, they might have earplugs if they know about us-"

 **"Won't matter,"** Soundbite said firmly. "I got a _new MOVE_ , and I've been **itching** to see if it's _worth the price I had to pay for it_." Cross frowned, but before he could ask, the snail side-eye'd him. "You might want to set me down, _cause this is gonna be_ **LOUD**."

Hesitant, but willing to trust his partner, Cross picked up Soundbite and put him on the railing, taking a small step back so he didn't risk his friend falling overboard.

What happened next however, nearly made Cross punt the little escargot off the side of the ship, if he hadn't been utterly stupefied.

Soundbite turned his eye-stalks skyward and hollered, _"Alright, you_ _**BASTARD!**_ _We have a_ _ **deal**_ _!_ " And then scrunched his stalks down flat onto his head. There was a brief popping sound as something appeared above the snail and landed neatly on his head.

Usopp gave the horned metal helmet, perfectly fitted for a snail, a curious look. "What the heck?"

"Noooo..."

Cross' whimpering moan drew Conis' worried expression to him, while Soundbite stuck his stalks out through the eye-holes of the helmet and resumed glaring at the ship which was about 30 yards away from the Strawhats ship. "Cross, what's wrong?!"

 **"Attention** , bounty-hunting _DIPSHITS_! " Soundbite roared across the waves. _"You get_ **ONE CHANCE** to **AMSCRAY** before I _fire_ the **BIG GUNS**!"

A cannon, loaded and ready to fire, was turned towards the snail.

Soundbite snorted. " _Idiots_. Okay then..."

Cross' prayers that he was having some kind of fever dream, perhaps due to a relapse with Primal Cholera were for naught as he heard Soundbite suck in a breath of air with a soft _"Fuusss..."  
_  
The cannon fired.

The snail opened his mouth.

 ** _"RO-DAH!"_**

Soundbite's vision had briefly been completely blocked by the cannonball that had come within inches of his face when he shouted.

Now his vision was clear, and he smiled from ear-to-ear as the bounty-hunters ship was tossed stern-over-prow, pinwheeling through the air away from the Thousand Sunny until it hit the ocean mast first, hundreds of yards away. The snail turned his stalks around and took in the wide-eye'd gawping of the Strawhats with with the smuggest of smug grins as he asked, **"Are you not** ** _entertained_** **?"**

The first, and for the longest time, only answer was Cross' head repeatedly smacking into the railing next to his partner while plaintively moaning, "Why?"


	55. Cross' Big Mouth

OMAKE FOR THE COLLECTION  
"Cross's Big mouth"  
By PSIness11

"What the fu— _MMPH!?"_ Cross's confused musings were silenced by a hand slapping over Cross's mouth.

"Shut up if you wanna live!" Nami hissed desperately. "I had to act— _ah, put my reputation on the line_ to convince our _great and merciful lord_ to spare your life so you could see just how wrong you were about his powers. Don't make me regret it!"

Cross would have said something in return, but he could clearly see the terror on her face. From her tone Cross could tell she hated the act she was putting on.

"Yes," drawled Eneru in a voice of pure evil. "As it seems that you need a more thorough demonstration of what makes me a god, I intend to give one. You will bear witness as I return everything to its place. And perhaps if you repent before the end of it, I will even permit you to accompany me to Fairy Vearth."

Cross fought to keep his tongue in check, and and failed miserably as he remembered exactly what Luffy was going to to to Eneru.

"You know... I would acctually like to go with you to 'Fairy Vearth'" Cross said, his words dripping with sarcasm "But there's just one problem with that..."

"And what exactly is that, _heathen?"_ Enel growled

Cross's grin grew even wider, as he ignored Nami's frantic attempts to shut him up.

"That my captain, who might i add is on his way here _right now,_ Is going to pound you into the ground and there is nothing you can do to stop him."

You could smell the ozone in the air at that point.

 **"You..."** Eneru started with a downright godlike fury. **"You are going to pay for that you Blasphemer."  
**  
Eneru's right hand started to glow a menacing blue before a shout filled the air

"HEY! ARE YOU ENERU!?"

Cross grinned wildly as he heard his captains roar, pulling out a vision dial for a very specific event that was about to happen.

However, events did not play out as Cross remembered them to be, as he a pushed one to many of Eneru's buttons that day. The next thing that Cross registered was the agonizing pain of Eneru's trident ripping through his torso.

All became silent, not single person moved. Then, the sickening sound of Cross coughing up blood and going limp against the deck shattered the silence about a subtly as a wrecking ball.

"Humph... Worthless heathen." Eneru scoffed "Should have silenced you for disrespecting god in the first-"

Before he could finish gloating, Eneru was cut off by a utterly MASSIVE wave of pure presence that crashed onto the Arc. The wave left Nami knocked out cold on the deck, and Eneru shaking in fear... Pure unrivaled fear. Fear he had never felt in his life. Turning around, he was greeted with the source of his fear, an absolutely ENRAGED Luffy.

 **"You're Dead"** That was not a statement, it was not a taunt, it was not a threat. No Eneru knew it was not any of those things, it was a goddamned **FACT.** Luffy didn't need to shout to get the message across.

Before he could blink, before he could even from a coherent thought, a **Black** rubber fist plowed **through** his torso, pulverizing his heart. Luffy retracted his fist from Eneru's chest as he fell over dead and rushed to his crewmates.

"CROSS!" Cried Luffy Nami and Soundbite as the attempted to aid their fallen commie, but to no success.

"He... He's... Gone..." Nami choked out between tears...

"THE HELL HE IS!" Soundbite roared, making Nami and Luffy reel back. " **There is one way** that we can save him.."

Nami's eyes widened, realizing what soundbite ment. "Soundbite.. those are impossible odds! Devil fruits reincarnate when the user dies but there is no way that it could have reincarnated on the Arc!"

"We have to try.." Luffy said, starting to dash around the Arc looking for the reincarnated fruit.

Soon enough, he found it. Eneru had brought an apple out to eat as he acceded into Fairy Vearth, now that apple was covered in electric blue swirls. Without pausing, Luffy grabbed the fruit, flashed over to Cross, and practically shoved the thing down his throat.

The three of them held their breaths for what seemed like forever, until Cross started to breath again and his wounds started to close.

With electricity.


	56. Assassination

OMAKE  
By PSIness11

"Assassination"

-()-

Atop the red line lies the Holy City of Mariejois, home to some of the most powerful and influential people in the world.

This includes the leaders of the world government, The Five Elder Stars.

Recently, said world government had their collective asses thoroughly kick, whipped, and booted to all hell by the Strawhat pirates. And to top it off, the whole world heard it due to one singular man ** _._**

 ** _Jeremiah_** __ _ **Cross**_

One name that could be spoken around the world and provoke reactions from _everyone._ Whether the reactions were good, bad, or downright _PISSED OFF,_ depended on the person.

And the reactions of the Elder Stars were the latter of the three.

Never before had a single man sparked such a revolution through the entire world, ever Gol D Rodger hadn't done what Cross had done.

The single darkest day for the world government was caused by one man... And snail.

And that man needed to die.

... And yes, the Elder Stars HAD created a Darwin award for just the occasion.

-()-

"Why am I here?"

The calm an benevolent voice of the warlord Bartholomew Kuma filled the meeting room.

"Your task, is to travel to Water 7 and dispose of Jeremiah Cross in this very specific way..."

Kuma's face was emotionless, as always, as he listened to the details of the Elder Stars plan.

"Understood"

There was one tweak that he was going to make to said plan..

-()-

Cross had no idea what hit him.

He was returning to the rest of the crew, after getting pounds of salt in preparation for Thriller Bark. Soundbite had neglected to come along, for oblivious reasons.

One moment, he was going over plans in his head.

The next, a massive _pawed_ hand filled his vision.

And then all went black.

-()-

The Strawhats were in a panicked frenzy for a long time.

The second Cross vanished, Soundbite informed them that he was no longer on the island.

Then search was on. 

-()-

Cross groaned, slowly getting up off the ground. He had no idea what happened but did notice three very important things when he looked up

One, he was in a cell. A three walled one with bars on one side. However this was not the bowels of impel down, rather an open space in what looked to be a city. He could not see much because of one _very specific_ thing.

Two, there were a large amount of women staring at him in awe and amazement, pushing past each other to get a glance at the first man many of them had seen..

Third, at the front of the group, Boa Hancock was staring down at Cross with a stoic look.

Cross would like to release the statement that he defiantly did not piss himself in fear.

"Jeremiah Cross" a stone cold voice said. "A pleasure to meet you."

 _ **"Lets have a chat"**_


	57. Assassination part 2

OMAKE  
"Assaniation"  
Part 2  
By PSIness11

Cross backed up slowly in fear as quite possibly the most powerful women in paradise opened the cell and slowly walked toward him.

"Jeremiah Cross.. So this is the face of the man who shakes the world on a daily basis..."

He could only mutely nod as Hancock neared him, his back having hit the wall.

"You should know, that I never expected Kuma to send you here of all places.. And I assume you already know what happens to _men_ who enter this island..."'

Something inside Cross snapped, his adrenaline kicking in and fueling his actions. He would not let himself die curled up in a ball against-

And then he stopped, all of his adrenaline faded as he felt something wrapped around his chest.

Cross looked down to fine the _God damned Pirate Empress_...

Fiercely hugging him and crying her eyes out on his shoulder.

Nobody moved, not Cross, not the Kuja pirates, not the Boa sisters, not even Salome.

Everyone had their mouths open in abject _shock and awe_ as the Pirate Empress embraced the most known man in the world.

 _"T-THE SNAKE PRINCESS IS HUGGING A MAN!?"_

The shocked cry of all the women present rang out..

"Sniff"

And was stopped dead when their leader began to speak.

"Jeremiah Cross..." Hancock pulled back to look the shocked man in the eyes. "I want to thank you... The things you've said and done... I can't even describe how they've impacted me, and the world"

Tears began to well up in her eyes.

"You've just... Said _so much_ of what needed to be heard... And for that I thank you from the bottom of my heart..."

She proceeded to hug Cross into her chest...

-()-

Back at water 7, Sanji was cooking up a meal to hopefully raise the spirits of everyone, Cross had been gone for three fucking days.

None of the members of MI could tell them anything of where Cross was, and they had already scoured the whole damn island...

Suddenly, Sanji stood ramrod straight.. Something was not right with the world...

And then a burning rage took over him, along with the familiar desire to pound Cross into a bloody pulp.

Somehow, someway, Sanji knew that Cross was getting something he did not deserve. The forbidden fruit...

The room exploded into flame.. 

-()-

"Leave us"

"But sister-"  
"You can't be-"

" **Now"** Hancock said forcefully. "There is something that I need to ask him, and you don't need to be around."

"Very well sister" The two Boa sisters echoed, as they left Hancocks room, leaving only Cross, her, and Salome.

"Thanks for the hospitality and all... But excuse me when I ask what I'm here for?" Cross said.

"I... Have some questions to ask you.." Hancock said hesitantly.

"Fire away."

She smiled lightly, before shifting into a more serious demeanor.

"I have three questions... First..."

She paused, looking unsure before steeling herself.

"Do you know about...?" she motioned to her back.

Cross nodded mutely, before gaining an angry and vicious tone. "I do... And I made a promise to myself awhile ago. That I would do my damn best to tear those fuckers a new one for all the inhuman shit they've done..."

Hancock averted her eyes from Cross and blushed slightly.

Cross was unaware of the effects he was having on her as he continued on..

-()-

Sanji had burnt down the house he was currently in.

-()-

"Second question..." She asked after she recovered from Crosses speech. "How do you know all this? Your SBS broadcasts reveal that you don't have a devil fruit... So how?"

"Eh... Sorry, but I can't tell you that. At least not yet.."

"Later then." She waved him off, knowing that she could get the answers from him later.

"Lastly Jeremiah Cross... What do you plan to do in the future? Where will you go from here?" She said in reference to Enes Lobby.

"Thats the Million beli question..." Cross took a good long while to think of his answer...

"Where am I going from here... Well what I'm going to do is change this world... For the betterment of all inhabitants of it, I'm going to do my damn best to burn the old system to the ground, build a new one, and make sure everyone no longer has to suffer under it.."

Cross forged onward, talking about a bright new future, so wrapped up in his talk, Cross failed to notice the growing blush on Hancocks face.

It grew brighter and brighter...

-()-

And water 7 became more and more onfire...

-()-

As Cross finished, Hancock felt strange feelings rising up from inside her, swirling and swirling almost like a _hurricane_...

"Cross... You know about my past... And I have one more question for you..."

"Anything, just ask." Cross said, confidently.

"What do you think of me?"

"That the past doesn't fucking matter at all now, and it has no hold on who you are."

And the unknown feelings inside Hancock exploded.

-()-

And so did Water 7.

-()-

"One final question Cross." Hancock said, hiding behind a confused Salome, her face a velvet shade of red.

"Another one? Alright I'll answer it as best I can..."

"Will you marry me?"

Cross calmly got up, turned to Hancock. "Excuse me" And proceeded to race to the nearest pole and slam his head _through_ it...

For he had realized his mistake, should have focused on his words more...

-()-

Water seven was no longer on fire, due to Sanji being forced into the ocean to cool his anger...

Then the ocean proceeded to start boiling...


	58. Assassination Pt 3

OMAKE  
By PSIness11  
"Assassination Part 3"  
"Cross's Struggle"

There are three things in the world that can be considered indestructible. Things that can never be broken by man nor beast. These things include...

Luffy's willpower

Cross's Transceiver.

And Cross's forehead... Specifically when he understands something that is lost on others. Such an unknown reference, or a situation that nobody else gets (I.E) the TDWS.

However this current situation was not either of these. Rather, Cross had recently taken his captains place as the object of Warlord Boa Hancocks affections.

The walls of the Snake Royal Palace stood no chance when faced with the power of Cross's forehead.

Boa Hancock looked on in worry and anticipation, as Cross proceeded to slam his head through the pillars within her room.

-()-

*Record Scratch* *Freeze Frame* Yea this is Cross, and you already know how he got here. Now how is he going to get out?

The situation, not the pillar that is.

 _"FUCKSHITDAMNBITCH"_ Cross thought in panic, _"SANJI IS GOING TO KILL ME, NAMI IS GOING TO KILL ME, VIVI IS GOING TO KILL ME, ZORO IS ACTIVELY TRYING TO KILL ME"_

 _"Calm down, calm down, CALM DOWN RIGHT FUCKING NOW YOU BITCH! You got yourself into this mess with you fucking mouth, and now you're going to use it to get out of this.. Now... How do you do that exactly?"  
_  
Cross sat there, head still in the pillar, thinking... He thought for a long time before he finally came to a singular conclusion.

Boa Hancock is very extreme with her emotions and feelings.. And never had someone explain what those feelings ment... She also thought different situations equated to various things, such as a hug being marriage.

Then again, she hugged him today to... So then again he might have changed that in her mind.. Only makes the situation worse..

She needed someone to explain all of this to her, feeling, relationships, love, affection...

Oh god damn it he had to give the Pirate Empress _the talk...  
_  
Going over what he was going to say, Cross felt something on his shoulder. Yanking his head from the wall, he noticed a equally as shocked Salome, gently nudging his shoulder and pointing to where Hancock was hiding behind the curtains of her bed, doing a damn good impression of a nervous Chopper.

Cross sighed, mentally preparing himself for the talk he was about to have...

"Um... Listen uh.. Hancock-"

Said pirate empress hid behind the curtain, her blush practically steaming at this point.

"Can I... Uh explain something to you?"

Hancock poked her head out from the curtain, "A-Anything Honey!" _"Is this what they call a proposal!? Kyaa!"  
_  
Cross's face got _very_ pale _very_ quickly, this was going to be harder than he thought.

"Well, I'm flattered, truly I am.. But I think you have a rather... Distorted view on what this whole thing is supposed to be. Affection that is."

He forged onward.

"You asked me to marry you, and well that's a _huge_ commitment that shouldn't be a split second decision. You see, marriage is something that should _only_ be done when two people know for a _fact_ that they want to spend the rest of their lives together, as a couple."

Hancock edged out from the curtain, hanging onto each of his words.

"You and me, well the thing is that we don't _really_ know each other that well, I mean of course I know you from reputation and my knowledge, and you know me from the SBS. But that's not enough to constitute marriage, most people go out on 'dates' to see if they even like each other romantically, before ever entering a relationship."

She had moved out from the curtain entirely, her blush noticeably less now.

"Jeremiah, explain this whole process to me. Now." Her tone left no room for argument

He wasted no time at all launching himself into an explanation. "Well typically two people get to know each other and become friends first before anything happens, next, one of them develops feeling for another and asks them out on a date. The other person either accepts or declines, depending on how they feel about the other. Then, if both consent to go on a date, it happens. Date's are basically an outing to determine if each person has romantic feelings for the other."

Hancock had pulled a notepad... From somewhere, and was furiously writing down every word. Cross could feel the sweat drop falling down his head.

"Anyway, typically after enough dates, feelings are figured out and then then two people enter a relationship. After a long while of being together, one person will 'propose' to the other. This means that they want to marry, and spend the rest of their lives together."

Hancock nodded for him to continue.

"And well, then they get married and spend the rest of their lives together.. That's really it I guess." Cross let out a breath.

He had just done what no other man in the world ever had the balls to do... Not even Rodger...

He had explained relationships to the Pirate Empress.

Cue adrenaline rush.

Then, Hancock said something that made Cross's blood run cold. Something so scary, so _EVIL,_ that it made CP9's blackbook look like the three little pigs...

"And what exactly is a 'honeymoon'?"

-()-

They figured out where he was.

The Strawhats had called Bartolomeo, as a desprate act, and he had called Boa Sandersonia. She had told him Cross was on Amazon Lily. And he had told the Strawhats.

They did not wait, instantly after their ship was done, named, and christened, they had set off.

And how would they get there you ask?

Simple, they and Bartolomeo got directions from the member of MI to an island. They would meet there and Bartolomeo would lead them to Amazon Lily.

Sanji was in the middle of preparing food for the trip

Then, a very familiar feeling took over him.

One of unstoppable rage, and hate. All for a specific member of the crew.

There was no pause in his actions, he lept off Water 7 into the ocean.

Then the ocean proceeded to boil.

...Again 

-()-

After a long, grueling, and painful talk, Cross had finally answered all of Hancock relentless questions.

Said empress got up from her notes, he blush gone.

"Cross, I want to thank you again.. You've somehow managed to open my eyes _again_ today"

"I aim to please."

She chuckled before speaking again. "I now understand all these feeling, what they mean, and I have come to a decision..."

Cross leaned in, smiling as he knew that he had gotten out of a close one.

Suddenly, Hancock's head shot up, a very specific glimmer in her eyes. One of Determination.

"I have decided... THAT ALL OF THESE FEELING ARE TRUE! AND I STILL WISH TO MARRY YOU JEREMIAH CROSS!"

The entire population of Amazon Lily proceeded to faint.

"ALL OF THE PREVIOUS EMPRESSES HAD FALLEN TO THESE FEELING BY REJECTING THEM, BUT I SHALL NOT MEET THE SAME FATE AS THEM, I WILL EMBRACE THESE FEELINGS!"

Cross was so pale, Perona would have mistaken him for one of her Hollows.

"JEREMIAH CROSS! YOU HAVE PROVEN TO BE THE ONLY MAN IN THE WORLD WORTHY ENOUGH TO MARRY!"

Before she could go any further, Cross had lept out of the window. At speeds that shattered his previous record at Alabasta.

"You can't run my love... I have Haki..."


	59. Food for Thought

OMAKE  
"Food for thought"

By: PSIness11

Cross grinned wildly with joy. His phone had been upgraded beyond anything in his world... Old world.

"Heh, that's awesome! Thanks..." Cross's grin turned hopeful

"While your at it, would it be to much to ask for some food?"

Another text popped up.

 **-B.R.O.B.- Greedy greedy! Buuut sure, why not? Wouldn't do for you to starve, would it? But be careful what you wish for~**

There was now warning when something hard and round impacted itself with Crosses head. Snapping his arms up quickly, Cross caught what appeared to be a fruit... An oddly colored fruit, and were those swirls-

As quickly as he caught it, Cross dropped his phone and the _fucking devil fruit_ that B.R.O.B provided him with.

Cross backed up in sheer surprise and fear,

 _"A devil fruit?! You want me to eat that!?"_ Cross yelled, nearly scaring the poor transponder snail to death.

 **-B.R.O.B- Either that or starve! HA HA! Who knows? You might actually have a chance at surviving if you eat it... OR NOT!  
**  
Glaring at his phone with the fury of the sun, Cross grudgingly picked up the fruit with both hands, after setting his phone down near the transponder snail, who was looking on with interest.

Should he do it? On one hand it would definitely increase his chances of survival, considering that omnipotent bastards wish for a show. But on the other hand it could give him a severe handicap in a world quite literally full of oceans.

Steeling himself, Cross brought the fruit that was practically calling him to his mouth.

And took a bite...


	60. Food for Thought pt 2

OMAKE PT 2  
"Food for Thought"

By: PSIness11

The second after Cross took a bite out of the fruit, he almost instantly spit it out, the horrendous taste waging an all out war a against his tongue.

"FUCKING CHRIST! SOMEONE GRAB ME MOUTHWASH, BLEACH, DRAIN-O, AND SOME BARBED WIRE. THAT SHIT TASTES LIKE MOTOR OIL MIXED WITH KEROSENE AND JOHN D ROCKEFELLER'S MUSTACHE HAIRS!

Cross crumpled to the ground, spitting a sputtering, attempting to get the fucking _UNHOLY_ flavor of devil fruit out of his mouth. Meanwhile, the transponder snail had finished eating Crosses phone and was laughing  
uproariously.

"HEHEHEHAHHAHHAHAH **HOOOO** -" The sail paused and looked around, almost if he was hearing something... _"Oohhhhhh Myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"_

Cross's head shot up the second he heard a sensual, _very familiar_ voice. "Wait was that fucking George Takei?"

The snail blinked at Cross in confusion before smiling exuberantly, opening its mouth...

" _IT'S THE EYE OF THE TIGER, IT'S THE THRILL OF THE FIGHT, RISIN' UP TO THE CHALLENGE, OF OUR RIVAL!"_

And belting out lyrics from a _very_ familiar sound.

Staring at the snail in shock, Cross gaped as it began to play a variety of different songs.

"SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA ROLL ME! _Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down!_ **CRAWLING IN MY SKIN! THE WOUNDS THEY WILL NOT HEAL!** "

Cross looked at the Snail, then to where he placed his phone, and back to the snail.

"You ate it, didn't you..."

" _Guilty~_ "

Cross sighed, he would deal with that problem later, he needed to finish the fruit. Going over pick up the rest of it, he gulped.

"Well... It's now or never... Fuck this thing is terrible."

"DOWN THE HATCH!"

Glaring at the snail, Cross quickly took a bite out of the fruit and swallowed it as fast as possible. The taste was just as bad as before, but he still got the fruit down.

Collapsing on the ground from the horrible taste, Cross moaned in pain.

"This bites..."

The snail had no sympathy as he laughed.

-0-

It took all of three days for Cross to figure out exactly what power the devil fruit gave him, and funny enough it was the newly named Soundbites idea of a joke that helped him figure it out.

Between looking for food, finding shelter, and getting water, Cross had tried _EVERYTHING_ To get his powers to work. From hitting his arm with a stick to see if he was a logia, thinking of animals to see if that made him change into one, and just focusing to see if anything would happen.

It was during one of these times that Soundbite thought of an idea for his own personal entertainment. Cross was currently busy with trying to activate his powers, so Soundbite decided to scare him.

" _GROOOOAAAAR!"_

Cross let out a terrified yelp and instantly started to run away... Only for him to utterly _**blur**_ across the clearing slam face first into a tree.

"HEHEHEHAHHAHHAHAH!" Soundbite cackled

"BITE ME YOU SLIMY LITTLE SHIT " Cross roared back before realizing exactly what he just did..

"Holy fuck... Soundbite I think I've figured it out!" Cross yelled with joy.

"MY POWER IS MAXIMUM!" Soundbite responded gleefully.

"Wait a sec... let me try something." Cross muttered before blurring back to the rock soundbite was resting on.

Cross's grin grew wider as he slowly began to discover how his powers worked.

For the next hour, Cross busied himself with blurring around the clearing at incredibly speeds, almost drunk on his newfound power. Collapsing next to soundbite, Cross was utterly exhausted, but euphoric all the same.

"Fucking hell... That settles it, devil fruits are _amazing."_ Cross said grinning "I think I'll call it... The Speed Speed fruit."

END  
For now...

So I've had the idea for a while now about this fruit, and i wanted to make it a reality. Now... Time to introduce... PSINESS11'S DEVIL FRUIT CORNER!

The Speed Speed Fruit

It's basic abilities include the power to increase the users speed. Almost to the speed of shaving. The user can increase their speed as much as their body can handle.

But of course, devil fruits have far more depth to them... Imagine being able to increase the speed of your perception, being able to take in information, process it and react MUCH faster then the average person.  
Imagine seeing things in slow motion when you fight, and being able to have the speed to react to all of it..

But there is more...

Imagine speeding up your bodies natural healing

Imagine speeding up your metabolism

Imagine speeding up cell division.

Imagine being able to CONTROL the speed of every aspect of your body.

Now lets take this further, and say you've managed to Awaken this fruits true powers...

Now you can affect the speed of the world around you, with a touch.

Of course this would require years of trained and practice with the fruit, and cross does not know the extent of its powers yet. But maybe he will find out..


	61. Crossing the Streams 2

This Bites! Omake: Crossing the Streams 2  
 **A New Dawn**

by: TattootheDL

 **OOOOOO**

It was a typical day for the Strawhats crew as they were a few days out from the wreck that had formerly been a floating chapel. After securing dinner from a Seaking that would no longer be polluting the gene pool with it's stupidity, the group were laughing, chatting, and occasionally yelling at Luffy for stealing meat off of their plates.

Until there was a green flash of light behind Cross' chair, and he felt a hand grab his shoulder as a slightly panicky voice said, "Sorry, need to borrow this!", before he was gone in another green flash.

The rest of the crew froze, blinking in shock as Cross's fork dropped to the table, bounced off, and landed in the empty chair where he'd been sitting a second ago. After a few seconds of processing what had just occurred, Soundbit summarized the crews' feelings with an eloquent, " _What the_ **FU-** "

-o-

"-UCK was that!?"

Cross' irate and completely justified shout was directed towards the figure who'd apparently taken him away from his friends, and had dropped him onto a flat grassy plain surrounded by nearly impassable cliffs broken apart by fairly narrow canyons. His kidnapper looked like a man in his early twenties with black hair and brown eyes, wearing track pants, loose t-shirt and a pair of tennis shoes. However, the image of normalcy was easily broken by the 1-inch thick black stripes spreading across his exposed skin. Two lines ran up either side of the stranger's throat, over his jawline and then his eyes before disappearing into his hair, while it looked like he was wearing 5 very thick rings on the fingers of both hands that joined together and ran up his arm, leaving behind thick 'O's on the palms and backs of his hands, the underside and top of his forearm, and the inside and outside of his biceps.

Knowing damn good and well what could be responsible for a sudden drop in another location, Cross was unsurprised when the 'man' quickly said, "Sorry dude, I know you've got a big thing going on down there, but this **cannot** wait! The fecal matter is about to hit the oscillating rotational device and we are at DEFCON _'Save-the-last-bullet-for-yourself'_!"

"Great, what the hell did you do, B.R.O.B.?!"

The man frowned at that, though his apologetic, worried expression didn't fade. "Okay, I deserved that, but I prefer ROB, cause I don't like screwing with people for shits and giggles," a nervous smile came to his face. "Or to put it another way, I never go 'Full B-tard'."

Cross wasn't going to give a wannabe higher power the benefit of a chuckle, no matter how amusing his reference had been. "What happened?" he demanded, dialing back his anger from _'Smite now, Smite often'_ to _'Listen,_ then _drop the hammer'_. "Does it have anything to do with the BROB who took me from home?"

"Inasmuch that I told him what happened before I came to get you, and the schmuck is probably still laughing his metaphysical dick off, yes."

Cross froze at that. Anything that his BROB thought was funny was bad news for many many people. More of his anger abated and he asked seriously, "How bad?"

"Okay, you're obviously familiar with multiverses; how are you with the idea that 'everyone, everywhere could be a figment of someone elses imagination'?"

Cross blinked and said, "I'd buy that. Don't like it that much, but-"

"Me either, and if I ever catch whoever wrote my story, I'm kicking him in the nuts so hard, they shoot out his ears." ROB growled. "Anyway, my schtick is that I like going to other dimensions and seeing what's up with minimal interference, while the other jackasses go around sticking their d**k's in punchbowls and giggling whenever someone takes a sip."

Cross rubbed his ear at the strange void of sound that occurred in the middle of Rob's statement. "Did you just censor yourself?"

"NOT THE TIME!" The man roared, his stripes glowing green for a moment. "Point is, I F**KED up, grabbed something I wasnt supposed to, and when I was hopping borders to find a dimension where I could FIX the f**king thing, I _dropped_ it on this 'verse you've been running around in!"

Cross' eye twitched as the figure huffed, his glowing stripes dimming as he calmed down. "You dropped...what, exactly?"

Rob winced and scratched the back of his neck. "Listen, I wasn't gonna do anything bad. The only time I mess with stuff is when sh*t is f**ked, and I wanna unf**k the sh*t before things go full grimdark-"

"What." Cross bit out, dread and irritation rising at the deific figure's excuses. "Did. You. **Drop?** "

Rob met his eyes, groaned miserably, and asked, "Have you ever heard of Sol Invictus?"

-o-

"Cross!" Nami shouted, cupping her hands over her mouth as the other Strawhats searched the Thousand Sunny, on the very slim chance that he and whoever the figure had been were still on board. Sadly, their efforts had been in vain as there was hide nor hair of their navigator.

"Big Bro Sunny says' Cross isn't anywhere on the ship!" Merry proclaimed worriedly.

 **"I can't hear him** _anywhere!_ " Soundbite piped up from his seat on the Robin's shoulder. "There's _NO WAY_ **he could have gotten out of my range that fast!** _Shave or_ _ **no**_ _shave!_ "

"It must have been that **Bastard**." Vivi's lip curled in a snarl, remembering the creature's malicious delight in prolonging the last battle Alabasta for it's own amusement.

"You don't…" Conis looked worriedly at the princess. "You don't think he took Cross home, do you?"

Before Vivi or someone else could offer an answer, there was a small crack and a piece of paper floated down in front of Conis. She blinked and caught the drifting note almost absently, and read aloud. "Not my style, toots. Also, wasn't me. B-to-the-W, Five."

Nami looked at the note in surprise and repeated, "Five?" when another crack was followed by a second piece of paper floating down in front of her. She grabbed it and after a quick glance, said, "Four."

Sensing the pattern, Robin didn't even look at the note that appeared before her and said aloud, "Three." as it floated onto the deck.

Vivi grabbed hers and muttered, "Spoilsport. Two."

The crew held their breath, but the next paper never came.

Instead, another tick after 'One' should have appeared, there was a flash of green and Cross was standing in the middle of the deck. He looked none the worse for wear physically, but his expression could be summarized as _'suffering from a cranial blue-screen'_ , or _'What Luffy would look like if someone tried to teach him trigonometry'_.

Robin was the first to run up to him, taking in his distant, somewhat haunted look and then looking down at the baseball-sized box in his hand with a folded over note taped to it. She pulled the paper from the box, which Cross didn't react to, and read aloud. "Do not open unless bork is imminent."

Usopp blinked. "Bork? What's bork?"

" _When you break shit_ _ **so bad**_ _,_ you break the words **to describe it**." Soundbite offered with a grim look. "What **Robin** _and_ **Franky** did to ** _Spandam_**? _They_ **COMPLETELY** _Borked_ him."

The sniper swallowed heavily at the memories of the anatomical jigsaw puzzle that had been on the bridge at Enies Lobby, while Zoro voiced the other worrying concern with narrowed eyes. "So if something is about to do that to us, we should use this."

"What is it?" Luffy asked with eager curiosity, already stretching out his hand to grab the box from his navigator's grasp, only to end up face-down in the Thousand Sunny's astroturf before he could take the mysterious present.

"Don't open it NOW, you idiot!" Nami shouted furiously at the lump-riddled head of her captain. "Or at all! ESPECIALLY because it's from a BROB!"

The navigator was about to continue, except several things happened at once and her rant was cut off as Cross disappeared, Robin suddenly tilted on one foot like she'd been knocked off balance, and a shout of "I GOTTA START THE SBS!" Was left hanging in the air as a man and a snail raced up the rope leading to the Thousand Sunny's crows nest/radio room.

 **OOOOOO**

There are good days and bad days, and for one particular crew of seafarers, today was a very very bad day.

Running into a crew of fishman pirates in a random stretch of the Grandline was bad.

The fishmen turning out to be New World scale powerful was worse.

The fact that they'd taken a page from Arlong's book by taming a Seaking, and then doing it 3 more times for good measure was beyond FUBAR.

At this point, the fact that one of the first victims of the surprise attack had been the ship's transponder snail, as a cannonball had blown it to bits was just a rotten cherry on top of the shit-cake.

The leader of the beleaguered sailors was a skilled swordsman, but couldn't hold up as their men fell in droves under the heavy assault, while they squared off against the fishman's captain, who looked like the end result of a giant getting really really drunk and waking up in bed with a Great White Shark.

Moving at a speed that no creature his size had any right to use, a fist was driven into the acting captain's stomach and sent them into the mast with a loud crack. The sound was mostly wood, though that was a small comfort as blood was hacked up onto the deck, and the heavy footsteps of approaching doom was punctuated by a menacing chuckle.

"Humans." The fishman captain spat in contempt and amusement. "Think you're so high and mighty, that you rule the seas when you just float along the surface like the rest of the garbage."

They look up at the too-large, sneering mouth as the fishman tilts his head and says, "How mighty do you feel now? You wanna float away from here, or sink with the rest of your men?" The sharp-toothed smile widened. "It's a fair trade, isn't it? After all, they're just-"

The fishman didn't have lips per se, but it still managed to purse them in a disbelieving expression as his opponents sword clanged uselessly off his Armament-enforced torso. "You didn't let me finish."

A glob of spit strikes the tip of his pointed nose, and the fishman's eyes widen as a mocking grin with bloodstained teeth declares, "Muscles of a shark, brains of a goldfish if you think I'm gonna abandon my Nakama."

There was silence for a moment as those nearest to the exchange cast disbelieving or admiring looks at the two leaders of the human/aquatic forces. Even the nearest of the four Seakings blinked in surprise at the disrespect being shown to it's leader.

Then everyone flinched back as the Megalodon shark man's temper broke and he roared, "You're DEAD!" as he hauled his fist back.

The fist turned black, and a pair of eyes turned to the blade held in their hand, debating whether or not they should try to block the strike. In the end, the leader of the human's decided to keep the sword down, as it wouldn't be able to take the stress of such an attack without breaking, and at least that way one of them would survive.

The blow comes, aimed at the center of the bloodied figures defiant glare.

It connects, and the shockwave shatters the mast at the human's back, and rips up chunks of planking from the now barely seaworthy vessel.

But the human is still standing. Blinking in surprise at a fist which is three times the size of their head blocking their vision, depressing their nose slightly but otherwise not causing any damage.

While the human was surprised, their nakama, their opponent, his underlings and pets were flat out flabbergasted. But while they would continue to wonder what had happened, the captain who'd been willing to go down with their crew would learn why they lived as time slowed down, and they heard a single word.

 **Lawgiver.**

A voice.

 _The_ voice.

Their legs, which had stood strong under the threat of a gruesome demise were now jellied, their body shaking as they raised their head and looked towards the sky, and the sun that had appeared over what had just been a heavily overcast day.

No. Not the sun.

Not the sun they had known for their entire life. Sometimes mourned, sometimes cursed, but most of the time found comfort and warmth in.

This was not _the_ sun.

It was **their** sun.

 **I have seen your bravery and I applaud it, for that is why you are to be admired.**

 **I have witnessed your skill and I acknowledge it, for that is why you will be lauded.**

 **I have heard your heart, which aches under the injustice and corruption of this world.**

 **I weep with you, and now I embrace you, for that is why you are beautiful.**

Tears are dripping off their cheeks as _the_ voice; of admired figures, legendary warriors, and beloved idols speaks like a proud parent. Or a teacher watching a student graduate with full honors as **their** sun moves closer to them.

 **Do what you have always done, and then do** ** _more_** **.**

 **Protect, guard, defend those weaker than yourself from the evils of this world.**

 **Burn away all shadows with your brilliance.**

 ** _And_** **my blessing.**

Energy, vitality, power such as they've never felt before flows through them as their body rejuvenates, while on the deck, everyone is leaning or backing away from the now glowing acting captain of the Marine ship.

 **For you are Exalted.**

A circle of gold, surrounded by eight points of light forms upon their brow.

 **And you will be** ** _Glorious_** **.**

And Marine Lieutenant Junior Grade Tashigi takes her Second Breath.


	62. Crossing the Streams 22

This Bites! Omake: Crossing the Streams  
 **A New Dawn, Part 2**

by: TattootheDL

"Cross?" Luffy tilted his head quizzically. "Why'd you start the SBS after you got back?"

"And what was the deal with that opening?" Usopp scratched his head. "Horoscopes? Chinese calendar? I didn't think you went in for fortune-telling stuff."

"I felt like expanding my repertoire." Cross muttered into the table his face was pressed against, following his attempt to subtly message his contacts and let them know a conversation needed to be had _immediately_.

Zoro, being among those who knew about Cross' mini-rebellion, focused on another issue which happened to be sitting next to the despondent commie's head and asked, "What's in the box?"

Soundbite snorted, drawing eye-rolls from those who assumed Zoro had made an unintentional reference, while Cross sullenly muttered, "It's an oh-shit button that might save us, or make things so much worse."

"...that's not an answer."

Cross was silent for a moment, before raising his head and giving the swordsman a narrow-eye'd glare. "It's a piece of God."

Zoro blinked. As did the rest of the Strawhats, in near unison. "What?"

"In another dimension, the creators of the universe took a bunch of moon Gods, stuffed them in a jar, and told them the last one standing would live. What came out was Luna, who absorbed the others and is the ultimate shapeshifter." Cross' eyes flicked to the box, then he lowered his head onto the table again. "In that box is an Exaltation, a little piece of Luna's power. If we open it, it's going to fly out and look for someone with qualities Luna would appreciate; determined to survive against all odds and better themselves. The Exaltation would bond with them, and make them a Lunar Exalted. Basically a Super-Zoan that can turn into any animal after hunting it down and taking a bite out of its heart."

White became the dominant color of the Strawhats mess hall, as the rest of the crew's eyes occupied 90% of their faces. The all turned their attention to the box, and Chopper asked quietly, " _Why_ do you have that?!"

"Because a ROB dropped its counterpart here." He answered miserably, still face-first against the wooden table. "If worse comes to worse, we crack that open and **pray** the Lunar it makes will help us."

"Counterpart?" Vivi swallowed heavily. "There's another of these things?"

Cross shook his head, rubbing it against the wood.

"Counter the moon…" Robin said thoughtfully, coming down off of her surprise and reclaiming her poise faster than the others. "Then, there's a God of the sun as well?"

Cross nodded. "The Unconquered Sun. His Exaltation is going to look for someone doing something heroic and awesome, and turn them into a Solar Exalted. Instead of being a Super-Zoan, the Solar would suddenly know the six powers, all three Haki's, including Conqueror's; and a bunch of other abilities that would make those look absolutely _pathetic_."

Nami's brow furrowed as she and the other's digested that. Cross' hadn't lost the solemn _'we're doomed'_ tone of voice, which was enough for her to see the Seaking bearing down on them, despite the positive description. "Is there something wrong with the Exaltation ROB dropped?"

Cross snorted and chuckled darkly. "No, there's nothing wrong with the one he dropped." a few relieved sighs were given. " ** _All_** of the Solar Exaltations are _broken_."

Those who fell for the trick either facefaulted or growled in irritation, save Conis, who walked over and placed a consoling hand on the Strawhat's third mate's back. "Please, Cross. What's wrong with the Exaltation? Is it really going to find someone heroic?"

"Yes, it's going to find someone doing something amazing." Cross slowly lifted his head and dropped it onto the table with a thunk. "And then the flaw is going to drive them a special kind of crazy that'll turn them into Eneru,"

Conis stiffened, her eyes wide in fear as her hand froze in mid-pat.

Another head lift, another thunk. "Or Akainu,"

Robin's expression didn't change, though her fingers tightened on her arms.

"Or if you want the best example of what Solars turn into," Cross raised his head, and fixed his friends and beloved Nakama with a hard look. "Imagine Spandam, if he could beat the shit out of Garp the Hero **AND** Fleet Admiral Sengoku. **At the same** ** _time_** **.** "

Usopp's knees knocked together and he unironically moaned, "Oh my god, we're gonna diiiieeee…"

"Cross, why the hell would this ROB put something like that here!?" Vivi screamed in horror.

With a small sigh, Cross finished pushing himself up and laid his elbows on the table, leaning heavily on them as he replied. "By accident, because he swiped a bunch of them and wanted to see if he could fix them somewhere else. When he ran through this dimension, a Solar Exaltation got free." with a shake of his head, Cross added, "The fact that he wasn't trying to make things worse is the only reason I'm not calling him BROB."

"Like the one who brought you here," Vivi spat darkly, remembering the horrors in Alabasta. "Does ROB really expect us to handle something that powerful?"

"Not as such, but he did give me the 411 on the details of the Curse, so that already puts us ahead of the dimension the Exaltations came from, where no one knows that the Solars turned into petty, sadistic tyrants was because of the Exaltations themselves." Cross pursed his lips. "ROB said he had a back-up plan, but wouldn't tell me what it was."

"Let's just hope he doesn't screw up this one too." Zoro muttered.

-o-

Elsewhere, in an office that bespoke of someone who took their job seriously and was well-rewarded for it, a figure within blinked and rubbed their eyes as a sudden green light was followed by a thump against the desk they were seated at.

Muttering to itself as it cleared the spots from it's eyes, the shadowy person did a double-take at the sight of a strange cream-colored, slug-like creature with a conical shell that hadn't been there a moment before. The snail, which for some reason had a human mouth and very expressive eyes attached to a pair of stalks, looked around and blinked quizzically before it noticed him. It immediately gave a terrified scream and snapped into it's shell, which began to rattle slightly on his desk.

Lips pursed, the figure reached out for the shivering creature, but paused at the folded up piece of paper it saw taped to it's shell, which he now noticed had some kind of device attached to it. The note was removed and unfolded, and the Transponder snail warily poked it's eyes out as the message was read, and the recipient's expression...might have paled, from what little the little creature could distinguish, as it seemed to be in the presence of someone who was both wearing and made from shadows.

The figure stood up, and the stalks snapped into it's shell as it shivered again. Moments later, a door opened on the far side of the room and a male voice asked, "You need something, sifu?"

Wayang, God of Silence, fixed his Sidereal assistant with a serious and decidedly fierce glare and gestured with his hands. [We need to go to the Jade Pleasure Dome, **now**.]

Black Ice Shadow blinked, but didn't ask how his sifu managed to embolden sign language and instead answered, "Yes sir."


	63. Heritage

by: phantomdemon2

Cross had commandeered a couple hours for himself, for the explicit purpose of reading a book. Now, he didn't do this for pleasure, but for a purpose. The book in question, being on Klabautermanns. On Merry.

While eating a Devil Fruit saved her and changed her a little, she was still in essence, a boat. So, Cross had brought it upon himself to learn as much about the legends of the boat spirits as he could.

And in his readings, he came across a passage that stopped in him cold.

 _"The phenomenon of the Klabautermann have been known by many things over the years, The spirit of the ship, the grim reaper of ship's, and so on. However, the one that I have found to be the most accurate is the Child of the Crew. A spirit born of the crew's love, that seeks to protect them and house them while the crew does the same in return."  
_  
Child of the Crew. Merry was a Child of the Crew. She was the Stawhat Pirate's collective child. And while Cross was stunned silent by this revelation, the same could not be said of Soundbite.

" **HOLY SHIT!** MERRY"S OUR _KID_!"

CRASH! The sudden shout causing a commotion on deck.

"What the hell are you talking about pest?" The cook said as Cross exited his Radio room.

Shaking his head to collect his thoughts he saw the rest of the crew looking at him and Soundbite with confusion and Embarrassment from Merry.

"The book I was reading. It calls Klabautermann, aka Merry, the Children of the Crew. _Meaning_ "

"That Merry is _our kid_. **CONGRATS** everyone. It's a girl." Soundbite finished.

And with that said, the crew stopped everything they were doing and stared at Merry. Merry who was steadily getting redder and redder the longer they all stared.

"What?" Merry asked, breaking the silence. "It doesn't mean anything, just something a dum"

She was interrupted by a rubbery pair of arms lifting her up

"WE HAVE A KID! EVERYONE! LET'S CELEBRATE!" Luffy shouted, his smile stretched across his entire face

"I, the Great Ussop, will teach you everything I know."

"I'm going to have to get you your own swords then if your my kid."

"Oh, we can go pick pocketing together, and shop away the money before anyone notice their wallets gone!"

"Any shitty boy that get's near you will be looking at a full course meal courtesy of the bottom of my boots."

"I wonder if my Father can have you placed as a part of the Royal Family?"

"I'll need to get you a hat then, **ONE THAT WILL SURVIVE ANYTHING"** Thunk

"SUPER!"

More and more Merry was hugged and dog piled by the crew, Love and affection being given more freely than air.

Merry could only watch as a party was set up faster then she had ever seen, as she was hugged, kissed on the head and shown more affection than a new born puppy. Sunny himself bobbing along to the sound of the party.

Merry, the Child of the Strawhat's, Could NOT be more loved.


	64. Tri-Universal Conspiracy

Omake: Tri-Universal Conspiracy

By: TheRealEvanSG

 ***Really Obnoxious Biotch has joined the conversation***

 ***Literally Omniscient Author has joined the conversation***

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- Hey, man. I've been getting kind of bored lately. My plaything is just getting** ** _Flowers for Algernon_** **'d on the whole crazy factor, you know?**

 **-All Seeing Author- I feel you, man. The surprise and shock just used to feel so gloriously genuine.**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- Right? But after my little stunt with the Anima and getting Fem Cross to come back with them, I feel like nothing else I pull is working right. And we immortal beings need our laughs, Jerkass-Goddammit!**

 **-All Seeing Author- Well, do you have any "plot twists" planned?**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- *rubs hands together* Oh,** ** _DO_** **I! *pouts* But that won't be for another couple arcs or so. I need my kicks now!**

 ***Death's Whipboy has joined the conversation***

 **-Intern-** ** _That can be arranged._** ****

 **-All Seeing Author- Wha... Hackspihhgfdgaggl** ** _HUH!?_** **How did** ** _you_** **get here!? You're stationed two whole universes away from here, and our Immortalnet isn't THAT good!**

 **-Intern-** ***flat stare*** ****

 **-All Seeing Author- ...Oh, right. Withdrawn.**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- Soooo... ignoring the now evident fact that a certain someone is as dumb as the poor sap he** ** _Narnia_** **'d, you said you had an idea, Intern?**

 **-Intern-** ***evil grin* Ohh, do I! Allow me to explain in detail...**

~o~

For some reason, Cross couldn't shake the feeling that the entire universe was conspiring against her. More like multiple universes, actually. Like, say, three. She wasn't sure _why_ she was getting this suspicious and nerve-wracking feeling, but it probably had something to do with the blue, diamond-shaped apple with foreboding swirls which Sanji found in the _Sunny_ 's refrigerator that morning. That, combined with the fact that it was Friday the 13th.

Now, Cross - neither she nor her still-male counterpart - had never been a very superstitious person. But a Devil Fruit randomly appearing on your ship, on the morning of Friday the 13th, with a Jerkass God watching your every move? Yeah, she didn't see any way this could end well.

"So," Nami said slowly, eyeing the fruit which the pirates had put on a plate on the kitchen table, "which one of us is going to eat it?"

Everyone stared at her in shock except Zoro, who looked sleepy and bored, and Chopper, who stared eagerly at the devilish food in full Hyde Mode.

"You... you don't want to sell this, Nami?" Vivi stammered, eyes wide like she couldn't quite believe what she was saying herself. "Devil Fruits sell for at least a hundred... no, two hundred million belli on every market around the world! Even the... crappier ones! If we sold this, we would be set for at least the next six months, even factoring in Luffy's stomach."

"Oi!" the rubber-brained captain spoke up with a pout. "I don't take offence to that, because it's true."

Male Cross - whom the crew had taken to calling Jeremiah since Fem Cross's joining, despite Jeremiah's hatred of that name - facepalmed. "Of course it is..."

Nami ignored her captain and tactician and instead shrugged. "Considering our hauls from Earthland and Thriller Bark combined, we should have enough spare cash to last us that long. Besides, even I can tell when something is going to be a valuable asset to our crew for more than just money. If we sold this, it'd hurt us more than if one of us ate it."

Mikey raised an eyebrow and exchanged a look with Donny. "It's official," he decided in a grave voice. "The universe has lost any rights it had left to call itself sane."

"Seconded," Donny said, accompanied by a sagely nod.

Their snarking, of course, earned them both an angry fist to the crowns of their heads.

Raphey stared down at her fellow disciples, whose faces were now buried in the floor, while Leo just sighed and shook his head. The female member of the TDWS rolled her eyes. "You two never learn, do you?"

" _Nope!_ " Chopper confirmed, creeping forward towards the table with a mad gleam in his eyes. " _But given the right tools, the ideal temperature to keep fruits fresh after picking, some alone time, and a lot of coffee,_ I _could learn the_ _ **SECRETS OF THE UNI**_ _-_ OW! Thanks, Sanji," he added, rubbing his head with a wince.

The ero-cook gently rested his foot back on the ground. "Don't mention it, Chopper."

Cross rubbed her temples and ground out, "Can we please get back to the topic at hand?"

Jeremiah shot her a grateful look, and she smiled back. "Finally, another _sane_ person on this crew!" he said, lifting his hands up to the sky as if to praise God.

"YOU'RE THE LEAST SANE OUT OF ALL OF US!" everyone else, save for Cross, bellowed at her other self.

Jeremiah lifted his finger in objection, paused, and lowered it. "...Withdrawn," he admitted. He coughed into his fist. "Alright, so first of all, Sanji."

The suit-wearing chef blinked and looked at him. "Yes?"

"You're the only one of us who has ever studied the Devil Fruit book, right? Any idea which one this thing is?"

Sanji squinted at it and thought for a minute. "I don't fully remember most of the book, mainly because I was skimming over everything that wasn't an invisibility power, but I do recognize that diamond shape. If I'm remembering this right... I think it's called something like the Tempest-Tempest Fruit, and it's a Paramecia which gives you a sort of punch ghost who has full control over any water it can concentrate on. Or something."

Several moments of silence passed as this information was processed in everyone's brains.

Usopp was the first to recover. Sweating, he choked out, "And this... this _ridiculously_ powerful Fruit just _happened_ to appear on our ship?"

"Er... SUPER yes?" Franky said, mechanical eyes blinking rapidly.

"It's a little bit hard to believe," Conis said, the beatific angel rubbing the side of her head. "In any case, obviously only one of us who hasn't eaten a Devil Fruit should eat it. We don't want to risk the rumors of what happens to those who eat two being true. But I'm out; I never wanted to trade my ability to swim for any power."

Zoro folded his arms and nodded. "Same here," the green-haired swordsman concurred. "If I'm going to get to the top, it's going to be by my own strength, not through some shitty power."

Sanji sighed and nodded. "I'll pass on this as well. I feel the same way as shit-swordsman over there." Zoro growled at him in annoyance, but Sanji pointedly ignored him. "Besides, who's gonna save you sorry asses when you fall in the water if either Zoro or I eats the damned thing?" he added, pointing at the current Hammers, who all sweatdropped.

Vivi fiddled with the locket around her neck. "I already have a Devil Fruit I can eat in case of emergency," she said with a frown, "but even then, I'd never eat it unless it was absolutely the only way out of a situation."

The TDWS shook their heads. "We'll all pass, too," Leo said with firm resolution. "It's just as Zoro said - becoming strong doesn't mean anything unless it's through your own strength."

"Working your way to brute strength through victory, valor, and hardship!" Boss exclaimed, pumping his fist. "What else can that be, but a MAN'S ROMANCE!?"

" _GO, BOSS, GO_!"

Nami shook her head, a small smile on her face. "Jeez, that kind of grows on you," she said with a sigh. "Oh, well. I don't want to eat it myself, either. If I lose the ability to swim, being a navigator, what else can I rely on?"

Jeremiah blinked. "Fair 'nuff. Does anyone else want the thing?"

"Hell, no!" Su barked from atop Conis's shoulder. "We foxes don't eat trash like fruit! Meat for me, please!"

Luffy grinned and high-fived the small, white-furred fox. "Right on!"

Cross slumped over. "These guys are almost more tiresome than the Fairy Tail guild," she groaned, rubbing the space between her eyes. She turned tiredly to Jeremiah. "Note that I said _almost_. Nothing can quite outdo Gray's serial nudity, or Earthland's apparent Fourth Law of Physics - that no girls can keep their wardrobe fully on their bodies for more than a few hours at a time."

The blond shuddered, his face paling. "Oh, _BROB no._ I am _so_ glad I didn't have to deal with that."

" _Mashima's a_ _ **HACK!**_ _"_ Soundbite said decisively.

"Agreed," Jeremiah and Cross said as one. It sounded rather like someone was remixing their voices together, on top of each other.

"YOHOHOHO!" Brook slid into view suddenly, scaring the shit out of Cross. "You two harmonize quite well. We _must_ get you to sing together sometime while I play background."

"Anyway," Usopp sighed, "I'll tap out on this one, too. It's like Zoro and Sanji said - becoming a brave warrior of the sea means nothing if I didn't do it by myself."

"Okay, so that leaves..." Jeremiah thought for a minute. "Just me and you, I think, Cross."

"HOLD IT!" Franky leaped out of nowhere, pointing a mechanical finger at the loud-mouthed tactician. "You haven't asked _me_ yet whether _I_ want to eat the damned thing! That is so not SUPER!"

Cross blinked and winced. "Oh, I guess you're right. Well... do you?"

The cyborg backed up. "Nope."

Jeremiah sweatdropped. "Wait, then what was the...? You know what, never mind. Is there anyone else who we've missed?"

"Me," Carue said, raising his claws up. Then he lowered them. "Althowgh I dohn't wahnt it.."

"Alright, that's just me and you left, then, Jeremiah," Cross said with a clap of her hands when no one else was forthcoming. "And I personally think you deserve it more, since the World Government's after _your_ head the most of any of us. It would be strange for me to eat it when you're in much more potential danger than I am."

Jeremiah shook his head. "That's actually not true. I'd say in you're in more danger right now - you used up the last reservoirs of your Force-Increasing Magic back on Thriller Bark, didn't you? You won't have any way to fight anymore."

Cross flinched. "Alright, fair 'nuff. We'll rock-paper-scissors for it, then?"

Her other self considered this suggestion. "Sounds alright to me."

The Straw Hats parted around them and formed a large circle, all getting in a spot where they could see, like it was some sort of dance battle. Cross lifted her fist nervously, a bead of sweat dripping down her face. Jeremiah looked equally nervous as he rose his fist level with his chest. Somewhere, a clock ticked upwards to twelve; a sudden, intense burst of wind gushed in and blew Chopper dizzily across the circle of Straw Hats.

" _GET ON WITH IT!_ " crowed Soundbite and Merry irritably.

Two fists struck two palms, three times. "Rock... paper... scissors..."

The universe took a deep breath. The waves outside paused in their motion. Jeremiah and Cross, both equal in height and both extremely nervous, exchanged a look. In the next moment, their very fates would be decided. In the next moment, one of them would take the biggest devil's deal in his or her life. In the next moment, one of them would eat a strawberry.

"Shoot!"

A wave crashed outside.

Cross, who had played paper, slowly looked down at her counterpart's hands. Her eyes lit up. "I won!" she exclaimed at the sight of the rock formed by Jeremiah's hands. Then her face fell. "Oh. I won. Maaan, I really liked taking baths, too..."

Sighing in disappointment, she turned to the table, reached her hand out, and took a bite of the Devil Fruit.

And immediately spat half of it back out, choking down the other half in pure shock. She reeled back, her long, blonde hair falling in her eyes as she shook her head rapidly. "YUCK, OH _GOD_ THAT'S NASTY!" she moaned in horror.

"Hear, hear," chorused the other Hammers, using flat voices.

A flash of brown hair and a leather jacket zipped outside of the kitchen. Some water happened to fly up from outside of the ship and into the kitchen, sliding right underneath Cross's foot as she wheeled backward. She fell into something both soft with a slight whump, or from the way it felt, some _one_ soft.

And... where exactly were her lips touching?

She opened her eyes, which had snapped shut on reflex while she fell, and gaped into an identical pair.

The Straw Hats gaped.

Jeremiah gaped.

The Sea Kings in the ocean below gaped.

Fucking _Oda gaped_.

Conis covered her mouth with one hand, and Su's eyes with the other. "Oh _my_ ," she said in a small voice, her face beet red.

Cross quickly backpedaled away from the person whose lips had just touched her own, unsure whether she wanted to blush or barf. "Um..." she said intelligently. She took a slow breath of air, then stared at Jeremiah. "...At least we both know we're great kissers now?"

Jeremiah stared back. "I... guess?"

"Sweet baby _Jesus on a_ _ **TYRANNOSAURUS REX**_ _,"_ Soundbite whistled. " **FOLKS, WE HAVE** _wincest_. _Or is it_ _ **SELF-CEST?**_ _"_

Franky slooooooowly backpedaled out of the kitchen. "It's _I'm getting some SUPER bleach for my brain,_ is what that is."

"Amen!" the rest of the crew chorused.


	65. Tri-Universal Conspiracy Part 2

**_Tri-Universal Conspiracy Part II._**

 ** _Also known by its Google Docs name:_**

 **By: ExNativo**

 **** **XxX**

 ***Death's Whipboy has joined the conversation***

 **-Intern-** **Well, my one is being a sad sack again. Tried to shoot himself in the head today, can you believe it?**

 ***Bitchingly Really Omnieverywhere Batch has joined the conversation***

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- HAHAHAHAHAHA are you serious?**

 **-Intern-** **In his defense, I** ** _may_** **have introduced the insurgent dolphins earlier than I was expecting.**

 ***Author-Lord has joined the conversation***

 **-All Seeing Author- I THOUGHT THAT WAS A JOKE!**

 **-Intern-** **Just because I came up with it while drunk off my ass, doesn't mean I didn't mean it. A lot of things in the multiverse follow that principle.**

 **-Intern-** **But yes, he's passing the first test of his virtue marvellously. If he could stop with the subtle attempts of ending his own life, it would be nice, but he doesn't even seem to want to play fair.**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- Just out of curiosity, how does one who has already died try to subtly end their own life?**

 **-Intern- *sigh*** **You'd be surprised.**

 **-Intern-** **I'd rather not talk about him right now, though. I know both of you have things going on. How goes that thing with the Water Guy?**

 **-All Seeing Author- Let's just say he didn't** ** _see_** **his plot twist coming.**

 **-Intern-** **...Are you just going to leave it there? Seriously?**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- *sniff* I'm smelling booze. Have you been drinking again?**

 **-Intern-** **When you work for the Big Man himself, you find ways to keep everything together.**

 **-Intern-** **Overlooking some whiny bitch that doesn't appreciate everything I'm doing for him isn't helping with my mood.**

 **-Intern-** **I thought this whole multiversal mix-up was supposed to be** ** _fun?_**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- It is. You just got a shit roll.**

 **-All Seeing Author- HAH!**

 ** _***Intern starts strangling All Seeing Author with its own username***_**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- Lol. You wanna hear how your plot is going for Jerry and Miah?**

 **-Intern-** **PLEASE.**

 ** _***All Seeing Author tackles Intern and starts strangling it***_**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- lmao**

 **XxX**

It had been a frustratingly slow few days since Cross had eaten her Devil Fruit.

Usually, a slow day on the Grand Line meant that there were no enemies to fight, no islands to dock at, and no freakish weather to battle. Usually, when there was a slow day on the Grand Line, it could only be identified as such by hindsight, after the sun had already vanished below the horizon and the anchor had been dropped, the ship no longer slave to the raging paranoia that was more than necessary if they even wanted to _survive._

A slow day was a chance to unwind, decompress, and just relax. It was only a chance because it could rarely be taken by every member of the the crew at one time, no matter how easy it would have been. Two slow days in a row was practically unheard of, not even by comparison.

Three slow days in a row was more or less tantamount to divine intervention. And while almost any other crew on these oceans would have probably killed for a chance for three whole days of not having to deal with metric piles of shit at every waking moment, The Straw Hats knew better, and they knew exactly what these last few days had been.

It was a lack of distractions, and a very long opportunity for two universal refugees to slowly drive themselves insane. For the last three days, nothing had happened. For the last three days, Jeremiah and Cross had been avoiding one another.

For the last three days, Jeremiah and Cross had been given nothing to keep their minds off the good points and parts of their genderbent counterpart. Physically, the two were fit from and for a life on the seas. Mentally, they matched up better than anybody could ever dream.

Emotionally, they currently resembled the aftermath of a Buster Call.

Jeremiah swerved this way and that as he climbed a set of Sunny's stairs, getting to the top and veering sharply to the side when a wave lightly brushed the hull. He nearly fell right off the side, which likely would have doomed both him and his partner had he not bounced off the railing instead of over it.

The impact was enough to wake Soundbite, who poked his head out from his shell to take in the world from Jeremiah's shoulder. He nearly shrieked upon noticing how precariously his friend was balanced, gritting his teeth for a moment before turning and driving them into the side of his neck.

Jeremiah jumped at the sudden pain and stumbled backwards, smacking the back of his skull against the dining room wall. While it hadn't been the first time in the last little while that his head had almost been caved in, it was the first time it hadn't been by his own volition.

 ** _"Damn_** _it Cross!"_ Soundbite snapped, the split-second of fearing for his life taking the lighthearted mockery out of his tone. Even if the name had been given to their newest female member, everyone knew who really owned it when it mattered. " _Just_ **GO THE FUCK TO** ** _SLEEP!"_**

"Can't." His tone wasn't the only thing tired past the limit of exhaustion. Cross slid down the wall until he'd hit the ground, tucking a leg up close to his chest to drape an arm over it. His free hand ran through his hair, bloodshot eyes narrowed out at the ocean as though it were the cause of all his problems. Considering where they were, that very well could have been the case. "Every time I try to close my eyes, I see _her._ "

And see her he did. Who practiced newly found water powers while wearing a white shirt? Someone from the Fairy Tail universe, that's who. Even for the standards set by the One Piece world, those proportions were absurd.

 ** _"Cross, it was_** just **A KISS.** "

"No no no, that's how it starts!" Jeremiah pushed himself to his feet, stumbling dangerously close to the edge of the ship before catching himself against the railing of the stairs. "You're just minding your own business, an extremely hot alternate of yourself from another couple of universes over accidentally kisses you, and then it happens again, and then you start to enjoy it, and KABOOM! _CATASTROPHIC WINTER!_ "

Soundbite felt very much like bashing his skull open against the side of Jeremiah's neck. He didn't, for the simple excuse of being a snail and unable to move fast enough to cause grievous harm to himself without prior momentum. "HOW **_LONG HAS IT been_** _since you last SLEPT?"_

"Depends." Jeremiah missed the fifth step down, did a front flip for style, and landed on his feet. He didn't even seem to notice, his eyes slipping closed and a snore escaping his mouth before he jerked back awake. "What day is it?!"

His voice echoed out across the ocean.

 ** _"Tuesday."_** Soundbite supplied, doing his best to uncross his eyes.

"The…?"

 _"TWELFTH."_

Jeremiah nodded vigorously, as though his neck had lost all bones, before freezing entirely.

"...Of the…?"

 **"Alright."** Soundbite didn't want it to come to this, but now he had no choice. He'd fallen asleep in the first place trusting Jeremiah to do the same, but now he could see that trust had been misplaced.

He took a deep breath, preparing a concussive blast of sound that would put Jerry out like a light… and possibly dump his ass in the ocean. But that was what paging an S.O.S over to Cross was for; surely the Tempest-Tempest Fruit would be able to fish them out in the event that they needed it.

He blasted a siren through the girl's quarters. Close enough.

 ** _"Cross,_** **I didn't want to** have to do this, but _IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO-"_

"Start the S.B.S!"

"WAIT, _WHAT-"_

 _Clonk! Don Don Don Don!_

 **"Ulp! Ugh,** what _THE… OH,_ **_Cross, YOU SON OF A-!"_**

 **XxX**

Spread out across the deck of the Red Force was a multitude of bodies, all of which were unconscious and prone. Several had empty bottles in various states of grip, all others with their arms stretched out in the direction of another. Atop a pile of sailors lay one of note; a man with one arm and red hair splayed across his forehead, a mountain of glass hugged tightly to his chest and a content grin on his face.

 _"Don Don Don Don!"_

That grin extended to show some teeth as an unassuming snail on the opposite end of the deck began to sound a most peculiar alarm.

"Somebody!" Shanks crowed, throwing his arm into the sky to point triumphantly. His collection of bad life decisions slid off his chest, shattering on the heads of his good life decisions. "Answer the snail!"

More than a few people groaned. One poor sod nearby the incessant chiming poked his head out of his pile of bottles, flailing his arm in the general direction of the snail until something clicked. A familiar voice echoed out across the deck almost immediately, bringing some light to their expressions.

 _"-eed to worry about my health, I've just not been getting that much sleep lately. Kind of happens when someone related to you gets a bit too_ close for comfort. _"_

There was something about the phrasing of that statement that had Shanks fighting through the hangover to poke his head up, narrowing his eyes at the sleepy expression his Transponder Snail was wearing.

"Did that sound kinda weird to anyone else?" One of the newer recruits wondered aloud, getting a few noncommittal grunts in response. Shanks was among them, his hazy mind doing its best to work through the implication.

Everyone had heard of the second Cross, and if they somehow hadn't then they'd probably come across her wanted poster. A few hundred thousand for association, if he recalled correctly. Which he probably wasn't, seeing as he was having trouble remembering his own birthday right now. Either way, the Jeremiah half of the name Cross had never mentioned her, and it wasn't difficult to imagine why.

Insanely high bounty aside, stories of siblings only finding each other later in life weren't all that uncommon. Given the size of the ocean, it was generally a hopeless search even if you knew what you were looking for regardless, but not everyone had the advantage of tightly-knit family. Shanks didn't when he was younger, and he'd assumed that Cross hadn't either, if his brazen disregard for the law was any indication. The higher bounties were typically reserved for those with nothing to lose and everything to gain.

Still, 'too close for comfort' wasn't all that much on an indicator. They lived on a ship out in the middle of the ocean; a big ship, true, but even the largest of brig sloops was an enclosed space.

 _"Either way, that's not important! It's time to start the S.B.S!"_

Everyone either sat up or sat up a little straighter upon hearing that declaration. _Never_ was that a good sign. Occasionally, it was a _great_ sign, but never was it a _good_ sign.

 _"Cross, for_ _ **the last time,**_ _it was_ an accident. _ **GO TO SLEEP AND**_ WORRY ABOUT IT _in the morning."_

"300 says Soundbite was involved in this _'accident'_ somehow." Someone near Shanks groaned.

"And 700 says the sky is blue." Someone else sniped, quite possibly one of the men hanging halfway over the railing with a tinge of green in their cheeks. Any follow-up retort was quickly hushed by a quick glare from Benn, even the men who were facing the back of his head. He was just that damn good.

 _"No can do, little amigo. Not until…Ahhh…"_ Jeremiah's voice turned to static for a moment as he yawned, smacking his lips a few times before blinking sluggishly and continuing on, _"Not until Chopper figures out a stronger concentration of brain bleach so I can get the feeling of Cross' lips out of my mind."_

The Red Force came to a screeching halt in the waves. Shanks wasn't really paying attention, but he could have sworn that even the _figurehead_ had turned around to stare at the Transponder Snail.

Something touched the bottom of Shanks' chin. He tapped at it idly with a finger, too busy being shocked to really commit to figuring out what it was… oh, it was the deck. But wait, wasn't he still sitting up?

 _"_ CROSS... WE'RE **LIVE on air.** _"_

 _"...shit."_

 **XxX**

"S-surely he didn't mean to say that? It must have come out wrong, r-right?"

For the first time in recent memory, Merry didn't jump to answer his mistress's question, too busy wiping over the same space of window with a rag and gaping at the Transponder Snail in the middle of the room.

 _"Whose bright idea was it to start the S.B.S now!? I haven't slept in 72 hours!"_

 _"_ YOURS, **_DIPSHIT!_** _"_

 _"That-! I...I believe that, actually."_

"What's a dipshit?" Onion wondered aloud, his two friends nodding along with him. They'd simply been visiting when the Transponder Snail in the room began to ring, as they usually were. It was kind of odd, how often they were in the same room as Kaya and Merry when Cross decided to start the S.B.S.

He went ignored, with Merry too busy failing to hinge his jaw and Kaya too busy fanning her rapidly reddening face to notice.

 _"...Well, this is probably the fastest I've ever made a mistake that I'll regret for the rest of my life."_ While still tired, the expression on the Transponder Snail's face was far more alert than it had been before. _"I suppose it'll be too much hassle to just ask everyone to forget about this, so I'm going to hide away from the world for a little while until-"_

 _"Jeremiah?_ " The Snail's eyes shot wide open. Five voices groaned, all of them belonging to Soundbite. _"Why did Soundbite just sound an alarm in the girl's quarters? What's this about going swimming?"_

Movement from the corner of her eye snapped Kaya out of whatever trance had overtaken her. Merry had dropped his rag and made his way across the room, his hand almost on the Transponder Snail before Kaya surged forward and pushed him away.

Merry barely moved; the shove hadn't had any real power behind it. It was more the fact that it had happened at all that stopped him from making another attempt to hang the snail up before Kaya swept it into her arms and cuddled it close.

"Lady Kaya-"

"You can't hang up! I need to hear what happens next!"

Merry could see in her eyes that she would do whatever necessary to ensure that she would listen to this broadcast. Romantic stories had been her weakness, forbidden romance especially so. Even if he could acknowledge how great a man he was, Merry would still blame Usopp until the day he died for planting that idea in her head. That the bonding of a outlaw's son and a high-society magnate's daughter was a delicious fruit more forbidden than anything the Devil could produce, a life she was more than happy to lead.

So, with a heavy heart and a silent apology to Jeremiah for inadvertently invading his privacy, he found a comfortable seat with the boys on the couch and settled in to listen to the unfolding drama.

 **XxX**

"This is a joke, right?"

Smoker's gruff voice, rather than dispelling the awkward tension building in the room, just made everything worse. For Tashigi and Hina, it was just a reminder that their male colleague and friend was in the room with them, and would probably judge them if they started to scream.

And scream they very much wanted to do. Because they knew the truth, and were currently going through a multitude of feelings on the matter.

Was it cute? Was it alright? If they were from different universes, did they count as related? If it wasn't weird, then how far could they go before it became weird? Should they celebrate? Should they throw up?

 _"C-Cross! What are you doing here?"_ The waver in his voice was understandable.

 _"I just said I got an S.O.S."_ The small part of Tashigi that wasn't freaking the fuck out over the fact that Cross managed to lock lips with someone picked up on the strangled tone, and the way the Transponder Snail's lips thinned briefly before it shifted expressions. _"Besides, Nami's called for all hands on deck. Apparently there's a storm brew-"_

The end of Cross' sentence was cut off by a mighty crash of thunder, and about eight voices all swearing over one another. The poor Transponder Snail tried to keep up with the onslaught of expressions and words it had to convey… for all of five seconds. Then there was a crash, a couple of shrieks that were cut off before they could really get anywhere, and finally some silence.

Then it, too, looked shocked.

 _"Mfph~..."_

Tashigi burst into a violent coughing fit. There was a lot of gasping coming from the other side of the connection, before something else crashed and the unmistakable slap of water against a ship rang out.

 _"Kyaa-! Unnmm~..."_

She was joined two seconds later by Hina.

With a look on his face that suggested he very much didn't want to get involved but was going to intervene anyway, Smoker began to punch in a number. "Cross has been going around and telling people that he's related to the girl." He grumbled upon noticing the looks being sent his way. "He loses any of the respect that his name can give us and we're as good as doomed. Someone needs to stop this, _now._ "

 _Gasp! Crash! Splash!_

 _"This is getti-! Hmmnn~..."_

Hitting the last number, Smoker sat back in his seat, keeping two fingers stretched out in order to tap them against the table as soon as the phone connected. He wasn't expected the line to go dead, or for the dreamy expression upon the to snap into something infinitely more irritated.

 _ **"Sorry,**_ _whoever tried to_ **call in."** Soundbite's harmonious tones didn't even bother trying to sound polite, or apologetic. Everyone's favourite God of Sound knew exactly who was calling in, and thus even the general consideration that was customary, just in case a child managed to dial the number, was absent.

 ** _"I ain't going_** THOUGH THIS ALONE, AND UNTIL _ONE OF THEM DECIDES TO HANG UP,_ _ **neither will you."**_

Smoker slammed the receiver down a little harder than necessary, pushing himself out of his seat. He took one look at the people sharing the room with him, the two of them staring at the Snail will expressions approaching enamoured on their faces, before shaking his head and leaving for a location that had 100% less gastropods in the general vicinity.

 **XxX**

 _Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

 _"_ THEY STILL **_AREN'T PAYING ANY_** _ATTENTION TO ME,_ OH… **Is that t- yep, that's tongue.** ** _"_**

 _Beep beep beep beep._

 _"_ _ **Been a few**_ minutes, _ARE THEY COMING UP_ **FOR AIR? No, apparently NOT.** ** _"_**

 _BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP._

 _"Cross? Cross?_ **Either of you? Jerry…?** ** _I think they're asleep."_**

 _Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

 _"They could have at least TAKEN_ THEIR TONGUES _OUT_ _ **OF EACH OTHER'S THROATS."**_

 _BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-_

"BWAHAHAHAHA!" Garp's laughter shook the entire building. He wiped a lone tear from his eye, not seeming to notice his oldest and dearest BFF flat-lining behind him. "Ahh, young love!"

 _BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-_

 **XxX**

 **-Intern-** ** _Please_** **tell me that storm was a snow storm!**

 **-Bitchingly Ridiculous Outstanding Biotch- You know it.**

 **-Intern-** **Zheekeehihihihi!**


	66. You're Welcome, And Thank You!

**You're Welcome, And Thank You!**

By: Mastrado

 _"You had better keep all of these guys distracted, Cross."_ I heard Nami's muted voice from nothing beside me, courtesy of my partner who was trembling in anticipation of the awesome we were about to unleash.

"Come on Nami," I say. "When have I ever been **_not_** distracting?"

There was a pause, before Nami's voice came back, grudging respect in her tone. _"…Fine, that's a fair point, just be careful then, I'm going in now."_

I grin, glancing at my partner, "You ready to put on a show?"

Soundbite grinned right back at me, " ** _You know_** _it_ **PAL**!" and with that, I kick down the door of a bar, filled to the brim with pirates – none from any of the Supernova crews, but still respectable enough for this portion of the Grand Line.

For an instant, there was quiet, but suddenly murmurs erupted from all the pirates at the bar. "Shit that's Cross and Soundbite!" "What are they doing here?" "Their bounty is insane, let's get them!" "Are you stupid? Even if those two don't overpower us, the Strawhats will murder us!"

I grin, damn did it feel good to have some notoriety! I clear my throat, and a hush fills the room, wanting to hear what the Voices of Anarchy had to say. However, despite listening to the SBS regularly, they were not prepared for a lighthearted tune to fill the air and for Cross to start a sing and dance number.

Okay, okay, I see what's happening here  
You're face-to-face with greatness and it's strange  
You don't even know how you feel, it's adorable  
Well, it's nice to see that my fans never change  
Open your eyes, let's begin  
Yes it's really me, It's Jerri, breathe it in  
I know it's a lot: the snail and Cross  
When you're staring at such a Boss!

After the first verse finished, the pirates were swept in as if like magic (with some help/prompting from Soundbite) to join in the chorus.

What can I say except "you're welcome"?  
For the madness and insanity  
Hey, it's okay, it's okay, you're welcome  
I'm just here to sail all of the seas!

The party began to seep out from the bar, spilling into the street and attracting the attention of more pirates and their crews as Cross began the second verse.

Who's got the highest bounty this side, of the line?  
While yours are tiny like guppies? This guy  
When the nights are a bore, who entertains with just a _Don_?  
He's right here, just look on!  
Oh, also I sailed in the sky, you're welcome  
To culture you and tell you the sights  
Challenged the Gov, and I won, you're welcome  
Still free to sail under the sun!

At this point, every pirate in the town had joined in, and the chorus sang out in a beautiful harmony as Cross lead his posse toward the docks where he and Nami had docked with the Gator Glider.

So, what can I say except "you're welcome"?  
For the madness and insanity  
There's no need to bow, for now, you're welcome  
I guess it's just my way of being me  
You're welcome, you're welcome

Seeing Nami sneaking back to the Glider, Cross began the final, blitzkrieg verse.

Well, come to think of it  
Guys, honestly, I could go on and on  
I can explain every Straw Hat phenomenon  
From start to Thriller Bark,  
Oh, that was Jerri just having a lark  
Trecked through the sand, and we beat a croc  
Got a country, to say revolution rocks!  
What's the lesson? What is the takeaway?  
Don't mess with Jerri when he's on the breakaway  
And the scars all over my skin  
They're just proof of the victories I win  
Look where I've been, I make everything happen  
Look at that mean Soundbite smilin' and dancin'  
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, hey

Cross jumps up onto the Gator Glider to the cheers of his fans, and begins the final chorus alone.

Well anyway, let me say you're welcome  
For this maddening world you know  
Hey, it's okay, it's okay you're welcome  
Well, come to think of it, I gotta go  
Hey, it's your day to say "you're welcome"  
'Cause Nami's back with your gold  
I'm sailing away, away, you're welcome  
'Cause being in debt has gotten really old!  
You're welcome, you're welcome

"And thank you!" Cross calls out to the applause as Nami kicks the Glider into high gear, rocketing away from the dock to the Thousand Sunny just barely visible in the distance.

It wasn't until they were back to the ship that the pirates realized that the Gator Glider had been loaded to the brim with treasure, and when they checked their reserves, they found themselves cleaned out.

It was just barely enough to cover the interest accumulated by Cross' debt before Nami stopped counting the interest.


	67. Experiment 626

Omake: Experiment 626

By: Arthur2light

It was a peaceful night on the Sunny. The Strawhats (and Perona) had just left the former Thriller Bark, now Skelter Bite, and were now enjoying a good night sleep. On watch, to break her in, was Perona.

"*Yawn.* Why do I have to be on the first watch? This is not how you treat a lady." Perona complained.

Currently, Perona was relaxing on the lawn of the Thousand Sunny, looking at the stars.

"Though I will say this is nice. It has been a while since I have seen the night sky."

Suddenly high above Perona saw something. "Ooooh a shooting star…. THAT IS HEADING RIGHT FOR ME! AHHHHHHHH," She screamed as she moved out of the way.

 **BOOOOOOOOM**

There was a small crater in the lawn, and the ship, as dust and smoke exploded from the impact. Luckily the Adam Wood held so there was no lasting damage. However, the crash woke up everyone on the ship, so they all came rushing out.

"What in the world is going on?" Nami asked.

"Are We under attack?" Ussop asked

"I DO _not Think_ SO? I **Don't Hear** ANYTHing Around us." Soundbite scanned.

"Big Bro seems to be okay, the grass is a little singed though," Merry said

"Cross do you know what is going on?" Robin asked.

"No. I have no clue." Cross said.

"Shishishi. Cool." Luffy said.

"Would someone do something and clear away this smoke," Perona said in a slight daze.

"I've got this," Frank said as he put himself in position. " **Coup de Vent Lite!** " With that a blast of air busted out from Franky and blew the smoke away.

When the smoke cleared, it revealed a red space ship. (That Cross faintly recognized.)

"What is it?" Franky asked. Every one of the Straw hats also was confused. Well, most of the Straw hats.

"What is that? It looks cool." Luffy said with stars in his eyes.

"It can't be," Cross said.

"You recognize this thing," Robin asked. However, before Cross could answer, the chamber hatch opened, and a creature popped out with evil in its eyes. To be exact, it was a blue (and fuzzy) creature with 4 arms, two legs, claws, antenna, quills on its back, and a big blue nose. It looked alien.

"Meega, nala kweesta! Eheheheheeh." It shouted.

"AHHHHHHH! What is that Thing!" Usopp, Brook, and Mikey shouted.

"So cool," Luffy said with stars in his eyes again.

"It's soo CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTE!" Perona shouted rushing to the alien creature.

"Gaba?" was all it could say before Perona suddenly grabbed it and started hugging it tightly like a stuffed animal.

"Oh yes. You are so cute and fluffy. And you are all mine. You hear that Strawhats. This thing is MINE! Yes, you are." Perona declared causing every Straw hat to have a sweet drop.

"Aka boocha." It said.

"QUIET YOU! NO TALKING!" Perona said squeezing the alien.

"Wow. Never in my life would I thought I would see Perona hugging the daylights out of 626. That even sounded weird." Cross said.

"You know what that thing is?" Nami asked.

"Unfortunately. Ladies and gentlemen, I introduce to you Experiment 626, aka Stitch." Cross said pointing at the alien creature. "A genetically engineered alien bioweapon created to create chaos. He was designed to be virtually indestructible, fireproof, bulletproof, shockproof, think faster than a supercomputer, have super sight and hearing, and lift objects 3,000 times his own weight (but not an ounce more). He also cannot swim." Cross explained.

"You and I well be together forever," Perona said to 626.

"And apparently Perona's new pet," Conis said.

"How do you know so much about that thing?" Robin asked.

"The same way I know so much about you guys, but it was from a movie."

"What's a movie?" Ussop asked.

"Raaawh," 626 voiced before biting into Perona's hand to escape.

"Ow. It Bit Me." Perona said

"Eheheehe!" 626 laughed as it ran away on the deck.

"Hey come back here!" Perona shouted chasing 626.

"Chabata," 626 taunted Perona.

"Oh you. That's it. **Negative Hollow**." Perona shouted shooting several of her hollows at 626.

"Crabba Snabba." 626 managed to say dodging the first few, but ultimately being hit and going under the effects of the Negative Hollow.

"So that's what it would look like if we were hit by that attack," Zoro said.

"Yep. Drains the will the live, for a few seconds, and can be extremely powerful," Cross said.

"Now then" Perona placed her foot on 626. "You are going to be my cute little pet and you are going to be quiet." Perona declared. 626's response was a raspberry.

"Umm. Perona. If you what him to listen to you, may I suggest disciplining him to pacify him? I suggest putting him in water." Cross offered.

"Dunga haga blabla." 626 said in horror.

"QUIET YOU!" She said neutralizing 626 with another Negative Hollow. "Thank you Jereimiah. He needs a bath anyway." She said picking him up. "Now then, let's give you a bath and then show you who is the boss." She said leaving for the inside of the Sunny.

"Well, that just happened," Su said.

"Um Cross are you sure it is alright having that thing on board? You said it was indestructible." Donny asked.

"Huh? Yeah sure. I think Perona can pacify him, " Cross said.

" _Though I A_ M Surprised you Are **not banging your** head." Soundbite said.

"I told you, I have to save my brain cells," Cross said to Soundbite.

"Sooooo. Since we all woke up, what should we do now?" Vivi asked.

"I don't know about you, but I am going to examine the crashed vessel that that thing came from for parts." Franky declared.

"I will help you," Usopp said.

"As will I," Donny said.

"Sanji. Food." Luffy said.

"Not now," Sanji said.

"I could use a late-night snack," Conis said.

"I would not mind either," Robin said.

"Anything for you dears," Sanji said with hearts in his eyes as he, Luffy, and the two girls went to the dining hall.

"I am going to see about repairing the lawn on Big Bro," Merry said.

"I am going to go train. Boss, Brook, want to join me?" Zoro said.

"Sure./I would love to." They said.

"I am going to check our course for the morning," Nami said.

One by one, everyone went to do their own things leaving Cross to consider why 626 would even be here before shrugging it off and going back to bed.


	68. A Trolling Little Slice of Pie

**Omake:**  
 _A Trolling Little Slice of Pie_

By: kitsuru

"So," Cross frowned, "it seems like we'll be able to head them off here if they really are taking him through Maubeugemour Sea, right Nami?"

"Hmm..." The navigator leaned over the map, and frowning, shook her head. "No, we'll want to be careful of the currents here, here, and... here. If we go through this spot here, though, and time everything just right, we'll be able to take advantage of the riptide to slingshot right around and get a nice boost of speed that we can combine with Sunny's cannon."

She straightened and flashed a thumbs-up at the Thousand Sunny's latest stowaway. "You'll see your dad again before you know it!"

"And then we're going to get to eat food out of a volcano!" Luffy threw his arms up gleefully. "Volcano food, volcano food, volcano food!"

Lily Enstomach nodded from her seat on an upturned cup in the middle of what usually served as the Straw Hats' dinner table. She spun the metal fork she used as her weapon in a tiny hand, looking up at the crew with wide eyes. "Thank you all so much for this, I just can't begin to tell you how... WAIT, WHAAAAT?!"

Cross winced as Lily's head septupled in size, her eyes bulging in shock. Even after all of Cami's zany face-faults, even knowing all he did about the might bullshittery of Devil Fruits, the tactician still hadn't managed to get used to the giant—or rather, giantess—head and the crazy facial expressions together.

"WHY IS SOUNDBITE SO QUIET?!"

"Why are you so loud?" Zoro grumbled.

"Oi, moss-head! What are you trying to say about the lovely little lady Lily?!"

"S-sorry!" The tiny giantess turned a bright red. "It's just, well, I've never heard Soundbite be so quiet in any of the SBS broadcasts, and I just..."

She trailed off, blinking up at Cross. Or rather, next to his head—where, as per usual, Soundbite was perched. The second half of the notorious Voices of Anarchy practically vibrated in place, a rictus grin exposing entirely too many of the gastropod's impressive chompers for anyone's comfort.

"Nope, nuh-uh, no way." Cross narrowed his eyes at the Devil Fruit-user on his shoulder. "Whatever you're about to say don't even think about it."

" _HOW CRUEL!_ **Little old me? What have** EVER DONE TO _deserve this_?"The snail's schemer grin belayed any seeming hurt in his words. The expression sent chill down the spines of each and every Straw Hat—save Luffy, who had descended, starry-eyed and drooling, into yet another daydream about the promised Thousand Person Paella. "After all, **WHY WOULD** I say anything... _when I could_ SING IT?"

Too late, Cross's eyes widened in realization. "You d—"

 _"All I wanna do, is see you turn into, a giant woman! A giant woman!"_

Lily tilted her head as disembodied ukulele strumming filled the air, then shrugged. "I, well, if you think it'll help..."

 _"All I wanna be—"_

"Mini-Mini Full Rebound!"

" _—is someone who gets to see—"_

Nami yelped. "Wait wait wait, no, not here! Get outside fi—"

THUNK.

 _"—a giant woman!"_

"OwowOW! " Lily moaned, clutching her head. "MINI-MINI CANCEL! CANCEL!"

" _HOOHOOHOO_ **heeheehee** _hahaha_!"

The growth spurt stopped. In the time it had taken Nami to begin her panicked shouting, the young giantess had grown from pocket-sized to taking up almost the entire room, forcing the crew into various corners to keep from being smushed by an errant limb or suddenly-oversized fork. The beach-ball-sized goose egg on Lily's head made it clear that Lily herself hadn't fared quite as well, having slammed right into the ceiling before Nami's shouts had registered. Chopper immediately rushed over, shaking his head.

"Not another one..." He grumbled. "Can you bend your head down?"

"Owww... make the room stop spinning first..." Lily mumbled. Wedged in a corner on Zoro's shoulders, Merry bared her teeth in a fierce grin.

"That's what you get for underestimating Big Bro and Franky!" The caravel crowed, pointing triumphantly at the gaping Nami, then the unscathed surface above them. "Not even Luffy's skull could put a dent in Adam Wood!"

"Right!" Frankly posed. "It's SUPER tough!"

"Whoa, really?" The captain's eyes widened, then, he smiled eagerly. "Hey, hey, lemme try! Gum-Guuuuuum—"

Merry kept cackling, but Franky frowned. "Hang on, wait, maybe we shouldn't—"

"—BATTERING RAM!"

Grin growing ever-wider as they watched the chaos unfold, the snail behind it all leaned just a little closer to partner. " **Oh I know** _IT'LL BE GREAT_ and I just can't wait, _to see the_ **PIRATES THAT WE ARE,** _together_!"

"Don't think you'll be getting out of this that easily." Cross gave him a poke on the shell, but couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. Soundbite gave an exaggerated " **ye** _OWCH_!", ducking into his shell briefly before sticking his eyestalks back out indignantly.

" **GET YOUR** _touch-stumps off me,_ YOU CLOD!" He howled, and Cross's grin grew downright diabolical.

"Yesss!" The tactician raised his index finger triumphantly, too caught up in the reference and the moment to remember something as inconsequential as how his partner had gotten his name. "Feel my unbridled rage!"

He reached over to prod the transponder snail again, only to find a set of familiar teeth waiting. Eight minutes and one just-as-familiar Chopper lecture later, he found himself glowering down at a hand that was more bandage than fingers.

While Luffy and Lily began tearing through lunch on the other side of the room—and the majority of the crew tried to salvage anything they could from the rampaging big eaters—Cross gave his partner the flattest state anyone in One Piece had ever managed outside of a two-dimensional manga panel. "What a great souvenir of that other time you assaulted me."

Soundbite laughed, and laughed, and laughed.


	69. Crossing the Streams 2: A New Dawn 3

This Bites! Omake: Crossing the Streams 2  
 **A New Dawn Part 3**

By: TattootheDL

Tashigi twisted slightly, letting the massive fist from her opponents missed strike sail harmlessly in front of her. As she moved, she noticed the play of muscles along the fishman's arm and had a moment to wonder just how fast she was moving, as she could take the time to notice the minute throbbing of blood flowing through his bulging veins.

The fishman could have answered that question for her, if it wasn't distracted by the _unholy asskicking_ it was receiving.

Today had seemed like such a nice day. Destroy some marines, demoralize them by offering their captain (or the acting captain in this case) the chance to save herself in exchange for the rest of the crew's lives, then kill them all and feed them to the Seakings.

Now the seakings were dead, sliced apart by shimmering arcs of razor-edged heat that had leapt out of the blue-haired _bitches_ sword after she started glowing like the freaking sun. His crew weren't much better, as she suddenly decided to ignore him and run around attacking the other fishman, saving her fellow marines with occasional pauses to block and knock him sprawling whenever he tried to attack her.

Once she'd evened the odds however, the glasses-wearing bitch turned all her attention on him, and Captain Carchar understood exactly why she hadn't considered him a serious threat anymore.

Because, fishman pride be damned, he _wasn't_ a threat to her.

Carchar roared in pain as the blur shot past his right fist and pair of slashes that he _swore_ landed simultaneously cut into his right and left sides, which were only partially stopped by his Armament Haki judging by the slight grinding feeling of one of his ribs cracking.

He spun around in a backfist, glaring furiously at the witch who was glowing even brighter than before as she jumped about 20 feet away from him. A strangely intimidating feeling came from the woman, who was looking at him seriously, but without a trace of the desperate defiance he'd seen moments before he'd nearly knocked her head clean off her shoulders. Brushing that aside with some difficulty, he spat, "What the hell kind of devil fruit does that?!"

"None." Tashigi replied simply, bringing her sword up and holding it steady with both hands, eyes firm and body ready, even though she felt far more relaxed than before...or ever. "Cause I didn't eat one."

"Bullshit!" Carchar roared as he crouched down, fighting through the pain of his open wounds as he made ready to trump his opponents ace. "There's no way in hell you can do something like that without a devil fruit!" His mouth, filled with rows and rows of razor-edged teeth, somehow managed to show all of them as he jeered, "And I know _just_ the cure for that!"

The sharkman swung his fist up, and Tashigi narrowed her eyes. With as much damage as the ship had taken and as strong as he was, his attack might sink it instantly, but even if it didn't, an ocean grave would become an eventuality for the barely-still-seaworthy vessel. This would make things harder on her, but would be far more dangerous for her comrades since several had already fallen overboard and paid the price for it. Tapping into the memories that were not hers, granted by that strange **Sun** who had blessed her, an image leapt to her mind and her muscles twitched as new yet familiar instincts raced through them.

Captain Carchar's eyes widened, surprised as the swordswoman was suddenly between his descending fist and the deck of her ship, her sword held in her right hand while her left was clenched into a fist near her waist. When the fist came up and planted itself squarely in his stomach, he nearly laughed aloud.

 **Heaven Thunder Hammer**

That laugh came out as a pained gasp when he was launched off his feet and sent ass-over-teakettle into the air. On the one hand, the captain's attack was sending him over the ocean, and once he hit the water, his second wind was sure to even the odds against the tricky witch.

Except during the brief glimpses he gotten of the bluenette during his uncontrolled spins, he saw the witch standing on the deck of her ship, gripping the hilt of her sword in both hands and bringing it up for an overhand slash, eyes firmly on him and that damn light on her head glowing even brighter.

 **Blazing Solar Bolt**

The fishmen and marine's gaped, though only the latter cheered as the same kind of golden wave that had slain all four of the pirate's pets leapt from Tashigi's sword again and struck their captain dead on. While it arrested his uncontrolled tumbling from Tashigi's strike, the shocked bellow that started when he first went airborne was abruptly cut off and he completed his arc into the ocean in total silence, trailing blood all the way down.

Panting heavily, Tashigi turned away from the splash caused by her defeated opponent, and challengingly locked eyes with the remaining fishmen. Angry as she was for the loss of her crew, there was the temptation to tell her men to slaughter those who remained.

"Run."

The fishmen flinched back at the one word statement from the angry, glowing, suddenly-seeming-several-feet-taller-yet-the-same-size lady who'd trashed their captain.

"Run now." Tashigi repeated plainly. "Take your wounded. Get out of my sight, or you will _not_ get the chance to make a mistake like this again."

Suddenly, her pale gold aura burst and spread like a slow-motion supernova, and she roared with eyes blazing a bright violet. " **And so help me, if I** _ **ever**_ **see any of you bastards again, I'LL MAKE YOU** _ **BEG**_ **FOR ME TO SEND YOU TO IMPEL DOWN!"**

The fishmen did not make the mistake of thanking the woman for her mercy, and simply accepted it with the grace and dignity of terrified dogs who'd stumbled into Pamplona during the running of the bulls, and frantically de-assed the area before they were killed.

The marine's breathed easier as the last fin disappeared from sight as the pirates didn't even think to grab their ship in their haste, before turning to their acting-captain, who was breathing heavily as she seemed to dial back the spot-light effect with some effort. One stepped forward with some hesitancy and asked, "Ma'am? What the hell was that, if you don't mind my asking?"

Tashigi had the very brief thought of answering honestly.

Then let out a giggle at the thought of what her crew's reaction would be if she said, ' _A Sun God came down from heaven, said I was awesome, and gave me superpowers'_.

The girly laugh did nothing to assuage the Marine's trepidation, and in fact actually made it worse as he repeated nervously, "Ma'am?"

"I don't know." Tashigi replied with a small smile, which was _also_ an honest answer. "But for now, I'm not going to question it." Sheathing her sword, she dialed back her giddy relief and became more serious. "Can we make it back to base?"

"Yes, though it may take awhile." the crewman replied.

Tashigi pursed her lips before turning to the blackened area where the ships Transponder Snail had been sitting before the opening volley struck. "And we can't tell Commodore Smoker why we're late. Damn."

"Yeah," The spokes-marine agreed with a sad look. "Poor little guy. There's nothing left of him."

"Poor him?" whined one marine with a scratch on his upper left arm and a petulant expression. "What about us? We can't contact base, _and_ if there's an SBS, we're gonna miss it!"

Tashigi's eye twitched at that, and the marine who'd reminded the captain of her...combative relationship with Jeremiah Cross found himself under dozens of unspoken ' _you utter dumbass'_ looks. Wilting slightly, he added in an effort to save his own skin, "Also, Junior-Lieutenant? You, ahh...might want to check a mirror."

Tashigi blinked at the sudden non-sequitor. "What? Why?"

The marine's she'd saved coughed lightly, some averting their eyes with nervous looks while the one who became acting spokesman gave a soft 'ahem' and gestured to his brow.

Tashigi blinked again. Then narrowed her eyes and turned towards the door of the ship's cabin, already anticipating _something_ stupid to come out of this development as she stalked away from her crew.

When the door of the cabin closed, a marine who'd been dizzied by a 8-armed slap from an octopus fishman voiced a question that had been on the minds of the rest of the crew for the last several minutes, though _they_ weren't stupid or concussed enough to say it out loud.

"Hey...did the lieutenant seem bigger to anyone else?"

Inside the cabin, Tashigi's eye furiously twitched as she looked at the mark on her forehead. Like a very bad sunburn, an empty circle of reddened skin surrounded by 8 short dashes had appeared on her brow, and she muttered, "Of course it couldn't be for free, could it? Obviously I'd need to get something that looks like I fell face-first on a branding iron or-"

She stopped as she registered something. A strange feeling of 'weight', for lack of a better word, which didn't make a lick of sense to her. She'd just turned into some kind of glowing superhuman and was reasonably sure she could lift a half-giant, and the idea of being heavier didn't make sense.

Until her eyes drifted downwards, and she realized that among the aches and pains of her battle, the slight 'pinching' sensation had also gone unnoticed.

Eye twitching faster, she slowly unbuttoned her shirt and looked down.

"Oh, what the _fuck_ is this!?"

 **-o-**

" **What is this?"**

The shell shuddered as the transponder snail inside refused to peek outside, remembering the last time that had happened since it had disappeared from the deck of a marine ship captained by a scary blue-haired swordswoman and landed on the desk of the weird shadow-man.

And the strangely warm and powerful voice, like a volcano that had taken anger management classes and passed with flying colors, was _not_ enough to make the snail want to see anything else in a place that had men made of shadow, boats flowing through rivers of liquid silver that traveled at bullshit speeds, and a city full of monsters that were weird, even for a creature from the Grand Line.

Plus, the nice volcano voice had brought a light with it that was so bright, the snail figured it would go blind if he tried to look at it directly.

The man who had carried him from the shadowman's room spoke up. "I'm not sure, sir. My _sifu_ insisted that we see you as soon as possible."

There was silence for a moment, and the snail suppressed the urge to peek outside again.

" **Message? What message?"**

There was the sound of crinkling paper, and the snail shifted slightly, giving a small shiver as it's carrier passed him to a different pair of hands, presumably the scary shadowman. In a reciting tone of voice, the non-volcanic man said, "Dear Ig-"

The man choked briefly, before saying in a strange mixture of amusement and quiet horror, "Ig...Iggy-D."

Silence followed that for a moment, before the volcano gave an unmistakeable long-suffering sigh and intoned, " **I'm glad Luna didn't hear that, or she'd** _ **never**_ **let me hear the end of it…"**

"R-right, Most High." The other man affirmed with nervous relief, before clearing his throat with a cough. "Anyway, this is a 'Transponder Snail' and they are used for communication in a place…beyond the borders of elsewhere!?"

There was another brief silence before the man with a normal voice swallowed loudly and went on.

"Long story, I'll summarize; there are worlds besides Creation and some beings like to observe and-or meddle in them. I'm usually the former, but I made a slight tactical error when I found this place and became the latter. To be fair, I was trying to help you, loony and the sailor scouts-" the man paused briefly, but recovered much faster than the last two times he'd said something that had apparently shocked him, though the snail couldn't fathom why. "-scouts, by fixing a major problem in Creation, and I stole-"

The messenger's voice gurgled like he was being strangled. "I _stole_ several Exaltations from you and the other Incarnae!?"

The feeling of trepidation that the snail had been experiencing amped up to low-yield terror and it struggled to keep from voiding it's bowls all over the shadowy hand holding it, as the impossibly bright light somehow became even brighter, and the volcano person's voice suddenly became _very_ similar to a volcanic Marine that it was **far** too familiar with.

" **He did** _ **what**_ **?!"**

"I di-didn't take them permanently though!" The messenger stammered quickly, powering through his apparent fear. "I was just gonna keep them for a week or so, then I'd give them back, good as new! The reason I'm letting you borrow this snail is because I dropped…"

Another silence, this time broken by the tone of a man who'd resigned himself to the gallows. "Dropped one of yours on the world this snail came from."

It said something for the snail's experiences with the acting-captain of it's former home, that it could **feel** the talking volcano's eye twitching, even though it couldn't see it.

"By the time I realized one had slipped free, it was too late to find it, and I had to improvise. To that end, I gave someone in that world who knows about Creation the bonded Lunar Exaltation to the Solar I dropped, and he has the number to this snail. When it makes a weird noise, press the button and listen to what he's saying but _don't_ try to talk to him, cause I'm not sure this little guy could handle transmitting your voice without exploding."

The snail trembled, and felt a reassuring pat on it's shell. That made it feel better about the situation, as the shadowman was apparently nice, if too quiet.

"Understand that I like Creation, and I had the best of intentions, as I do now. So be patient, take a break from your...world of warcraft grinding?...And when the call comes through, pay attention, because it will be more important than you realize. Signed, Rob."

The light dimmed slightly, and the snail could hear the breathing of the messenger man ease, before he added in a relieved tone, "P.S. it's Chejop Kejak's fault that half your Solar's were stolen by the Yozi's and Neverborn."

If the silences before now had been worrying, this one was flat out _ominous_ before the snail caught the sound of a piece of paper fluttering in the air and a limp body crumpling to the ground, presumably from the messenger fainting dead away. The snail had a moment to feel glad it was being carried by the still standing shadowman before the talking volcano's voice turned thunderous, and the snail's shivering magnified tenfold.

" **The games will be put on hold. And get Chejop Kejak in here,** _ **now**_ **."**


	70. Crossing the Streams 2: A New Dawn 4

This Bites! Omake: Crossing the Streams 2  
 **A New Dawn, Part 4**

By: TattootheDL

"So, what's the deal with Exalted?"

Cross blinked, looking at Nami, who was sitting across the Thousand Sunny's 'lawn' from him as the Strawhats settled down for dinner. "Eh? The deal?"

Nami gave a pointed look at the box sitting next to the cross-legged tactician. "You apparently know about this 'Exalted' stuff like you knew about this place, and I want to know more about wherever the sun and moon things came from."

Robin, Vivi, Merry, and Usopp stopped eating for a moment, while the other Strawhats merely slowed down in favor of listening to their commie. Cross pursed his lips and spared a glance at the rubber-man. "Do you care about spoilers in this case, captain?"

Luffy swallowed a 'mouthful', which had bulged each of his cheeks to the size of basketballs, and smiled. "It's not about our story! Go ahead, Cross!"

Cross sighed and set his plate down before folding his arms and closing his eyes. "First off, I _don't_ know as much about Exalted as I do about One Piece. I had friends who swore by it and told me some of the interesting lore and fun stories, but aside from snippets from a few of the rulebooks, everything I know is piecemeal and word-of-mouth."

"Rulebooks?" Sanji cocked a swirled eyebrow at Cross while his hands continued their effortless work in adding to the crew's meal. "What kind of story has rulebooks?"

"The kind that's more of a 'narrative game', where you use your imagination, make up a character, and roll dice to go on adventures with your friends, who've _also_ made up their own characters."

Sanji blinked at that along with the rest of the crew, when a bellow of " _ **NEERRRDDSS!"**_ echoed out of bowl half-filled with lettuce sitting next to Cross on the opposite of his box. The inter-dimensional immigrant glared at his partner while some of his nakama threw out their own chuckles along with Soundbites Hee-ing and Haw-ing.

"Shishishishishi!" Luffy snickered. "Sounds like fun! But why wouldn't they just go out and have adventure's of their own?"

"The same reason lots of people were fans of your story and lots of others. My world is very safe and doesn't have _half_ of the crazy stuff this place does."

"Adrenaline junkie." Su teased lightly.

Cross waved off the cloud fox's comment. "Irrelevant. I'm probably not the only one who'd come here for the thrill ride, but plenty of fans are perfectly happy thinking of One Piece as a work of fiction. Although…" He grinned cheekily. "Some fans would probably _love_ to have a tabletop game based on One Piece."

"Wow!" Luffy went sparkly eye'd. "You mean people can play with us in any way they want!?"

Cross sweatdropped as a few snorts, sighs, and muffled giggles sounded from the crew. "Phrasing, captain."

"As...amusing as that idea is." Robin offered after lightly coughing to cover-up her laughter at Luffy's ill-chosen words. "What can you tell us of the lore, if not the rules?"

Cross thought for a moment as he was put on the spot, mentally categorizing and translating terminology and mechanics into something his crewmates could understand. "The Exaltations were made by the Gods to fight a war against the beings who made the Gods, the Primordials."

"Sounds like a Titan." Vivi offered.

"Pretty much, but Primordials are supposedly more Cthulian than that, and they were smart enough to make the Gods so they could _never_ directly betray their creators. The Primordials didn't do that with humans because they saw us as germs and not worth their attention."

Usopp's brow furrowed. "How could a human with a little bit of power take down something stronger than the God who _gave_ them that power?"

Zoro and Boss swallowed and stated in unison, "By being a badass." before sharing a brofist without looking away from Cross.

Usopp rolled his eyes while Cross snickered. "You're not wrong, though it's more because the Gods had limitations besides a 'no backstabbing' rule. Humans didn't have those limitations, which meant they could become strong enough to surpass a god. With some of the powers people told me about, I believe it."

Nami curiously asked, "Such as?"

"Husband Seducing Demon Dance; instantly make anyone who sees and hears you fall in love with you." Cross chuckled at the redhead's dropped jaw. "Yeah, that one stuck out in my mind, mostly for the name alone."

Robin's interest was piqued, and she rolled her wrist, "Moving along, what happened after the Primordial's were overthrown? Did the Exalted turn on the Gods?"

"No. The Exalted ran the world, while the Gods who empowered them ran Heaven." Cross trailed off, eyes narrowing slightly. "Dammit, I remember they called the world 'Creation' and I know they called heaven something else in Exalted...what was that?" He grunted and thunked a fist against his head. "That's gonna drive me _nuts…_ "

"Not that watching you frustrate yourself isn't funny." Franky snarked with a grin. "But that ain't SUPER! important. What happened next?"

Cross pursed his lips and gave the cyborg a narrow-eye'd look before going on. "Supposedly, things were going okay because the Solar's were basically _perfection incarnate_ and could do anything they wanted or put their mind to."

"The trade-off being, they were turning evil," Sanji scowled, remembering the cruelty of his father and brothers. "And 'anything they wanted' started meaning something very different."

Cross nodded, thinking about the normal level of inhumanity displayed by the World Nobles. "Yeah. Most of the books are about what happened _after_ the Solar's were overthrown, but some of the bits and pieces I read from before then..." His lips twisted in disgust. "The crimes they committed were just as over-the-top as the power they wielded, n'est ce pas?"

The Strawhats, intrigued by the tale so far, simply nodded and waited for him to speak again. "It wasn't just Solar's and Lunar's who were Exalted. There were Dragon-blooded; basically fire-wood-water-earth-air themed Logia who could pass their powers down to their children."

Conis suddenly had the mental image of Eneru surrounded by a horde of lightning spewing toddlers and was torn between shivering in fear or laughing her wings off.

"And the Sidereals; ninja's who could control fate itself and use it to do things that make Awakened Devil fruit look like parlor tricks."

An incredulous snort came out of the bowl and Cross gave the grinning Soundbite a pointed look. "Talk to me when you can yell at someone and turn them into a duck, wise-ass."

Soundbite chuckled and gave his friend a disbelieving grin. His amusement slowly faded as Cross refused to break eye-contact and his expression didn't change as he slowly and nonchalantly speared a piece of fish with his fork." _Wait_ , ARE YOU **serious**?"

The communications officer, intentionally building tension, brought the morsel up and ate it slowly before saying in a too-casual tone. "Besides punching people into ducks, a Sidereal who gets attacked can pick a future where they weren't hit by it, _literally_ dodging that fate. Whether it's Zoro's Onigiri, or if Sengoku picked up the Gates of Justice and threw it at them. I don't know if any devil fruit could pull off something _that_ level of bullshit."

"I'm suddenly very glad it wasn't a Sidereal Exaltation that ROB dropped here." Robin stated coolly, which earned a nod of agreement the rest of the crew.

"If the Sidereals were that SUPER!, why would the Solar's be in charge?" Frankie offered. "Changing fate itself is an instant 'I win', ain't it?"

"Supposedly, there were limits, thought I don't remember what those were besides the fact that there were only 100 Sidereals versus 300 Solars and Lunars. That didn't stop them from overthrowing the Solars and take over running Creation from behind the scenes."

"Bet not having crazy tyrants screwing things up made things better." Raphey observed.

"Except those 'crazy tyrants' made things like flying ships, could build entire cities in days, if not hours, and were constantly fighting against monsters who wanted to destroy Creation." Cross denied the dugong with a shake of his head, not looking forward to his friend and crewmates reactions when he dropped the bombshell he'd been holding onto since this latest mess started. "Things got a lot worse when the Solars were gone, and not just 'cause the Sidereals didn't have the skills or numbers to run things. They were cursed too."

Nami tilted her head quizzically. "Cursed? How-"

The beri dropped, and her eyes widened. "Wait, those exaltations are broken too?!"

"And the Dragonblooded, _and_ the Lunars." Crossed admitted as he looked at the 'gift' sitting next to him with a grimace. "By the dying breaths of the Primordials from the war. The other's don't have the exact same problems as the Solar's, but that's not very comforting."

Now eyeing the box with renewed wariness, Robin voiced the question on the Strawhats minds. "What is going to happen to that Lunar, if we let it loose?"

In response, Cross pointed to Sanji and said, "Raging Bull. Or maybe Affectionate Tomcat."

The cook narrowed his eyes.

Cross' finger moved to Zoro. "Lone Wolf."

Zoro cocked an eyebrow.

Luffy was next. "Impulsive Monkey."

"Shishishishishi!"

Chopper caught on quickly. "Animal stereotypes. But if Zoro and the other's are examples of that-"

"Why am _I_ the one who get's singled out?" The swordsman muttered.

"-it doesn't seem so bad."

"Animal stereotypes turned up to **eleven** , and in ways that don't necessarily make sense." Cross gave a small chuckle. "There was a picture in the Lunar book of a guy who looked like Dalton's hybrid form holding some thug who was swaddled in a blanket, and spoon-feeding him like a fussy baby."

After a moment to contemplate that, Chopper clapped his hooves over his mouth and started giggling wildly, along with Nami, Luffy, and Merry while Vivi and Zoro merely grinned in amusement. Conis looked confused and said, "Um-"

"Ox-Ox Fruit, Model: Bison. Hybrid form is a minotaur."

"Ah."

"In that case, he was acting like a 'Mother Hen', which is the kicker for all the curses. An Exalted becomes dangerous to everyone around them, or themselves, depending on what flavor of crazy they turn."

"I assume the 'Dragonblooded' get elementally themed insanity; 'Firey Temper' or something like that." Robin offered, which earned her a snap and pointed finger affirmation from Cross. She then tapped her chin thoughtfully and ran the information Cross had given through her mental library. "Sidereal normally refers to using the stars as a reference for time. Is there something star-like about their curse?"

Cross blinked. "Huh. Didn't know that. But no, they don't get star curses. The Sidereal curse is that they can't plan worth a damn. They forget or overlook important information that'll jeopardize their plans and make...things…"

Cross trailed off as he noticed his friends and nakama were looking at him with thin, amused smiles and he promptly glared at them. "Oh screw you! I'm not that bad!"

"Tseheehee! I don't know about that!" Su giggled before shooting a grin at the snickering princess. "Between you and Vivi, I'd say we have a couple of Sidereals working for us right now!"

"Hey!"

Cross smirked at Vivi's incensed shout, glad he had company on the snark tour. "Considering the last time something didn't go the way I expected, we got Funkfreed on the crew, I think I'm validated completely."

"Damn straight!" the elephant tooted.

"And an even bigger point is that Sidereals are **more** likely to screw up and miss obvious snags when they work together, until their plans don't just fail, they cause huge catastrophes instead. As an example, all 100 Sidereal's worked together when they decided to overthrow the Solars, and screwed everyone over _hard_."

"What happened?" Usopp asked interestedly before taking a bite of his food.

"90% of _every_ living being in Creation died, half of it was destroyed, and if I remember right, what little was left is run by a totalitarian regime."

The sniper choked on a bite, and Luffy helpfully slapped him in the back as Mikey said dryly, "Yeah, that'll do it."

"What kind of problem did they miss that caused all of _that_?" Zoro asked with a dumbstruck expression.

"A friend told me that the Sidereals were told, if they betrayed the Solars and sealed those Exaltations away, that Creation would be _diminished_ , but they could easily protect what was left from all threats _'within Creation'_." Cross closed his eyes and thought for a moment, before looking at the assembled crew. "For reference, imagine if someone told Akainu if he killed Sengoku and became the new Fleet Admiral, he could bring Absolute Justice to _every_ evil-doer _'on the seas'_."

The Strawhats mulled that over for a moment, but didn't take much longer than that before Robin said quietly, "The fishmen live _under_ the sea, not strictly **on** it."

"Sky island." Conis nodded in understanding. "We're _above_ the sea."

"And if we want to be pedantic," Boss growled as he knocked some ash from his cigar over the side of the Sunny. "People on islands aren't technically on the sea itself."

"If he didn't catch the meaning behind those three words, Akainu might accept the offer." Cross nodded in satisfaction that his point had gotten across. "And bring his _unique_ brand of Justice to anyone he pleased, never realizing he'd been tricked into screwing the world over **hard**. That's what the Sidereals did, just because they ignored the word ' _within'_ , and all of Creation suffered for it."

Silence descended for a few moments, before Merry offered seriously, "No wonder you and ROB are pissing yourselves about this."

"Is there any chance that something _else_ from Exalted could come here?" Zoro asked seriously. "Besides the Solar and Lunar things?"

Cross shook his head. "Nope. ROB dropped the one, and gave me the other, but he took the rest, so there's no chance of another Exaltation ending up here."

As the swordsman nodded in satisfaction before going back to his meal along with the rest of the crew, Cross gave the box sitting next to him a furtive look, regretting the half-truth he'd used while also remembering what ROB had said before they parted ways.

 **~o~**

" _Alright, take this, but DON'T open it unless s**t hit's the fan, okay? I'm talking a Judgement Day crossed with Day After Tomorrow and zombie apocalypse levels of bad."_

" _I got it, don't bring out the Lunar unless the Solar ends up a Celestial Dragon or something."_

" _Wrong, chuckles. The Lunar isn't your personal pokemon to sic on a walking glow-stick. It's a signal flare so we can drop a dime on the curse and get an expert opinion up in here."_

" _How's that?"_

" _Sol can send visions to his new Solars, but not always, and that doesn't necessarily mean he's familiar with them. Luna however,_ always _pays her newbie Lunars a_ _ **personal**_ _visit."_

" _...wait,_ what!?"

" _Yeah, so if things get so bad with that egomaniacal flashlight's spawnling that you have to open the box, this world's gonna get a visit from the shapeshifting queen of quad-polar disorder. I'll keep an eye out and talk her if that happens, but needless to say; I'd rather we_ didn't _catch the attention of a dimension full of cloud-humping sky-whores, ya dig?"_

" _H-habba...yubba...uh…"_

" _Let that sink in after you get back. But don't worry, I have another backup plan in the wings. Adios!"_


	71. Crossing the Streams 2: A New Dawn 5

This Bites! Omake: Crossing the Streams 2  
 **A New Dawn: Part 5**

 **OOOOOO**

By: TattootheDL

"This is _ridiculous!_ "

 **"Then you deny the charges?"**

An old man wearing simple robes, with piercing green eyes, hair silver with age pulled back in a ponytail and a trimmed goatee snarled with outrage. "Of course I deny it! I had nothing to do with those abominations stealing your Chosen!"

"Really? I'd think they'd ask you for a _consultation_ at the very least, given your experience with the subject."

The dryly sarcastic comment from a man in an expensive looking robe who did not glow so much as he was _sculpted_ from pure light earned him a furious snarl from the green-eye'd man, and the displaced Transponder snail cringed as he rounded on his detractor. Before the already hostile environment got physical, the 'nice volcano' (who turned out to be some kind of sun-man) intoned _,_ **"That's enough, Lytek."**

Things had gotten busy in the hours following the snail's delivery to the sun-man, and the creature had been enticed out of its shell to find out that his new home was even stranger and scarier than he first thought. Besides the sun-man, light-man, shadow-man, and the normal looking old guy, there was his former carrier; a younger man who wore black ninja outfit and looked even creepier than the silent shadow-man, and some women who'd arrived a little after the snail had felt safe enough to stick its head out of its shell.

Twenty minutes after letting out a scream and zipping back into its natural safe house, the snail peeked out again to take a complete stock of the new arrivals. Not that it really wanted to, since the blue-haired swordswoman of its former home wasn't _nearly_ as scary as the 6-maybe-5 ladies it was now in the company of. Even after an SBS broadcast.

The walking epitome of 'maybe' was a ' _lady'_ with robes, hair, skin and eyes that were milky white, and apparently couldn't make up his/her/ **it's** mind on whether she was a man, woman, an animal or _several_ animals that had all be slapped together. _Or_ monster covered in blood that nearly caused the snail to have a digestive incident all over the table it had been placed on.

The other 5 were _definitely_ ladies and looked like sisters, with very different tastes in fashion.

One had hair and robes that were the color of the sea, though 'wore' was rather subjective as it looked like she'd found a way to have loose clothing _painted_ on.

Another had straw blonde hair, pinned up in a style for easy traveling and was wearing slightly dirty orange robes that were more modest than the blue girl despite being hitched up to mid-thigh, and had a ladder strapped to her back.

The redhead in crimson armor who was holding a sword and shield in bloody hands was _almost_ the scariest of the 5…

But the poor snail could barely look at the white-haired one in a purple dress with a big pair of scissors strapped to her leg without shivering, although the poor gastropod couldn't really fathom why.

The last was simply the oddest one of the sisters and the oldest at somewhere in her thirties, wearing several robes and sashes of white and green that seemed to move even when she was standing still, and were covered in keys the same way her green hair was braided with lots of little bells.

All told, the Transponder snail felt that if it made it back home alive, it would laugh at anything the Grand Line could offer, 'cause _nothing_ would top this.

For the most part, the discussion between the old man, the sun-man and the 6-ish ladies had been over the snail's head and it had adopted the bored, placid expression most of it's kind perpetually wore. There were interesting moments, like when the man/woman/thing swiped the paper from the ninja with a pair of tentacles tipped by wolf paws and immediately burst out laughing as she crowed, "Iggy-D! Oh, I'm remembering _that_ one!" This prompted laughter from the 5 ladies and made the sun-man facepalm, but otherwise the discussion had been very serious and very boring as the snail waited to see if it would eventually have to do it's job.

 _Puru puru puru puru!_

Which turned out to be right now, as every eye turned to the snail that was pursing its lips together and softly blurting out an insistent sound. Sol Invictus's eyes narrowed and he said aloud, **"Answer it."**

Black Ice Shadow nodded swiftly as he reached over and gently depressed a button on the side of the transponder snails shell. The ghost-blooded Sidereal blinked as the snail's normally bored expression became one that redefined hard-bitten, with faint wisps of smoke leaking out of it's mouth as a gravelly voiced man stated, " _This is Cancer."_

"Wha-"

[Quiet!] Wayang gestured quickly, silencing his student with his personal brand of sign language and a harsh glare. [We're supposed to be listening in, remember!?]

The darkly-dressed man grimaced behind the cloth covering the lower-half of his face and bowed apologetically as the snail's visage suddenly wrinkled and an old woman's voice offered, " _Aquarius."_

The names went on from there. A man who's transmitted expression spoke of careful consideration and thought and called himself Sagittarius. A serious-sounding woman named Capricorn. And Scorpio, whose voice was gravelly and projected countenance suggested someone for whom 'gaunt' would be an upgrade.

[Anybody else think they sound like soldiers?] Wayang took advantage of the fact that his sign language was both silent and universally understood ask the greater group. Sol, Chejop and Mars, Maiden of Battles, all nodded in agreement.

Then a pair of bombastic voices blurted out, " _Ox reporting in!" "We're ready!"_

The **antithesis** of silence startled Wayang, and he whirled back as a nasally, smug voice declared, " _Goat here."_

" _Apapapa!"_ the snail's mouth stretched FAR more than physically possible, apparently to accommodate an extremely wide smile. " _Monkey on board!"_

" _And Rooster pulls up the rear!"_ Called out a rough, thuggish voice as the snail suddenly sported two lines across the underside of it's right eye-stalk and a mouthful of fangs.

[I think I "spoke" too soon.] the God of Silence added, somehow conveying a dry tone with his movements, which earned him a grin and a stifled giggle from the Mercury, Maiden of Journeys and Venus, Maiden of Serenity.

" _Ophiuchus here,"_ Chimed in a younger man, who's voice and expression were almost as serious as the first half of the mysterious group.

" **And** _KNUCKER!"_ the snail suddenly barked in a medley of voices speaking discordantly. "LEARN TO _love me,_ **bitches** _!"_

" _Dream the hell on."_ Goat replied shortly. " _Anyway, aren't we missing someone?"_

" _Pisces went out on patrol a few days ago."_ Cancer replied in a grumbling tone, prompting the secretly observing Exalted and deities to look curiously at the snail and wonder why smoke came from it's mouth when Cancer spoke. " _We were getting reports of disappearing Marine ships near Little Garden and sent her to investigate."_

" _Wasn't us!"_ both of 'Ox' chimed in simultaneously.

" _No, but it's something…"_ Goat replied, his eyes (or rather the eyes of the snail) narrowed thoughtfully. " _There've been stories of pirates disappearing near there too."_

" _And you didn't think to tell this to us, why?"_ Sagittarius asked with some annoyance.

" _Because Little Garden's a prehistoric hellhole and the pirates who vanished were the loot, pillage, and plunder kind!"_ Goat snapped defensively. " _What's_ your _excuse?!"_

[There are other kinds of pirates?] Wayang cocked an eyebrow at his assistant, who shrugged in response. Mercury however, smiled knowingly as Mars elbowed her in the side.

" _SHUT IT!"_ Ophiuchus roared, silencing the quibbling pair and causing the snail to run through an array of shocked looks in a half-second before settling on the young man's irritated scowl. " _On any other day, I would_ love _to let you guys bicker before we got down to brass tacks, but_ we do not have **time** _for that now! Is there anyone here who isn't on the need-to-know list? New members?"_

" _Myself, Jabra and Blueno are with Cancer."_ Answered another voice, the tone flat and even while the snail's expression became something that was less 'cool' and more _glacial_. " _He told us of your circumstances, Cross."_

" _Speaking of that!"_ Piped up another voice, as the snail suddenly sprouted a long mustache worthy of any realm satrap and a scar running over it's left eye. " _What the hell did you change with Enies Lobby?"_

" _Luffy kicked Blueno's ass, Sanji beat you like a rug, and Luffy_ still _would have won against Lucci."_ Ophiuchus, or rather 'Cross' replied dismissively. " _Speaking of which, are you sure Fukuro isn't around?"_

The cool man replied. " _Positive."_

" _Good. Last thing we need is the Owl gossiping about_ this." the snail's eyes lowered as it gave a deep sigh. " _Alright, dropping the bombshell first. Another ROB,_ besides _the one who brought me here, contacted me because he screwed up and dropped something from yet another dimension that we need to look for."_

A stunned silence swept across the group as the Incarnae and their guests narrowed their eyes at the snail.

" _Mr. Jeremiah,"_ Aquarius added yet a third name to the leader of this organization as she asked severely. " _What do you mean,_ another _ROB?"_

" _Just like it sounds, Vice-Admiral. There's more than one, and the difference between the new one and mine is he's a Random Omnipotent_ Dumb-Ass _instead of a Bastard."_

Lytek blinked and brought the note out of his pocket, being the last one it was passed to when this broadcast started, before flipping it around towards Wayang and tapping the signature.

[Random Omnipotent Bastard] the God of Silence nodded in agreement and understanding.

Chejop Kejak didn't say it out loud, but the expression on his face made it clear he agreed with _both_ descriptors as Capricorn's expression turned severe, " _What are we looking for, Cross? If another of those beings are involved, Hina believes we need to start looking ASAP."_

"Who's Hina?" Mercury whispered to Venus, prompting the bluenette to shake her head.

" _Believe me, it's worse than that."_ Cross grumbled. " _Cause I don't know nearly as much about Creation as I do about this place, mostly just word of mouth, bits and pieces from the books and stories from my friends. So pay close attention, because getting blindsided here could be catastrophic."_

" _You had us at, 'for once, Cross_ isn't _a know-it-all'."_

Monkey's comment earned some chuckles from the other member's of this strange group. While Wayang narrowed his eyes thoughtfully and signed slowly. [then...a ROB took this boy and put him in a story he read about-]

 **[And his home also had books about Creation.]**

At that, the God of Silence stared at the Most High, who had mimicked his method of communication. [My Lord, how did you do that?]

Sol cocked an eyebrow. **[What made you think I couldn't?]**

[Ah. Fair point.]

" _Yeah, yeah, we get it, Cross."_ Rooster drawled. " _Are we looking for some kind of weapon, or a ship?"_

" _I wish. ROB went to a dimension full of Gods, which is just_ ironic _considering he apparently doesn't like them, and stole something called an Exaltation, which will turn an ordinary mortal into a demi-God. We need to keep a lookout for any new sun-based devil fruit users, or anyone who glows like the sun while kicking one of the 4 Emperors or the Fleet Admiral's ass, depending on whether the shard goes to a marine or a pirate."_

A moment of contemplative silence followed that statement. " _What sort of powers would a demi-god of the sun have, Mr. Jeremiah?"_

Aquarius' question was followed up by Scorpio asking, " _This ROB doesn't like gods? Then why would he steal this 'shard'?"_

" _To answer T-Bone's question first, he thought he was trying to do a good thing, even if it was for a bunch of_ 'Cloud-humping sky-whores' _, his words, not mine."_

Both Sidereals leaned away from the very bristly and angry deities who were now glaring at the snail.

" _As for powers, The Unconquered Sun is the king of the Gods and is supposed to represent perfection and leadership-"_

Goat snorted incredulously. " _If he's_ perfect _, how'd he get robbed?"_

Sol's fists clenched behind his back and he closed his eyes, suppressing the desire to respond to the nasally man's disrespect with some difficulty.

" _-and the powers his Exaltation grants are based on both of those things."_ Cross went on like he hadn't heard Goat's comment. " _Whoever get's it will become a Solar Exalted, which is like going from an East Blue newbie to a New World veteran in one shot, and they'll only get stronger from there. Some of the Solar abilities were_ literally _described as being perfect, functionally a_ 'you can't hurt me or stop me because screw you, that's why' _. The only saving grace is that the Exaltation is going to float around looking for someone doing something awesome and heroic like Luffy or Shanks but-"_

" _Whoa, whoa, whoa!"_ Rooster interrupted, the expression on the snail's, or rather his face one of confusion and intense focus. " _Luffy's the obvious choice, but_ Shanks _would get this thing too? Why?"_

" _I admit, I'm curious what one of the 4 Pirate Emperors could have done to earn such a power myself."_ Sagittarius nodded in agreement.

[ _Pirate_ Emperors?] Wayang signed at large. [I'm not the only one who heard that, right?]

The others among the audience nodded in affirmation, while a small, mischievous smile formed on Mercury's face.

Cross was silent for a moment, before answering with a small sigh and a bit of dread. " _Red-Hair Shanks lost his arm because 10 years ago, he saved Luffy from being eaten by a Sea king."_

Another round of stunned silence followed that, while the Incarnae wondered why it seemed like Cross had been unwilling to give up that information.

Understanding of the young man's hesitation dawned when the snail suddenly started bawling and proclaimed, " _S-S-Shanks is the greatest pirate EVERRRR!"_

"Dibs!" Mercury whispered loud enough for her sisters to hear, which prompted a giggle from Venus and fondly exasperated headshakes from Mars and Pluto, the Maiden of Endings. Jupiter, the Maiden of Secrets, shot her sibling a warning look for being too loud.

Sighs and groans came from the group, while a somewhat distant woman's voice shouted, " _Knock it off, Bart! This is serious!"_

" _Okay...okay, I'm good."_ Rooster, or rather 'Bart' offered as he calmed down, though there was a choke in his voice and the snail's eyes were red-rimmed despite it's wide smile, " _But seriously, if this things gonna find someone that awesome, why are you so worried?! This is great news!"_

Ignus Divine mused on that as well, finding this boy's concern to be rather unjustified as one of Ox's voices laughed boisterously. " _Gebababababa! Bart's got the right of it this time!"_

" _Gehahahaha! Well said, fanboy! We should throw a party for this Solar when we find them!"_

" _And if this_ heroic _Solar happens to believe giants are a blight on the world and must be exterminated?"_

Aquarius' dry comment silenced the pair of laughing men, while Bart stammered weakly, " _B-But, it wouldn't go to someone like that, would it?!"_

" _One moment of greatness, no matter how heroic,"_ Sagittarius offered, his eyes narrowed thoughtfully. " _Doesn't make up for a lifetime of prejudices and bad choices. A Solar could easily turn around and use their new power for any cause they_ believe _to be righteous. Or as a justification to satisfy their own desires."_

" _I believe Akainu is all that needs to be said there."_ Aquarius offered again.

Whoever or whatever an 'Akainu' is, Sagittarius clearly agreed as the snail nodded. Sol closed his eyes, maintaining his dignified pose with all four hands clasped behind his back, even as the accurate theory regarding the failings of his chosen brought an ache to his chest. Luna gave her partner a sympathetic look and rested a human hand on his shoulder, while Chejop Kejak gave a smile that was just a hair away from being smug at the affirmation that he and the rest of the Bronze Faction had done the right thing in overthrowing the Solars, which earned the old Sidereal a glare from Lytek.

" _Jonathan, I would_ love _it if you were right,"_ Cross grumbled. " _But RODA wouldn't have stolen the Exaltation if the Solar's fucked up on their own."_

Chejop's eyes narrowed and Lytek's eyes widened in unison as they and the others focused their attention on the snail with laser-like intensity. None of them noticed as Jupiter stiffened, her inscrutable small smile becoming slightly forced.

" _The Exaltation he dropped is_ broken. _Cursed, just like all the others."_

Chejop froze, an almost audible crack echoing through the air as his eyes slowly widened until he matched Lytek, Wayang, and Black Ice Shadow's utterly dumbstruck expressions.

Luna stilled her transformations, currently in the form of a furred humanoid lizard with owl's feet gaping slack-jawed at the snail.

The 5 Maidens stared as well, save for Jupiter. The Maiden of Secrets was silently crying with relief as one of the many keys adorning her robe, resting over her heart and made of solid orichalcum, cracked and crumbled as it fell from its resting place and turned into sparkling dust before it hit the floor.

And the Unconquered Sun, perfection made manifest and the greatest warrior, orator, bureaucrat and leader in all of Yu Shan and Creation, was so floored by what he heard that he forgot the warning against the limited transmission capabilities of the creature relaying this information, and softly whispered.

" _ **what?"**_


	72. Crossing the Streams 2: A New Dawn 6

This Bites! Omake: Crossing the Streams 2  
 **A New Dawn Part 6**

By: TattootheDL

 **OOOOOO**

Cross blinked as Soundbite suddenly straightened up, his eyestalks ramrod straight as the briefest of flashes went through them, his mouth seemingly glowing for a second before he swayed dizzily and groaned. Leaning forward worriedly, Cross asked, "What's the problem?"

" _I don't_ **know**." Soundbite replied with a small grimace, shaking his head a little. " _I swear_ I heard something **just now** , BUT…" he seemed to recover and gave his partner the snail equivalent of a shrug. " **Must have** _ **been**_ SOME KIND OF _interference_."

 **-o-**

While the gods and Exalted would never be arrogant or misguided enough to glare at the Most High for his slip of the lip, that didn't stop the other Incarnae from doing exactly that, and Luna followed it up with a light dope-slap to the back of Ignus Divine's head, which hung contritely as he covered his mouth with his hand.

" _It happened on our ends too."_ Cancer stated with a studiously cocked eyebrow, while a murmured wave of affirmations came from the other members of the strange group.

" _It's probably because of that wiggity transceiver Cross got from ROB.."_ Bart said dismissively. " _As long as it didn't start up an SBS without us realizing it, we're fi-"_

Dead silence lasted for several seconds, before Cross let out a heartfelt breath of relief. " _No, no, We're still good on that."_

His affirmation that whatever an SBS was hadn't begun was met by more sighs of relief. And in one case, the distinct sound of feminine discipline like Luna had given her partner a moment earlier as a woman's voice snapped, " _Dammit, Bart! I thought you were listening when Cross talked about not tempting fate!"_

The Maidens of Fate looked alternately put out or confused by that, while Cross said, " _Thanks, Valentine."_

" _Getting back to ze matter at hand,"_ the nasally voice of Goat stated in a grim tone. " _What was zat about zees Exaltation being cursed, Cross?"_

The eavesdropping natives of Creation redoubled their attention on the snail, looking worried, angry, or simply stone-faced as they waited to hear what this strange person from another dimension knew that they didn't.

 **-o-**

"If you ask me, this just makes it sound like these Solar's ain't that scary after all." Jabra offered from the chair he was lazily lounging in, and subsequently ignored the hard looks that Smoker and Lucci both gave him.

The three members of CP-9 were in the Commodore's private quarters, having been the first to finish their latest assignments fast enough to make it in time for this surprise meeting. Lucci was standing at attention behind Smoker, who was sitting at his desk, while Blueno and Jabra both sat nearby.

" _It's not a curse like Devil Fruits, Jabra."_ Cross replied seriously. " _The Solar's slowly go bat-shit crazy, and as I already told my crewmates, eventually they end up becoming like Spandam, Akainu, or your average World Noble. Granted, it takes centuries for them to reach that point, but-"_

" _Centuries?!"_ Apoo blurted out. " _Whaddya mean by that?!"_

" _I'd say it's obvious, Monkey."_ Tsuru offered calmly. " _The Exaltations grant the Solar's immortality, of the eternal youth variety."_

" _Not quite, Vice Admiral."_ Cross denied with a shake of his head. " _They live a long time, but aren't completely immortal. No exaltation does that, as far as I know."_

" _Oh, well zat's not so bad."_ Foxy offered with a relaxed smile. " _How long are we talking; five, six hundred years?"_

After a moment, the snail winced uncomfortably. " _Thousands, minimum."_

CP-9, Smoker, and presumably the rest of the Mason's gave their respective snails flat looks. " _You do realize, zat's not much of a damn difference from being immortal, right?"_

Foxy's follow-up comment, delivered in a voice as dry as Crocodile's heart, earned a few chuckles while Cross snapped, " _That's not the important bit! What we have to do is find the Solar quickly enough to warn them about the curse before they completely lose it!"_

" _That shouldn't be a problem, with such a wide time-frame."_ Sagittarius offered in a conciliatory manner.

"On the off chance we don't, however," Lucci stated impassively. "Or this Exaltation doesn't find someone for a long time, what are the symptoms of their madness? Egomania, narcissism, sociopathy?"

" _Yes."_

Cross' flat reply made Jabra snort and Smoker's eye twitch, while Lucci's expression didn't change a fraction.

" _But before then, Solar's have periodic psychotic breaks that push them to self-destructive and/or hostile behavior based on their moral code."_

That killed the brief bit of amusement in the room, and Smoker narrowed his eyes. "Explain, now."

" _The curse causes Solars to stress out when they see something they think is morally wrong and can't do anything about it, and gives them a unique trigger that builds a lot of stress and makes them snap when they get pushed too far. A good example of a Solar limit break would be Jabra attacking Blueno so he could fight Luffy one-on-one, instead of ganging up on the captain."_

Ever the professional, Blueno didn't do more than narrow his eyes slightly and side-eye Jabra. The wolf-zoan responded by flipping him the bird.

" _But Luffy's beatdown on Jabra is an example too. The_ 'Red Rage of Compassion' _, which forces a Solar to punish anyone who 'makes an innocent suffer unjustly'."_

" _No offense,"_ T-Bone stated simply. " _But Blueno is hardly an innocent."_

"None taken." Blueno replied calmly, genuinely unconcerned with the gaunt swordsman's statement.

" _He's one of Jabra's teammates, his_ nakama _, and to Luffy, attacking one of your nakama is a big red button labeled_ 'please kick my ass' _."_

"Which was the entire point." Jabra stated, digging a finger in his ear and flicking it without a trace of concern. "I wanted a good fight...it just turned out to be a harder fight than I thought."

Lucci turned slightly and gave Jabra a look over his shoulder that said, 'By all means, **keep talking.** ' The wolf-man wisely decided to shut up.

 **-o-**

The only sound from the Most High's main office was the light scratching of pen on paper, as Lytek was scribbling notes as fast as possible, biting his lip and occasional murmuring while he recorded the details of Autocthon's damaged creation. He would have been talking aloud to keep his thoughts straight, but then the Most High would realize that his right hand had known **of** the Solar's madness before today, but not the finer details.

Besides him, the other eavesdroppers were absorbing the information in their own way. Wayang and Black Ice Shadow were gawping dumbfounded at the snail. Chejop Kejak was slowly shaking his head back-and-forth like a metronome, silently denying what he was hearing over and over again. The Maiden's were sharing silent looks, their bonds as siblings letting them share an array of information and opinions without speaking, and Luna…

Was looking at her partner, her heart breaking as Sol's head was hung low, shoulder slumped and shaking. Recognizing the signs of an emotional flood being held back, though _never_ from **him** , Luna gently reached out and grasped one of his hands and gave it a squeeze.

He didn't return the gesture, and instead used two of his free hands to sign, **[Valor. Temperance. Conviction.** _ **Compassion.**_ **My chosen fell because of their connection to me...my** _ **Virtues**_ … **]**

Luna's eyes narrowed and she squeezed his hand again, harder this time. Sol felt the twinge of discomfort and brought his eyes to his lover, partner, rival and friend. Among the normal mercurial emotions in the depths of her eyes, comfort and support were at the forefront of Luna's expression. After a moment, Sol lowered his head again, this time slightly towards her in an apologetic fashion as he finally wrapped his fingers around hers, which began playfully shifting from slim and delicate to thick and gnarled.

 **-o-**

Tsuru sat at her desk, eyes narrowed slightly as she mulled over Cross' latest informational bomb while Bart asked with a quizzically cocked eyebrow, "Not _really seeing how beating the crap out of people turns you into a tyrant, Cross. Especially if you're using Luffy making Jabra his bitch as an example."_

" _I WILL EAT YOU, ROOSTER!"_

Jabra's indignant roar brought some laughs, but not from the Vice-Admiral. Once they'd died down, Cross went on.

" _The key is in the interpretation, Bart. An innocent suffering unjustly could mean seeing some guy kicking a kitten in the street, and while that's a dick move, beating him within an inch of his life or even to death is_ way _over the line as a punishment."_ there was a brief moment were Bart pursed his lips and grumbled something conciliatory. " _And it's not the fighting that does it; the Solar's break in ways that look like they became a hypocrite, or are suddenly going too far with their moral code. Like a tee-totaller who suddenly goes on a drunken bender, or starts burning down bars and the evil alcohol within."_

" _BLASPHEMY!"_ Dorry and Broggy roared in sync, which was echoed by shouts of agreement from the other members of the Damned. Meanwhile, Tsuru filed away that tidbit of information into the theory that was solidifying in her mind.

" _I'm not a drinker, but yes, I agree."_ Cross offered. " _And the reason those breakdowns lead to the Solar's becoming tyrants is-"_

"It's stress relief." Tsuru stated calmly, becoming more certain of her idea as the words came forth in a confident tone. "The stress of being unable to do the right thing weighs on their mind until they lash out, and afterwards that weight is gone and all's right with the world again. By repetitively straining and causing these breakdowns, the Solar's are essentially being 'trained' to indulge themselves and do whatever they want, and come to accept it as moral and just. Is that right, Mr. Jeremiah?"

" _Eeeessentially, yeah."_ The snail on Tsuru's desk was blinking rapidly, looking impressed. " _There's an added bit where a Solar who restrains himself will feel even worse afterwards. The stress is gone either way, but if their break is a berserker rage and they keep cool-headed enough to tell friend from foe, they'll come out of it exhausted rather than relieved."_

"There's too many details in this 'flaw' for it to be natural, Mr. Jeremiah." Tsuru stated as she gave the snail a severe look. "Do you know anything about the source of the flaw? Is it some kind of test by this Sun God for his chosen?"

Cross snorted. " _I wasn't being metaphorical when I said the Exaltation is_ cursed _, Vice-Admiral. The Solar's were originally made to fight a war against the eldritch beings that_ made _the gods, and when they lost, the Primordials cast the_ Great Curse _on them."_

 **-o-**

Luna's grip on Sol's hand, formerly a comforting presence in his lowest moment, was now a restraint as the Most High's eyes were burning with molten fury, forcing all but his fellow Incarnae to squint and avert their eyes from him. Sol's shoulders were still shaking, but now it was due to unyielding rage while the snail rapidly blinked its eyes in a way that probably had nothing to do with whatever expression was being made by the people talking to each other.

Wayang's eyes flicked to the snail, and he reached out with one hand to spin the creature away from Ignus Divine. With it's back to the light, the snail seemed to give the God of Silence a grateful look while said deity signed blindly at the Most High. [My lord, calm down! You might give us away!]

 **[The** _ **instant**_ **this meeting is over,]** the Unconquered Sun signed back, fingers twitching as he kept them from clenching back into closed fists. **[The Shadow of All Things and I are going to have WORDS.]**

The five maidens of destiny had changed positions as Sol got angrier, and were now clustered behind the oldest sibling, peeking over Jupiter's shoulders and around her worriedly while Ignus Divine's temper was restrained by a silk thread. Though Pluto, being right behind the Maiden of Secrets, noted and wondered why the Jupiter didn't look afraid, as much as she looked...regretful.

" _What're the odds of these 'Primordials' affecting this place as well?"_ the one named Scorpio asked, drawing some attention away from the soon-to-supernova king of the gods.

" _Absolutely none, and no, I'm not tempting fate by saying that."_ Cross stated with certainty. " _There's no way that either of these dimensions would know the other existed barring special circumstances. But…"_ the relatively young man gave a small sigh and the snail rubbed its eyestalks against each other, presumably from him pinching the bridge of his nose. " _The Solar isn't the only thing here from Creation. RODA dropped off a Lunar Exaltation with me as an 'Oh Shit button' for when we find the Solar."_

There was a round of stunned silence as the snail went through a multitude of gawping faces and twitching eyes. " _Cross."_ Capricorn stated in a flat 'now's the part where you say you're kidding' tone of voice. " _Are you telling us you have something that could turn_ another _person into a demi-god?!"_

" _It's not like a devil fruit, Hina."_ Cross replied exasperatedly. " _I can't decide who get's it anymore than the Solar shard. It's just sitting in a box, and_ IF _I crack it open, it's gonna go out and find someone who...I don't know, made it all the way to the bottom of Impel Down and then back out again in one piece. A survivor, basically."_

Whatever Impel Down was, Luna was going to assume it was a challenge truly worthy of christening a new chosen. But that would come later as she gave Sol a reassuring smile, seeing that he was starting to calm down.

" _I suppose this_ Lunar _would be cursed too?"_

Cancer's expectant groan made Luna's smile freeze.

" _Good guess."_

Sol was squeezing Luna's hand, but she didn't register it or the panic-stricken look on his face as her head slowly swiveled to focus on the snail, which was currently hidden behind Black Ice Shadow. The young Sidereal was joined by his _sifu_ , the two of them obviously attempting to keep her from lunging at the creature in a rage. Had she not been focused on the blood pounding in her ears or the red haze settling over her vision, Luna would have laughed at how _adorable_ such an attempt would be.

Venus gave a small whimper as she and her sisters watched Luna's expression went blank, like an utterly still sea in the eye of a continent-spanning hurricane, promising the primal fury of nature unleashed at any moment. Mars and Mercury both gave her a warning look and a quiet 'shh', but Pluto did nothing.

Because she was focused on Jupiter, and the pained expression on her face. And how a silver key with a wolf-head grip hanging between her shoulder blades was melting, sending thick drops to the floor which dissolved into small puffs of rainbow-hued steam in mere moments.

 **-o-**

"Zees deal just keeps getting better and better…" Foxy rubbed his eyes tiredly while Porche similarly looked exasperated by this latest drama-bomb. "I suppose ze Lunar will become another self-righteous despot?"

" _No. Lunar's are basically super-Zoan's and their curse manifests as animal stereotypes, though it's also dependent on their morality rather than whatever animals they turn into. Lucci's absolute dedication to justice would turn around and make him act like a 'Lazy Sloth' or a 'Conniving Weasel', even though-"_

Cross clammed up, which was a wise decision as the impassive expression of the leader of CP-9 was transmitted through the snails. While silent, the slightly narrowed, sub-zero eyes were more than enough to send a shot of ice down Foxy's spine. Not for the first time, he wondered just how the _hell_ Luffy managed to defeat the leopard-man.

" _It was just an example!"_ Cross stated quickly, eyes wide in fear. " _Cause you don't turn into anything like a weasel or a sloth and that's how it works! If any of you were soft-hearted I'd have said they turn into Mother Hen's, so don't shoot the messenger!"_

Lucci gave it another second, before the snail closed its eyes and tilted its head, an audible neck crack coming through the connection before he stated, " _Understood. What is the Lunar's trigger?"_

"I am _so_ glad he's not on the marine's side anymore." Porche whispered quietly to Foxy.

"Technically, he still is." Her captain reminded her with a nervous swallow.

 **-o-**

" _I, uh...I_ think _they have the same moral issues, but their big trigger isn't a specific situation that offends them. Their curse builds up and triggers when they're exposed to moonlight._ Full _moonlight. Which, as you can imagine, meshes_ wonderfully _with the fact that they're blessed by the Goddess of the Moon."_

It was easy for the snail to transmit Cross' fear-stricken expression, since that was exactly how it felt at the moment as the Sun man was holding the scary, _scary,_ **scary** maybe-woman's arm with two hands and gesturing quickly with the remaining two.

 **[Luna, sweety,]** Sol's mastery of diplomacy showed in spades as he kept his motions and thus his 'tone' calm and even, not betraying his desire to flee far and fast from his co-ruler as he signed, **[Just calm down, we can work through this together, right? Don't do anything rash before we have all the facts, okay?]**

Luna, being effectively nature incarnate by way of the animal kingdom, was thus able to experience the mindset of many animals in the way that Cross was saying her chosen suffered from.

At the moment, she was understanding and empathizing with the mental states of a mother grizzly bear whose cubs were threatened, a shark during a feeding frenzy, a hippo when an intruder enters its territory, and a honey-badger on any day that ends in 'Y'.

Which meant she wasn't hearing a damn word her partner was saying over the repetitive thoughts of **(RIP AND TEAR TEAR AND RIP RIP AND TEAR TEAR AND RIP)** running on a loop through her head.

While the Moon Goddess slowly built to a level of rage that would cause her to step outside her purview long enough to invent the chainsaw and the shotgun, the other Incarnae, gods and Exalted were unironically _praying_ this boy turned to a topic that would keep Luna from tearing Malfeas another structurally superfluous backside just so she could shove the king of the Primordials up his own ass a _second_ time. It didn't _seem_ like their prayers were being answered, but Cross was thankfully keeping away from subjects that would make her rising fury worse as he said, " _But the important bit is that the Lunar and Solar are going to be bonded. I don't have the_ full _details on what that means, but it's basically an automatic life-partner."_

" _Our best shot for keeping this Solar from raising cain is giving him a shapeshifting_ wife?!" Rooster cackled incredulously, earning him the ire of _many_ natives of Yu-Shan who were otherwise occupied with the murderous moon goddess. " _How's that supposed to help!?"_

" _Rather a lot, I should think."_ Sagittarius replied with a thoughtful nod. " _If only as a way to rein back the Solar's baser impulses."_

" _Excuse me?"_

Luna blinked as a voice broke through her blood haze. Feminine. Mortal. Calm and polite, with just a hint of a veiled threat. In short, a kindred spirit.

The snail turned its eye-stalks around, conveying that Saggitarius was looking over his shoulder and smiling weakly as he offered, " _I-uh, I mean, how often do wives allow their husbands to make poor decisions? I trust you implicitly to tell me when I'm making a mistake, dear!"_

Luna's breathing was becoming easier, listening to a man who clearly knew his place in a relationship hierarchy, and seeing the snail transmit the expression of a wife who was letting her husband stew for a few moments over his slip of the tongue before nodding in understanding. " _I see your point, dear. You aren't infallible after all, and I know you well enough to keep you from blundering into trouble."_

Sagittarius sighed and relaxed audibly. " _Thank you, Jessica."_

" _Provided you don't_ skip dinners _again…"_

The tension leaked out of the Most High's office as Luna smiled, appreciative and amused at what sounded like a _perfect_ relationship, which helped her calm down immensely. She gave the relieved Sol a smile, patting his arm gently and letting him silently understand she was more in control of her emotions. His response was to narrow his eyes and tighten his grip on her arm, which made Luna's smile widen with pure delight. Only someone who understood her completely would know when she was lying through her teeth and waiting for the chance to dispense eviscerations high, wide, and _repeatedly_.

There was a slight interruption at the sound of a whip cracking and the discordant voice of Knucker crowing, **"WHIIIIPPED!"**

" _Shut it, you little pest!"_ Sagittarius snapped angrily, while a chorus of chortles and guffaws rang through the rest of the group.

For his part, Chejop's eyes were lowered, deep in thought as he searched for a way, some connection this creature could have with the Yozi, or the Neverborn, or even the Raksha. Such a being could easily have been created as a way for those monsters to spread chaos among the heavens. Even now, this could easily be any of the Fae courts toying with their minds and emotions with some ludicrous story of the Solar's being 'cursed' rather than the threat to all Creation that he knew they were. Everything that had happened, everything he and the Bronze faction had done was for the safety of Creation and it's people, after all.

" _Well, as much_ fun _as this mess is going to be, any more bombshells to drop on us, Cross?"_ Cancer asked resignedly.

" _No, nothing that relates to us, Smoker."_ Cross replied dismissively. " _RODA didn't drop any of the other Exaltations he swiped. Even if he did, the Sidereal brand of the Great Curse would be a lot more manageable than the Solars or Lunars."_

Chejop's eyes snapped up and he focused on the snail with a laserlike intensity, while Wayang signed with shaking hands [Ignus, no…] and Black Ice Shadow swayed suddenly, the ghost-blooded Chosen of Endings looking even more pale behind his mask than normal.

But while the two Sidereals were waiting for this shoe to land squarely on their heads, the patrons of them and all the other fate-changers were distracted by other matters, as Pluto grabbed Jupiter's shoulder and spun the taller woman around, much to the surprise of their siblings. Before Mars, Venus, or Mercury could query or condemn the actions of the Maiden of Endings, she held up a finger in a gesture for silence, and then pointed at a set of five small keys hanging from the emerald green sleeve on Jupiter's left arm. Each key was made from an identical crystalline material, while in the grips were tiny gemstones bearing the signs of each maiden, and in their signature colors no less.

And as they watched, the keys clinked and shook gently, like they were trying to pull away from the Incarnae whose robe they adorned.

Understanding dawned, and Pluto scowled while Mars' jaw dropped, Venus' lip started trembling, and Mercury mouthed the word ' _no_ ' as their sister looked impassively at all of them.

" _Three Exaltations, Cross?"_ Scorpio's lips twisted in a displeased grimace. " _Just how many more are there?"_

" _Only four types in all, T-Bone._ Well _,"_ he added, the snail strangely tilting one of its stalks at a 90 degree angle and waving it up and down, presumably conveying Cross wiggling his wrist in a so-so gesture. " _Technically there's 6, but RODA only took from three of them, so the risk with the others is non-existent."_

" _Then what of these Sidereals? And why is their curse less of an issue?"_

" _Well, Sidereal Exaltations go to people who are_ destined _to have them, and since this place isn't connected to Creation, there's nobody here who would fit the bill. If RODA dropped one, he could pick it right back up again, probably."_

Chejop's eye twitched, his fingers tightening around his staff as he resisted the urge to shout at the youth to explain himself.

" _And even then, it'd just be one Sidereal, and their curse doesn't get nasty until you get a bunch of them together."_

Suddenly, Chejop didn't want the youth to talk anymore. In fact, he would have given all the jade in Creation and the seat of the Scarlet empire if Cross would shut up now. As in, this very moment...please?

" _Oh?"_ Sagittarius cocked an eyebrow curiously. " _How so?"_

" _I never got a chance to look through those books, but my friends told me the Sidereal curse is that they can't plan to save their life. And their plans get even_ worse _when they work together."_

Chejop's vision dimmed at the edges, and he suddenly found himself clinging to his staff as his legs weakened and trembled underneath him, while Black Ice Shadow managed to collapse backwards on his ass and yet remain totally silent, staring boggle-eye'd at the snail.

A little ways away, the quintet of key's on Jupiter's sleeve were making a soft ringing sound, vibrating as she met the searching, hurt, betrayed eyes of her siblings with an unsmiling neutral mask.

And she waited patiently for the last wall separating her from those she loved to crumble.

" _In fact,"_ Cross' blasé voice carried a half-hearted chuckle, like he was sharing a joke rather than shaking the foundations of an entire world. " _The whole reason RODA took the Exaltations is because of how badly the Sidereals screwed over Creation when all 100 of them got together and decided to overthrow the Solars and Lunars."_

Chejop's collapse was stopped by Wayang and Black Ice Shadow, the younger Sidereal managing to get to his feet and grab the older Chosen of Secrets while the God of Silence took his staff, preventing the noise of his fall from alerting the people on the other side of the connection to their presence.

But Cross and his allies remained unaware of the effect he was having on the oldest living Exalted in Creation, or his patron as the key's on Jupiter's robe splintered and split into glasslike shards. This time, it wasn't the fragments of crystal that hit the ground, but the Maiden of Secret's knees and hands as she dropped to the floor. Stains formed on the exquisite jade floor under Jupiter's face, her back shuddering as she whimpered, "I'm sorry...I'm so _sorry!_ I wa...I **wanted** to tell you! But I _couldn't…_ "

Betrayed anger fled in the face of understanding, and the other maidens immediately got down and swept their crying sister into tight hug. Each of them shelved their own feelings on the secret she'd kept from them, as she was already punishing herself enough on their behalf, begging for forgiveness between broken, heart-wrenching sobs.

 **-o-**

Bart, who was lounging on the deck of his ship with Miss Goldenweek doodling something nearby while the other former Baroque agents, Ghin, Lindy, and Apis were listening to the Broadcast with him, blinked quizzically at the snail and said, "Eh? Why'd they go and do something like that?"

"Did you miss the bit where he said they all turn into crazy tyrants?" Miss Goldenweek asked without looking up from her sketch of a person with a sun around their head. "Or are you being thick headed again?"

"I heard that!" Bart snapped at the painter. "I wanna know why Cross is sayin' they screwed up when they did it!"

" _It's because despite being crazy tyrants, the Solars were still doing their jobs."_ The Straw Hats communications officer replied simply before asking, " _If every marine in the world above the rank of Captain disappeared tomorrow, what would happen?"_

"Besides the biggest party _ever_!?" Bart cackled loudly, earning several cheers from his fellow members of the Damned and indignant shouts from the Divine half of the Masons.

" _Guess again, Bart."_ Cross snapped irritably. " _Because if all those marines disappeared, you'd lose the jailers of Impel Down and the prisoners would escape. And while_ some _people who get sent there don't deserve it-"_

" _Level Six."_ Tsuru stated grimly, her tone emphasizing that there would be no argument against that point.

" _Then you take the four emperors, and while Whitebeard and Shanks are okay, if Big Mom and Kaido didn't have anything to keep them from rampaging-"_

" _The New World would become an anarchic hellhole."_ Sagittarius offered with narrowed eyes. "Complete _lawlessness rather than_ mostly _lawless."_

" _Then take the Warlords, who lose_ any _reason to make nice with the world government rather than trying to become mini-emperors or searching for the Ancient Weapons-"_

" _Don't even_ joke _about that, Cross!"_ Smoker warned, his expression ugly.

" _The World Nobles would take a beating without the threat of an Admiral coming by to protect them, but the ones who survived would be the sneakiest and the smartest ones. AKA, the worst of the worst."_

" _I get it already, Cross."_ Capricorn said with a frown.

" _I don't think you do, Hina."_ he denied with an equally serious look. " _Because you would suddenly find yourself with no overhead, and while_ you _would keep doing the right thing, I can think of a dozen Marine Captains who would turn to piracy in a split-second if they had the chance. Or use the Marine flag as an excuse to become even worse."_

Bart was frowning, the scenario Cross had painted was more than enough to understand just how bad things were in this 'Creation' place. The rest of his crew were similarly frowning as they considered his words, while Apis bit her lip and hesitantly asked, "Is...is there anyway to fix things, Mr. Cross? Like, can Roda put something like the SBS in Creation?"

The snail lowered his eyes and shook his head. " _I don't know, Apis. The..._ stories _of Exalted and Creation that my friends told me are awesome, but that's only for the Exalted, gods, Demi-Gods or other people who were either born lucky or got something special handed to them through dumb luck."_ There was a rap of knuckles on metal. " _I_ earned _this transceiver, called out that BROB and told him he owed me one and he delivered, even if it was just so I could be more entertaining. But I'm still an ordinary person, and in Creation, an ordinary person wouldn't have the chance to make the kind of waves that I have before someone punched them_ through _a Broadcast hard enough to break their neck, brainwashed them into a willing slave, turned them into a pig, or killed them and used their soul to make an ashtray or a jock-strap."_

Apis sniffled a little, prompting a somber, consoling purr from Lindy. Bart, despite his ugly scowl, reached out and patted the young whisper-girl on the head.

" _Here, I don't have to worry about that, but more importantly I know that things here are balanced. Devil Fruits are the closest things we have to Exaltations, and the average Joe can learn how to fight them on equal footing if they try hard enough. Hell, if someone's got good willpower, they can even resist the supposedly unstoppable abilities of Awakened fruit users."_

At that, Bart blinked. And then he grinned sharklike at the transponder snail. "Like, by being so dedicated to the future Pirate King that even Boa Hancock's Love-Love fruit wouldn't affect them?"

Cross' stared wide-eye'd through the connection, jaw dropped along with many others. " _Bullshit. Hina calls bullshit on that…"_ the Iron Cage offered in a stunned voice.

"Nope." Miss Goldenweek denied casually while twirling her brush around her fingers. "He wasn't turned to stone even when the rest of the crew was. Except for me, Apis and Lindy."

" _Apa...how did you three-"_

"Emotional eunuch, too young for that kind of thing, and you don't want to know." The former Baroque agent answered Apoo with that same deadpan tone.

After another moment of stunned gawping which Bart preened under, a soft " _Pfft…"_ was followed by the inevitable cackling from Cross, which was mirrored by his partner and the other members of the Mason's.

" _PFFHAHAHAHA! If there was ANYTHING that proved my point about how much better this place is,_ that _was it!"_

"HAHA **HEEHEE** _ho-ho!_ You're _such a_ _ **FANBOY**_ that even **the** _**most beautiful**_ **WOMAN** _in the world_ **couldn't get you hard!?** "

"YOU LITTLE SHIT!" Bart roared as the laughter redoubled, and was now joined by his crew as Apis had rolled off of Lindy's back, and the two were kicking their legs while giggling wildly, Ghin was hunched over with his hand covering his mouth, and Miss Valentine and Mr. 5 were clinging to each other as Miss Goldenweek smiled cheerily. "I'LL DROP YOU INTO A SEAKING'S NEST!"

"I'd **LOVE** _to see you_ _ **TRY!**_ " Soundbite howled like a lunatic.

" _Pffthahahahaha…"_ Cross' snickering trailed off, the trace tears disappearing the snail's eye as he wiped his own away. " _Thanks, Bart. Honestly, that makes me feel a lot better about this situation and our chances at pinning down, or even handling whatever happens when this Solar pops up."_

"Yeah, and why's that?" The captain of the Barto Club grumbled while glaring at his recovering crew.

" _Mortals in Creation are parallels to mortals where I come from, not here. When I showed up, I was basically made out of toothpicks compared to everyone else on the crew, even Usopp. And my dimension doesn't have_ anything _like Haki, the 6 powers, or Devil Fruits."_ The snail nodded, it's smile turning hopeful as Cross said, " _I think this is going to be...well, not_ easy _, but way less of an issue I was making it out to be."_

" _But only if we find zat Solar and fast."_ Foxy stated simply. " _Because what are ze chances zat ze Exaltation hasn't found someone being a big damn hero yet?"_

" _Good point, Goat!"_

" _Well said!"_

The rest of the mason's shared Ox's agreement with Foxy, and Cross said, " _Okay, I guess this meeting is adjourned-"_

" _Wait a second."_ Smoker interrupted. " _Just in case RODA does drop one and it_ does _latch onto someone, how bad do Sidereal plan's go, Cross?"_

Cross pursed his lips, eyes narrowed thoughtfully. " _According to what I heard, one Sidereal will miss an important detail that leaves a big chance for a plan to go FUBAR, and a 5 Sideral plan is almost guaranteed to fail, or succeed in a way that's balanced out by some unintended side-effect. As for 100 Sidereal plans, well,"_ The snail did it's best to convey a shrug. " _A 100 Sidereal plan would be replacing the Five Elder Stars with Doflamingo, Spandam, Akainu, Crocodile and Eneru."_

It was safe to say that every snail shared identical looks of drawn horror, and nobody disagreed with Ghin sarcastically saying, "Goddamnit, Cross, how am I supposed to sleep tonight with _that_ image running through my head?"

" _...thank your lucky stars you're living here and not in Creation?"_

"...yeah, that works."

" _I believe that settles that, then."_ Tsuru declared evenly. "Now _I believe we can adjourn."_

 **-o-**

One by one, the voices disappeared following an array of clicking noises, until the displaced transponder snail was looking out onto the formerly 'boring' meeting with fresh eyes. And while the interior of the room wasn't boring anymore, the snail found that option preferable to the present.

The green sister was on her knees, crying into the purple one's chest, who was patting her siblings head and shushing softly. The blue woman was embracing purple and green with a seemingly pained grimace as she held back tears, while red and orange women were on their feet, the two of them discussing something with serious, ugly expressions.

The maybe-lady wasn't shifting randomly anymore, but despite her fairly normal form, the expression on her face was giving the snail the same fearful feeling as when she turned into a blood-drenched monster.

The sun-man was holding the maybe-lady's hand and talking quietly with her. While before, he'd projected an absolute aura of confidence and assured righteousness; now that aura was muted. Still present and giving the impression that he believed he was a very great man, but not nearly as great as he thought he was, and the sun-man found eating humble pie was a draining experience.

As for the light sculpture and the shadowman, the former was writing on a notepad with an intense expression, and the later was helping the creepy ninja hold up the green-eye'd old guy, who looked like he was moments away from wandering the streets and raving about aliens hiding gamma rays in people's teeth.

The scene was...not a complete counter to the pleasant and hopeful end to the meeting that the snail had transmitted, but it was obviously far more subdued and serious than what had occurred in the snail's native realm.

Then the tone shifted again, though this was brought about by the old green-eye'd man saying clearly, "I resign."

The attention of the Incarnae, deities, and Black Ice Shadow focused on Chejop, with the Chosen of Endings gasping, "You what?! You can't-"

"We stole the Exaltations, put them in a Jade Prison, and dropped it in the ocean." Chejop stated, calm and poise returning to his voice and posture as he straightened up, his back to his superior's. "They sat there for _thousands_ of years, until the Neverborn found them." He turned, and met the disapproving gaze of Sol square on. "They sent a behemoth to steal them, but the cage broke. They were only able to take half before the rest got away. At some point, they must have shared what they had taken with the Yozi's, but I can't fathom why."

[More than likely, the Yozi's knew about the cage as well.] Wayang signed with a dark look. [But they're bound by oaths to not interfere with Creation anymore...they were working together.]

"I am the only remaining member of the original Bronze Faction, those who decided to usurp the Solars." Chejop stated plainly, his tone assured and unapologetic. "We saw three futures, one which ended in death. Another in a constant balancing act where Creation would forever be on the tipping point of Oblivion, which the Gold faction argued for. And the third was one where Creation would be diminished, but it's survival was guaranteed."

Sol digested that in silence, his divine ear catching not the faintest hint of a lie or half-truth in Chejop's words. **"And you believe resigning** ** _now_** **will make up for such an error?"**

The Unconquered Sun's low condemnation made Chejop grimace, but he didn't back down. "Would you rather I risk doing even more harm to Creation from a seat of power?"

 **"Just because you would give up the chair you have placed behind countless thrones, does not mean you abandon your duties."** Sol stated with grim finality, turning his attention completely onto the abashed Sidereal. **"You will use what influence you have gained to spread word of this...** ** _curse_** **, to those in power among the Empire, and my chosen who have yet to fall to it's influence, as well as their Lunar mates in the Wyld."** The **sun** fell silent for a moment, before offering in a more humble tone. **"You and I have both realized our failings as leaders, Chejop. But one mistake that can never be forgiven or forgotten is abandoning those we swore to watch over when those failings are exposed."**

While not a full pardon, it was far more than Chejop was expecting to receive, and he bowed low before the Most High. "I swear to use what little time I have left to fix my error, Ignus Divine."

Sol nodded to the Sidereal, then turned his eyes to the Maidens. Specifically the Maiden of Secrets, who's muffled sobs had almost faded completely. Obviously, he'd realized why she'd broken down when the curse on her and her sister's Chosen was revealed, as it was her purview and nature to keep secrets...even the ones that harmed her as well. **"Jupiter. What can you tell us?"**

The green-tressed woman turned, the bells in her hair and keys on her clothes chiming gently, the light tone at odds with her worn, sorrowful expression. "Everything he said was correct." Her voice was low, an unspoken plea for forgiveness hanging on every syllable. "But our Chosen _can_ plan...until they see fate twist before them."

"What?" Black Ice Shadow straightened up, staring at the Maiden along with Chejop. "Twisted how?"

"When you read the stars, and not for causes you believe are righteous, a kink forms in the threads. A destiny appears before you that looks immutable and unchangeable...and hidden under the guise of a message from us."

Pluto's expression firmed and she squeezed her sister's shoulder, bring a pair of green, red-rimmed eyes to her as she asked, "What do you mean 'from us'?"

"The kinks appear as events within our purview." Jupiter replied morosely. "Revealing, or _using_ some great secret that should have remained as such. Encouraging a great battle, forcing someone on a journey, or giving someone what they believe will make them happy." As she rattled off examples, Mar's eye twitched furiously and Mercury looked away from her older sister, scowling darkly and shaking her head while Venus' lip quivered and her eyes gleamed with unshed tears. "Or bringing 'an end' to something. Destroying a monument, killing the heir to a thousand-year-spanning dragon-blooded family-"

Mercury's eyes widened as an alarm blared in her mind and she snapped her attention back to her sibling. "Wait, the dragon-blooded! Are they cursed too!?"

What attention Jupiter had gotten from those around her went from sympathetic to intense, and turned frustrated as her eyes and mouth closed. Venus and Pluto took her silence as effectively a confirmation, and quickly started patting her down, looking for the representation of this information and asking questions the whole time. "There's no way they got off scot free while ours were suffering."

"Is it another moral curse? They snap if they don't do the right thing?"

Mercury's ears were sharp, but listening for a particular telltale jingle among dozens of others, even if this set weren't swaddled in silk, was impossible. "There were more to the other's than that. The Lunars are affected by a full moon."

"Elements." Mars stated confidently. "Fire and earth...angry and stubborn."

Pluto blinked as she felt something shift under her hand, near Jupiter's right hip.

"That's gotta be how it shows up, not what causes it."

"But not all fire dragon-blooded are hot heads. I've met plenty who were singers and dancers."

The Maiden of endings quickly pulled apart several green sashes and fished for the shaking object.

"True. And the air and water dragon-blooded can be just as dangerous when their tempers flare..."

The shaking was more subtle, but thankfully Pluto's fingers touched something solid and she called out, "Got it!" The debate between her siblings was silenced as she pulled out another set of five keys, colored in white, blue, red, brown, and green jade. She held the keys in her hand and met Jupiter's eyes with a grim, determined expression. "The Dragonblooded curse is based on their bloodline. Their element."

The keys' rattled, though Jupiter could only look at her with a solemn expression. The ultimate poker face.

Pluto ran the musings of her siblings through her head and how much the keys moved when she was searching for them. "Element _and_ morality. Fire could be short-tempered **or** passionate about what and who they love."

One key, formed of red jade, shook more violently than the others, which was noticed by the other three siblings. "Ah, ah…" Venus stammered quickly. "Air...air would be...flighty or airheaded, possibly?"

The white key joined the red in dancing against Pluto's palm, and Venus looked pleased with herself.

"We can figure out the rest of the 'how' later," Mars snapped. "Right now we need to focus on _why_. Do they get stressed when they're around their element?"

"I think _anyone_ would be stressed if you set them on fire."

Mercury's snarky add-on managed to chip off a little of the tension, though Venus was the only one who smiled while Mars growled, "I mean when it's _hot!_ Like, if a water dragon-blooded swims in the ocean-"

"You're way off." Pluto stated, looking down at the nearly lifeless keys weakly rolling to-and-fro in her hand. "And besides, it'd make more sense for them to be at opposing or alternate elements, not matching."

Sol watched as the strangest interrogation he'd ever witnessed continued, with the four sister's looking frustrated as Pluto's newest theory apparently fell flat. "Crap. So the trigger isn't elementally aligned at all…"

Due to his position, Sol wasn't able to see whatever it was in Jupiter's possession that her siblings were using to guess the last remaining secret she **had** to keep from them. Even so, he and Luna were running through the information that they had gotten second hand and rapidly trying to connect the disparate dots.

"Their Anima."

The Incarnae's attention came up and focused on Black Ice Shadow, including Jupiter, who was staring at him with wide eyes. Pluto, feeling the key's rattling again, asked, "What are you talking about, my chosen?"

"I've seen Dragonblooded go mad. Several times, I've had to...put an end to them." The Ghost-blooded man offered coolly. "And the most severe bouts of madness was when their Anima was at full strength. Cloth and skin burning, winds shredding exposed flesh. I'm not saying the banner itself is the trigger, as many dragonblooded have used it to great effect on the battlefield and not lost their heads, but-"

 **"The battlefield is what they were made for."** Ignus Divine stated, his confident voice silencing Black Ice Shadow as he put the pieces together. **"My chosen, meant to be humanity's leaders, were twisted into tyrants. The Lunars were cursed with animalistic behavior, making them less than equals to the Solars. The Sidereals, the viziers who were to advise my chosen on the best course of action were shown false futures that could...** ** _did_** **lead to tragic ends."**

Pluto was holding her breath, her fist closed around the keys that were moving fast enough to make her hand shake and jerk as Sol went on. **"The Chosen of Gaia were the soldiers on the front lines of the war, meant to fight the Primordials and their armies directly, aided by nature's fury. Only their Exalted nature kept their spirits from breaking against such foes, even when pushed to their limits."**

Sol turned his head and met Jupiter's eyes, seeing the faintest flicker of hope within. **"The dragonblooded break in the heat of battle, when they are in dire straights, relying on the gift of their bloodline to win the day. That is when the curse strikes and sends them into a state of madness that is aligned with them elementally** ** _and_** **morally."**

Jupiter's shoulders slumped, and Pluto _felt_ the the key's in her hand crack. The smile on her face was matched by the other Maiden's as she opened her hand and found small, multicolored fragments of stone that shrank into pebbles before their eyes, and were soon gone completely. The Maiden of Endings looked to her Chosen, and her smile widened even further. "Thank you, Black Ice Shadow. I knew you were destined for great things, but neither I nor my sisters could have predicted this."

The black-clad younger man bowed reverentially while Chejop gave him an appraising look, before turning his attention on the smiling Wayang. "You taught him well."

The God of Silence waved a hand dismissively. [Please, I'm not taking credit for that. My student is a smart man by his own right. And a damn good one too.]

Black Ice Shadow was _very_ thankful he was wearing a mask over the lower half of his face, as his cheeks were burning bright red at his _sifu_ 's praise.

The last puzzle piece slotted into place, Sol turned to the God of Exaltations, who'd been watching the exchange with an intense expression. **"Lytek. Can you fix this?"**

Lytek stiffened and shuffled his feet worriedly. This earned him a hard look from the Incarnae, and after giving a nervous swallow, he replied, "My lord...I want to _try_."

 **"...Find Parad. Tell him, and** ** _only_** **him what has happened here. The both of you will take 1 Exaltation from each of mine and Luna's Castes as well as one from each of the Maidens, and sequester yourselves until this curse has been cleansed."**

The Right Hand of Power swallowed again. "What about the Exaltations waiting to be sent out?"

 **"It is far more important that they are** ** _fixed_** **than exacerbate our problems by creating more broken Exalts."** Sol narrowed his eyes. **"Is there a reason you are hesitating so much?"**

Previous bitter feelings aside, Chejop wasn't going to leave Lytek to twist in the wind...for more than a few moments before he sighed and answered, "In the Celestial Bureaucracy's current state, Most High, Lytek would more than likely be executed if he stops sending out Exaltations in a timely manner."

Sol's eyes widened. And he very slowly turned to stare at the elderly Chosen of Secrets. **"What."**

Lytek would never admit it, but he could have kissed the sneaky green-eye'd git for this idea. As it was, he had to make sure he kept his serious game face on rather than cackle with maniacal glee from thinking about what would happen to one of the chief pains in his divine ass, now that the _other_ one had received the ultimate in dressing downs. That said, he, Chejop and Wayang explained to the Most High what had become of the Home of the Gods since the Usurpation. And more specifically what had happened in the last 700 years, ever since the Lady of Bureaucracy and Paperwork had seized power and made herself the most powerful God in Yu-Shan, just shy of the Incarnae themselves.

Outside the Jade Pleasure dome, rumors and questions had abounded following a distinctly rare occurrence. The Games of Divinity had been put on hold, and for the first time in millennia, the Incarnae had done so when it wasn't the Calibration. That this break had lasted for several hours had piqued people's curiosity throughout the heavens. And caused more than a fair bit of frustration and frayed tempers for those who found attending the Games to be their sole joy in life, if not a pure necessity like food or water.

Said rumors and questions were momentarily silenced by a bright flash of light and a wave of pure sound that slapped airborne spirits and gods out of the sky. Those not blinded or deafened by the initial blast were utterly shaken by a beam of pure golden energy rising out of one corner of the Jade Pleasure dome, as tiny chunks of the building's roof rained down across Yu-Shan.

 **"Right."** Sol stated grimly, clad in the full regalia he hadn't worn since the end of the Great War, and cracking his neck in a manner not unlike the strangely cold man had done on the broadcast he'd listened to with the other Incarnae. Carefully ignoring Venus and Mercury, who were looking at him and fanning themselves with their hands while Luna licked her lips, he looked out across the whole of Yu-Shan and growled, **"It seems that I need to take a firm hand in matters again. And dispense some much needed DISCIPLINE."**

Ignus Divine then closed his eyes and resisted the urge to groan in exasperation at the joyful shout of "Oh, _FUCK_ -the-hell- **YES**!", which was followed by the patter of swiftly running feet and a follow-up holler of, "I'll go get my axe! Don't you **dare** start before I get back!" from the Maiden of Battles.

 **-o-**

10 minutes after a part of the Jade Pleasure dome exploded apropos of nothing, the eight-armed insect-like goddess Ryzala was back at work, putting her extra limbs to good use filing, shuffling, sorting, and occasionally 'misfiling' documents pertaining to the various offices and departments of the celestial bureaucracy. Depending on whether said departments had paid due respect to the organization's hierarchy, I.E. her, of course.

When her door opened, she spared only a fleeting glance away from a scroll she was signing, before reaching for the next and asking, "What do you want, Lytek?"

"Hello, Ryzala." The Right Hand of Power greeted her in an entirely too chipper tone. "How are you doing today?"

She made a mental note that Lytek seemed to be slipping if he was being this unprofessional and obvious in attempting to manipulate her. "I'm fine. Now, what do you want?"

"Do you remember awhile back when you asked me about Black Ice Shadow disappearing into the Underworld for a Monstrous Centennial Partition?"

Ryzala cocked an eyebrow in interest, though she didn't look up from her forms as she replied, "I do. I take it you found out who sent him on that mission?"

"Of course I do. It was me."

Ryzala stopped, and blinked several times in rapid succession. "Excuse me?"

"I sent him on that mission behind Wayang's back." Lytek offered as he took a step into her domain, smiling brightly and leaving the door slightly ajar. "Terribly impolite of me, but the God of Silence already forgave me and agreed it was a risk that had to be taken."

Ryzala's eyes widened, and she slowly looked up to stare at the, dare she say, almost _giddy_ god. Slowly, she picked up a nearby pen and and got ready to take notes. "What risk? What is this monstrous partition?"

"It's actually a 'Monstrance of Celestial Portion'." Lytek corrected her genially. "To make a long story short, when the Neverborn stole the Most High's Solars, I discovered they were keeping the Exaltations in these 'monstrances', which is why the Exaltations weren't coming back to my office whenever one of their corrupted Solars died. I was hoping to acquire one so I could take it apart and hopefully come up with a way to stop that, but obviously it didn't go so well."

Ryzala's hand was a blur and her mind was in a similar state as she ran this information through her mind, examining it from every angle to see where she could capitalize on it while also silently swearing a blue streak as she cursed every time she'd garbled or misfiled the Right Hand of Power's forms and paperwork. As well as wondering why he was telling her this now. She managed to reacquire her professional air however, and asked coolly, "Perhaps if you'd followed proper procedure, you would have gotten permission to acquire a monstrance through legal channels. And kept Black Ice Shadow from filing it under the wrong name."

"Well, that's the thing. I asked him to call it a Monstrous Centennial Partition on purpose."

Ryzala blinked again. "What?"

"Yes, because I knew his report would end up on your desk, and on the off chance that you were a Yozi or Neverborn traitor, I didn't want you passing the information on to your masters and alerting them to his mission. I also lied to your face when you asked me about it because again, if you were a traitor, you would have targeted me for an assassination." Lytek tilted his head briefly and added. "Well, more than you already do, anyway."

Several of Ryzala's hands were stained with a veritable rainbow of colors, as she snapped the eternal ink pens they were holding in her clenched fists. Decorum and professionalism were out the window as she snarled, "You...you're calling _me_ a traitor!?"

"No. Well, in a manner of speaking." Lytek brushed his fingernails against the front of his robe and then examined them with an unconcerned expression. "I don't believe you've betrayed the Most High, like you framed-I'm sorry, _accused_ Anisa-Shoshan of."

Her eye twitched.

"But I do believe you've been betraying the interests of Yu-Shan as a whole by being a 'professional incompetent', and needlessly complicating the workings of heaven simply to further your own ends." Lytek looked at her again, seemingly unconcerned with the murderous glare she was giving him. "Though whether that's _intentional_ on your part, or if you really are that bad at your job is up for debate."

Ryzala placed all 8 hands on her desk and slowly stood up, fury such that she'd never felt before making her blood boil as she hissed, "You...you arrogant waste of Quintessence! By the time I'm through with you, the Abyss will seem like a week in Costara's resort!"

"Do you think I would be here and telling you all this, if I thought for a _moment_ you could do anything to me?" Lytek gave Ryzala a flat look. "The only weapon you had in your arsenal has been removed. Or rather, your only ally against me has had a change of heart."

The door to her office, which had been ajar, swung open even further, and the Lady of Bureaucracy's outrage instantly transformed into a thick mire of shock, dread, and more than a hint of raw fear as Chejop Kejak stepped up next to Lytek. Unlike the God of Exaltations, the old Sidereal wasn't smiling. She looked between her two 'visitors', eyes narrowed suspiciously even as her heart hammered in her chest. "What in Malfeas is going on here?"

"For the first time in thousands of years, the Most High has left the Jade Pleasure dome, and intends to return to his rightful place as lord of Creation." Chejop replied in a neutral tone.

To any loyal servant of Ignus Divine, such an event would have been worthy of song.

While not a ' _traitor_ ' in the way Lytek had accused her of, Ryzala's pupils shrank to the size of pinpricks as she connected their presence to the eruption of light earlier and fearfully squeaked, " _what?!_ "

"Among his first actions for his return to power, the Most High is going to be conducting interviews with the leaders of the many. Many. _Many_ celestial departments that have been created since he became focused on the Games rather than his duties." Lytek expounded on Chejop's statement, acting like he didn't see Ryzala slumping bonelessly into her chair. "Needless to say, he wants to speak with you as well. _Maybe_ ask for your advice on how to efficiently change the management of heaven and liquidate some unneeded assets."

Ryzala brain had effectively flat-lined, unable to comprehend or convey how well and truly screwed she was, or even come up with the inkling of a way to keep her job.

"Of course." Chejop offered in a diplomatic tone. "There are alternatives."

Her eyes flicked up to her visitors, silently asking the obvious question.

"The Most High will be _very_ busy trying to interview every **minor** deity who's found a way to curry favor into positions of power. So, he's given the option of turning down interviews, but only to those who can adequately explain to his personal representatives why they don't want to talk to **him**."

Ryzala's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Oh, no no no, not us." Lytek waved his hand gamely with a wide smile.

It was at that moment, Ryzala realized there was still yet another person waiting outside her office, when said person entered and stepped just behind Lytek and Chejop.

It was at that moment, Ryzala realized her chances of maintaining any sort of position in the Celestial Bureaucracy were less than zero.

It was at that moment, Ryzala realized...she fucked up.

"So," Pluto tilted her head inquisitively, flicking her wrist and making her shears open and close with metallic clacks like she was opening and closing a butterfly knife. "Would you rather talk to Iggy-D? Or _me_?"

Ryzala opened her mouth.

Her office shook as an explosion sounded from nearby, dropping her out of her chair with a shriek. The Maiden of Endings leaned back and glanced out the door to her right, eyebrow cocked quizzically at the sound of roaring flames, screaming, and exuberant laughter from elsewhere in the building. "Mars seems to be having fun. Who was she _interviewing_ again?"

"I believe her first stop was Itzcalimon," Chejop offered blandly. "The God of Blackmail."

Pluto's eyes narrowed. "Why do we even _have_ one of those?" She then looked back into the office and pointedly at the goddess who was peeking fearfully up from behind her desk. "Well? Would you like to explain that?"

Ryzala whimpered.

 **OOOOOO**

A few days after the emergency meeting of the Masons, Smoker was standing on a dock and tapping out some ash from his cigar as Tashigi's ship came to port. While she was returning from her assignment a little early, the fact that she'd been out of contact with him or any Marine base was rather worrying.

Of course, as her ship came closer, that worry magnified when he saw the sorry state her battleship was in. Gaping holes from cannonfire, bite marks, and slashes decorated the hull, and Smoker briefly feared what kind of state the crew was in, as well as the safety of his protégé.

When the woman in question leapt off the edge of the ship before it finished settling into its place at the dock and she landed at his feet, splintering the wood underneath her to a chorus of cheers from the sailors he could see looking down at them from the deck of the battleship, Smoker's worries eased considerably. Though he was concerned why the normally stoic Junior-Grade Lieutenant had done something so flashy.

The Tashigi stood up, and Smoker was no longer worried, or concerned, or asking why she was smiling like a schoolgirl and how she'd gone up a cup size.

Instead, all his attention was focused on the hollow circle of reddened skin on Tashigi's forehead, surrounded by 8 small dashes like the points on a compass.

The Junior Grade Lieutenant noticed Smoker's staring and blushed in embarrassment before chuckling weakly, "Sorry about being out of contact, sir. Things became...hectic, and our transponder snail was lost."

"Tashigi...what is that?"

Still riding the high of being able to talk to her superior about what had happened, _and_ that her magical bullshit powers somehow made Grandline weather her _bitch_ when it came to sailing, Tashigi brushed off the undercurrent of dread in Smoker's voice and replied, "That's...umm, well it's a funny-okay, not a _funny_ story, but we were attacked by a bunch of fishman pirates and they were really strong. Too strong, honestly." Her face turned serious for a moment, before the memories of _her_ **sun** brought a smile to her face. "But just when it looked like we were all going to die-"

"You started glowing like the sun. And became powerful enough to beat the fishmen single-handedly."

There was a brief flash of disappointment, as Tashigi wondered how the hell Smoker could have guessed that and why he had to rain on her parade.

There was confusion too, as Tashigi wondered why Smoker never told her that sun gods were a thing if he apparently knew what happened to her just by the mark on her head.

But then there was rising worry, as Smoker's tone was one of deep dread. Like he was praying she was going to tell him he was mistaken. But the Junior Lieutenant couldn't do that, and when he met her eyes, she nodded in silent affirmation.

Smoker regarded her for a beat. And Tashigi's worry amped up to low-yield panic when the hard-bitten bulldog of the Marine's expression turned the kind of sympathetic normally reserved for terminally ill plague victims as he solemnly said, "Tashigi...I'm sorry."


	73. Crossing the streams 2: A New Dawn 7

This Bites! Omake: Crossing the Streams 2  
 **A New Dawn Part 7**

By: TattootheDL

 **OOOOOO**

Cross gave a small sigh as he sat back in a lawn chair, appropriately named as it was sitting on the grass of the Thousand Sunny's deck. It may seem like a contradiction, but the sound of the Straw Hat pirates going about their day could be damn peaceful, at least whenever the weather itself matched the mood. His eyes drooped, and Cross almost thought he could catch a quick nap before the next instance of Grand Line weather put them through hell.

"Hey, Cross? Mind if I ask you a question?"

Cross pursed his lips as that plan of getting a quick breather was disrupted by someone who'd done almost nothing _but_ relax since she came aboard the ship. Turning his head, he looked at the pinkette who was trying to get a tan in another lawn chair a few feet away and replied, "Maybe. Depends on what you want to know."

Perona showed absolutely no concern for Cross' slightly irritated tone and lowered her sunglasses, exposing a curiously cocked eyebrow. "How _do_ you know so much about the world, anyway? Impel Down, the Marines, and what have you."

Cross considered telling the hollow-woman the truth, for a half-second and solely for the look on her face, before he shelved that impulse and answered smoothly, "It's really quite simple. Before me and Soundbite joined the crew, I-"

"Cross is from a mystery world!"

Perona blinked and looked upwards as the Straw Hat's captain cheerfully answered her question, swinging on a crossbeam over head and ignoring Cross as he face-palmed and muttered, "God- _dammit_ , Luffy…"

"Mystery world?"

"Yo-ho-ho-ho! It's quite the tale!" Brook offered from where he was sitting nearby, one leg crossed as he jotted down notes for a new ditty on a piece of sheet music. "Apparently, Cross comes from a world where we are a work of fiction! That's why he knew so much about us before we ever laid eyes on him. Not that I had eyes to begin with! Skull joke!"

The kiddie trio laughed while Perona slowly turned her head to the trans-universal immigrant and gave him a pointed look. After a moment of trying to ignore her and grumbling about his loud-mouthed captain, Cross sighed. "You got your butt kicked by Usopp, because in the story, his self-esteem was so low that he was immune to your negative hollows. And he's a great liar, so he know your weren't nearly as invincible as you were pretending."

Perona stiffened and slowly turned her head to stare at the Straw Hat's sniper, who was gesturing grandly as he told some tall tale to their newest 'official' crew member. "I lost to **LONG-NOSE**!?"

"Yep." Cross snickered at the expression of absolute appall on her face. "After you woke up, you tried to run away but ran straight into Kuma."

The ghost girl paled. Even further. _Somehow_. "The _Warlord_ Kuma?!"

"The same, before he canonically beat the crap out of the crew. You, he sent to Kuragainu island, because you told him you'd like to vacation at a dark and gloomy castle." Cross grinned as Perona's mouth opened and closed several times, giving the impression of a bewildered fish. "That's what he does when he doesn't want to kill someone. He asks where you'd like to go on vacation, and uses his devil fruit power to send them there."

Perona no longer looked confused, though now she was curious and a touch excited. "Does Kuragainu have creepy castles?"

"Yep. But no servants."

She deflated with a sullen, "Aww…" before adding quizzically, "Does your world have anything to do with the weird box in your room?"

"Weird box?" Cross blinked. "What box-"

Memories of what had happened just before their arrival on the bastard love-child of a haunted house and A Night On Black Mountain made Cross seize up. "Perona, whatever you do, do _not_ mess with that box." He stated, the sheer gravity of his words causing Sunny to sink a little lower into the waves. "That isn't from my world, and it's a failsafe for a worst-case scenario. As in, 'The World Government recovered an Ancient Weapon' scale situation."

Perona swallowed heavily. "Is that why whenever I try to look inside the box, my Hollow disappears?"

Cross' eye twitched. "...I'm not _too_ familiar with the mechanics to know how stupid something like that is, so I'll just say I'm glad you're telling me _now_ instead of finding out when someone found you face down with your brain leaking out your ears."

Perona fearfully leaned away from the Straw Hat's communications officer. "If it's _that_ dangerous, why do you have it?"

Cross gave a small groan and rubbed his temple. "I'm _not_ explaining this again. Usopp, care to pinch hit for me?"

A little while later, after Usopp explained the circumstances of the clumsy ROB and cursed fragments of gods, with Cross tossing out corrections as needed, Perona was staring at him with an awestruck expression, while Brook was regarding Cross (seemingly) impassively. "While I did spend 50 years in the Florian Triangle, I experienced much of the Grandline and it's oddities before then." Brook stated calmly. "And I say that is the most insane thing I've ever heard."

Perona nodded in agreement. "No shit."

"I feel your pain." Cross grimaced sympathetically. "I like the danger and chaos of this place, but that kind of escalation is _no bueno_."

"And you're, what, expecting someone to call the SBS if they see a sun-fruit user who can swim?" Perona frowned worriedly.

"Considering how knowledgeable I am, I'd be surprised if someone _didn't_ call me asking about something weird going on in this ocean." Cross replied logically, unwilling to let the crew at large and _especially_ their temporary passenger know about his status as Dragon-lite. "Besides, I got friends out there who're keeping their eyes peeled, they'll let me know if someone sees something."

 _Puru puru puru puru!_

Cross turned to look at Soundbite, who was sitting on the arm of his chair and looking very amused. " **Well well,** isn't that- _puru puru puru puru!_ -A **ko-inky-** _ **DINK?"**_

"Coincidence is what happens when a higher power is trying to remain anonymous." Cross muttered with a roll of his eyes, before sending a few poignant looks around the crew, catching the eye of Nami, Zoro, and Vivi. With a 'puru-ing' Soundbite in hand, the Straw Hat's commie got up and called out, "I gotta take this, captain. Be back in a bit."

"Okay, Cross!"

As he made his way inside the Sunny, Cross caught sight of all four of his cohorts making their way towards the door. Since Nami didn't wave off Merry, he assumed that the weather was going to remain peaceful enough that a navigator wouldn't be necessary for a little while, and didn't comment when the quintet had situated themselves somewhere in a lower-hold.

"Everyone ready? He asked with a glance over his shoulder.

"Just about. But Cross'," Vivi asked with an exasperated tone that said she knew he wouldn't listen to her. "I know it's your thing, but can you not screw with whoever's calling you this time?"

Cross gave her a flat look and said, "It's like you don't even know me." before turning back to Soundbite and smiling widely as he unhooked the transponder's microphone and declared, "Cut-me-own-throat Dibbler's sausage-onna-bun shop, will this be delivery or carry-out?"

" _Is it true?"_

The transmitted expression of Tashigi, eyes narrowed with her lips set in a thin line, said she was in no mood for Cross' bullshit. Not that that stopped him from pursing his lips and saying, "You know, it's no fun if you don't play along, Tashi-chan." Cross sighed dramatically as Soundbite gritted his teeth and suddenly sported a few throbbing veins. "I thought I _meant_ something to you…"

Cross expected Tashigi to ream him out, as was their 'thing', before catching her up on what had happened during the meeting she missed. Though it sounded like Smoker had given her something of a play-by-play already.

Instead, Soundbite vibrated slightly on the table while a sound like splintering wood came through the connection. Tashigi's transmitted expression of barely contained apoplectic fury made Vivi give Cross a mildly irritated and amused look as she said, "When she kicks your ass, I'm not stopping her."

 **-o-**

Tashigi struggled to calm her breathing, not noticing or caring at the slight pokes of wooden splinters digging into her fingers. Said splinters were coming from the table in Smoker's office that she was leaning on and had gripped so hard that the table now had a set of completely superfluous and very crudely made handles. As her back heaved and she regarded the transponder snail she was looming over furiously, a calloused hand gently gripped her shoulder as Smoker said, "Easy, Lieutenant." before turning his attention onto the snail that was looking to the side with an annoyed expression. "Cross, we need to talk. ASAP."

" _About the Exalted, I assume."_ The snail turned back to look at Tashigi. " _I found a bit of privacy with the rest of the snakes, so what'dya need recapped about the situation, Tashigi?"_

"I already **know** the situation." The swordswoman spat venomously, which prompted Smoker to give her shoulder a squeeze as a silent 'easy girl'. She gave him an ugly look out of the corner of her eye, but the older man didn't flinch an iota. After a moment, she said in a much calmer voice, "The Commodore told me everything. But I want more details on the curse, Cross."

Smoker's mouth tightened, not comfortable but agreeing that Tashigi needed more concrete information as the snail blinked cocked it's head quizzically and the youngest of Cross' co-conspirator's asked, " _Eh? Why do you wanna know about that?"_

 **-o-**

Cross waved at Merry in an irritated way and said, "Ignore that, Smoker. As for the curse, I can't really give anymore details than I already have, Tashigi." he shrugged helplessly. "It's not that hard to figure out, and hopefully it'll be easy to deal with if the Solar knows about it."

" _That's not what I meant, Cross."_ Tashigi stated, her eyes lowered and expression grim. " _I want to know how_ bad _Solars can get. Concrete information, not the half-assed,_ 'like a World Noble with super-powers' _description you gave everyone else."_

Cross frowned at the strangely irritable Junior-Lieutenant, mostly because of what he _did_ know about Creation and the Exalted, and direly wished he was ignorant of. "That **is** the best description of Solar who falls too far into the curse. Like I told everyone else, I didn't read more than a few pages of the books-"

" _And none of those pages had_ examples _of these crazy Solars?"_ Tashigi demanded, her eyes hard and unyielding. " _You don't know_ _ **anything**_ _except generic megalomaniacal horror stories?"_ She snorted incredulously. " _Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining, Cross. Out with it."_

The stoic marine's out of character crudeness made Cross look curiously at his crewmates, as though asking if they'd heard the same thing he had. Nami and Vivi, both looking equally off-guard, nodded once while Merry stared at Soundbite in bewilderment and Zoro cocked an eyebrow curiously. Buying some time while he tried to figure out what crawled up the Junior-Lieutenant's backside and bit her, Cross turned back to his partner and frowned. "What's the point in this, Tashigi? The stakes are high-"

" _And we're already living in a world where entire_ islands _can disappear at the whim of a psychopath with delusions of grandeur!"_ the swordswoman snapped. " _What the hell makes_ this _more of a priority_ everything **else** _we're trying to do-"_

" _Lieutenant!"_

The snail winced at the harsh bark from Smoker, while Cross discarded his other avenues for conversational stalling tactics and mentally itemized what was relatively safe to say in front of his _nakama_ about the Great Curse, especially the more relatively innocent Merry or apocalyptically-tempered Nami. Not satisfied per se, but assured that he wouldn't have to deal with the collateral damage of a sudden hurricane, Cross replied, "Alright...I did read about one ancient Solar named Desus."

 **-o-**

" _But I gotta warn you, Tashigi."_ her snail stated with a stern look. " _I looked him up because he was the absolute worst of Creation's First Age Solars. A one man justification for the usurpation, and it's not for the faint-hearted."_

"Cross, I almost went crazy from sheer rage when Robin told the world what happened at Ohara." Tashigi's expression firmed even as a small part of her wondered if she was biting off more than she could chew. "I doubt anything Desus did could make me angrier than that."

Cross' lips pursed in a perfect expression of, ' _don't say I didn't warn you'_ before he replied, " _Desus was an Eclipse Caste, which meant he was given super diplomatic and bureaucratic powers. On the diplomacy side of things, those powers are some of the most mind-raping abilities a Solar can have, and I_ wish _I was being metaphorical."_

Tashigi gritted her teeth, but let that wash over her. It was hardly any different than the World Nobles got up to with their slaves at any given moment.

" _But his curse, personality, and everything else are what elevated him to a walking nightmare. Supposedly he was a borderline sociopath before he Exalted, and his curse of_ 'Deliberate Cruelty' _enhanced that to straight up sadism."_

" _So much for those Exaltations going to heroes."_ Vivi offered in a displeased voice, while Tashigi bit her tongue to keep from snapping at the princess and Smoker gripped her shoulder harder.

" _Like we noted before, one instance of heroism a hero does not make. But anyways, it was Desus' pride and his powers that made him an irredeemable bastard who I would willing shoot dead in the street."_ Cross went on, not responding to Vivi's aside. " _There was a long list of powers, or_ Charms _that Solars can learn, but Desus made one that was completely unique."_ After a moment to pointedly clear his throat, Cross recited aloud, "Anyone who has heard Desus speak, will believe he means well, no matter what he does."

The two marines narrowed their eyes, one in suspicion and the other concerned as Tashigi stated snidely, "That doesn't sound any different than the crap that happens up in Mariejois."

Cross regarded Tashigi, his expression irritable and making it obvious he was done with her attitude. "Except _, if a World Noble murdered someone in the street, everyone who sees it_ knows _it was wrong, but they can't do anything about it because they're afraid to. Except for the other nobles, 'cause they'd call it a waste of a bullet."_ Cross' expression hardened and his voice dipped into a menacing disgust. " _That_ literally _god-damned charm meant Desus could have an entire family butchered on Marine HQ's front doorstep, read off a_ grocery list _,_ _ **everyone**_ _who saw what he did, including himself and his victims, would think the people he killed_ **deserved** _it."_

The bottom dropped out of Tashigi's stomach, and she felt the blood draining from her face. The full weight of what she was capable of, could accomplish or _inflict_ , struck her like a physical blow and she whispered, "What?" As Smoker gritted his teeth and restrained himself from lambasting Cross.

 **-o-**

There was a bit of guilt, but also a little confusion of why this example had apparently struck Tashigi so hard. But Cross brushed that aside along with the stunned and horrified looks from his crewmates as he continued grimly, " _That_ is why Desus was a monster, and I'm not even going to tell you the stuff he actually did, because it was worse than that and you don't need the nightmares. What made him a true monster though is that he didn't-he _couldn't_ acknowledge his own crimes. Desus thought of himself as a ' _lovable rogue'_ and a ' _scamp'_ with a quirky personality, rather than a corrupt and egotistical braggart who could get rich importing sand to Alabasta and tortured people for fun, and sleep like a damn baby afterwards."

Tashigi grimaced, her eyes lowering, and that twinge of guilt Cross was feeling became a pang. "Tashigi, I _wish_ we could sit back and see what happens, and if the Solar starts changing the world for the better." He added in an apologetic tone. "But that's only in the short term. Long term, whoever gets that Exaltation could go bad in a way that this world isn't _ready_ for, and t the very least we need to tell them what's gonna happen so they-"

" _How do you stop it."_

Tashigi's voice, as flat and cold as a freeze dried flounder, cut him off. " _How do we keep the Solar from breaking. From triggering the Curse."_

Cross scratched the back of his neck, feeling worried and concerned, like he'd been unknowingly giving Fate the ' _not touching you, can't get mad'_ treatment and was about to suffer the blowback. "Umm, we can't. I mean, Desus' trigger was seeing someone either do an immoral thing and succeed, or do the righteous thing and fail. You can't control something like that-"

" _DAMMIT, CROSS! STOP TALKING ABOUT THAT_ _ **BASTARD!**_ "

As loud as Cross' favorite button on the transceiver was, Tashigi almost matched that as she _roared_ through the connection, forcing him to lean back in stunned surprise. " _I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT SOME ANCIENT_ ASSHOLE _! TELL ME HOW TO FIX THIS SHIT!_ RIGHT- _ **GODDAMN-**_ **NOW!** "

All of the assembled Straw Hats were staring at Soundbite, who huffed and puffed while glaring murderously at Cross.

But then, Smoker's expression came through, somber and somehow _older_ than Cross had ever seen him before as the smoke-man said, " _Lieutenant...tell him."_

Due to having something close to fourth-wall awareness, or rather an inkling of how fate and ROB liked to screw with people in the most dramatically ironic way possible, Cross had a flash of insight regarding Tashigi's behavior and her emotional investment in this new situation.

Said insight didn't stop him from gasping along with his fellow conspirators as Tashigi winced and started sniffling, before a small circle of golden light appeared between Soundbite's eyestalks. The noisiest snail in the world went cross-eye'd, looking at the Caste mark floating in front of him, before summarizing everyone's feelings with a concise, " _Oh_ **what fresh hell** IS THIS?"

 **-o-**

Tashigi's eyes were burning, but despite how much she wanted to, she couldn't stop the tears streaming down her cheeks. She wondered bitterly if _this_ was her Curse, but had a hunch she wasn't that lucky as her vision grew more blurry and Cross breathed, " _Tashigi...when did you…?"_

"Pirates...fishmen from the New World who were raiding ships near Little Garden." She answered weakly through the lump in her throat. "We didn't _know_ that until they ambushed us...I lost a bunch of men, and their captain almost killed me…" the junior lieutenant hung her head and moaned helplessly, "Now I wish he **had** …"

" _Whoa, Tashigi-!"_

" _What're you saying!?"_

" _Are you_ crazy _-I mean-!"_

" _Shitty choice of words, witch."_

" _Not the time, Zoro!"_

" _SHUT UP!"_ The voice of the Straw Hat's ship-girl silenced the panicked exclamations of her crewmates before addressing the emotionally distraught marine. " _Tashigi, don't even_ think _of something like that!"_

"I'm not...not being serious, Merry." The bluenette sniffled, head hanging and aware of her superior officer's gaze behind her, carefully schooling her expression to try and hide that there _was_ a part of her that had been honest with her last statement. "If I had, my crew would have all died, and who knows how many more before someone stopped those bastards." She chanced a look over her shoulder and gave Smoker a weak, insincere grin. "Besides, the Commodore never would have forgiven me if I didn't make it back."

Smoker's eyes narrowed, his expression contemplative as Tashigi returned her attention to the snail, the light-donut on her head slowly fading from sight as she asked in a tone that could have passed for calm in poor lighting. "What can you tell me, Cross? How can I deal with this?"

" _Uhh,"_ Cross answered intelligently, obviously still dumbstruck by information that she was the savior-or-harbinger he'd been looking for. " _I, I don't really know. I mean, you're the first Solar_ ever _who's known about the curse."_

" _Which is more than enough."_

Tashigi blinked and stared dumbly at the snail, which adopted a cool and calculated expression that briefly flicked into a dumbstruck look as Cross blurted, " _The hell?"_ before Nami spoke again.

" _The curse isn't going to make you snap without warning, Tashigi. It's mental pressure, emotional strain. You're going to feel worse before the trigger hits, and better after it happens, if you don't resist it."_ The snail smiled thinly. " _It can't con you into being an amoral monster if you_ know _you're being played."_

Something sparked inside Tashigi, a fragment of hope, though she wasn't ready to fan the flame before making sure it wouldn't be blown out again. "But, if the trigger is something I can't avoid-"

" _No, she's right."_ Cross cut in, the snail's eyes suddenly narrowing intensely. " _The triggers are pretty subtle, but not_ that _subtle. Watching an innocent suffer unjustly, being forced to choose between the law and justice, some kind of violation of your personal beliefs. These aren't things that happen all the time."_

" _You're going to feel the stress building, and whatever event triggers the break isn't going to be innocuous."_ Vivi stated, and Tashigi's chest tightened at the building smile on the princess's face. " _Once you know what it is, you can manage it, even if you can't avoid it."_

"H-how?"

" _Controlled demolition."_ Cross stated. " _If your flaw is more of a danger to yourself than others, set up a situation where you can let it out without putting yourself at risk. The Curse wasn't meant to be discovered in the first place, so I'll bet the damned thing can be bluffed."_

"Even if it can't, there are still ways to get around it." Smoker offered, prompting a curious look from Tashigi as he added, "If it doesn't work when you try to pull the trigger yourself, someone else can pull it for you."

"But, if I know you're trying to trigger me, wouldn't that fail too?"

"You let me worry about that." Smoker tapped some ash off his cigar and schooled his expression, even as he considered how he could keep a few members of CP9 on standby for Solar containment without Tashigi catching on. That said, he met his subordinate's eyes, causing her to stiffen as he adopted a more drill-sergeant-esque tone. "But you're missing the most important reason why you are _not_ going to fall, Tashigi."

Tashigi swallowed nervously and gave him a hesitant, desperate smile. "Be...because you're going to help me? Sir?"

"No."

Her jaw dropped, and Cross shouted, " _SMOKER! What the HE-"_

"As long as I'm around, I'll keep your head above water." The grey-haired man stalked up to his junior officer. Not looming over her, but making Tashigi feel very small just the same. "But you don't need me, because you are _better_ than this, Lieutenant. Some sneaky prick is trying to turn you into a monster, training you like a _dog_ until you become just like the bastards we're trying to overthrow." He narrowed his eyes. "What you're going to do, is spit in that son-of-a-bitch's eyes and act like a **Marine**. Right, Tashigi?"

Remembering the moment of her Exaltation, following an act of defiance exactly like Smoker was describing, Tashigi's lip quivered as her smile became more firm and replied confidently, "Yes sir! I won't disappoint you, Commodore!"

Smoker held the 'superior officer' gaze for another moment longer, before stunning Tashigi senseless by smiling at her. It wasn't the fact that the hard-bitten marine knew _how_ to smile that shocked her, but rather how natural it looked on his craggy features as he said warmly, "You never could, Lieutenant. Even when I thought you broke the first order I ever gave you, after _everyone_ heard what happened at Ohara, I wasn't disappointed in you. And I never will be."

Tashigi's eyes widened and she started sniffling. But this time for a completely different reason than despair as she tremulously asked, "Sir, permission to hug you?"

Smoker's eyes hardened and his normal frown returned. "Denied."

She sagged and offered an ironically disappointed, "Yes sir…"

" _Wow...that was impressive."_ Cross broke in, reminding the pair of their pseudo-audience and bringing their eyes back to the snail that was nodding it's head and looking suitably admiring. " _I mean, I would have come up with something like that, but damn, you do good work, Smokey!"_

Smoker scoffed and rolled his eyes, but didn't deny Cross' statement and pretended he didn't see Tashigi's appreciative smile, while the Junior-Lieutenant said, "Thanks for the information, Cross. I think I can handle this now...or at least a lot better than I could before. Can I count on you and the Straw Hats to keep me on the straight and narrow?"

" _Where would_ I BE _without my FAVORITE_ _ **stick up the**_ **ASS?!** " Soundbite cackled.

" _We'll help you out, Tashigi."_ Vivi smiled helpfully. " _You've got a lot of potential now, if even half the things Cross has said about Solars are true."_

" _I_ should _charge you for this."_ Nami snarked with a Cheshire cat smile. " _But, we'll just say you can owe us one."_

" _Like that's better than getting the bill up front!?"_

" _Shut it, Cross!"_

" _Don't worry, Tashigi, we're here for you!"_ Merry cheered happily. " _I already owe you, remember?"_

The Junior-Lieutenant chuckled. "Yeah, I remember, Merry."

" _Well,_ I _don't owe you anything."_

A sudden feeling of...not menace, but definitely hostile intent came through the connection, while the snail's eyes narrowed and it leered in an amused way. " _And if you want me to keep you from screwing up, my price is a_ _ **match**_ _,_ cheater _."_

Stunned silence echoed for several moments, only to be broken by Nami furiously screeching, " _ZORO! WHAT THE_ HELL _IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"_

" _I'm a swordsman, she's a swordsman and apparently, she just became a lot stronger without needing to work for it."_ He shrugged unapologetically. " _I call it like I see it, and if she's as powerful as Cross says, she'll be good practice for the New World."_

" _Zoro, a Solar Exalted swordsman could slice through the fucking Red Line!"_ Cross shouted.

" _And you don't think Mihawk could?"_

The snail's open mouth slowly closed as it blinked a few times. " _Fair point...wow, things really aren't that up-scaled compared to-"_

Cross' ruminations were interrupted by a snort, and Smoker cocked an eyebrow as his lieutenant hunched over, her body shaking with her hand over her mouth as a series of muffled giggles echoed. Then the dam broke and Tashigi broke down laughing, louder and with more genuine delight than the older Marine had seen in a long time. Eventually, the swordswoman recovered, wiping away a few stray tears as she snickerd. "Hoo...hoo...oh God. Zoro, you are an _asshole_ , and I accept your challenge."

The snail smiled in a predatory way. " _Glad to hear it, cheater."_

"And thank you...all of you." Tashigi added, less giddy and far more hopefully than before. "We'll let the other Divine's know as soon as we can, and the Damned if you don't get to them first."

" _Right, I need to tell them to stop looking."_ Cross nodded in agreement. Then he grinned cheekily and said, " _And I'll be there for you too, Tashi-chan."_

She snorted. "First off, don't ever call me that again. Secondly…" Tashigi took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Can you let the Lunar exaltation out for me?"

Shocked staring came through the connection, before Cross stammered, " _Wh-why?! You said you'll be fine!"_

"For now, Cross. But not forever, and as long as I've got _someone_ out there who can slap some sense into me, the world will be that much safer." Giving the snail a serious look, Tashigi asked softly, "Please, Cross."

Slowly, the snail matched her expression and nodded. " _You got it, Tashigi. We'll talk to you soon, okay?"_

The click of a transponder mic being hung up signaled the end to the call, and Tashigi reached over to do the same to hers.

"Junior Lieutenant."

Smoker's Commodore voice was back and Tashigi stiffened worriedly before turning around and standing at attention in front of her superior officer. "Yes sir?"

Smoker took a moment to tap some ash from his cigar. " _Now_ you have my permission."

She blinked for a moment. Then an impossibly wide smile lit up her face and Tashigi lunged forward, wrapping her arms around Smoker's chest and holding him tightly. After a moment of awkwardness, Smoker returned her gesture and patted her back gently as he said, "You're going to do great things, Lieutenant. I'll make sure of it."

"Thank you, sir." Tashigi murmured, pressing her eyes against the smoke-man's collarbone as the burden on her shoulders lifted a little more.

 **-o-**

"Okay, that went way better than I expected." Cross offered as he leaned back in his chair. "Plus, I _think_ I can guess what her flaw is."

"You do?" Vivi gave Cross a surprised look that slowly turned into a pointed glare. "And _why_ didn't you mention it to her?"

"Because if I'm _wrong_ ," Cross snapped, "I'd rather not piss off a woman who can punch me through a snail-call by saying she turns into a crybaby!"

Vivi blinked as she considered that, while Nami nodded and said, "That's valid. But what makes you say that?"

"Tashigi's a lot of things," Zoro offered plainly. "But she's normally not that emotional. Especially in front of Cross."

The communications officer nodded in agreement with the swordsman. "Yeah, I had my fingers crossed that it wouldn't be 'Red Rage of Compassion', because _god_ forbid Tashigi turns into another Absolute Justice fanatic." After taking a deep breath and stretching out, Cross looked at the others and gave a small sigh. "Well, let's spread the word."

Moments later, Cross and his four co-conspirators were back on the deck of the Sunny, and the Straw Hat's commie was saying, "Sooo, who want's the good news?"

"I don't know if I would call such a thing _good_ news, Cross." Robin opined with a slightly amused curl of her lips.

Cross gave her an annoyed look, before glancing at the sunbathing Perona. "Did you hear too?"

"Nope." She replied before pointing to the side, where the TWDS were training with Boss. "You think I'd leave myself helpless around them, Usopp, or Sanji?"

"Hey!"

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

Cross chuckled at the cook and sniper's offended shouts. "Fair enough."

"Still, what was that about?" The pinkette lowered her sunglasses to look meaningfully at Cross. "You got a sweetheart somewhere?"

"Cross is being a spymaster!"

This time, Luffy's free-spirited statement brought more than just Perona's attention, as all the Straw Hats on deck stared at the rubber man swinging from the mast. "How the hell do you know that?" Cross asked weakly.

"I figured it out, 'cause you keep ranting about how bad things are and want to change it!" Luffy offered gamely, before perching on the mast and giving his commie a serious look. "But you better not be messing with our adventure."

"No no!" Cross performed his namesake over his chest. "I swear."

"Good!" Luffy chirped before going back to his antics. "So, what'd your spies say?"

"Well, there's good... _ish_ news, and varying flavors of possibly bad news." Cross replied hesitantly, casting his eyes along the crew at large. "I know where the Solar is."

"Woo-hoo!" Luffy proclaimed. "When can we meet them!?"

"No need." Nami replied with a small sigh. "We told her about the curse already."

"Her?" Sanji's ears perked up. "Who is it?"

"Tashigi."

Zoro's response made the cook stiffen, while Usopp asked nervously, "Oh man, how'd she take it?"

"Not very well, at least at first." Robin replied calmly while giving the _santoryu_ swordsman one of her Mona Lisa smiles. "But after a little bit of encouragement from Zoro, she's in a much better mood."

Zoro smiled thinly. "If she thinks she can take the title of World's Strongest swordsman from Mihawk or me by cheating, she's got another one coming. She owes me a match now that she's got something that puts her closer to my level."

"Master of humility." Su snarkily offered.

"But the last bit, is that she asked us to open the box and let the Lunar Exaltation out." Vivi finished recapping.

That brought almost the full attention of the crew onto her, and subsequently Cross when he said, "I don't know about you guys, but I think it would be thematically appropriate to do it tonight. Anyone opposed?"

The crew shared silent looks between themselves before shaking their heads.

Cross let out a sigh. "It's unanimous. Guess tonights gonna be busy..."

 **OOOOOO**

The Unconquered Sun pinched the bridge of his nose as the latest on a long line of _woefully_ inadequate members of the Celestial Bureaucracy was carried out of his office. Rather than the last time it had happened, due to said deity being a Yozi-bound traitor and receiving their due punishment, the ' _Glorious Adjudicator of Truth'_ collapsed when Sol demanded an explanation for why **every** Censor reporting directly to him was on the take. Apparently, Ideal Flame hadn't realized his underlings were corrupt and had to be slung across the back of a celestial lion, as the information of his own stupidity struck him senseless. As much as Sol wanted to show some mercy on him, there was a point where myopia and incompetence were _worse_ than malicious motives, and the so-called, ' _High Minister of Justice'_ had proven that in spades.

"Well, good to see you're hard at work."

Sol blinked. Then looked to his right and found a figure standing next to his desk, who hadn't been there a moment ago.. It _looked_ like a mortal with green glowing stripes across his body, save for what wasn't covered by a pair of loose black breeches and a white short-sleeved tunic. **"Who are you?"**

"The name's Rob, or BROB, if you're feeling impolite." The figure replied jovially as he walked to his right, around Sol's desk until he was on the opposite side of the Most High. "And I'm here to give back the Exaltations I took out a loan on."

Sol narrowed his eyes, irritated at this pseudo-deity's presence, but far more focused on the other implication of same. **"Were you able to remove the curse?"**

" _Nyet_ , unfortunately." Rob sighed in frustration. "Anybody with the power to mess with them directly were either _not_ worth the headache of dealing with, or are sticklers about the non-interference policy regarding dimensional travel." The 'man' then smirked at Sol and added teasingly, "But hey, now you know about the curse. That's something, right?"

Sol's eye twitched. **"I will be fair and say that does balance things out and thank you for the effort, rather than smiting you for stealing them in the first place."**

"Your call, hoss."

 **"If you don't mind my asking, what happened to the Exaltation you dropped?"** Ignus leaned forward. **"Did it find a host?"**

"Yep. Funny enough, it went to the lady who owned the snail I grabbed for you guys, like, moments before her ship got attacked and she turned into a glowing hurricane of a**-kickery." Rob looked around. "Where is the little guy, anyway?"

 **"Wayang has taken him to his office. I believe he intends to keep the snail as a pet."**

"Ah. Well, that's probably for the best." Rob shrugged. "It'd be suspicious if I took him back now, cause everyone thinks he got blown to bits."

That add-on, coupled with his earlier remark about a ship being attacked and assorted details from what he'd overheard during that meeting, piqued Sol's curiosity. **"What can you tell me about the world my newest Chosen hails from?"**

Rob opened his mouth, only to pause and blink rapidly. Then one of the largest smiles that Sol had ever seen spread across his face and he declared, "I _could_ just tell you. Or-!"

Rob snapped his fingers, and there was a green flash of light on Sol's left as a pile of books were suddenly dropped onto his desk. He cocked an eyebrow at the colorful covers and picked up the topmost one. The caricature of three cheering mortals on a boat at sea; a red-haired girl, a green-haired man raising a bottle, and a boy wearing a red shirt and a straw hat jumping into the air made him curious as he noted the title, which was apparently the first in a long-running series. **"What is this?"**

"Cross _did_ mention that in his home universe, Creation is considered a work of fiction?"

Sol understood the context immediately. **"Then this is the story of the world he was dropped in by one of your kin."** He didn't notice the pseudo-deity twitch in irritation as he opened the book and saw small panels of people and places that were drawn in an unrealistic, yet not unappealing and faintly whimsical style. **"Was Creation described in such a way?"**

"Eh, less than a percent." Rob wiggled his wrist. "There were comics before the chapters in the books, but only a page or two at a time. Your Exaltation went to a Marine named Tashigi, she shows up in Loguetown, and she's good people both in the book and now that Cross has been taking a sledgehammer labeled 'f**k the Man' to canonicity."

 **"I see."** Sol mused as he came across the scene described by the aforementioned Cross several days ago, of a so-called Pirate Emperor letting himself be maimed to save a young boy's life. He looked at Rob again and asked, **"Has he found Tashigi yet?"**

"They know each other, actually. So he got to drop the dime on the curse pretty quickly." Rob scratched the back of his head uncomfortably. "She...didn't take it well. At least at first. But she's got supporters and is ready to deal with whatever comes next."

 **"That is…"** Sol trailed off, his mood turning somber as he considered the effects of such knowledge on a mortal's psyche. **"Better than I hoped. But not something she should** ** _need_** **, had I been more perceptive and realized there was a problem."**

At that, Rob's eyes narrowed. "Yes, because god forbid that someone with infinite power have _some_ connection to humanity beyond ' _those things I was chosen to be_ better _than'_." His scornful tone made Sol's eyes narrow, but before the Most High could respond, Rob waved a hand and added, "Forget it. If you haven't realized by now that a spoonful of crow is **exactly** what you and your Chosen needed to keep this place from sinking into a celestial s**t-box, nothing I say is gonna change your mind and I'm not wasting the energy trying."

The Unconquered Sun struggled mightily to keep from reacting violently to this being's insult. But he managed, if only because nothing Rob had said was untrue. After taking a deep breath to calm himself, a thought occurred to the Most High, and he closed the book he'd been reading after marking the page with a dog-eared corner. **"I would ask you for a favor."**

"Eh?" Rob tilted his head. "Wasn't expecting that. What'cha need?"

 **"Is there anyway for me to talk to this 'Tashigi'? A hardier breed of snail that can withstand my power?"**

Rob blinked and scratched his chin. "Actually, there is...huh, can't believe I didn't think of that before. The Golden Transponder snails are made of sterner stuff than normal ones." He smiled mischievously. "And whether it works or not, it's one less tool for the World Government to let loose a Buster Call! Genius!"

 **"A what?"**

"Their equivalent of summoning the Five Metal Shrike to Godspear an island clean off the map." Rob nodded at Sol's ugly scowl. "Yah, I know. Cross isn't trying to rip the World Government a new one for shiggles. So, you might get your chance to talk to your Chosen, and I can do my _favorite_ thing in the whole multiverse; screw over a raging douche-nozzle! Everyone wins!"

 **"Indeed."** Sol nodded in agreement. **"I hope I can speak to her soon, and possibly thank Cross for revealing the curse, even if it wasn't intentional."**

"I'll see if I can make it happen." Rob replied gamely. Then he snapped his fingers and said, "Oh yeah!" Before reaching into his pocket. "I got something for ya."

 **"Oh? What is-"**

A glimmer of silver arced through the air, which Sol easily caught with one hand. When he looked at the object Rob had tossed him, it turned out to be a small silver coin. On one side was a triangle, with the words, 'Strength, Unity, Recovery' along each of its sides, and ' _To thine own self be true'_ written along the edge, curving clockwise from the lower-left to the lower-right. On the flip side of the coin was a simple prayer; ' _God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, and Wisdom to know the difference'_.

"For encouragement, considering how hard you've been working rather than playing." Rob waved his hand cheerily and added helpfully, "Remember the steps, one day at a time." Before disappearing in a flash of green light.

Sol looked at the spot where his guest had been standing for several moments, idly rolling the coin between the thumb and forefinger of his upper-right hand, before sliding it into a fold of his robe.

He then re-opened the book and waited for his next interview, smiling at the absolute shock on the face of the axe-handed tyrant when his oh-so important statue was broken in half by the rubber-boy wearing a straw hat.

 **OOOOOO**

Through ironic timing, and act of ROB, or maybe even an actual once-in-a-lifetime coincidence; the deck of the Thousand Sunny was awash in the light of a full moon when the Straw Hats assembled for that night's unofficial ceremony. Cross stood in the near the railing, facing the wide expanse of Goda's ocean with his _nakama_ at his back and Soundbite on his shoulder. Since his announcement after dinner that he was going to get the box, a contemplative silence had come over the crew, and they were watching him with nervousness, concern, and eager excitement.

Cross was rolling the box in his hands, considering the weight of what he was about to let loose and what it could do. All the possibilities, both good and bad were flitting through his mind. The chaos that would be unleashed, assuming the Lunar took longer to find than the Solar. And more importantly, just how far-reaching the effects of this simple act would be on this world that he loved so much.

When he thought about that and the general anarchy he was about to let loose, there was only one thing Cross could do.

"Pfft…"

The Straw Hats tensed at their commie's quiet snicker. "Cross…" Nami said warningly.

"Relax, Nami." Cross waved her off with a reassuring smile. "I was just thinking."

"About…?"

Seeing that she was unwilling to let it go, and the others were watching him curiously as well, Cross turned towards them and said, "This thing...it's not like a devil fruit, you know? It's not gonna sit around waiting for someone to find it on a tree, on a store shelf, or in some nobleman's home. And there's no weaknesses to it. Tashigi could swim laps around mermaids eventually, and so could whoever gets this." He held up the box and looked at it almost wistfully. "A Solar and Lunar...they could probably accomplish more, and have an even greater effect on this world than I have with the SBS. Or Roger at his execution, or the captain when we finally reach Raftel and find One Piece. And what they do would last a lot longer, too."

Nami pursed her lips, but nodded in understanding along with the others.

"Yeah, and?"

The Straw Hats, to a man, turned to look at the captain, who was dismissively picking his nose. "Umm, and what?" Cross asked quizzically.

"What does that have to do with us?" Luffy offered in a bored, nasally tone, due to having jammed his pinky finger all the way to the second knuckle. "You warned Tashigi, we'll warn the Lunar when we find them, and then we'll keep going on our adventure."

Usopp hesitantly raised a hand. "But...what if the Lunar decides they want to be the King of Pirates?"

"Then we kick their butt." Luffy stated with a shrug, before pulling his finger out of his nose with a sound best left undescribed, and flicked it over the side of the Sunny. "Besides, if they do become Pirate King, it won't count."

An almost unanimous head tilt came from the crew at that. Feeling even more confused than the others due to her inexperience with Luffy-isms, Perona asked, "It won't count? Why?"

Luffy snorted dismissively. "I'm going to Raftel the long way, the way Roger and every other Pirate King did before him. If someone jumped over Reverse Mountain and landed at the end of the New World, they aren't the real Pirate King, because they didn't _earn_ it."

Perona blinked in surprise at the surprisingly wise statement, while the rest of the crew nodded and smiled in understanding.

"Well said, captain." Zoro grinned.

"Damn straight." Sanji agreed.

"Achieving greatness with your own two hands." Boss pumped a clenched flipper as he declared, " _That_ is a Man's Romance!"

"GO BOSS GO!"

"Yo-ho-ho-ho! I should compose a song about this moment!" Brooke proclaimed grandly.

Cross shook his head, smiling ruefully as he breathed, "I love this crew."

"Me too!" Merry cheered loudly.

"AND _I make it_ **a hat trick!** " Soundbite laughed loudly. He then nudged the side of Cross' neck and added, " _READY_ when _**you are.**_ "

Cross took a breath to steady himself and turned around, once more facing the ocean of possibility that had become his second home. With a more confident smile, he lifted the lid of the box.

A wave of power washed over the deck of the Thousand Sunny. Breaths came faster and eyes widened as something not unlike Conqueror's Haki bore down on them. But while the Will of a King was stifling, this power was energizing, wild and eager to be unrestrained. It took another moment to try and calm his racing heart before Cross gave up such an effort as a lost cause, and ripped open the box in one go. The subsequent flash of silver light immediately blinded him.

 **-o-**

Luna smiled.

It was not a nice smile.

If cobras had lips and were capable of feeling complicated emotions, this would be the grin that a snake would give a one-legged dormouse that was trying to escape from it, but was only succeeding in rolling end-over-end through the dirt. Pitying. Mildly amused. And **utterly** merciless.

The abomination she was regarding with such disdain took offense to her posture and pose, and snapped its jaws at her before letting out a burbling roar like a lion crossed with a squid. Which was an adequate description of the creature itself, save that it was large enough to swallow a lion or a squid whole without needing to chew.

Standing next to her, the leader of the Celestial Lions, Shining Barrator, was snarling aggressively and in disgusted outrage. "How in Malfeas did Marilaq a'Lam hide something like _this_ in Yu-Shan?!"

"Probably the sewer systems, like the rest of her brood." Luna offered in a blasé tone, her lizard-like tail whipping back and forth across the street in wide sweeps. "Honestly, I'm more curious how she _birthed_ something like this."

"That's a question I would rather **not** know the answer to, m'lady."

Suddenly, Luna's eyes widened, and she turned her head to the side. Barrator noticed her inattention and asked, "Lady Luna? What is it?"

The Incarnae didn't answer him, and instead a wide smile spread across her face as she asked, "Barrator, I don't suppose you can handle the rest of the pest control? I have to go and see someone."

The Celestial Lion looked between the Incarnae and the Behemoth who was easily twice his size and hesitantly replied, "I...think so, though I would ask that you wait a moment-"

A sudden war cry from above brought Barrator's attention upwards, along with the compound eyes of the monster he was tasked with exterminating. Despite the biological impossiblity of such a thing, the Behemoth's insectoid eye's widened along with its opponent's as the Maiden of Battles, clad in the robes of a warrior monk, fell off the edge of a 30-story building over them and assumed the form of her most favored secret martial arts technique.

Mars' Crimson Elbow-Drop struck the Behemoth on the back of it's so-called neck with the force of a meteor strike, driving the pair of them _through_ the Yu-Shan street and into the catacombs-cum-sewer systems below. When the plume of dust and sound of crumbling masonry faded, Barrator caught the sound of delighted laughter and _very_ weak growls echoing up and out of the hole that had been torn in the road, before looking up at the Maiden of Battles launching point.

"Not exactly the top rope, but I'm not complaining." The lion said dryly. "Consider my request retracted, m'lady, I believe we'll be fine."

Luna, already having left to meet her newest Chosen, didn't hear him.

 **-o-**

Cross blinked away the stars in his eyes, which were soon replaced by the stars of the night sky. After taking a moment to ineffectively look for the shard of godly power he'd just unleashed, he let out a breath of air and offered, "Well, nothing to do now but wait for it to find a host, I guess. Considering how dangerous this world is, the damn thing could go to _anyone_ -"

"Umm...Cross?"

Cross tensed, the 'oh shit' tone in a familiar voice making his Murphy-senses, AKA: ROB-dar, blare a warning that he'd just mooned fate with his last statement, and he slowly turned around.

He then cursed fate, Murphy, BROB, ROB and every other being responsible for this mess as he stared at the silver moon on his nakama's brow.

 **OOOOO**

Tashigi watched as the Thousand Sunny pulled up alongside the marine ship she had borrowed for this rendezvous. It was a heady mix of nervous excitement that almost had her bouncing on the balls of her feet, eager to hear about the Lunar who'd apparently been found the same night the Exaltation had been let free.

Cross was the first across the plank, Soundbite on his shoulder and the two of them smiling at Tashigi as they reached the deck of her ship. The fact that Soundbite's smile was through pinched lips and he was making a squeaking sound like a leaking balloon did _not_ inspire confidence, much less Cross' very hesitant and twitchy grin, like he was already on a the edge of a fear-induced adrenaline high. Despite that, Tashigi asked quickly, "So, who is it? Did the Lunar Exaltation go to a pirate or a marine?"

"Ahh...it went to a pirate." Cross offered with a slight nervous tic. "And...funny story about that…"

Tashigi's eyes widened. She internally cursed herself for not asking or figuring out **how** Cross had found her Lunar so quickly, or why he'd insisted on telling her in person.

The sound of heavy footsteps on wood came from the plank, and Tashigi stiffened at the light shining just underneath the short green hair of the Straw Hats swordsman.

Then the light moved away and she sagged in relief, as it'd just been a brief flash of sunlight hitting Zoro's head in _just_ the right way to nearly give her a heart attack. Strangely, the challenging grin he sent her way also relieved her, and she found herself looking forward to their match later.

But then a light caught her eye again. And **not** from someone tall enough to accidentally reflect the midday sun into her eyes.

Tashigi stared at the silver disc hovering over the brow of the Straw Hat pirate who stepped onto the deck of the Marine Ship.

She stared, even as the rest of the Straw Hats crossed over.

She stared, even when Soundbite almost rolled off of Cross' shoulder, finally unable to restrain himself and howling with laughter.

And when her brain finally rebooted, Tashigi said the exact same thing her Lunar bondmate had at the moment of their Exaltation almost a week ago.

 **~O~**

Eyes crossed, looking at the silver light shining on their brow.

Hands reached up to feel the horns that had replaced her brown curls and were hanging on the sides of her head.

Before her crewmates, friends, and formerly _passengers_ , Merry the ship-girl and Full Moon Caste Lunar softly whispered, "What the _fuck?_ "


	74. Chatroom

**_Omake: Chatroom_**

 **By: ExNativo**

 **Username:**

Shanks4theHat

 **Password:**

**********

 ** _Login Successful!_**

Group Conversations ▼  
Existing **(3)**  
New ▼  
|Group Name|

 **Shanks4theHat created new Group Chat: The Straw Hat Pirates.  
Shanks4theHat added stabbinguloudly to Group Chat: The Straw Hat Pirates.**

 _7:32 AM_

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Hey! (･. ◤)

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
tf is this

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
We're gonna be leaving East Blue soon, so I wanted to add some people here before everyone changes schools! ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
k. tf is eveyone else (edited)

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
I'm still working this thing out! Nice that it corrects spelling, though! ~(˘▾˘~)

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
whatevs. have fun w/ tha, im gettin a snack. feels lke i havent eatn in a month

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Okay! ~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

 **Shanks4theHat added Kleptomeowniac to Group Chat: The Straw Hat Pirates.**

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Hai! (✿´‿`)

 **Kleptomeowniac has left The Straw Hat Pirates.**

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

 **Shanks4theHat added Kleptomeowniac to Group Chat: The Straw Hat Pirates.**

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
luffy, I'm not joining a chat that has pirate in the name. We've been over this.

 **Kleptomeowniac has left The Straw Hat Pirates.**

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
…

 **Shanks4theHat added Kleptomeowniac to Group Chat: The Straw Hat Pirates.**

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
luffy I stg

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Why don't you love meeeeee!?1?! ༼ つ ಥ_ಥ ༽つ

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Ugh, fine. Don't think I won't change the chat name when I get the chance, tho.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
yo im back what did i miss

 **Shanks4theHat has locked the name The Straw Hat Pirates.**

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
oh fuck shes here

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Fuck u 2, zoro.  
Also, MONKEY D. LUFFY

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Sorry, I can't hear you! ^̮^

 **Shanks4theHat added PinocchiNo to Group Chat: The Straw Hat Pirates.**

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Usopp made too much noise when he came in! ಠ‿↼

 **PinocchiNo:**  
hey yo

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
sup

 **Shanks4theHat added Vinsmokin to Group Chat: The Straw Hat Pirates.**

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Hi usopp.  
...Wow, luffy, that was quick.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Good morning, everyone.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
I just figured out that I can copy and paste stuff on my computer. ¯\\(°_o)/¯  
Also, hi Sanji! Can you cook me some breakfast before school? Pleeaasse! (｡◕‿‿◕｡)

 **Vinsmokin:**  
No.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
great, now this idiots here to.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Awww! ಥ_ಥ

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Eat someone else out of house and home. I still haven't forgiven you for nearly killing my father with a fucking CANNON, btw.  
Hello, Zoro. Nice to see that they still allow technology in your dojo. It would be a shame if you weren't able to communicate with the outside world ever again.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
ffs

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
hi sanji. nice to see that you can still type so fast with one hand and your eyes on the witch's username  
The disappointment that is ur life could always use more secret sauce

 **PinocchiNo:**  
shit dude

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
I don't get it. ಠ~ಠ

 **PinocchiNo:**  
that burn was so bad that all the water just evaporated off my toothbrush. you feeling alright inside that inferno, zoro?

 **stabbingulloudly:**  
yeah i feel great. got good news about kuina earlier  
shes set to wake up p soon

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
*clapping*

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
That's great! ლ(´ڡ`ლ)

 **PinocchiNo:**  
grats dude!  
also, luffy, where tf are you getting all those emoticons from?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Well, that's excellent news. I wish for the best, Zoro.  
...Hmm, not really in a confrontational mood anymore. I'm gonna go get ready for class. See you all at school.  
Also, Luffy: Google it.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Later

 **PinocchiNo:**  
see y'all there.

 **Shanks4theHat:**

 _8:14 AM_

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
◔̯◔

 _10:36 AM_

 **Shanks4theHat is online.**

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Guys I just had a great idea! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ)

 **PinocchiNo is online.  
stabbinguloudly is online.  
Kleptomeowniac is online.**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
oh no

 **Vinsmokin is now online.**

 **stabbinguloudly:**

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
I'm gonna invite Cross into the chat! (~˘▾˘)~

 **PinocchiNo:**  
oH NO

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
who tf is cross

 **PinocchiNo:**  
NO NO NO NoooOOo

 **Vinsmokin:**  
...Would Cross happen to be the guy that hacked into the school's website last year and edited all the pictures so everyone was wearing an eyepatch?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
wait wtf

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Yep. Paid some guy to replace our flag with a jolly roger too.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Thank you, my dear.  
...Would Cross also happen to be the guy who knows all the teachers' passwords?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
oooh tlking snail guy

 **PinocchiNo:**  
OoOOOOOOooooOOOOOoooOOOoOOOOOOOOoooooooooOOo- wait, talking snail?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Yep! He's funny! (⌒▽⌒)

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
built a robot snail that talks,,, its actualy kinda cool

 **Vinsmokin:**  
It's actually some kind of AI/VI digital pet he coded, but... I see no reason why not. Provided I get admin and can kick him out when I see fit.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
talk later

 **PinocchiNo:**  
OOOoooo- ?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
You alright? _

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
arlong again.  
he took my sketchbook again, son of a bitch.

 **Vinsmokin sent on_my_way_to_kick_his_**

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Where are you right now?  
(ง'̀-'́)ง

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
guys youre gonna get in trouble again  
let me handle it

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
im sick of this shti  
im gonna stab him

 **PinocchiNo:**  
West courtyard  
i repeat, asshole spotted west courtyard

 **Vinsmokin is offline.  
stabbinguloudly is offline.  
Shanks4theHat is offline.**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Well, I mean, if everyone else is busy…

 **PinocchiNo added TiredNGrumpy to Group Chat: The Straw Hat Pirates**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
dude, west courtyard.  
we're in for a show

 **Kleptomeowniac is offline.**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...Uhm, okay?

 _10:58 AM_

 **PinocchiNo:**  
hey cross, you're a writer, aren't you?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Yeah, why?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
well, Arlong just got annihilated  
you wanna handle the eulogy?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Oh, yeah. Sure.  
*ahem*  
Good fucking riddance.

 _3:47 PM_

 **Kleptomeowniac is online.  
Kleptomeowniac:**  
Cross, schools been out for less than half an hour

 **stabbinguloudly is online.  
Vinsmokin is online.**

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
how are you already in trouble with the cops

 **TiredNGrumpy is online.**

 **Vinsmokin:**  
...Excuse me?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Before any of you say anything, no I don't know why they're letting me use my phone while I'm in a holding cell. Must not be that tech-savvy if they didn't recognize me.

 **Shanks4theHat is online.  
PinocchiNo is online.**

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
go bck to arrest  
wtf hppened

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Cross shittalked a officer

 **PinocchiNo:**  
omg

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Literally all I did was ask him what he thought of the phrase 'fuck the police'.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
OMG

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Unfortunately, that was when Soundbite decided to speak up.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Soundbite? ب_ب

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Not important right now.  
Zoro, what did you say Kuina looked like again?

 **TiredNGrumpy added SnailSpeak Ver163.46 [BOT] to Group Chat: The Straw Hat Pirates.**

 **SnailSpeak Ver163.46 [BOT] changed their nickname to 50und8173**

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
lke literaly the nly persn in twn with blue hair,,,  
why

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Well, I've seen pictures and there's someone here that looks exactly like her and YOU MIGHT WANT TO CALL SOME PEOPLE BECAUSE I THINK KUINA JUST ARRESTED ME.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
...brb

 **50und8173:**  
1o1, g37 r3k7 b01

 **PinocchiNo:**  
waiT, WHO ARE YOU?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**

The ungrateful little piece of junkdata who got my phone to start blaring a little remix called 'Who Let The Pigs Out' _while I was having a civilized conversation on morality!_

 **50und8173:**

ROFLMDAO!  
[D=Digital]

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I will tear you apart, you little **** (message edited by 50und8173)

 **50und8173:**  
7h47'5 rud3

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
eff off.

 _3:59 PM_

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
PPFFFFFTTTTHAHAHAHAHAHA

Vinsmokin:

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
ZORO'S CHILDHOOD FRIEND JUST FCKING ARRESTED HIM IM CRYING

 **Vinsmokin:**  
...Alright, you're going to have to go into ALL the detail.  
Where is Zoro, anyway?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Cell next to mine.  
Alright, so, apparently Kuina woke up when we were all at school.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Hoorraaayyyy! (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Noice.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
UNfortunately, her brains are apparently a little bit scrambled. Currently what they're thinking is that the police chief was the last person that she saw before falling unconscious, so while she was sleeping, she still kind of… lived her life. As a police officer.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
The fuck  
That can happen?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Hell if I know.  
I'm just relaying what I've heard so far.  
But yeah, I think they're thinking it's some kind of weird amnesia? I guess?

 **50und8173:**  
h0w h4rd d1d 5h3 h17 h3r h34d?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
...ignoring Sky-Not over there, how are you doing zoro?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
...Snacks at my place when you guys get out.  
Got lots of leftover booze from work too.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i am… conflicted

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Lit  
whoops sorry, chat lagged

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
lke, she rememmbers me, bt she also livd with a me that wasnt me  
nd now shes a cop whn she shuld b in school with us  
nd i cant say anythng b/c hr brain mght not b able to take it, nd shut dwn all over again.

 **50und8173:**  
why d1d 7h3y 4rr357 y0u, 4nyw4y?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
they said 'assault'

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
He grabbed and broke her glasses.  
Though to be fair, I don't remember her needing them before.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
*facepalm*

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
*sigh*  
sanji, have those snacks ready in 20  
i'll go post bail

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Of course, my dear.  
I'll see you all soon.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
just out of curiosity, WHY were you having a conversation with a cop in the first place?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Had to distract him while Soundbite ate through his computer's firewall, because _someone_ isn't smart enough to put up a fake desktop and not make it blaringly obvious that he's getting up in someone's business.  
Damn slug can never do what I designed him for...

 **50und8173:**

0h 1 7074lly c4n, 1 ju57 ch0053 n07 70!

 **Vinsmokin:**  
...Excuse me?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...shiieeet. Nobody was supposed to know about that yet.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
will be there in 5  
explain in the car

 **50und8173:**  
...y0u w4n7 m3 70 m4k3 4ll 7h3 l16h75 6r33n?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
You literally JUST screwed me over at the police station. You are NOT taking on the DMV right now!

 **50und8173:**

"r16h7 n0w."

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Well I need to keep SOME aces up my sleeve.  
Oh, hi Nami.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
CAR.  
NOW.

 **50und8173:**  
y0 54nj1  
r41nch3ck

 _4:03 PM_

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Alright yeah so I might be a criminal.  
Maybe.

 **50und8173:**  
1n 7h3 54m3 w4y 4 7r4ff1c 570p m4k35 y0u 0n3, m4yb3.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Fut the shut up, little mister SnailSpeak Failure Ver163.46.

 **50und8173:**  
51ck 8urn.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
ANYWAYS.  
YOU WERE SYAING, INMATE?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
So I may have hacked into my first network when I was 10.  
It may have been very fun.  
And also very easy.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Cross is a criminal! THAT'S SO COOLL!  
̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿'̿'\̵͇̿̿\з= ( ▀ ͜͞ʖ▀) =ε/̵͇̿̿/'̿'̿ ̿ ̿̿ ̿̿ ̿̿

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Luffy, seriously, whre are you pulling these out of?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
AHEM.  
Just to be clear, the preferred title is 'Hacktivist', thank you very much.

 **50und8173:**  
y34h, luck1ly f0r 0ur h3r0 0v3r h3r3, 7h3 l0c4l PTA d035n'7 u5u4lly k33p 600d f1r3w4ll5 1n pl4c3

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Stealing from soccer moms.  
Real classy.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
SCREW YOU THEY WERE EMBEZZLING FUNDS  
ANYWAY, JESUS.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
What does the Good Lord have to do with this?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
You.  
Are not funny.  
Also yeah long story short I've kind of stolen a lot of money.  
And pissed off a lot of people.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
"Kind of"

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
How do you '''kind of''' steal something?

 **50und8173:**  
h3 64v3 4 l07 0f 17 70 ch4r17y

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
'A lot'

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Guy's gotta eat, sue me.  
Anyways, remember that local charity that went down with scandals getting posted all across the board a couple of years back?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
wait

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
No fukn way.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
YOU'RE SERPEN13!?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
No damn way you're Serpen13!

 **50und8173:**  
y3p

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Was that the guy who went after the CEO person who spilled your drink that one time?  
You kept saying you were going to take his [̲̅$̲̅(̲̅5̲̅)̲̅$̲̅]

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
To be fair, all I was going to do initially was just snoop through his stuff. Maybe look for some blackmail or dirty laundry or something like that.  
Petty, I know, but I like my revenge comedically blown right the fuck out of proportion.  
But, like, remember all the shit on the news?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
yeah

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
That asshole CP-6 agent was full of shit, I didn't plant ANY of it.  
Turns out he was already assigned to the CEO dude, and was being bribed to keep the law off his back, so they said I'd faked the whole thing.  
But at that point they had my ip address and some of my ID, so I figured, "Fuck it. Go for broke."  
Dove into the CEO's history and dug up absolutely everything I could use against him. To be fair, he wasn't always in charge and he wasn't responsible for EVERYTHING, a fair bit went down before he even got there, but he caught me in a bad mood.  
Then I went into the 'official' channels, through some backdoors that Soundbite may or may not have bulldozed for me, dumped the whole steaming pile on their chief's lap where they couldn't ignore it.  
Honestly dunno what even led me there, everything was kind of like a haze of anger.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Wow, nerdrage much

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Cola, stress and no sleep are a vicious combo.  
Anyways, when they took me in, they got the unfortunate surprise that the profile they had of me was entirely wrong. Which is perhaps one of the main reasons I still keep Soundbite around to this day.  
Annoying bastard really saved my skin there.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
I'm confused.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Long story short, Serpen13 was born after Soundbite took some liberties with my identity while I was melting down half of Enies Lobby's server farms.  
And I just haven't really stopped digging up shit since.  
You'd be surprised how easy it is to get away with most of it, WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS ON THE SAME DAMN PAGE AS YOU.

 **50und8173:**  
0h wh473v3r, 7h3y d1dn'7 3v3n ch4r63 y0u w17h 4ny7h1n6  
plu5 17 w45 FU|\||\|Y

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Oh yeah, hilarious.  
Up until the handcuffs.  
And the 'unconfirmable police brutality'.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Come again?

 **50und8173:**  
h3 6o7 74z3d XD

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Wtf did you do to get tazed!?

 **Shanks4theHat:**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I'm guessing the feds didn't want me saying shit to the reporters they brought along for the circus.  
To bad for them when it turns out that all signs point to Serpen13 being some middle-aged dude on the other side of the Red Line, and they _keep_ changing every other week.  
Oh and they just friggin tazed a high schooler.  
But yeah I'm gonna politely ask that this not leave this chat, because I like not being in prison and I still have a hell of a lot of hell to raise.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
I have criminal connections and I'm still in highschool  
dad would be so proud

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Speak for yourself, if my Mom finds out, she'll have me in boot camp before I can say 'what seems to be the problem, officer?'! Give me one good reason not to turn you in.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Remember how Arlong and his flunkies got arrested after the beatdown? I can tweak a few strings in the hellhole that is our bureaucracy, get them charged as adults instead of juvenile court.  
And to be clear, I'm doing it 'cause they're dicks, not fishmen.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
...alright, good enough for me.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Alrigth, well, this has been enlightening. In other news, I just found a massive barrel of some kind of alcohol in the cellar. Dad says it's all mine if I want it.  
Who feels like coming over and busting it open with me?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
yo

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
I'm in

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
FREE FOOD I'M IN!

 **Shanks4theHat is offline.**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
I probably won't drink, but I'll be there in about 5.  
 **  
TiredNGrumpy:**  
Dry as a bone since I woke up after a bender with four more digits in the bank than I started with and I'm still looking for where the hell I pulled it from... but hell, dinner and a show? Sounds good to me!

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I keep plenty of stuff stocked for Luffy, you're all free to it.  
See you all in half an hour?

 **stabbinguloudly is offline.  
PinocchiNo is offline.**

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
See you then

 **Kleptomeowniac is offline.  
Vinsmokin is offline.**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Sounds good.  
Damn it, too slow.

 **50und8173:**  
h4!

 **TiredNGrumpy is offline.**

 **50und8173:**  
7h15 w1ll b3 fun!  
...h0w d0 1 l0g 0u7?


	75. Chatroom II

_**~Chatroom II - The SI-M's~**_

 **By: ExNativo**

 **Username:**

stabbinguloudly

 **Password:**

 ** _Login Successful!_**

Group Conversations ▼  
Existing **(1)** ▼  
The Straw Hat Pirates **(3)**

 **Participants: stabbinguloudly, 50und8173, Shanks4theHat, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, PinocchiNo, Vinsmokin.**

 _8:24 AM_

 **stabbinguloudly is online.**

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
yo

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Finally.  
I texted you, like, an hour ago. You get lost or something on your way to the computer or something?

 **50und8173:**  
'som37h1n6 0r 5om37h1n6'

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
shut up  
how do u no my numbr, and wht do u want

 **PinocchiNo:**  
i would ask the same thing but im certain i dont want to know.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I'M SO GLAD YOU ASKED!

 **PinocchiNo:**  
son of a bitch

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Who wants to go whale watching at Reverse Mountain tomorrow?  
Because I've got 6 tickets and no other human friends.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
why would you admit to not having any other friends  
also, I'm in

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Because Soundbite would have pointed it out himself, and I'm not giving him the satisfaction.  
Also, sweet. Anyone else?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
WHALES! ⸍ ̥ꇴ ̥⸌

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Cross, it both concerns and impresses me that you've managed to program something that I am almost certain is fully sentient AI.  
And all it ever seems to do is insult you.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
im in

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Also, seeing as Nami is going, I'll be happy to go watch whales.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Alright, sweet.  
Usopp?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
you are aware of how difficult it is getting to Reverse Mountain, right?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Already took that into consideration. Let's just say I "won" transport from the same place I "won" my tickets. (Post Edited)  
Wait, what's with the air quotes?  
Ugh, you little double-buggy piece of shit.

 **50und8173 sent 3**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
,,,im gonna say yes before i giv myself a chance to rethink this entire thing

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Excellent.  
Meet me at the Loguetown harbour, tomorrow morning at 7.  
My boat will be the one with stripes on it.

 **50und8173:**  
b3c4u53 57r1p35 m4k3 7h1n65 60 f4573r!

 **PinocchiNo:**  
shit i gave myself time to think about it  
can i change my answer

 _4:17 PM_

 **PinocchiNo is online.**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
alright so i was in town picking up some pieces for my engineering project  
and i was looking through the shelves when some guy walks into the shop im in  
and he said that he was picking up an order for daddy? the father?

 **Vinsmokin is online.**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
then teh guy behind the cuonter is all like 'here u go mr daddy sir'  
 **  
Kleptomeowniac is online.**

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
wtf

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Wait, this person's name was Daddy the Father?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
well, i mean, it could be Daddy The Father  
but, like, i started laughing as soon as he said it because its funny s fuck, and then some kid started yelling at me?  
And then she told the daddy father to shoot me?

 **TiredNGrumpy is online.**

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
so wait did ths guy have a kid

 **PinocchiNo:**  
how tf am i supposed to kno

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I refuse to believe a man named Daddy The Father managed to have sex.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
No comment.  
nd that counts for you too zoro  
i stg

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Daddy The Father?  
For some reason that name rings a bell.

 **50und8173:**  
0n 17.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
So, what happened after that?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
i got out of there as fast as i could  
guys name was daddy. i wasnt gonna stick around and see if his parents at least loved him enough to teacj him some manners  
chances were a resounding not great

 **50und8173:**  
y34h, y0u m16h7 w4nn4 5l33p w17h 0n3 3y3 0p3n 70n16h7.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
wat

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Soundbite's right... ooh, good rates though. I have to bookmark this.  
Never know when you might need to hire  
Well.  
As he said, one eye open.

 **Shanks4theHat is online.**

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
What did I miss? (。ヘ°)

 **PinocchiNo:**  
i said WHAT

 _5:50 AM_

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
alright im at the docks whre is evry1

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Nami and I are at the docks?  
Zoro… send us a quick selfie?

 **Stabbinguloudly:**  
fine wierdo.

 **stabbinguloudly sent where.r.**

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
zoro… those are the trees in front of my house behind you.  
youre standing in front of my house.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
no im not  
im at the docks

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Zoro thats totes nami's house.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i know namis house  
ths isnt namis house

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
my isster just called to me ask why my weird friend is standing outside  
and i quote: "u know, the hot one that looks like hes killed people before."

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i havnt killd anyone

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
That's because you don't have your licence yet.  
Also, I see Nami and Sanji. Where is everyone else?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Luffy was here earlier.  
He went to go get breakfast for all of us.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
we dont have high hopes

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Hi guys!  
I got food! (●´･∀･)b

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Well, I suppose that's what we get for doubting 'he who always seems to come through in the end.'

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
luffy , did you pay for that?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Nope! (^～^)  
I kind of forgot to bring any money, so I told them Cross would pay for it all! m(；∇；)m

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
*sigh*  
I'll deal with this.  
Zoro, I can see you. Go left.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
right? Tho?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
there u gus are  
took u lng enouhg

 **PinocchiNo:**  
OH CRAP i JUST WOKE UP

 **50und8173:**  
4nd 3n4c71n6 r4d10 51l3nc3 n0w

 **50und8173 muted all users for 30 minutes.**

 **50und8173 (bot override):**  
7h3r3. n0w w3 c4n'7 d157r4c7 y0u

 _6:58 AM_

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I see you're still alive, Usopp.  
Congrats.  
Took you long enough to get here.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
I HAD TO LEARN HOW TO SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN.  
gET THE FUCK OFF YOUR PHONE WHILE DRIVING.

 _7:07 AM_

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
So, random thought…  
can Luffy swim?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
what are you talking about  
OH NO

 **Vinsmokin:**  
/sigh/  
I'll get him.

 _8:25 AM_

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
tht was interestin

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
goes up a waterfall in a boat  
"that was interesting"

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I must agree with you, my darling. That's... one word for it.  
...I can't see any of you anymore. Meet up at the lighthouse at 10?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
There's a lighthouse?! ୧

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Did Luffy just…?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
soeone please tell me that wasnt luffy falling off the VERY FENCED cliff

 **50und8173:**  
y3p

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...SunnavaBITCH.  
Sanji, get to the cape. Luffy just fucking fell into a whale's blowhole.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Are you serious.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
guys help

 **Vinsmokin:**  
On my way.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
there's this really werid old guy with like tree hair or sum shit  
hee staring at me  
i dont thinkh es blinked  
oh god im to young

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
busy  
the whale w/ the legs sticking out of ist hea rght

 **50und8173:**  
7h3r3, l0n6n053. 1 h3lp3d.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
ZORO STOP STABBING THE VERY ENDAGERED ANIMAL.  
YOU'RE GOING TO GET US KICKED OUT  
WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET THAT SWORD FROM

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
nver leave hom w/o it.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
suondbite  
what is 'The Panic Button', and why did my phone just downloaded the app

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Do you all still need me, or…?

 **50und8173:**  
17's 4 wh157l3  
hav3 fun

 **PinocchiNo:**

huh, guy jst ran off.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
GUYS HELP  
THERS AN OLD PERSON HITTING ME  
i CANT STB OLD PEOPLE  
OH GDO HES LECTRING ME AOUT WAILS

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Guys, I was inside a whale!  
ITWASSOWEIRD ( ◉◞౪◟◉)

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
HELP ME U FUCKS

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Im just gonna trn my phone off

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Right there with you, my darling.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
NOOOOOO

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Remember, lighthouse at 10.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 _11:08 AM_

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
u all suck

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
yeah thats nice  
cross, there was no reason for you to do what you did

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I saw a precocious child.  
I had to eliminate it.  
Blue-haired brat.  
Think she knows how the world works because she got into Grand Line early?  
Yeah, well, who's laughing NOW, ya little shit?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Attacking an innocent girl, revolting.  
Remind me to kick your ass later.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
she beat you to it.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
She got in ONE sucker punch, and in a debate I think that's an automatic forfeit from the puncher.  
Innocent my cyber-righteous ass.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
you are an incorrigible asshole.  
,,,also, you do realise that LUFFY is in his last year at east blue with us, and hes going to grand line next year  
and hes 17  
by the very definition of precocious, u have to eliminate him

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Yeah, but I've known him, like, forever, and  
Wait.  
Luffy is going to Grand Line? LUFFY?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Yeah, he got the letter yesterday.  
Full scholarship.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Isn't Grand Line prep for New World?  
As in, dorm on the other side of the Red Line, king of kings, scholarship-or-you-would-have-to-pay-tuition-with-buried-treasure New World?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Ye! (◕‿-)

 **50und1872:**  
h0w 7h3 fuck d1d y0u 5w1n6 7h47 0n3!?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
I don't know!ヽ(゜∇゜)ノ

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
r u fckn kiding me

 **PinocchiNo:**  
...Nah  
nope  
no  
uh uh  
no way

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Well done, Luffy. You broke him.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
not a chance  
bullshit  
now i have to try to get into grand line  
i cant go to some community college when luffy is living it up on the other side of the world

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Uhhh… sorry? ┐('～`；)┌

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
dont be sorry, luffy, this is seriously impressive  
but at the same time, i kinda hate you, because now i have to actually put some work into academics.  
no chance in hell youre allowed to be smarter than me

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Well, I guess that means I'm doubling down on my studying.  
I will follow you anywhere, my dear!

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
spare ,e

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Well, I mean, I've already got a full scholarship waiting for me, sooo…

 **PinnochiNo:**  
NO NO WAY UH UH  
I'M GETTING MYSELF INTO GRAND LINE  
YA'LL CANT STOP ME

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
You guys… you guys are going to come to Grand Line with me?

 **50und8173:**  
7h3r3 w45 n0 3m071c0n 0h 5h17 wh47 d0

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Looks like it, little buddy.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
You guys are the best! இ_இ

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
gve me 1 reson why i shuld bother w/ this

 **50und8173:**  
h0w 4b0u7 7h3 f4c7 7h47 [your childhood friend is nuts and] 7h15 15 7h3 0n3 6r0up 7h47 c4n 3v3n 70l3r473 y0u?

 **stabbinguloudly:**

fuck

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Alright, I need to talk to some people, but howsabout we all meet back up at the boat at noon, and we'll swing by The Baratie for lunch?  
My treat.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Sounds good.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
yep

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
FREE FOOD I'M IN!

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
sure

 **PinocchiNo:**  
hOW DO I DELETE THIS WHISTLE APP

Private Conversations ▼  
Existing **(10+)**  
New ▼  
Name |Do me a solid?|

To: |TheRealWaterBoy, E=MCHammer, DeadRights|

 **Do me a solid?  
Participants: TiredNGrumpy, TheRealWaterBoy, E=MCHammer, DeadRights**

 _11:17 AM_

 **TiredNGrumpy changed their nickname to Serpen13**

 **Serpen13:**  
You guys there?

 **DeadRights is online.**

 **DeadRights:**  
/reads chat title/  
Oh, what's this? Mr Hacker supreme needs help from little old me?

 **TheRealWaterBoy is online.  
E=MCHammer is online.**

 **Serpen13:**  
Yep, I do indeed.  
It won't be as boring as last time, though, don't worry.

 **TheRealWaterBoy:**  
Wasn't the last time you two worked together when you both got blackout drunk and siphoned half of a Celestial Dragon's account?

 **DeadRights:**  
Well, I mean, TEChnicAlly.

 **Serpen13:**  
THAT'S WHERE THAT MONEY CAME FROM!?  
A Celestial Dragon… man, we're screwed if anyone ever finds ou  
Wait, why 'technically'?

 **DeadRights:**  
I knew you were a lightweight, but I didn't realise it was this bad.  
We only 'technically' took if from a Noble because the dick we took it from isn't actually one anymore.

 **Serpen13:**  
You're… not talking about _him_ , are you!?

 **E=MCHammer:**  
Yikes, you got Serpen13 to format in a font-style the chat client doesn't allow. You KNOW he's freaked.

 **DeadRights:**  
No, I'm talking about the OTHER asshat that lost the most coveted position in the world because he's a piece of shit.  
Well, worse piece of shit than the other pieces of shit?

 **TheRealWaterBoy:**  
His dad gave it up because HE was a decent human being, the other shitheads wouldn't give it back to him when he asked for it.  
Rumor has it the dickweasel even presented them his dad's head on a plate.  
Didn't take because apparently he was 'unclean' or some shit.  
#irony

 **DeadRights:**  
Right, thanks.  
Anyways, yes, I'm fucking talking about him. How much did you DRINK!?

 **Serpen13:**  
Fskdhabfhld;kjadjbkdafknlvdjbkdklfakldfbfdk  
Ow. Headbutting a phone hurts.  
In other news ARE YOU FUCKING HIGH!? THAT BASTARD'S AN UNDERWORLD MEGA-MOGUL WHO'S MADE AN ARTFORM OUT OF HIDING HIS FUCKING TRACKS!  
HE COULD SHOOT SOMEONE IN THE STREET IN FRONT OF A NEWS CREW AND STILL COME OUT SQUEAKY FUCKING CLEAN!  
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE DOES TO CODEMONKEYS HE FINDS POKING AROUND IN HIS SHIT!?

 **DeadRights:**  
Uh... no clue?  
Nobody knows, they just disappear.

 **Serpen13:**  
 _MY POINT EX-FUCKING-ACTLY!_

 **E=MCHammer:**  
There's that impossible font again…

 **DeadRights:**  
Relax, dickhead, we're fine AND rich.  
I'm like a fucking parasite, ya can't get rid of me.

 **TheRealWaterBoy:**  
YOU SAID YOU NEEDED SOMETHING, CROSS?

 **Serpen13:**  
YOU… I… GAHHHHH  
IF THIS COMES DOWN ON OUR HEADS, I'M THROWING YOU UNDER THE BUS.

 **DeadRights:**  
Lookin forward to it.  
Now, can we assist you?

 **E=MCHammer:**  
You needed help? Cross?

 **Serpen13:**  
...Yeah, I need some help.  
I need to get 4 full scholarships to Grand Line.  
Preferably by, like, tonight.

 **DeadRights:**

Not even a "how are you"? Sheesh, rude.

 **E=MCHammer:**

Lucas, I will get the canoe paddle. Don't think I won't.

 **DeadRights:**  
I'm shaking in my coffin.  
Oh, yeah, sure. Full Grand Line scholarships. Easy peasy.

 **TheRealWaterBoy:**  
That's… not gonna be easy.

 **DeadRights:**  
No shit.  
Oi, HissyFit. Don't you have that cyberpet thing of yours? Why can't it do this?

 **Serpen13:**  
Soundbite can't get in, for whatever reason.  
He's been trying all morning.  
I guess it's too difficult for his lag-ridden digital brain, I don't know.

 **50und8173:**  
1'm 0nly 45 600d 45 my pr06r4mm1n6 15, y0u 1n3p7 fuck.

 **TheRealWaterBoy:**  
Grand Line… man, this is gonna be a shitstorm.

 **Serpen13:**  
That's why I'm asking the best of the best for this.

 **DeadRights:**  
Hold the fucking presses, the bastard's actually showing some respect.  
Consider me piqued.

 **E=MCHammer:**  
Cross… are you sure this is a good idea?

 **Serpen13:**  
Yeah, I...  
Hold on a second

Group Conversations ▼  
Existing **(10+)** ▼  
The Straw Hat Pirates **(9)**

 **Participants: Shanks4theHat, PinocchiNo, Kleptomeowniac, stabbinguloudly, vinsmokin, 50und8173, TiredNGrumpy.**

 _11:37 AM_

 **stabbinguloudly:**

I JST CUT A BULLET IN HALF HLY SHIT

 **Vinsmokin:**  
And nobody was around to see it. Such a shame.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
wait  
wtf were you doing to get you SHOT at?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
things  
doesntm atter  
me  
bullet  
CUT IN HALF

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Wait…  
Did someone actually seriously shoot at you?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
yes  
bt BULLET

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
WHAT.  
THE FUCK.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
why cant u all b happy 4 me

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
jfc

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I say we leave Zoro behind when we go to Grand Line.  
Maybe if we get lucky, he won't survive it.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ  
You have to get into Grand Line, Zoro! ( ･`ω･´)

 **TiredNGrumpy:**

Private Conversations ▼  
Existing **(10+)** ▼

Do me a solid?

 **Participants: TheRealWaterBoy, DeadRights, E=MCHammer, Serpen13**

 _11:39AM_

 **Serpen13:**  
I have never been more sure of anything in my life.

 **TheRealWaterBoy:**  
Touching, but I still dunno...

 **Serpen13:**  
I'll give you the matrix you need to complete that S1M14N assistant you've been hounding me for.

 **TheRealWaterBoy:**  
You want the keys to NavalForce1 while I'm in there?

 **E=MCHammer:**  
Down, boy.

 **DeadRights:**  
Well, shit, I guess I'm in.  
You mind if I siphon a little out of the sports' clubs while we're in there?  
Never did like any of those idiots.

 **E=MCHammer:**  
You're going to do that anyway, regardless of what we say, aren't you?  
 **  
DeadRights:**  
Most likely.

Private Conversations ▼  
Existing (10+)  
New ▼  
Name ||  
To: |Kleptomeowniac|

 **Private Conversation  
Participants: TiredNGrumpy, Kleptomeowniac**

 _3:39 PM_

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Hey, Nami, why did the chicken cross the road?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
hello cross  
also ,?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
To get to the violent, temperamental bitch's house.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**

I SAID I WAS SORRY.  
I SLIPPED AND HIT YOU WAY HARDER THAN I WAS TRYING TO.  
i'M STILL SORRY.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Oh, I know. I forgive you, don't worry.  
It was kind of funny.  
Oh, by the way, knock knock.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**

whos there?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
The chicken.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Hurry the hell up, it's freezing out here.


	76. Chatroom III

_**~ Omake - Chatroom III - FacePhone ~**_

By: ExNativo

 **Username:**

PinocchiNo

 **Password:**

**********

 ** _Login Successful!_**

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (7) ▼

The Straw Hat Pirates

 **Participants: stabbinguloudly, 50und8173, Shanks4theHat, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, PinocchiNo, Vinsmokin.**

 _8:35 AM_

 **PinocchiNo is online.**

 **PinnochiNo:**  
can someone pls tell me why were all on our phones instead of tlking face to face?  
were literally all sitting around the same table right now

 **stabbinguloudly is online.  
Vonsmokin is online.  
Shanks4theHat is online.**

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Why are you asking that over the phone instead of asking us all face to face?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
were literally all sitting around the same table right now

 **TiredNGrumpy is online.  
Kleptomeowniac is online.**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
cute but i did ask you all  
everyone ignored me except zoro, and he just told me to shutu p

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
shutu p

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
I'm choosing my classes for next year! (●・ω・)b

 **PinocchiNo:**  
zoro stop copy pasting everything i type

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
I honestly didnt hear anyone talk lol

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
You typed lol when you didn't laugh in real life.  
I'm sitting right next to you.  
Why you lyin'.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
zoro stop copy pasting everything i type

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
cross i dont  
need  
ok?

 **50und8173:**  
wh47

 **PinocchiNo:**  
zoro stop saying everything i say its starting to get really uncomfortable

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
What are you even doing, cross?  
i cant see your phone properly but i think theres numbers? Maybe?  
in your hands, thats not good

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
This? Eh, nothing too interesting. Just buying a couple small nations in the North Blue.  
I need to move some funds discretely, and for some reason, nobody ever checks the North Blue.  
Why are you all looking at me like that?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
zoro stop saying everything i say its starting to get really uncomfortable

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Guys, chill, I've worked with 'MonarchPink' loads of times, she's legit, I already checked.  
Real name's Reiju, one of the Vinsmokes if you'll believe it.  
Ah, don't tell anyone tho, her dad would literally decapi  
You alright, Sanji?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
i thikn hes choking

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i thikn hes choking

 **PinocchiNo:**  
zoro are you seriously doig this right nwo

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
zoro are you seriously doig this right nwo

 **50und8173:**  
y0u 1d1075 7h1nk m4yb3 y0u 5h0uld 637 0ff y0ur ph0n35 4nd h3lp h1m?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Do you want your farm-sized server farms or not?

 **50und8173:**  
N1c3 kn0w1ng u d00d

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I'm fine, I'm alright.  
Wait, no, actually, I think I need CPR. Nami, help!

 **PinocchiNo:**  
I'm a stupid idiot and I admit it entirely right here and now.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
usopp's a stupid idiot and he admits it entirely right here and now.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
usopp is your head alright

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Forget his head.  
I think he just busted a hole through the table.  
It's metal, Usopp, how the Hell did you do that?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
i regret everything

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i regret everything  
damn it

 **PinocchiNo:**  
VICTORY IS MINE!

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I think he landed on his fork.  
Holy shit, Usopp.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Usopp, your head is bleeding.  
Like, it's bleeding really badly all over everything right now.  
How are you still conscious.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
VICTORY IS STILL MINE!  
NOW SOMEONE PLEASE CALL AN AMBULANCE!

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
(￣^￣)ゞ

 **50und8173:**  
d1b5 0n h15 1d3n717y 1f h3 b1735 17

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
NOW SOMEONE PLEASE CALL AN AMBULANCE!

 **50und8173:**  
z0r0 570p h3'5 4lr34dy d33334444ddd

 **-o-**

 **Vinsmokin** ▼

Private Conversations ▼

Existing (10+)

New ▼

Name||

To: TiredNGrumpy

 **Private Conversation  
Participants: Vinsmokin, TiredNGrumpy**

 _9:03 AM_

 **Vinsmokin:**  
So, how did you even get into contact with Reiju in the first place?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Well, it wasn't too difficult, really.  
I wanted to update Soundbite a little bit, but there wasn't really anything in the East that could do what needed to be done. All in all, we're kind of inferior in the tech department.

Good culture, yes, but compared to W.B.T. and such, well, ya know.  
So anyways, I made some inquiries, got some numbers, and one thing led to another. Her name popped up, and I figured, why not?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
That is an insane series of events.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
You're telling me.  
Last thing I ever expected was to be chatting with the best bugaboo that side of the hemisphere.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Bugaboo?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Service in the underground.  
Basically, it's someone online who makes people 'disappear'.  
On their terms I mean.  
New ID, new life, new everything.  
Reiju's the best there is. I've tried tracing a few of her clients out of curiosity, but she just makes them vanish into smoke.  
I actually bought something from one of her clients a while back, insanely good quality for the price. Getting the guy's new name from her after he went through her process was actually more expensive.  
Freaky, huh?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Reiju always was good at whatever she put her mind to.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
? you know her?  
Or know of her?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
The second one.  
I was told one day that I kind of looked like the Vinsmokes, you know, the eyebrows?  
I decided on the handle after that.  
Reiju was always my favourite of the family.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
That is absolutely understandable.  
I wish I knew how to make an emoji that has dancing eyebrows.

 **Vinsmokin:**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Well, I mean, I've seen pictures.  
She is Vin'smokin'.  
*wink*  
SDJKSD$& MOTHERFUCKER!  
YOU KICK LIKE A FUCKING MULE!  
Wait, where are you going?

 **-o-**

Group Conversations ▼

Existing **(10+)** ▼

The Straw Hat Pirates

 **Participants: Vinsmokin, stabbinguloudly, PinocchiNo, 50und8173, Kleptomeowniac, Shanks4theHat, TiredNGrumpy.**

 _9:18 AM_

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
...did sanji just throw up over there?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
he probaly got a taste fo his own food  
corss you have th ebest abgle, whats happening over there

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Can confirm the vomit.  
Can also confirm the horrible timing, because the ambulance just left.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Sorry.  
Bad images in my brain.  
That's what I get for trying to talk to Cross.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
you can count the times that talking to Cross is a good idea on one hand

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
This is bullying.  
If one of the EMTs is reading this, anesthetize the idiot.  
Or euthanize, I'm not picky.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Ichi, Ni, San! Ψ(｀▽´)Ψ  
Oh, SanJI! (｀∀´)Ψ  
Shishishi, that's funny!  
 **  
TiredNGrumpy:**  
This is bullyi  
Hang on brb

 **-o-**

Private Conversations ▼

Existing **(10+)**

 **Private Conversation  
Participants: Vinsmokin, TiredNGrumpy**

 _9:23 AM_

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
"We look similar, because the eyebrow"  
MOTHERFUCKER!

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Shit...

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I'M MORE ANGRY THAT I FIGURED IT OUT BECAUSE OF LUFFY!  
HOLY SHIT I'M AN IDIOT!  
We will talk more about this later.  
Or never, depending on the severity of thee situation.  
But for now, I have other fish to fry, so lucky you.

 **TiredNGrumpy has left the conversation.**

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Shiiiiiiiiiit...

 **-o-**

 **Retina: match.  
Fingerprint: match.**

 **Vocal pattern: match.**

 **Initiating...**

 **JABBERBUDDY V.4.1.3-6.1.2 ONLINE**

 **Jabberhandle:**

obfuscatingOphiuchus  
 **  
Password:**

Jabbers ▼  
New ▼

 **obfuscatingOphiuchus** **started jabbering at** **sovereignRhopalocera**

OO: So it turns out I'm randomly friends with your little brother.

OO: Who somehow lives in the East Blue.

OO: And whose background is flawless and immaculate in every way.

OO: That's so weird, right?

OO: Soooo fucking weird.

SR: Truly odd, yes.

OO: BITCH YOU'VE HACKED MY PHOTOS BEFORE AND WE BOTH KNOW IT! WHEN THE FUCK WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME!?

SR: Um... never? I AM a professional.

OO: Your laptop is a glitter-covered abomination.

OO: You've invited me to a face chat when you were in the bath before.

OO: When your chest was very much ABOVE the waterline.

OO: And you have sent me selfies while both in live combat AND in military strategy meetings.

OO: And each and every one has you making ducklips.

OO: You are the literal antithesis of professional.

SR: And which one of us hasn't been arrested before, pray tell?

OO: Your father basically owns your entire flipping country.

OO: You're a commanding officer in HIS ARMY.

OO: Along with your obviously named BROTHERS.

OO: That's as close to cheating as you can get.

OO: AND THAT'S NOT WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT HERE!

OO: HOW THE FUCK DIDN'T I FIGURE THIS OUT BEFORE SANJI LOOK LIKE YOU GUYS.

SR: Have you maybe considered that you're an idiot?

OO: THE THOUGHT CROSSED MY MIND, YES.

SR: 'Crossed' your mind.

SR: Pffttt.

OO: You suck.

SR: You wish.

OO: I'm leaving.

SR: Sweety, no come back!

SR: I'm sorry!

OO: NO YOU'RE NOT.

SR: You're right. I'm not.

SR: ...Talk to you later?

OO: Screw you.

OO: ...gimme a few hours, picking classes for college.

OO: And then I want those countries you promised me.

OO: For free.

SR: I will give you half at a discount.

OO: Three-quarters.

SR: One third.

OO: Deal.

OO: Bitch.

SR: Pleasure doing business with you.

 **obfuscatingOphiuchus** **ceased jabbering at** **sovereignRhopalocera**

SR: ...tch.

SR: "I want those countries for free when I'm already paying less than the dirt covering them is worth."

SR: Ass.

 **-o-**

Group Conversations ▼

Existing **(10+)** ▼

The Straw Hat Pirates

 **Participants: Vinsmokin, stabbinguloudly, PinocchiNo, 50und8173, Kleptomeowniac, Shanks4theHat, TiredNGrumpy.**

 _11:48 AM_  
 **  
stabbinguloudly:**  
i just got a letter in the mail?  
it's a full scholarship to grand line?  
and theres an extra cheque in there to cover my house utilities for the next 2 years?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Whoa, that's so weird.  
The dojo doesn't really pay all that much, does it?  
Lucky break, dude.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
sensei keeps helping me with bills, even when i tell him not ot  
but i chcked and grand line doesnt have a kendo club?  
guess ill have to start one, bt still…  
 **  
TiredNGrumpy:**  
Nah, I hear that Mihawk is actually due to start teaching there after the summer break.  
Something about wanting to impart his wisdom onto the youth of today?  
But yeah, there's gonna be a kendo club by the time we get there, no worries.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
the greatest swordsman in teh wrld  
is going to be teaching at grand line  
the exact same yaer that im due to strt.  
 **  
TiredNGrumpy:**  
Sooo weird, dude.  
Some may even say truly odd.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Yeah i got a letter too  
they were so impressed with the engineering project that i never sent in that they gave me free food and board for the duration of my education

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Mine is saying that they're considering just giving me a job.  
"We are immensely impressed that food that has been in transit for days (which I never sent and I KNOW I never sent) would retain so much flavour."  
They also included a certificate? For 'Excellency in Shopping Centers'?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Man, today sure is weird.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
super fucking weird  
i have a letter too  
apparently they found my charts of the South Blue to be of 'supreme excellence' and are giving me a full ride.  
moms ecstatic, nojiko's jealous but happy for me.  
funny thing, i haven't sent them a map ever.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Like I said, weird.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
have i mentioned i haven't started charting the South Blue yet, just the East?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...Make that really weird.  
Gimme a second, will you?

 **-o-**

 **To: DeadRights**

 **Participants: DeadRights,TiredNGrumpy**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
LUCAS YOU CHEESY DICKWAFFLE!  
I JUST READ THE LETTERS YOU SENT OUT.  
'SOUTH BLUE CHARTS?' 'EXCELLENCE IN SHOPPING CENTERS?' WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING!?

 **DeadRights:**  
I was thinking that you gave me power.  
Therefore and thusly, you had to be rightfully punished.  
And are you telling me that Vinsmoke wouldn't show excellency in shopping centres?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
AND ANOTHER THIN  
Wait, how did you know Sanji was a Vinsmoke?  
 **  
DeadRights:**  
He literally has the eyebrows?  
He follows the naming convention?  
His fucking handle has Vinsmoke in it?  
I kind of assumed based on the mountain of evidence that's currently blocking out the fucking sun?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**

 **DeadRights:**  
? Did you really not know this?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I DON'T NEED  
THIS  
O KA Y

 **-o-**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Back. Where was I?

 **50und8173:**  
r34lly r34lly w31rd

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Right, that.  
Truly odd indeed.  
Well, I suppose it's just one of those mysteries of life, isn't it?  
Which go unquestioned for the sake of all involved?

 **50und8173:**  
7h3 un1v3r53 15 ju57 r34lly c0nv3n13n7 50m371m35, huh?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
JEREMIAH GODDAMN CROSS YOU CODE-SPEWING WORM WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID YOU DO!?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Ah fucking hell.  
Okay, okay, in my defense...  
I let Lucas write the letters.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
WHAT THE FUCK IS A LUCAS!?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I feel as though a lot of people ask themselves that question.  
Just what IS a Lucas? I can only speculate.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
I know where you live and while I will not kill you I WILL inflict grievous harm on your everything.  
TALK. NOW.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Alright, alright, I'm only telling you this because this is the second-most secured chat on this entire platform.  
Like, you wouldn't believe the lengths I've gone to encode this chat.  
And my computer would be turned into a useless block of metal and plastic by ten different online entities if I even breathed the name of the first.  
But yes, I may have lied when I said I didn't have any other 'human' friends. You're not the only people I know, but you're all the only people I know irl.  
I've got another small group, and it's kind of a running gag we have that we're not human friends because we've only ever spoken through a screen.  
They're great friends, don't get me wrong, but actually having people around you to share the same air… it's different. They're both great, but it's a different kind of great.  
Come to think of it, that chat is probably the second-most secured. But this is definitely third.  
Anyway, I may have all gotten my cyber-buddies together the other day to… ah…  
Liberate Grand Line of some of its scholarships and recycle them into free passes to the four of you?  
Because I care?  
And I'm such a good friend?  
 **  
Kleptomeowniac:**  
Cross.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Luffy help.  
Luffy I can feel her glare please help I like my everything.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Cross you  
I  
afxchiadfhfbaifiusddafjokadioaeqfdafk  
sanji help me

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Cross, we appreciate this. Immensely.  
But what about the people those scholarships were going to go to?  
What if you just bumped off the person who would one day achieve world peace just so I could use the highest end equipment available?  
I'm not sure I can allow my own selfishness to get in the way of that.

 **Kleptowmeowniac:**  
thank you sanji

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Anytime, my dear.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
ok i swear i can hear cross laughing from my house and we dont live that far apart

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Yep. I'm laughing my ass off right now.  
Oh boy.  
'World Peace'  
OH BOY.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
(ーー ; )

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
You're right, the scholarships were gonna go to other people.  
BUT!  
They were gonna go to three World Nobles. And some kid who just went on to win the Vegapunk Award for Supreme Medical Excellency anyway.  
He's already in GL and he's 15. Some people are scary smart.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
CROSS WE CANT STEAL FROM WORLD NOBLES  
ARE YOU FUCKING INSANE

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Counterpoint: Your statement is fundamentally flawed, because I have stolen from World Nobles before.  
Come to think of it, Lucas was involved with that one too.  
I really need to rethink that friendship sometime…  
Anyway, want me to get you their blackfiles?  
Ya know, all the shit they've done that's been blacked out by the folks up top?  
Fair warning, you will be incapable of sleeping or eating for the next twenty four hours.  
And you will be unable to look at cheese the same way for the rest of your life.

 **50und8173:**  
7h47 p00r, p00r c0w…

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Sometimes I wonder how you find any of this out.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Evan carved his way to the center of the planet to dig this shit up.  
I swear that kid's possessed, no normal person can do so many things at once.  
But anyways, Nami, to answer your initial question: I cheated maliciously and am now forcing you to accept my gift of a free ride to the best school on the other side of the world.  
Because I am absolutely not putting them back.  
And like Hell I'm letting this group be fractured for something as lame as education.  
So either you accept this without question... or I tell your mother you're passing up on a, to reiterate, _freeride to Grand Line._

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
...you wouldn't dare.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Everyone look out your windows.  
Midday fireworks show in three.  
Two.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
ur not serious

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
O  
dafuq?  
Why is there a Luffy face on my window?  
Oh Gods it's talking to me.  
OH NO THE WINDOW WASN'T LOCKED  
shit cant breathe  
soundbite voice to chat please i cant understand him

 **50und8173:**  
"Cross why wou yuu do tis yurre ma bestie I had to run her just so I qud hug yooouuuuuuu"  
1'm n07 4c7u4lly c0nv1nc3d h3'5 5p34k1n6 4 hum4n l4n6u463 4nym0r3.  
cr055 y0u m4y h4v3 ju57 br0k3n h1m.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
fireworks?  
u just gona get my hopes up like that?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
don't luffy and cross live on, like, opposite sides of town?  
how fast did luffy run?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Guys, Cross fainted! What do I do!? （ΩДΩ）

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
...luffy?

 **50und8173:**  
f4c14l r3c06n1710n 54y5... luffy.  
pl3453 73ll m3 y0u d1dn'7 k1ll cr055. 1 d3p3nd 0n h1m f0r 50f7w4r3 upd4735.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
bah  
fuck it.  
i better not have to board with any of you idiots.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Gah, ow, mother-get him off me! He's a hugger!  
With arms of steel!

 **PinocchiNo:**  
he lives!

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Aaaannd cut the celebrations.  
Pack up the decorations, boys, false alarm.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I bend over backwards for you people and this is how you repay me.  
HELLLPP ME

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
no seriously wher the fuck are these fireowrks

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Not happening, mosshead.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Guh, got him off, thank god.  
And also  
Well I don't want to disappoint.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Wait waht the fuck are you ASDH &$!SAF!*

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
theeeere's the fireworks.  
niiiice.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
MOM'S ON THE WARPATH  
CROSS WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO!?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
"Hi there. I doubt you really know who I am, but I'm a friend of Nami's and recently she's been doing some… bad things for money. She won't listen to me about it, so I'm sending this in hopes that you can help? Sincerely, a concerned friend. P.S. Here's what I mean by 'bad things'."

 **TiredNGrumpy sent please_**

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
you  
son  
of  
a  
 **  
TiredNGrumpy**  
Gotta admit, these are pretty good.  
Look at you, no tanlines or anything!

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
YOU HACKED MY COMPUTER!?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Don't insult me.  
I hacked all your computers.  
This should not come as a surprise to you.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Cross, we'll talk about this blatant violation of privacy later.  
Right now, we have more pressing matters at hand.  
NamELY THAT I WANT THOSE PHOTOS!  
Correction. I NEED THOSE PHTOOS

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Anything is possible if you throw enough money around, my friend.  
Hint hint.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
NOW WAIT JUST A DAMN MINUTE  
I'VE BEEN USING THOSE PICTUERS TO PAD MY FAMILY'S BANK ACCOUNT!  
YOU CANT JUST SELL THEM LIKE THAT WITHOUT GIVING ME SOMETHING FOR THEM  
I want in on this

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Naturally.  
By the way, I just activated your phone's front camera.  
Your mother is literally standing right behind you.  
Hi, Captain Bellemere!

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
oh shi

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
MAn  
she's pissed.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Cross, I do not have a lot of money.  
However.  
I can pay you with food.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
SO GOOD LCUK WITH THAT NAMI  
Now… let's talk desserts.

 _12:12 PM_  
 **PinocchiNo:**  
for some reason i feel very left out of the earlier convo

 **50und8173:**  
7h47'5 7h3 c0ncu5510n 74lk1n6.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
...you could be right.  
so, anyways, you guys want to choose classes?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Yeah, sure, sounds good to me.  
Anyone see anything they like?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Oh, this looks good! See? (人･∀･)

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...Theoretical World History 201? Luffy, did you hit your head or something?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
I know, it sounds boring... (／。＼)  
but the teacher sounds like she's really nice! (人ﾟ∀ﾟ)

 **PinocchiNo:**  
all we can see is her name  
and even that's weird

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Nonsense, she sounds lovely!

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
sounds suspcious to me

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I WILL FILLET YOU!

 **TiredNGrumpy** :  
Actually, I'm wiht the broken compass.  
She sounds weird to me.  
Seriously, what kind of a name is 'All Sunday'?


	77. Chatroom IV

_**~Omake: Chatroom IV: The One Where Cask Gets Far More Screentime Than He Should~**_ **  
**

 **Username:**

Kleptomeowniac

 **Password:**

**************

 ** _Login Successful!_**

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

The Straw Hat Pirates

 _7:45 AM_

 **TiredNGrumpy is online.**

 **TirednNGrumpy:**  
This just in, I've got the housing arrangements.  
We're all in the same house, pretty upscale if I do say so myself.

 **stabbinguloudly is online.  
Vinsmokin is online.  
Shanks4theHat is online.  
Kleptomeowniac is online.**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Best part is that the scholarships include both rent and utilities.  
You guys should be proud, you obviously worked hard for this.

 **PinocchiNo is online.**

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
i can't believe youre sassing us after blackmailing me into accepting the scholarship

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I'm not sassing. I know how difficult being my friend is.

 **50und8173:**  
7ruly y0u h4v3 w0rk3d h4rd.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
So what does the house look like? (^･ｪ･^)

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Just a tic…  
Three bathrooms, four bedrooms.  
Looks like we're sharing with two other students, Chopper and Wednesday. Chopper is some sort of medical wunderkind at 15, the one I yanked the superfluous scholarship from.  
Don't mention that, would you? I don't like how tightly they... well, anyways, just don't.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
You're really just going to leave us with that?!

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Yup~  
Anyways, moving on...  
Wednesday doesn't appear to have much of a history.  
In fact, there's too little there.  
Soundbite, get on that.

 **50und8173:**  
wh47's 7h3 ma61c word?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Would You Kindly.

 **50und8173:  
by y0ur c0mm4nd.**  
64h, wh3n d1d y0u p47ch 7h47 1n!?  
3r6h, f1n3, 1'll plu6 7h4t damn le4k 4nd 6e7 0n 1t

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Good.  
Where was I?  
Ah, right.  
Alright, so these rooms are ginormous. I think they've all got their own kitchens.  
Yep, they do, and they have their own ensuites as well. This place is absurd.  
Speaking of kitchens, looks like I'm sharing mine with Sanji.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Fuck.  
Who wants to trade?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Ha!  
No.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Usopp, you have Luffy.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Yo is that trade offer still open?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Ha!  
No.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Don't worry Sanji, I will literally never get in your way.  
I'm a code-monkey, remember?  
Only thing I ever use is the fridge and microwave.  
Water boiler too, but that's only when I'm using the cup-brand stuff.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
please tell me i have chopped  
i will stab myself if i have to room with nami

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Yeah well-  
...Wait a second. Says here that we also have one of the teachers staying with us to den-mother.  
Who is it...

Coincidences are alive and well, it seems.  
It's All Sunday.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
YES!

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Looks like we need to rearrange a few things.  
Sanji, you'll be with Usopp and Luffy.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Shame that you think that, because I can and just did, and it is noooowwww….  
Official.  
Bow to your digital overlord, peon.  
 **  
Vinsmokin:**  
YOU  
SON  
OF  
A

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
And I'll move in with Zoro and Nami.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Me with him?!

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i with her!?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
SHE WITH IT!?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
In no particular order, yes yes and yes.  
I'm going to claim that it's to stop them from killing each other, but in actuality I want to watch the fireworks and laugh.  
I tell you this now because you would find out eventually, so maybe this way you'll hurt me less.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Don't count on it.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Not that I'm seeing reasons there would be, but any objections to having Wednesday and Chopper in the same room?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Is she beautiful?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
None? Excellent.  
That leaves the last room free for All Sunday.  
Which is still a very weird name.

 **50und8173:**  
7h47's cr055 for 'susp1c10u5 4nd/0r f4ke'.  
oh by 7he way i l0ok3d 1n70 w3dn3sd4y.  
5urpri53 5urpri53 n0 5uch p3r50n.  
w4nt m370 f4c14lr3c her?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Do you even need to ask?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Wait wait wait  
What if shes in witness protection or something, and you doing this alerts the people shes hiding from?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Good point.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Do it, Cross.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
But have you consi  
eh?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
You said it yourself, didn't you? You're a hacktivist, and you're good at it!  
So, nobody will ever catch you. Not when you really work at it.  
Besides, if she is in trouble, then we should know so we can help her.  
She's going to be living with us, which means she's going to be a new friend, right? And friends help each other.  
So, do it.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Holy shit no emoticons or anything.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...well, that's my logic in the shitter.  
Aye-aye captain.  
Soundbite, do it.

 **50und8173:**  
0k4y bu7 f41r w4rn1n6 7h15 c0uld 74k3 4 wh1l3. 5h3 c0uld 3nd up b31n6 3n71r3ly un1n73r3571n-  
w417 wh47? 4 p1n6 4lr34dy? h0w's 7h47  
oh  
Oh fr46 me  
you 4ll may wann4 cl3nch for 7h15 0n3

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
You found her already? How's that possible?

 **50und8173:**  
17's 3a5y wh3n her fac3 wa5 pl4573r3d 4ll 0v3r 7h3 pap3r5 4 few ye4r5 b4ck

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
is she a princess on the run frm her home country b/c people are after the criwn

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Be serious, mosshead.

 **50und8173:**  
4u c0n7r41r3, 5w1rly.

 **Vinsmokin:**

 **50und8173:**  
y0u 533, m055y h45 4 5up3rp0w3r.  
1 d0n't kn0w wh47 1t 1s and 1 don7 kn0w wh4t 17 d03s 4nd 1 don'7 kn0w h0w he u5e5 i7  
bu7 th3r3 15 n0 w4y 7h47 h3 15 3nt1rely hum4n.  
h0w th3 fuck d1d you 6u355 7h47?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
youre shittingm e

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Does that mean shes rich!?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I WILL BE SHARING MY CASTLE WITH A PRINCESS! I AM NOT WORTHY!

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
I've never met a princess before! Cool! （＾∀＾）

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
im right?  
huh  
so this is what it feels like when people tell you that

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Zoro and his ridiculous everything aside, do you have a name for me?  
I have a bad feeling about all of this, and I need to look into it.

 **50und8173:**  
N3f***4r1 v1v1.  
4nd y35, 1 m155p3ll3d 17, b3c4u53 7h3r3 4r3 m0r3 7h4n 4 f3w w47chd065 0u7 7h3r3 l00k1n6 f0r 7h47 n4m3 70 p0p up, 50 y0u 4ll d0 7h3 54m3.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
oh my god  
This is amazing.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
My connection is still loading, because I had to secure all of yours.  
I'm so glad you all type so slowl  
No.  
Nooooo.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Cross got punched by a princess! (ﾟoﾟ(○=(-_-○

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
just got the email  
shes the rom officer  
hahahaha

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
No!  
This can't… I won't…  
No, no, I can handle this. I am a mature adult and I have taken on some of the greatest cyber security systems in the world.  
I can do this.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
That email was sent by a teacher and it went to the princess too.  
They'll know if you change it.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**

...

Ya know, GLU's kinda overrated, I'm hearing good things about Zou State?

 **50und8173:**  
7h47's 4n 4gr1cul7ur4l coll363 cr055

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
What they lack in technology they make up for in spirit and character!  
Waddaya say guys, who's with me?!

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
NO!

 **PinocchiNo:**  
NOPE!

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i could be convinced

 **Vinsmokin:**  
ABSOLUTELY NOT!

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Ha!  
No.  
Ϛ⃘๑•͡ .̫•๑꒜

 **50und8173:**  
ju57 fy1, h3 5p47 up bl00d wh3n h3 74lk3d 4b0u7 h0w 7h3 m1nk5 4r3 73chl355.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Fuck off thats a  
Damn it this shit is everyw  
...Screw it, I'll clean it later. Right now I need to pass out.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Going back to the important part of this conversation.  
So her country's in as bad a shape as the news says?

 **50und8173:**  
y34h, 17 15. 1 3v3n r3d1r3c73d 4 f3w fund5 7h31r w4y 4nd 0u73d 4 f3w r3b3ll10n l34d3r5 f0r 7h3m b3c4u53 1 f3l7 50 50rry f0r 7h3m, 4nd 7h47 n3v3r h4pp3n5.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
well, this has been great  
but now im feeling the overwhelming need to starts plans for weapons of mass destruction, just so that we can defend ourselves when this all blows up in our faces  
thanks for this cross, now im going to be put on lists

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
yeah im going too  
bye

 **Vinsmokin:**  
You get back here right now so that we can discuss how we are going to help our princess!

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
Ha.  
No.

 **-o-**

 **To: DeadRights**

 **Participants: TiredNGrumpy, DeadRights.**

 **DeadRights:**  
Hey I didn't know you ate here.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**

How do you know I'm eating?  
Wait, where are you?

 **DeadRights:**  
Dude, I'm waving at you. Look up.  
No, the other way.  
No, the other other way.  
No, damn it  
Alright, this isn't working. Gimme a second.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Defgrihfadosjp  
Did you just throw a fucking spoon at me!?  
I thought you said you were never going to go anywhere near Grand Line, WHERE ARE YOU!?

 **DeadRights:**  
I'M FUCKING YELLING AT YOU  
HOW ARE YOU UNABLE TO SEE ME  
ALL THESE OTHER PEOPLE CAN  
Alright you know what fuck it. I finally decide to visit Grand Line and this is how you treat me.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
BULLSHIT YOU'RE IN GRAND LINE.  
WHICH DEVICE DID YOU HACK!?  
WAS IT MY PHONE?

 **DeadRights:**  
OH, YOU'LL FIND OUT, BITCH.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
WHY ARE WE YELLING!?

 **DeadRights:**  
FUCK YOU!

 **-o-**

 **OceansCooks ▼**

Private Conversations 

Existing

New 

Name||

To: MonarchPink

 **Participants: OceansCooks, MonarchPink**

 _9:04 AM_

 **OceansCooks:**  
Reiju, it's Sanji.  
I want to talk to you.

 **MonarchPink left the conversation.**

 **IAmYourBrother ▼**

Private Conversations 

Existing

New 

Name||

To: MonarchPink

 **Participants: MonarchPink, IAmYourBrother**

 _9:09 AM_

 **IAmYourBrother:**  
Don't do this to me, Reiju. Not right now.

 **MonarchPink left the conversation.**

 **TalKToMe ▼**

Private Conversations 

Existing

New 

Name||

To: MonarchPink

 **Participants: MonarchPink, TalKToMe**

 **TalKToMe:**  
I don't care if you don't respond to me, but I'm going to talk anyway.

 **MonarchPink:**  
If you don't stop now, I will melt your computer.

And I made it very clear you were NEVER to contact me again.

 **TalKToMe:**  
Judge isn't watching, Reiju.

 **MonarchPink left the conversation.**

 **FuckIt ▼**

Private Conversations 

Existing

New 

Name||

To: MonarchPink

 **Participants: MonarchPink, FuckIt**

 _9:12 AM_

 **FuckIt:**  
Cross has gone over this computer and firewalled the shit out of it. Nobody can get in or out.  
I damn well PAID HIM TO DO IT.  
This conversation is the most secure thing on this side of the internet.  
Reiju, please, I just want to talk to you.

 **MonarchPink:**  
You're not going to stop until I give in, are you?

 **FuckIt changed their nickname to Vinsmokin.**

 **Vinsmokin:**  
No, I am not.  
Don't even pretend that you can't keep people out of your connection. You were running circles around Judge's top IT specialists when I was still there.  
Speaking of, isn't now usually the time you'd be telling me that I shouldn't call him by his first name?

 **MonarchPink:**  
Meh. I've given up on trying to change anyone's mind about dad.  
Gave up the same day I decided to help you instead of him, probably. It was so long ago, I can't even remember.  
What did you want to talk about?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
You know, now that I've finally got you here, I don't even recall.  
How are you?  
How is everything?

 **MonarchPink:**  
I'm fine. Thriving, I guess you could say. Our brothers seem fine, but half the time I'm sure they're not even smart enough to feel pain, so nothing new there.  
Everything has changed so much.  
And at the same time, nothing has changed at all.  
The only real difference is that I don't have to watch you suffer every day.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I'm probably going to hurt him if I ever see him again, you know.  
That goes for all of them.

 **MonarchPink:**  
Let's talk about something else.  
How have you settled into the East Blue?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I'm shocked.  
I remember you being so on top of everything.

 **MonarchPink:**  
Oh?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I'm moving up to Grand Line soon.  
Full scholarship.  
Which is mostly… entirely due to Cross and his bullshit.  
Speaking of Cross, Reiju, I need to ask you something important.

 **MonarchPink:**  
Hold on, I'm still pouring my champagne.  
My favourite brother is moving up into one of the best schools in the world, I'm so proud~!  
Alright, I've got what I need. What did you want to know?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Reiju, Judge is dangerous. We both know that, and we both know what he's capable of. The fact that Cross is my age won't stop him from doing something drastic if he's found out.  
Putting someone in that kind of position isn't like you. Why are you helping Cross do whatever it is he does?

 **MonarchPink:**  
How long have you known Cross?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
A few months, I think? Maybe a bit less?  
Why should that make a difference?

 **MonarchPink:**  
No need to get defensive. I've known Cross for years. He's the one who found me, and he went through Hell doing it.  
How much do you really know about what he does? I mean really, truly, intimately know?  
You don't have to answer. I already know that Cross doesn't openly discuss what he's working on. But the fact is, he is probably one of the most sought-after people in the world.  
That AI he's made? Soundbite? You won't find a more advanced machine anywhere. It's probable that Vegapunk has something hidden away that can do or see or feel more, but Vegapunk has the advantage of full government backing.  
Cross told me he coded that thing out of his garage.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
You're stalling.

 **MonarchPink:**  
No, I'm giving you context.  
In a world like ours where tech is an integral part of life, anybody who can manipulate that to their will has far more power than they should.  
And that power is in the hands of Cross, a person who I KNOW has an almost pathological contempt for most any forms of authority over his head.  
If Cross can make an entity like Soundbite, and if he can get access to any facility he wants from a laptop, and he can combine the two, then he's a threat. A massive threat.  
He found me, and asked me to give him a cover story. But he specifically told me not to make him hide.  
He's got plans, and I'm going to help him where I can.  
And that is all I'm going to tell you. Please, Sanji, don't ask me anything else about this.  
The last thing I need is to put my computer through another sweep for a horde of Soundbite's offspring.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Off-?  
Bugs, right.  
Well, I'm glad I've kept up my kickboxing, at least.  
So I can properly kick Cross' ass when this blows up in his face and I have to be there to save him.  
 **  
MonarchPink:**  
Don't break him.  
Or at least spare his fingers.  
You know as well as I do that I'm not going to find anybody even half as mentally stimulating as him around here.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Wow, you must be fond of him.  
If you keep talking like that, I actually am going to have to kick the shit out of him.

 **MonarchPink:**  
Oh, hush.  
Now, enough of all that.  
Tell me more about your schooling.

 **-o-**

 **To: DeadRights**

 **Participants: TiredNGrumpy, DeadRights**

 **DeadRights:**  
Oh, dude, nice choice on the movie.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
No.  
No. I chose this movie because I knew you wouldn't like it.  
Stop stalking me. You know I've got damn near a complex for this shit.

 **DeadRights:**  
'Near' isn't how your therapist would put it...  
Anyways, relax. I'm just here to catch the late-night showing.  
Cross, buddy, sit down. You're causing a scene.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I know what you look like.  
You can't hide from me.

 **DeadRights:**  
Come on man, that guy spent money on that popcorn!  
Oh, now you've got… is that apple juice? Did that lady seriously smuggle apple juice in?  
I've got a spare shirt in my car if you want it?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Seriously.  
WHERE  
ARE  
YOU

 **DeadRights:**  
Whoa dude did you see that?  
Fucking plot twist!  
I never would have suspected the third cousin's butler.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
CASK!  
...Damn it though, that was a dumb twist.

 **DeadRights:**  
Fucking right!?  
By the way, you've got a massive stain on the front of your pants.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Friendship.  
Over.

 **DeadRights:**  
Yeah right.  
Buddy, we stole shit from Doflamingo. That automatically means that we can not go below friends.  
Bonded by trauma and all that shit.  
Besides, I've always defined us more as 'mutual annoyances'.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I could stab you right now and feel nothing but satisfaction.

 **DeadRights:**  
Love you too, friendo.

 **-o-**

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (7) ▼

The Straw Hat Pirates

 **Participants: stabbinguloudly, 50und8173, Shanks4theHat, Punctual_Peacock, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, PinocchiNo, Vinsmokin.**

 _8:39 PM_

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
We've been here less than a week and I'm already at the end of my patience.  
What the hell is her problem with me? Seriously, what did I even do?  
I argued with her, once, and she punched me. I didn't even punch her back, so technically, *I* should be the one to hold a grudge.  
But nooo, little miss princess is the one in the right, and I need to buckle down and take her demands just because she's been here longer than us?  
"I am the room officer, mister Jeremiah, that is my job."  
I swear if she calls me Jeremiah one more time, I'm going to have Soundbite tear everything she has with a wifi signal to pieces.  
I am so. Fucking. Done with this bi

Luffy.  
Tell me that's not who I think that is.

 **Shanks4theHat:**

◑.◑  
Surprise?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Oh fuck me.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Language, Mister Jeremiah.  
And while I'm on the matter of unruly individuals, who, pray tell, would Soundbite be?

 **50und8173:**  
Y0  
1'm SnailSpeak Ver163.46.  
0r 1n 07h3r w0rd5, 4n 41  
cr055 m41nly u535 m3 70 br34k 7h3 l4w

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
That is very interesting.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Huh, so this is what rock bottom looks like.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Hey cross, zoro and i have the cables and nami has the… other stuff. where do you want the setup?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
he said the roof before we left  
so it gets more sunlihgt to charge  
nd he can aim it better

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Aim it better, you say?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Oh my, rock bottom! I didn't know you had a basement!  
Surprisingly roomy, albeit a bit moist.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Was this a mistake? ( ˘･з･)

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
theres no easy answer to that question.  
welcome to the crew, vivi

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Oh boy, it's almost 9!  
What a perfect time to fall asleep!  
And hopefully never wake up!

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
There's no need for this attitude, Mister Jeremiah.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
With all due respect, which is none;  
Get bent, princess.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Princess?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Sorry, I was busy with another conversation. We got a new member?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
HAHAHAHA BYE  
 **  
Vinsmokin:**

...What did I miss?

 **-o-**

 **To: DeadRights**

 **Participants: TiredNGrumpy, DeadRights**

 **DeadRights:**  
Oh dude, nice choice with that greek sala  
Fucking Hell, man, what is your damage!?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
NO  
NO NO NO  
I NEED TO PUNCH YOU RIGHT THE FUCK NOW FOR PUTTING ME THROUGH THIS  
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU YOU BASSLINE DICKHEAD

 **DeadRights:**  
Man, getting you indignant with rage is always fun as fuck.  
Nope, not that isle.  
Nooo, dude, go back, those lollipops are on sale!

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Huh, so they are.

 **DeadRights:**  
Have I ever steered you wrong before?  
Ew, no, don't get that. The lamb falls apart in the microwave, shit's gross. Go the beef one.  
That milk goes off in two days, pal. You really gonna get through all of that?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
You don't know me.  
You don't know my story.

 **DeadRights:**  
I wouldn't be here right now if I wasn't intimately familiar with your story.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
What?

 **DeadRights:**  
What?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...Whatever.  
Any thoughts on this? I've never tried it before.

 **DeadRights:**  
Hmm?  
Oh, I left already. Hang on.  
Coming back in now.  
...Did you just try to catch me in a fishing net? From the ceiling?  
HOLY FUCK DID YOU ELECTRIFY IT!?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
ONLY A LITTLE BIT.  
DAMN IT  
IT TOOK SO LONG TO SET THAT UP.

 **DeadRights:**  
I didn't even notice you doing that.  
Alright, I'm impressed.  
Probably not as impressed as I would have been if it worked, but oh well.  
Also, I've had my fun. See ya!

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME, LUCAS!

 **DeadRights:**  
Whatever you say, Dr. Claw.  
Dolittle! Shit! Talking animal! Damn it!  
I missed the obvious joke!  
Ah, screw it. Try some bait next time.  
You fucken psycho.

 **-o-**

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

The Straw Hat Pirates

 **Participants: stabbinguloudly, 50und8173, Shanks4theHat, Punctual_Peacock, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, PinocchiNo, Vinsmokin.**

 _7:45 PM_

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Im having fun  
anyone still have any classes today?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Not that I know of.  
What are they going to hold at night, anyway? Astrology?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I wouldn't joke about that too much if I were you.  
Astrologists around here get into their work to a frightening degree.  
I looked into it, and a few of them HAVE cut people over lesser insults.  
I mean really, I was on the roof last night? One of those bastards almost took my head off with the sextant they threw at me, from the GROUND FLOOR.'

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
they must have seen how annoying you are in the stars.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
More importantly, what were you doing up there that late?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I stay up till dawn and fuel on caffeine through the day.  
I honestly probably only get around 25 hours of sleep a week.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
That still doesn't answer the question of _what,_ Mister Jeremiah.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Well, I could tell you, or I could save the energy required to type out one of the many grand schemes I'm working on while you yell at me anyway.  
I'm a busy man, princess.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
So busy that you have to miss History?  
Which is being taught by someone who _*lives in our building?*_

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
See? You already understand.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Hey, she's actually got a point, Cross!  
How come you keep missing Miss All Sunday's class? (◕︿◕✿)  
She's cool! ۹(ÒہÓ)۶

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
yeah  
you came for the first day, but I haven't seen you in there all week

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Simple 'nuff.  
I refuse to be in the same room as someone with a military-grade firewall on their computer when I don't know what's behind it.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Military g  
of course you tried to hack her  
did you consider that that's standard issue with all teachers here?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
No, I already hacked them, didn't give me anywhere near as much trouble.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
...you realize you have a compulsion, yes?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
That's been more of a benefit than a detriment to me.  
Hell, it's been a benefit for all of you as well.  
How do you think we all got here?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i hope i got the scholarship that was going to that chopper kid  
only time he ever talks to ne is when i do something he doesnt like  
"arms arent supposed to bend that way"  
yes it can  
my arm is a strong amr

 **Punctual_Princess:**  
Need I remind you that your first words to him were, and pardon my language: "What the fuck are you?"  
While meanwhile, someone reminds _me_ why I haven't sent this entire chat to the authorities yet?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Beeeeecause I have your computer bugged to hell and back and if you even TWITCH towards a .gov email I'll turn every piece of technology you own into a paperweight?

 **Punctual_Princess:**  
THANK YOU. SO MUCH. FOR REMINDING ME.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Charisma break~!

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
ANYWAYS  
continuing what i was saying about furball  
and he still hasnt answered me  
whose the rude one really

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Alright, so no dinner for Zoro.  
Can someone set the table for me? I'll be done in about ten minutes.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
i'm still at the store  
wont be back for about half an hour.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
im staying late in the kendo club  
i better get something to eat when im there

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I'll do it, just let me put my stuff aw  
4c71v473pr070c0l5n41l5p34k505  
Wait, sorry, I have an assignment. I forgot, sorry.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
You alright there, Cross?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Just a sneeze. Gonna turn my phone off for now.  
Hope I see you guys soon!

 **PinocchiNo:**  
...odd  
hey sanji, ill get the table

 **-o-**

 **SnailSpeak Ver163.46 Dormant**

 **.**

 **.**

 **.**

 **!ALERT!**

 **SnailSpeak S.O.S Protocol launched.**

 **Suspending All Operations.**

 **Operation: Pyramid Down: [SUSPENDED]**

 **Operation Hallelujah: [SUSPENDED]**

 **Operation Operation: [SUSPENDED]**

 **Operation Zombie Killer: [SUSPENDED]**

 **Operation Nosferatu: [SUSPENDED]  
▼Operation Fill Long Nose's Closet with Mushrooms: [SUSPENDED]**

 **All Operations Suspended.**

 **Enabling Emergency Measures…**

 **Enabled.**

 **Open Application: Camera**

 **Open Application: Microphone**

 **Open Contacts**

 **Recording: Start**

 **Initiating Observation...**

 _[Recording begins as a pitch black screen, shifting rapidly as the camera adjusts to the low light level of the room. Immediately in front of the camera is a desk chair that has been pushed slightly to the side, with a wide space of cluttered ground before a bookcase that has been pushed up against the wall. Many fantasy titles are visible.]_

 _[Lines of tape separate three beds, two of which can only be seen by one corner. Two bean bag chairs are slightly off the centre, facing the door. Three dressers line the walls, one near bursting with clothing while the other two appear barely used. Posters of a wide array of topics cover the walls, almost to the extent of blocking out view of the paint. A small group of bokken stand in one corner near the bed with green sheets.]_

 _[A woman is seated at the desk chair, long hair obscuring much of her face.]_

 **Facial Recognition Online: Code ORANGE Override**

 **Facial Recognition: Scanning…**

 **Scanning…**

 **Match Found.**

 **Location: Grand Line Academy Faculty.**

 **Identification: Miss 'All Sunday'.**

 **Initiating Background Search...**

 **WARNING: Identity Flagged as Fabricated.**

 **Re-Initiating Search, Widening Parameters.**

 _[In her hand rest a small gun (Croft T-99, silenced), which is pointed towards the other occupant of the room. A tall blonde man, barely out of his teens or perhaps still in them, has his hands raised towards the ceiling, palms facing outwards. The expression he's wearing is annoyed, if not mutinous.]_

 **Facial Recognition: Scanning…**

 **Match Found:**

 **Jeremiah Cross (A.K.A Serpen13)**

 **System Programmer**

 **Free speech mode activated: Code PURPLE Override**

 **"Fuck."**

 **Free speech mode deactivated**

[Jeremiah Cross]: Well, isn't this a surprise?

[All Sunday]: Good evening, Jeremiah Cross. How are you feeling today?

[Jeremiah Cross]: I'm feeling alright, I suppose. Kind of sad that the summer break is over, but we all deal with it in our own ways. I read books, play videogames... apparently you break into rooms and threaten people at gunpoint. But, hey, I'm not complaining...

 _[All Sunday cocks eyebrow. Jeremiah Cross visibly pauses for a moment, before rolling his eyes with a grunt.]_

[Jeremiah Cross]: ...much, anyways. I mean, hey, you do you, right?

[All Sunday]: Indeed. Enjoyable as teaching is, I find the spare time very cathartic.

[Jeremiah Cross]: Hey, I've considered it. Teach people the way of the codemonkey, give myself some actual challenges. Not... sure I would go this far for an attendance policy, though. Prolly just wipe their save files and stuff... which, I admitted, some would probably think is worse. Still, you get my point.

[All Sunday]: What can I say? I take the education of the next generation _very_ seriously.

[Jeremiah Cross]: Oh, trust me, I can see that.

 _[Jeremiah Cross takes a step towards the bed in the furthest corner. All Sunday flick the gun upwards and he stops in his tracks. Muffled cries and laughter can be heard through the closed door.]_

[Jeremiah Cross]: Alright, alright, not moving. Not going to go anywhere. I'll just stay here, with my hands up, and my back straight… can I please put my hands down? My arms are cramping. Plus, to reiterate, hacker. You're between me and my weapon of choice... and I'm guessing you probably know ten ways to kill me before I can even take a single step to boot.

[All Sunday]: Twenty-eight, actually. No, excuse me, thirty-one, I mistook one of the pens on your desk for a pencil.

[Jeremiah Cross]: Yeah, I hate it when that happens.

 _[Someone knocks on the bedroom door. All Sunday's gun flicks to the door, but Jeremiah Cross steps in the line of fire. Jeremiah Cross glares at her, before turning slightly on the spot]_

[Jeremiah Cross]: Give me a second, will you? I'm changing clothes! And the last thing I need is you _or_ Sanji kicking me in the head because you saw my pasty white ass again!

[All Sunday]: _(quietly)_ Again?

[Jeremiah Cross]: _(turning back around)_ You shut the hell up, miss 'I have my own goddamn room'. Also miss 'My name is so fake it physically _hurts',_ but we'll come back to that. For now, you answer something for me. Why are you even _here!?_ To reiterate: bit much for an attendance policy!

[All Sunday]: Well, Jeremiah Cross, if you must know, I am here because I am a person who takes my privacy very seriously. So when I saw someone attacking the firewall I've spent years developing, and doing a very good job at that, I took it upon myself to investigate. Imagine my surprise when the attack can be traced back to the personal computer of the one student who has elected to avoid myself and my class since our first interaction.

[Jeremiah Cross]: _(shrugging)_ Some people have issues with people infringing on their privacy, I have issues with people whose privacy I _can't_ infringe. They originate from the strict policies I have when it comes to people who could very likely kill me. Which you're only strengthening with every second you point that gun at me.

[All Sunday]: Ah, yes. I suppose we are similar in that way, Jeremiah Cross. Or perhaps you would prefer Agent Cross?

[Jeremiah Cross]: Yeah. Uhm. Can you, uh... Wait, what?

 _[All Sunday stands up. Despite his obvious confusion, Jeremiah Cross stands his ground as she slowly walks towards him, the gun never leaving its mark.]_

[All Sunday]: It is very odd, that I settle into this new job properly, just days before someone makes an attempt for my hard drive. Too much of a coincidence for me to simply ignore.

[Jeremiah Cross]: And I suppose that I just stepped out of the East Blue and into the path of some… what? Mercenary?

[All Sunday]: Do not insult my intelligence.

[Jeremiah Cross]: Well then don't insult mine! You really think I'm dumb enough to come after someone so obviously? Newsflash, I got into Grand fucking Line!

[All Sunday]: Your acting is abysmal. The World Government is desperate to capture the Devil Child, so much so that they would send an agent of Cipher Pol after me here, where it is practically suicide.

 **Searching: Designation 'Devil Child'**

[Jeremiah Cross]: What the fuck is a 'Devil Child'? That's easily the cheesiest-! Code... name... ahhh _fuck._

[All Sunday]: I take it you recognize me now?

[Jeremiah Cross]: Psh, don't flatter yourself! Damn it, I just wanted to eat dinner. Nooo, instead I get to deal with some Baroque Works PMC with an edge-tastic callsign. How the hell did you even track me down, _know_ that Crocodile's R &D Department is-!

[All Sunday]: _Excuse me!?_

 **Match Found:**

 **Identity: Nico Robin**

 **Bounty:** ฿ **79,000,000**

 **Free speech mode activated: Code PURPLE Override**

 **"Well** _ **shit.**_ **"**

 **Free speech mode deactivated**

 _[All Sunday splutters, taking a step back. The gun falls from her hand, which she doesn't seem to notice as she jabs her finger into Jeremiah Cross' chest.]_

[All Sunday]: You _arrogant-_ I AM _NOT_ ONE OF CROCODILE'S PET PSYCHOPATHS!

[Jeremiah Cross]: AND I'M SURE AS HELL NOT AN AGENT WORKING FOR THE WORLD-CORRUPT-AS-ALL-HELL-GOVERNMENT!

 _[The room is silent for a moment, save for both occupant's heavy breathing.]_

[All Sunday]: I... wait, you're not a Cipher Pol Agent?

[Jeremiah Cross]: You're goddamn right I'm not! I hate those bastards! And... you don't work for Crocodile?

[All Sunday]: God no. The man's insufferable in the extreme and utterly ruthless besides. I'm on the run and desperate, but not that desperate. But... hang on, if you're not an Agent, then who _are_ you?

[Jeremiah Cross]: Serpen-thirteen, the _bane_ on the Cipher Pols and World Government alike. Who the hell are you!?

 **Activating Screen.**

 **Displaying Findings.**

 **Free Speech Mode Activated: Approved**

 **Activating Speakers.**

 **"** _Nico Robin. Wanted for blowing_ **up part of the** Ohara University **at the** _ **ripe old age of eight fricking years old.**_ **"**

 **"** _It might also be an idea for everyone_ **outside the door to act like** _you haven't been eavesdropping for the_ **_last few minutes._** Word to **the wise, lady: next time, try** _ **blowing the speakers so that no one can listen."**_

 **"** _Oh,_ and before **I forget,** _ **the gun is fucking down!"**_

 _[Both Nico Robin and Jeremiah Cross look down at the gun Nico Robin seems to have forgotten she's holding, but the door is thrown open before either of them can move. A man with green hair is inside first, tackling Nico Robin around the waist and throwing her towards the furthest bed. A blonde man sweeps the gun off the floor, settling its weight into his hands easily._

 _A small figure wearing a straw hat enters the room next, leaping towards the bed that Nico Robin has been thrown upon. His scowl is apparent from under the shadow of his hat as he wraps his arms and legs around her, leaving her with not enough room to even struggle._

 _Jeremiah Cross is tugged out of the room by two girls, both of them placing themselves between him and his attacker. He is promptly snatched away by a large man who is covered in fur, checking over him quickly alongside another teenager with wild hair and a slingshot clenched tightly in his hand._

 _A body wearing a red vest suddenly takes up the entire frame, launched from where Nico Robin had been immobilized. He slams into the laptop, abruptly switching the picture to that of impenetrable static.]_

 **Free Speech Mode: Activated**

 **Permission Granted**

 _ **"FUCK!"**_

 **Free Speech Mode: Deactivated**


	78. Mahou Shoujo Jeremiah Cross

**_CV12Hornet of the Cross-Brain presents_**

 ** _A This Bites! Omake_**

 ** _MAHOU SHOUJO JEREMIAH CROSS_**

~o~

Jeremiah Cross sighed and opened her eyes, finding only the grains of the wooden bulkhead that adjoined her bed. Yes, her. The result of a little deal with a certain BROB some weeks back. She didn't regret doing it, but it had also caused her no end of trouble since. One eyebrow twitched at the memory of the _disastrous_ wedding.

Surprisingly, it wasn't the big trouble that got to her. It was little things, like the fact that she couldn't sleep because the girl's cabin was _just_ different enough from the men's cabin to throw her off.

Sighing again, Cross turned over, and froze. There, sitting on the closest nightstand, was a creature of pure white that somewhat resembled a cat. But cats didn't have beady red eyes, long ear-tail… things with gold rings hovering over both, and a general appearance closer to a stuffed animal than any living thing.

"Hello!" Kyubey chirped in the voice of a prepubescent boy. "You have a great deal of potential, Jeremiah Cross! Make a contract with me and become a magical girl!"

Faced with such a situation, Cross did the logical thing.

"KYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

FWOOSH!

She screamed at the top of her lungs, while also rolling down to grab Lassoo and activate his Cani-Blast, which neatly incinerated the bunnycat - as well several wooden walls and a lock of Vivi's hair.

As Cross, panting, lowered the howlitzer, several things happened at once. First, in no particular order and especially not chronologically, Sanji threw the door open, smoke curling up from his shoulders and a shout of "I'M HERE FOR YOU, MY DARLINGS! PREPARE YOURSELF, YOU BLACKGUARD!"

Second, Soundbite jerked awake, filling the air with a random assortment of sounds heavy on a variety of sirens.

And third, every woman in the room tumbled out of their beds and hammocks.

"SOMEONE SHUT THAT SNAIL UP BEFORE I HAVE SANJI TURN HIM INTO BREAKFAST!" Nami shrieked, voice muffled a little by the floorboards. Cross immediately complied by slapping Soundbite upside the shell.

Astoundingly, Lassoo continued snoring throughout the whole ordeal.

Finally, blessed silence fell, the other girls taking the opportunity to pick themselves up off the floor. It was Sanji that finally broke it.

"Uh, where's the blackguard?" he asked, confused.

"Yeah, Cross, what the _fuck_ was that about?" Merry groused, before recoiling as she saw the hole blown in the side of the cabin. "Ah! Dammit, you hurt Big Bro Sunny! This had better be good!"

Several options, including coming clean about the damn bunnycat, ran through Cross' mind and were rapidly discarded. A plausible lie sounded like a better idea.

"S-Spider," she stammered out.

Nami, Vivi, and Sanji both nodded, their faces shifting from anger to sympathy. "Yeah, I'd say that's an appropriate reaction," Vivi remarked.

Conis and Merry, meanwhile, both looked at the other two like they'd grown extra heads. Surprisingly, it was Robin who voiced their thoughts.

"What _kind_ of spider, Cross?" she asked very evenly.

Luckily, she did have an answer for that. "It had a health bar." That was not it. Despite that, Robin and Merry both blanched, and Su nodded.

"Yes, definitely an appropriate reaction," she said. "You run into them occasionally on Upper Yard; it must've snuck into the cargo."

"You mean I had that thing in my hold?" Merry squeaked. "Oh, I'm not sleeping tonight, guys."

Proclamation aside, the matter was seemingly settled, and everyone began slowly making their way back to bed, including Cross, who muttered under her breath "Of _course_ spiders like that exist in the Grand Line…"

And though she went to sleep with little trouble, her dreams were plagued by giant spiders, cake, and whirling gears. 

~o~

It was a very tired Cross that staggered into the women's quarters the next night. On top of the lack of sleep, she had been ordered to fix the hole she'd made with Franky's supervision, and _then_ one of the Grand Line's patented mad storms had blown in, requiring all hands on deck for a solid eight hours. At this point, all she wanted to do was crawl into her bed and sleep for days.

Unfortunately, it looked like the black cat with a yellow crescent moon emblazoned on its forehead wouldn't let her.

"Jeremiah Cross?" the cat asked. "That was quite rude, what you did last night. Anyway, I-"

"Sorry, you got the wrong gal," Cross interrupted in a bleary voice. "I'm no Sailor Scout. Nearest high school is a couple hundred miles thataway, though really, you'd probably do better hitting West Blue."

"But-!"

"Look, I've had a rough day and I didn't get much sleep last night, so I'mma just go to sleep." And with that, Cross flopped face-first onto her bed, snoring almost immediately.

The cat spent several seconds staring at Cross' unmoving form, mouth hanging open, and then it hopped onto Cross' body and batted ineffectually at her head.

"Hey! Wake up!" Gritting her teeth, the cat raised the volume. "WAKE UP, DAMMIT!"

That only produced a groan and a roll over, accompanied by a hand that batted away the loud thing. Yowling the entire way, the moon cat flipped in mid-air to bounce off the wall and land on the deck planking. With her feet back under her, she glared at the blonde snoring on the bed.

"This isn't over."

~o~

The next morning, Cross woke up feeling bright and chipper. That good mood swiftly dimmed when Conis poked her head in, face streaked with worry that if anything intensified when she saw Cross.

"What's wrong, Conis?" Cross asked.

The gunner visibly wrestled with an answer, and finally just said "Get dressed and come out. It's… something that you need to see for yourself."

Frowning, Cross did the abbreviated version of her morning ritual, including pausing in front of the mirror to let the reality of her new sex sink in. Even weeks later, it wasn't getting easier very fast.

 _"_ _YOU DOING_ **okay?"** Soundbite queried from her shoulder.

"I'm doing better," Cross answered. Neither commented on the fact that that hadn't answered the question. "Alright, let's go see what the crisis is this time."

 **"** **Think we've hit** THE FLORIAN _**yet?"**_

"I hope not…"

Luckily, the sky outside had a distinct lack of creepy fog when Cross stepped out. There was also a distinct lack of other types of malevolent weather and people attacking them. So that was good.

On the other hand, that meant this wasn't any of the usual madness. So that could be bad.

And so, Cross took a deep breath, steeled herself, and walked over to where the rest of the crew was huddled around around… something. As she got closer, Usopp pushed his way out of the crowd, a furious and decidedly out of place expression on his face.

"What," he growled, grabbing her by the collar. "Did you _do?"_

"Hey, shit-sniper!" Sanji snapped. "Let go of Cross! I'm sure she didn't do anything~."

Cross raised an eyebrow at the exchange. "Could you narrow it down a bit?" she snarked. "I've done a _lot_ of things on this crew."

"The note has _his-_ I mean, _her_ name on it, shit-cook!" Usopp shouted back, drawing a snicker from Zoro. Teeth audibly grinding, the sniper took a deep breath, and was notably calmer when he addressed Cross again. "You're right. We should just show you what _showed up_ overnight."

And with that, Usopp let go and stalked back into the crowd. Cross, after exchanging a quizzical glance with Soundbite, followed, the crew parting to let them through.

The actual object of everyone's attention was fairly obvious: a good-sized jackfruit whose spikes were festooned with the tell-tale swirls of a Devil Fruit. And, indeed, right below was a hand-written note. Frowning, Cross picked up the note and read it over.

 _Dear asshole,_

 _Alright, I'll admit, using Kyubey near someone familiar with it was a bad idea, and I deserved the torching I got. And I'm going to defenestrate the asshole who suggested that into a black hole._

 _But I'm getting off-topic. I tried this the traditional way, so now we're doing it the One Piece way. Despite appearances, that is not a Devil Fruit. You'll still be able to swim. It's just a nice, hassle-free way to give you the abilities you're going to need._

 _Good luck!_

 _Your friendly neighborhood ROB_

 _P.S. Activation phrase is "Pretty cuteness, transform!"_

Cross had only barely finished reading when her attention was wrested away by act of Luffy. "Hey, hey, what's it say? What kind of Devil Fruit is it? You're gonna eat it, right?"

"Slow down, Luffy!" Cross replied. "And I, uh…" Suddenly, she was very aware that everyone was staring expectantly at her, and she glanced over at the fruit. "Um…"

Thoughts ran through her mind like roadrunners on crack. Power. Still swim. That phrase. ROB. BROB? Damn bunnycat. That phrase.

 _"_ _I'LL ADMIT_ , **even I think THAT PHRASE IS** _cheesier than_ **Sanji's larder,"** Soundbite muttered in her ear.

"Oh, for the love of pete… Could somebody-"

A swishing sound sounded out, and then Cross had a piece of something disgusting shoved in her mouth. Despite much gagging and hacking, her traitorous throat still swallowed despite the taste. It was… indescribable. Like the emissions produced by biscuits had gone the wrong way.

And then she felt something hook in her navel and yank her up, up, and away.

~o~

And then, either a few seconds or several hours later, she was dumped unceremoniously onto her face.

"Owowowow…" Cross groaned. "Whoever did that, when I get my hands on you-"

"You'll what?" came a high, amused voice that sounded like tinkling bells.

Slowly, Cross looked up and beheld a woman. A woman of indescribable beauty in diaphanous white silk, hair flowing in an unseen breeze and a faint humming coming from her. As of now, she was standing over Cross, an amused smile on her face. Oh, and they were also now in some sort of void space that twinkled with distant stars and was lit by strands of space dust.

"CROSS… **I know this is** _BORDERLINE HERESY,_ **COMING FROM ME,** _but please don't_ **mouth off to her!"** Soundbite quietly pleaded.

"A wise choice, even if I do not anger as easily as some of my brethren," the woman stated.

"Right…" Cross said weakly. "So, uh, you _are_ a ROB, right?"

"Correct. Call me Minerva." Her expression soured. "And I am so sorry about the one that dropped you here. Still, I'm not one to leave open opportunities unexploited."

"And why _do_ you need me?"

The sour expression on Minerva's face shifted. No longer sour, it was… afraid?

"Tell me," she said. "What does the name 'Eternal' mean to you?"

Cross and Soundbite exchanged a look. "I got nothing," the pirate admitted. "Soundbite?"

 **"** **REFERENCES TO** _cosmic comic book_ GUYS, _BUT SOMEHOW_ **I don't think that's** _what you're talking about."_

"I wish," Minerva snorted. "Then we could deal with them. No, the Eternal is… let's just say that it is to us what… say, Superman is to someone like you."

Suddenly, everything fell into place for Cross, accompanied by a yawning chasm in her gut.

"You want me to _fight_ this ultimate evil?!" she demanded.

"Oh, heavens no!" Minerva immediately replied. "Just some of its minions trying to release it onto a poor, unsuspecting world. I'd do it myself, but the beings in charge of this little shard of reality are… trigger-happy. And have blocked me from direct interference. But since you are the product of someone else's fuckery, you're not restricted from me."

"Yay."

"And don't worry, I'm not picky about what you do with the powers when you're done with them," Minerva said. "You wanna blast this Brownstache with them afterwards, go ahead."

"It's Blackbeard, I'm pretty sure," Cross half-heartedly corrected. That sure sounded tempting… "What _are_ those powers, anyway?"

"Hmm…" Minerva hummed. Some sort of… holographic stat sheet popped up in front of her, and she quickly scrolled down. "Well, besides the standard stat boost package… you get a few generic energy attacks, your classic short-lived power boost, the ability to detect the Eternal's minions, and the ability to weaken opponents via insult." One eyebrow rose. "Now, that's one I've never seen before."

"That sounds pretty good," Cross said. "Especially if-"

 **"** **WAY AHEAD OF YA,** ** _partner!"_** Soundbite grinned. "YO, LADY, _do my insults_ **count?"**

Minerva scrolled down a little further. "Looks like."

"Nice/ _Nice!"_ the Voices of Anarchy crowed, eyestalk meeting hand. "Sign me up, then!" Not a second after that had left her mouth, Cross remembered the phrase. "Wait, shit, with a different transformation phrase! And pants! I demand pants!"

Tittering giggles flowed out of Minerva's mouth at Cross' mounting panic. "Oh, don't worry. Like I said, I'm not like the one who brought you here. I'm perfectly willing to modify the transformation. How does this sound?"

 _"_ _THE LIGHT OF JUSTICE THAT SCOURGES EVIL - SHINING! MIRAGE!"_

As the sound finished echoing over… wherever the hell they were, Cross rubbed her chin. "Well, it's better than that first one," she decided. "A little shonen-y, but hell, I'm already in one. Sure. I can go with it."

"As for the outfit, this is what was going to be your originally," Minerva said. A wave of her hand, and another of those holographic screens popped up, showing-

Lace. Skirt. _Meido._

"HEE **HEE** ** _HAHAHA_** _HOOHOOHOO!"_

"Nope!" Cross declared, hands crossed in front of her chest. "Uh-uh! No way! _No!"_

"Agreed. I don't think it would flatter you," Minerva said, banishing the screen. "Any suggestions for your new outfit?"

After a moment to calm down - because seriously, _no_ \- Cross turned her thoughts to the subject. And almost immediately, one outfit in particular popped into her head.

"You can read my mind, right?" she said to Minerva. "Then like that, but I want a trench coat. And pants."

"And then a little resizing…" Minerva mused, tapping at the holographic screen. "Ah, there we go." Grasping the edge, she flipped the screen around so Cross could see it. "How does this look?"

Frowning, Cross looked it over, as did Soundbite. _"_ _I hate to_ **SAY THIS,** BUT THIS HONESTLY LOOKS _**kinda badass."**_

"What do you mean you hate to say it, you little slimeball?!" Cross snapped, before turning contemplative. "It _is_ good… though I'm wondering why it isn't closer to the original…?"

Once again, Minerva's expression turned sour.

"Because that section of reality is very zealously guarded, and I'd have lawyers on my ass faster than you can say 'ROB'."

Cross blinked. "You guys have lawyers?"

 _"_ _Yes."_

Two figures burst into life on each of Cross' shoulders, both bearing a great resemblance to Cross herself. One wore a turn-of-the-century newsboy's outfit, and carried a lit cartoon bomb in one hand.

 _"_ _Ask her!"_ it demanded with a mad cackle. _"_ _We must know! And not just because it's sure to be hilarious!"_

The other wore most of an EOD suit, with a classic yellow-and-black-stripe hardhat replacing the usual hood.

 _"_ _No, nuh-uh, no way in hell!"_ that one shouted, shaking its head vigorously. _"_ _We know exactly where this goes! Cue the pain!"_

And, sure enough, her limbs throbbed with a familiar pain.

"I'm not going to ask," Cross said aloud.

 _"_ _Dammit!"_ the bomb-holder spat, before both poofed out of existence.

"A wise choice," Minerva said, shuddering. "Now, I'll drop you back off with your ship. You have fifteen minutes to explain what's going on and say your goodbyes."

Both Soundbite and Cross reacted appropriately: with wild bug eyes and jaws reaching for the floor. "Wait, goodbyes?!" the latter yelped.

"Rest assured, you'll be back before they know it," Minerva said dismissively.

"...like what's going on with my _original_ dimension?"

Minerva blinked. "Well... yes, actually, now that you mention it."

"God damn it my personal timeline is so fucked up..."

"It will greatly resemble a fourth-dimensional pretzel, yes," Minerva admitted. "And to explain a little further, the universe you will be going to already has defenders. They mostly need to be pointed at the threat, and since your powerset includes the ability to detect the Eternal's minions…"

 _"_ _WAIT,_ **what about me?!"** Soundbite cut in. "OKAY, _yeah,_ **I assumed everything** ** _WOULD BE JUST_** _HUNKY-DORY,_ **but where am** _I in all this?"_

For a long moment, the only sound was the heretofore unnoticed hum in the background.

 _"_ _YOUR STUNNED SILENCE IS VERY REASSURING."_

That broke Minerva out of her stupor, and she quickly shook her head, bringing up the screen with Cross' power set on it. "Now, hang on, let me just adjust your powerset real quickly… gonna be more powerful than I expected…"

All of a sudden, the weird space they were in started shaking and glowing.

"W-What's going on?" Cross stammered.

"I'm out of time!" Minerva shouted, jabbing a finger on the screen and dismissing it. "Soundbite will go with you, you'll just have to figure out your new abilities as you go! Remember, fifteen minu-"

The hook yanked on her belly button again, and then she was up, up, and away again… 

~o~

To the Straw Hat Pirates, none of the above had really happened. One moment, Cross had been gagging on a piece of Devil Fruit. The next, she was enveloped in a column of light and lifted up into the air.

Just as the light and the wind it generated became too much for everyone's eyes, both faded, revealing Cross floating down to the deck in an entirely new outfit, her eyes closed.

The most prominent feature was a black trench coat with blue stripes along the sides and sleeves, with gold epaulettes on the shoulders and a hem that flared out slightly right below the ribcage. Keeping it held together was a golden, dagger-shaped clasp right over her breastbone. Blue bracers covered her forearms, and black fingerless gloves her hands, though 'fingerless' was a bit of a misnomer seeing as the digits were still bandage-wrapped underneath.

Under the trenchcoat was a blue undershirt trimmed in gold, extensions on the sides and front covering her hips, and a pair of loose black shorts that reached about mid-thigh and had blue stripes running up the sides of the legs. Her feet were encased in solid-looking black shoes with thick soles, and a red jewel planted on top, that reached just above her ankles, where they met knee-length black stockings underneath blue greaves. And sitting at her waist was a small metal ball bearing a checkerboard pattern.

Completing the picture was an odd hybrid of a military officer's cap and armored shako in more white and blue with a golden knights visor right at the brim, as well as a gold skull-and-crossbones embossment on the front of the hat, and a familiar pair of headphones that were the only part of the outfit retained from the original look.

All of this was taken in in the few seconds it took for Cross to softly touch down on the deck. She looked at her hands as the light faded fully away - and then she opened her mouth.

"Holy shit I didn't just hallucinate that."

At once, the tension flowed out of the crowd.

"It's Cross."

"Yup, definitely Cross."

"Hey, where's the little slimeball?" Su wondered.

 **"** **I wouldn't** _taunt me anymore!"_ the distinctive voice of Soundbite rang out from- the steel ball at Cross' waist?! "I'VE GOT ALL THESE **new powers** ** _I'm_** **JUST** ** _DYING_** _TO TRY OUT!"_

"Look, I know you all want to play twenty questions, but I don't have time for that," Cross frantically cut in before anyone could start arguing. "I've got fifteen minutes - probably closer to fourteen now - before I get whisked away to parts unknown to help fight an unspeakable evil."

At that, several of the smarter members of the crew lit up in understanding. "BROB," they all spat.

"Yeah, basically." And before Cross could go any further, she was promptly gang-tackled by Luffy, Merry, and Chopper. Astoundingly, though she swayed, she was not bowled over.

"Ah, it looks like my dear sister has gotten some upgrades along with the new outfit," Robin remarked over the sounds of much bawling.

"Good for her," Nami said, a genuine smile on her face. "Sanji, if you would-"

The navigator promptly did a double-take at the sight of Sanji standing there already holding two pirate bentos.

"You- buh- how-"

"I took the liberty of planning ahead," Sanji answered, all suave.

"You just pulled them out of the fridge, shit-cook," Zoro grunted.

All suaveness fled Sanji's face, and he turned a furious visage on the swordsman. _"_ _You take that back, brine-pickle! I am a chef, and I would never stoop to-"_

"Brine-pickle!?" Zoro bellowed, drawing his swords. "That's it, you're dying today!"

"Bring it!"

Franky, meanwhile, just stared at both scenes in open astonishment. "You guys usually like this?"

"Yes," Vivi, Conis, and Usopp all said, one in exasperation and the other two in fondness. "But still, when should we separate them from Cross?" Conis added. "Robin and Funkfreed are looking fidgety."

"No need," Robin cut in, her voice dropped an octave and her arms crossed over her chest. "Très Fleur: Grab!"

 _"GAH!"/ "OW!" / "ACK!"_

"Thanks, Robin," Cross said. "And anyway, I'm going to-"

"Ah, Cross!" Sanji called out. Anything more was precluded by the fact that his shoes were the only thing between Zoro's swords and his sliceable flesh. "I made a couple of pirate bento for you. Robin-chwan, could you be a dear and-"

"Of course," she said, dropping the bento off in Cross' hands.

"Oh, uh, thanks, really, but-"

"We're gonna miss you, Cross!" the kiddy trio wailed as they tried to go for another gang-glomp. Some hands popping out of the deck and tripping them up put a stop to that.

"Seriously, guys, I-"

"Do be careful out there, Cross," Robin interrupted, a smile on her face but the rest of her body language screaming anxiety.

"I will," Cross said, before suddenly shaking her head. "Wait, no, that's not what I was trying to say!" Taking a deep, calming breath, the newly minted magical girl continued, "I'd tell you all how I'm going to miss you so much... but seeing as from your perspective I'm not even going to be gone for a second, how about _not?_ LET'S GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD, ALREADY!"

For a long moment, the only sound was that of the wind and waves.

"Eight minutes," Nami announced, prompting Cross to slump over.

"Dammit, that was the perfect cue for a dramatic exit." Straightening out, she shook her fist at a random patch of sky. "Dammit, play along! I thought you wanted to be entertained here!"

"PROBABLY DOESN'T _**want to be**_ _ASSOCIATED WITH_ **horrible storytelling cliches,"** Soundbite muttered.

"What was that, you little-?!"

"Ahem."

Cross' tirade was cut short in favor of spinning around to Funkfreed. "Yessss?"

"Are you going to bring me and Lassoo with you?" the elephant-sword asked.

That brought the magical girl up short. She hadn't thought about that, and it would be a good idea-

 _THE VOICES OF ANARCHY MUST TRAVEL ALONE._

"WHOA _**baby!"**_ Soundbite yelped as Cross suddenly stumbled, clutching her head.

"Um, apparently not," she answered. "Sorry, Funkfreed."

"Eh, if you're only gone a few minutes I can't complain too much," the elephant-sword said dismissively. "So, how much time do we have?"

"Five minutes," Nami answered.

A glint entered Funkfreed's eyes, and he swiftly wrapped up Cross in his trunk and held her close.

"I'm gonna miss yoooouuuu, Cross!"

"Ah! Leggo of me you damn peanut-cruncher!"

 _"I am conflicted…"_ Soundbite muttered as he was shaken along with his partner.

And that was the pattern for the next five minutes, with the kiddy trio getting in on the act. For the next five minutes, Cross was smothered in affection and tears, her pleas for help falling on deaf ears with the rest of the crew.

At least it made the time fly. All too soon, a new light enveloped Cross, and she vanished. The crew fell into a moment of somber silence-

"Hey, guys, what'd we miss?"

All eyes whirled to a sleepy-looking Mikey, hanging off the side railing of the Sunny. Merry, a furious expression on her face, reached down, picked up a spare block, and hurled it at the dugong, nailing him dead center in the forehead.

"Read the mood, moron!" 

~o~

When Cross came back to her senses, her first thought was 'Owwwwwwww…' Her second thought, this one actually voiced, was "Where am I?"

 _"CRASHED THROUGH_ **a rooftop,"** Soundbite reported, and wow was it weird hearing his voice from her belt instead of her shoulder. "THE EXACT _where_ **ISN'T CLEAR YET,** _**though it's nowhere**_ _I recognize."_

"Of course," Cross groaned, levering herself to her feet. Looking around, she found herself standing in the center of a chunk of shattered concrete, pieces of torn sheet metal lying around her. "Huh. Guess Minerva was right about the physical enhancements." She glanced up, seeing a hole in the ceiling of what appeared to be your standard deserted warehouse - and blanched at the sight of the four girls standing around the circle poking their heads in.

One had long, blonde hair held back by a bright red ribbon, and wore a sleeveless sailor top that more resembled body armor than any school uniform.

One also had long blonde hair, except hers was done up in a pair of fancy spiral pigtails that framed her face. She wore a white dress shirt under a corset that did much to accentuate her, ***ahem*** , impressive assets.

One had auburn hair in a ponytail, what was visible of her long dress white with some uncanny design similarities to Cross' own outfit. A long golden staff tipped with a red jewel held in an open ring was held in her right hand.

And finally, there was a redhead that looked like she had rolled out of bed ten minutes ago, and she looked at least a few years older than the other three. Her body was covered by a black and orange bodysuit, with a pair of fancy headphones covering her ears and an ornate, mechanical, broad- and flat-headed lance in one hand.

"Oh God I've been dumped with three of the purest and most justice-centric magical girls in existence," Cross groaned, before turning a cocked eyebrow on the redhead. "Though I might get along with her…"

 **"** **DARE I** _ask why?"_ Soundbite deadpanned.

"Because she became a magical girl basically out of pure revenge-focused spite, and was a legitimately respectable badass besides."

 _"_ _JOY…"_

"Ahoy down there!" Kanade Amou called down. "You okay?"

"Well, however we cut it... at least this might be fun after all," Cross said, before tensing her legs and bounding up into the air.


	79. Shelter Bite: A Typical Day

Skelter Bite: A Typical Day

The day began, as most days on Skelter Bite do, with a rooster rousing Charlotte Lola from her well-earned slumber. Groaning, she rolled out of bed onto the floor, face-first, at which point two hands grabbed her under her shoulders and hauled her to her feet. Those same hands directed her to the bathroom, at which point a hot shower—an unprecedented luxury as late as a week ago, until someone finally got the hot water piping up and running—got her mostly out of the post-sleep funk.

"Have I mentioned lately that you're amazing, Tilly?" Lola called out to the source of the hands, a personal batman on loan from Vice Admiral Jonathan who was currently picking up the few items on the floor.

"Three times yesterday, Captain Lola." Why Tilly's parents had seen fit to give the poor young man a woman's name was a mystery of the universe, considering both were killed in a pirate attack shortly before the too-late Marines picked Tilly himself up. "Your day's outfit is prepared, and I must check on breakfast."

Nodding, Lola turned her attention back to luxuriating in the hot water. And the soap… oh, the soap. After wearing almost as much dirt as clothing for the better part of a decade, it wasn't getting old anytime soon.

But alas, the system was still not fully completed and so hot water was still scarce, even for the de facto head of the construction effort. Reluctantly, Lola turned off the water, dried off, and dressed in the clothes left out. For the most part. One item stymied her.

"Tilly!" she called out. "Why is there a pair of rabbit ears here?"

"Vice Admiral Jonathan sent them in with the last shipment," the batman called back. "There was a note that said it would help the workers identify you."

Lola mulled that over. Yes, that would work. With a mental shrug, she put on the bunny ears and stepped into the small dining area her status afforded, confronted with a full breakfast spread and a cup of steaming coffee.

"Thank you, Tilly," Lola said, grabbing the mug. "It looks just as good as ever."

Lifting the mug, she took a sip. A mix of hot grease leftover from frying dirty socks and years-old cadavers slid down her throat, burning several more of her rapidly diminishing taste buds in its wake. It continued to burn as it went down her esophagus and into her stomach, where it settled like ballast stones.

"Coffee's as good as ever, too," she said, hiding her agony with the ease of practice. And the beaming smile Tilly gave at the apparent compliment stayed a blistering tirade on the man's coffee, at least for another day.

The breakfast itself was, thankfully, very tasty.

"So," Lola said as she wiped the last remnants of said breakfast off of her mouth. "What's on the agenda for today?"

"Let me see…" Tilly mused, pulling a notepad out of his pocket and flipping a few pages. "Ah, yes. It's time for the progress checkup with Hajrudin, as well as time to check in on the main architects. And we have another complaint about Ms. De Lis."

"Again?" Lola groaned, her head falling down to be cradled in her hands. "Alright, that's it. Put visiting her at the top of the agenda, Tilly."

"Yes, Captain Lola."

"Alright, anything else?"

"Not that I can see, Captain Lola."

A nod, and Lola went back to her breakfast, leaving Tilly to go and get the dishes cleaned. The instant his back was turned, Lola grabbed the coffee mug and upended it in the nearest ornamental plant, also making a mental note to have Tilly trim it again. Damn thing _liked_ her batman's coffee for some unholy reason, and the last thing she needed was for it to start developing a taste for _other_ kinds of nutrition.

Regardless, Lola had just finished cleaning her plate when a runner threw the door open, panting.

"C-Captain Lola!" the pirate gasped. From the archaic tricorn hat, blatantly fake pegleg, equally blatantly fake parrot riding on his shoulder, and a bruise right above his eyepatch, this was one of the incognito G-8 sailors. "Hamburg… has some… repeat offenders… he wants to… talk about…" Message delivered, the sailor slumped onto his knees, panting.

"Tilly, change of plans!" Lola bellowed as she stood up. "We're talking to Hamburg first!"

"Right behind you, Captain Lola!"

Only when the Lola and Tilly were long gone did the sailor finish catching his breath and properly stand up, at which point his brain finally decided to catch up to what he'd seen.

"I need more sleep," he groaned, pinching his eyes. "I thought Captain Lola was wearing _rabbit ears_ for a minute there…

 **~o~**

"Pupupupu! Pupupupu!"

Rumbling laughter greeted Lola and Tilly as they entered the sizeable lockup that had been one of the first things built on Skelter Bite. After all, most of the workers were pirates, and most of the guests were going to be pirates, and even after all their training and professionalism the loaned Marines were sailors, too, and their activities during shore leave were closer to that of most pirates than anyone wanted to admit.

The point is, drunken lawbreaking was not only expected, but expected to get bad enough to make even _pirates_ put their foot down. Hence the lockup. For the most part, it had served as an oversized drunk tank to this point, with at least a few men every day locked in overnight for fighting.

And running it all was Hamburg of the Foxy Pirates. Dimwitted as he was, he'd proven _too_ dimwitted to really fool, and his ability to smack heads was second only to a handful. And he laughed just about every time anyone entered.

Hence, it was something of a tradition now to ask what was so funny.

"So, what's so funny this time, Hamburg?" Lola thus asked when she saw the man.

"Pupupu! Bunny ears! Pupupu!" Hamburg declared, prompting Lola's hands to shoot up self-consciously.

"D-Do you think they look silly? Ooohhhh, I thought they look silly."

"Nah, they don't look silly," Hamburg dismissed, hiding his smile behind his hands. "They look good!"

Lola blushed, and then Tilly interjected with a soft cough. "Ah, Mr. Hamburg, you said something about repeat offenders?"

"Oh yeah!" Hamburg chuckled, snapping his fingers. "Yeah, they're right over here!"

Lola and Tilly moved over to look into the cells indicated, where two men were sullenly sitting there in rumpled, stained clothes. In fact, they recognized both: one was a Water 7 shipwright who was thoroughly fond of South Blue rums, and another a Foxy pirate, one picked up via Davy Back Fight, if Lola remembered correctly. Both of them perked up at seeing the captain.

"Hey, captain, c'mon, let me out of here!" the pirate whined. "I didn't do nothin' wrong!"

"Nothin' wrong?" the shipwright spat. "You threatened me! Captain, you gotta get me outta here! I was provoked!"

"You was not! You're just a drunkard who likes fighting!"

"I am a _peaceable man_ , good sir! You're the jackass who provoked me!"

"I think I see the problem," Lola said as she drew back from the two bickering sailors. "Do you at least have some witnesses to help untangle this?"

"Witnesses?" Hamburg dumbly repeated. "Pupupu, I just knock their heads together and call it a day. Usually works." The gorilla-like man then did something rather out of character: he frowned. "Doesn't really work with these guys. 'S why I asked you to come here."

Definitely a problem, albeit one that was probably better for having popped up now. Better to get a handle on this while the ratio of orders-to-ordered was still reasonable, lest they turn into Mock Town. Lola turned over the problem for about a minute and came to a conclusion.

"Hamburg, were these guys drinking at the music hall/comedy club Hajrudin's working on?" she asked.

"Pupupu, yeah, Old Monsoon was the one who called me in," was the answer.

"Three birds with one stone, then," Lola decided. "Tilly, we're heading to the hall."

"Yes, Captain Lola."

~o~

The hall, despite being unfinished and so far unnamed (Name debates were the most common source of brawls on the island), was already shaping up to be the centerpiece of Skelter Bite. Fashioned from the hull of the old pirate ship _Mozart,_ the old spars reinforced with Oars' ribs, it was intended to be a combination bar and music hall, the super-giant's twin humeroses attached to the sides of the bar as comedy clubs.

At this point the structural work on the main hall was complete, but in all honesty that was the easy part. Now they needed to weatherproof the old ship's exterior hull, build the interior facade, attach the humeroses, hollow them out, on and on and on.

When Lola and Tilly arrived at the construction site, it was the most curious thing: the only person there was De Lis, former Marine and current officer of the newly reformed Giant Warrior pirates, sprawled in a ramshackle, giant-sized lawn chair and downing a mug of something alcoholic that normal people called a keg.

"Good morning, Captain Lola!" De Lis announced. "And good morning to you too, Tilly! What brings you to- uh…"

Lola frowned, Tilly beside her beaming even more than usual. "What's wrong, De Lis?" she called up.

"... Why are you wearing bunny ears?"

A bit of crimson dotted Lola's cheek at the disbelieving tone. "Well, they were recommended to help me stick out…"

"Lola, no offense, but whoever told you that should be shot on the spot. I'm not saying the wound should be mortal, but definitely grievous," De Lis deadpanned, taking a particularly deep swig of her drink. "Ugh, the mental image… anyway, what brings you here?"

Lola frowned, but maybe De Lis just had bad taste or something. "Well, you, for one. I also need to talk to Hajrudin and Old Monsoon. And on that note, where are they?"

Old Monsoon was the current and future bartender for the massive music hall. Despite his name, he was only in his early forties and looked it, in a "grizzled mariner" sort of way. He was also the only person on the island who wasn't a part of one of the crews working on it; he'd just _shown up_ early in the project and remained adamantly tight-lipped about how he got there and how he'd even found out about the place, aside from cryptic comments about "large jellyfish" and "secret methods".

"The old salt's inside checking the liquor stocks," De Lis answered, jabbing her thumb at the hall. "As for Hajrudin, he decided today would be the day they mounted HQ on the mast, so they're all getting that finagled in place." A pause. "So, what do you need to talk to me about?"

Lola frowned even harder. How to bring this up? Saying "We've been hearing a lot of complaints about you" just seemed like a fast way to get squished. Luckily, the giant herself removed the need.

"Is it about the complaints I've been hearing?" she said, chuckling at the surprised look that came over Lola's face. "Yeah, I keep my ear to the ground. But honestly, I can't blame them. I mean, here I am, sitting here drinking ale while everyone else works their asses off."

"Good. Then you understand the effect it has on morale when people see you not doing their job." Lola paused, and blinked in thought. "What _is_ your role, anyway? I think we were all drunk by the time we got around to giving you your role."

"You were, Captain Lola," Tilly helpfully confirmed, earning him a glare from his captain.

"Patatatata!" De Lis laughed. "Oh, yeah, I think we were on the last of Moriah's vintages that time! Bitch balls bastard he was, but the man had a good taste in drink." Once her laughter subsided, she wiped a tear and turned at least a _little_ more serious. "Anyway, my job - which I very deliberately picked, I admit - is to keep discipline among the giants. Just like how Hamburg does for you humans.

"The thing is… you know that line Soundbite spouted awhile back on the SBS? How 'a person is smart, people are panicky, stupid creatures'?" The Giantess jabbed her thumb at herself. "Well, the reverse is true for us: _Giants_ are warriors who fight with valor and honor. _A_ _giant_ is typically a gargantuan _moron_ who thinks with every muscle in his body _except_ the right ones.

"But, see, the thing is, you group those giants up, and beat some teamwork into them, and poof!" This was accompanied by a poof-like hand gesture. "Suddenly it's like they've combined all their brainpower into one, and whatever honor code they've decided on is ironclad. Though iron may not be a strong enough material to describe that code." She shook her head. "Whatever. Point is, I was volunteered to beat seamanship better than 'yank chain, go this way' into the heads of every non-Marine giant here, and once that was done, I can just leave things to Hajrudin. Kid's got a knack for leadership."

Privately, Lola didn't think the word 'kid' had applied to Hajrudin for about half a century now. Out loud, she said, "What would it take to break all that?"

"Patatata…" De Lis chuckled nervously. "Um, three days without ale? Broggy and Dorry went without for a lot longer, but they could take it out on each other. This bunch… yeah, three days." The giant glanced down at Lola again. "I hope this helps. I'd rather you not have to actually _listen_ to those complaints."

"Because you like your cushy job?" Lola deadpanned, drawing another laugh from De Lis.

"Patatata! Guilty as charged! But seriously, I got a taste of what you're probably going through on the Alabasta blockade. I wouldn't wish that on anyone." Another pause. "Okay, maybe Akainu. And Garp. And-"

"Okay, I get the picture," Lola interrupted, with just a hint of desperation. "But thank you, this does help."

In more ways than one. The pirates would certainly appreciate someone conning a cushy position out of a drunk superior. They'd laugh at Lola, but it would be good-natured and certainly more fun than getting complained at. Even better, this was a great hammer to use against their suppliers.

" _Oh, the supplies are late?" De Lis inquired innocently. "I hope not more than three days. The boys sure do get cranky when they don't get their ale."_

"You keep doing what you're doing, De Lis," Lola said. "Tilly, we have a bartender to meet."

~o~

Lola's eyes ran over the interior of the vast music hall as she walked towards the bar. The walls were still the barren bones of the structure, but the floor was now completely solid and there was actually lighting. Progress!

Now that she didn't have to worry about taking a surprise ten-foot tumble into the mansion's old sewer system (and hadn't _that_ been a lovely surprise!), Lola made good time heading for the bar.

Old Monsoon wasn't immediately there, but Lola was just about to sit down to wait (and order Tilly to do so as well) when he walked out of the back holding a clipboard. The minute he saw her, one eyebrow clawed for his hairline.

"Captain Lola," he greeted, with an ever-so-slight incline of his head. "Did all the officers have a wild drinking party last night without inviting me?"

"What?!" Lola yelped, as much at the faint hint of offense in the old bartender's voice. "N-No… what made you think that?"

His eyes flicked to somewhere above her head, and Lola glanced up to where the bunny ears were still sitting on her head.

"Oh, no, nothing like that," Lola tittered. "They were recommended to help me stand out."

Old Monsoon's eyes returned to the ears, and stayed there. "Right." After a period just long enough to start making Lola uncomfortable, they returned back to her face. "So. What brings you here, Captain?"

"Oh, I'm here about the fight I heard about last night that Hamburg had to break up," she answered. "Both of them are giving conflicting stories, and I think I need the truth to properly resolve this."

Old Monsoon snorted derisively. "Oh, right, them. Well, the shipwright has been in a _lot_ of fights since showing up here. Hamburg's beatings haven't stopped him, Paulie's too busy gambling to exercise leadership. So last night I threatened to withhold drink until he calmed the fuck down a bit. And to my surprise, he agreed, saying that he was a changed man, and that he wasn't going to hurt nobody.

"'Course, you can guess how long that lasted. That pirate got all gleeful and wondered if that meant he could just beat up on the guy without retaliation, at which point the he got decked by the shipwright. And guess what he said when I called him on that?"

"Do tell," Lola said.

"His arguments to the contrary were mighty persuasive." Sighing, Old Monsoon threw up his hands, also tossing the clipboard onto the only free spot on the back bar. "I am seriously considering banning them from the bar, but I don't want to set a precedent like that this early. Would prefer to save it for the _truly_ despicable pirates."

"Don't worry," Lola replied. "Now that I have all the information, I can think of a solution to this whole mess.

' _I hope,'_ she mentally added.

~o~

Lola was still mulling over the problem when the faint sound of "A little up." echoed through the mists that still enveloped Skelter Bite. She and Tilly picked up the pace, the fog soon giving way to the colossal mast of the island ship and the giants clustered around it - as well as a massive horned skull held at the end of a giant-sized pulley system with several giants flanking it.

Their purpose became clear when Hajrudin barked out another order. "A little more to the right!" he said, and the giants shifted the skull a little to the right.

Tilly and Lola, after a moment of thought, decided to just sit down and watch the proceedings; best not to disturb such delicate work, especially since the skull was set to be the primary HQ of Skelter Bite and no one wanted a crack in it. That was a very good way to lose people. And things.

Also, the giants handling the skull didn't look very happy. Lot of furrowed brows and downturned lips in that bunch. The reason why was made evident when Hajrudin called out a correction of "A little down!" The correction was made, but the downturned lips and furrowed brows became just a little more downturned and furrowed, respectively.

Luckily, after a moment of contemplation, Hajrudin nodded and barked out, "Looks good! Get that thing attached!"

And just like that, the tension evaporated, several giants scurrying away (as much as a giant _could_ scurry, anyways) from the ropes and skull itself to go retrieve… well, presumably something to properly hold up the thing. Hajrudin himself drifted away from the scene, presumably satisfied that the giants didn't need supervision - for now, at least - and Lola and Tilly took the opportunity to stand and jog over to the young giant.

"Ahoy!" Lola called up once they were close enough.

The giant blinked, looked around, and then finally turned his eyes to the ground. "Oh, hey Lola!" he greeted. "And, uh…" Fingers the size of small tree trunks snapped together. "What's-his-name."

"Tilly, Captain Hajrudin," Tilly replied. Only Lola caught the hint of tension in his voice.

"Right, that. So, what brings you to my worksite?"

"Well, I wanted to check on your progress, but I see you have that well in hand," Lola replied, nodding towards the skull. "Out of curiosity, how _are_ you attaching it?"

Providing yet more proof of the universe's perverse sense of humor, the giants that had left rushed back in. Some carried massive loops of wire of considerable thickness. Others carried a mix of person-sized screws and even bigger wooden pegs. But oddest of all were several giants lugging enormous screwdrivers and hand drills.

"Basically, we're drilling holes in the back of the skull for screws, and then using wires to hold it up," Hajrudin explained as the giants went to work, several removing the lower jaw to allow their drill-armed comrades access to the rear of the skull. "A mix of hanging and guy wires."

"I see," Lola lied. "Well, you have this well in hand, so-"

"Elbaf's duodenum!"

With an almighty crash, one of the giants drilling a hole removed his drill - very carefully, mind - and threw it on the ground in a fit of rage. Something dark flitted over Hajrudin's face, and he turned on the offender. "Oi, what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"I am _not_ spending the next hour of my life drilling a hole in this skull!" the giant spat. "It'll ruin my fine hand dexterity!"

"Your sewing's shit anyway, I don't know why you bother!" another giant shouted out.

"Exactly! I don't want it to get worse!" The giant turned back to Hajrudin, matching him glare for glare. "And besides, I'm sick and tired of following the orders of some wet-behind-the-ears _brat_ that hasn't even hit a century yet!"

"I thought De Lis whipped them all in line..." Lola groaned.

A colossal snort ruffled the trees around Hajrudin. "De Lis is a self-serving bitch and a compulsive liar," he answered. "Though she's not completely wrong. This is only the second time I've had to do this."

"Do what?" Lola asked, trepidation coloring her voice.

Instead of answering, Hajrudin focused his attention back on the angry giant. "You wanna say that to my face, geezer?"

Snarling, the irate giant advanced on Hajrudin. "I'll go easy on ya, brat," he growled. "Don't wanna piss off the other captains. But you _will_ learn to respect-"

That was as far as he got before Hajrudin hooked his foot behind the other giant's heel and yanked, sending the older giant sprawling into the dirt face-first. He tried to rise - and Hajrudin's foot came down on his head. Multiple times. It was almost a little gratuitous.

Finally, after a solid minute of stomping Hajrudin stepped back and faced the giants again. "Anyone else?!" he roared.

The giants, who had been watching the proceedings, immediately turned back to their work, not saying anything. Hajrudin nodded in satisfaction at that.

"Anyway, I've got this. I just need to find someone to drill that hole or we're going to be behind schedule…" And with that, the giant walked away, muttering something and rubbing his beard.

Though Lola was indeed glad that any disciplinary issues seemed to be under control, as she walked away to go talk to the architects, there was a sense of unease. Like something was missing.

It wasn't until they were almost halfway to the permanent buildings said architects had commandeered that Tilly pointed out what was wrong.

"Hum, Mister Hajrudin didn't comment on your ears."

~o~

Actual design of Skelter Bite had, after much debate, fallen on four people: Paulie of Water Seven, Mekao of G8, and Lola's own Risky Brothers, who had proven to be surprisingly adept at architecture. And very quickly, a specific dynamic formed: the Risky Brothers dreamed big, of an actual _city_ to build, and Paulie and Mekao acted as the brake, interjecting with what the ship could actually _handle._

The result was a rather… contentious dynamic.

"No, dammit! If we've said it once, we've said it a million times: you have to limit the number of stone or brick buildings, because there's only so much buoyancy to go around!"

"But you can't do proper crenellations with wood! And besides, this is going to be a pirate city! The buildings need to be as sturdy as possible!"

"Boys, I've seen many a pirate town in my time. You're much better off going for something that's easy to rebuild, and that means wood, especially since Moria left us some nice forests."

Lola let the familiar argument waft over her, and made a mental note to talk to a doctor about getting Paulie some stress medication. With how red-faced he got in these arguments, he probably needed it. Thus far, nothing out of the ordinary, but she needed to be sure.

"Oh, boys~," she announced, adding a bit of a playful lilt.

The quartet turned around, and both Mekao's and the Risky Brothers' eyes widened.

"Captain, what-"

"Captain Lola, are you-"

But Paulie's reaction was far more spectacular.

"AWAY, TEMPTRESS!"

Lola blinked. Mekao and the Risky Brothers blinked. Even the normally unflappable Tilly blinked.

"What."

"The ears!" a red-faced Paulie elaborated… kinda. "I know your wicked ways! You're not going to get me!" And with that, the shipwright dove out the window, shattering the glass.

For a long moment, the only sound was the glass from the shattered window settling, and then Tilly spoke up, not a trace of his usual posh accent audible.

"All in favor of forgetting that that ever happened?"

"Aye," was the unanimous reply.

"And all in favor of Captain Lola ditching the ears?"

"Aye," the architects agreed.

Lola opened her mouth to disagree - strenuously - but then the reactions of everyone this day flashed through her head. Only Hamburg had had a positive reaction to them - Hajrudin hadn't even noticed! And considering the trouble with Paulie...

"Alright, alright," she sighed, removing the ears and tossing them into the nearest waste bin. "Anyway, is there anything going on that I need to know about?"

"Just business as usual," Mekao said, almost desperately.

"Objection!" one of the Risky Brothers interjected.

"We were going to wait until the skull finished mounting, but we can't let this opportunity go by!" the other Brother explained. "We need to decide how to allocate the rest of Oars' skeleton! The haphazard discussions we've been having aren't cutting it!"

"Using the skull for headquarters and the ribs to reinforce ol' Mozart and the humeruses for a comedy club was all great. We need to do more of that! Appropriate uses that go with the purpose of the bones!"

"And whatever's funny."

"And whatever's funny!"

Mekao scowled and stamped his foot indignantly. "And that's _fine_ for the useless bones, but we _already_ have an elevator to the Head-Quarters! Piecing together the spine for a different elevator beneath it is entirely pointless! Instead, we should be using it for something worthwhile! Like, oh, I don't know, _reinforcing the_ actual _spine of this Frankenstein'd tub!?"_ The last words were roared loud enough to send the Risky Brothers reeling back.

That didn't last, and they loomed over Mekao, visibly ready to continue the argument.

But at this point, Lola had had enough.

The Risky Brothers soon found themselves looking _up_ at their captain, and Mekao, when he looked over her shoulder, broke out in a cold sweat at the sight. And this without being the object of her ire.

" _Boys,"_ Lola hissed. "Be happy with the comedy club, and then _listen to the actual shipwrights. They_ know what they're doing." Her glare intensified. "Consider this an order."

"Yes, ma'am!" the Brothers barked.

"You are a scary woman, Captain Lola," Mekao muttered. "And in the spirit of compromise, feel free to keep submitting ideas, you two." Under his breath, he muttered, "Maybe some of them won't be _completely_ daft…"

Satisfied that the argument was resolved, Lola sat back down. "So, are there any other problems I should know about?"

Well, how can we resist a straight line like that?

Suddenly and without warning, the door was thrown open with a loud bang, a scarred and pitted old man festooned with bandages bursting in.

"Captain! We've got a problem!" he announced - right before a wave of water splashed over him, prompting him to scream. "Ah! It burns!"

Immediately, all eyes turned to Mekao, disdainfully glaring at the cross-marked bottle he was holding. Even Tilly. The shipwright, for his part, was gaping at the old man.

"He's not a zombie, you idiot!" one of the Risky Brothers snapped.

That broke Mekao out of his gape-mouthed paralysis. "Then how come the holy water works?!" he demanded.

"That doesn't work on zombies!" the Brother fired back. "It's _salt_ that does the trick!"

"I know, that's why I put salt in the water!"

Everyone digested that, glancing towards the injured old man, who was still rolling on the floor whimpering in pain from _salt water_ in the open wounds. And then the Rolling Pirates introduced to their hands to their faces, and the Brothers their other hands to Mekao's skull.

"Okay, Tilly, if you could-"

"I'm on it, Captain Lola."

Kneeling next to the old man, Tilly pulled out a hand towel and a small bottle of water, and set to work washing the salt out of the wounds. He didn't get very far before the man veritably shoved him off and sat up, locking eyes with Lola.

"Captain, we have visitors!" he gasped out.

Lola blinked. That didn't seem _that_ bad…

"Who's visiting?"

~o~

 _Five minutes later_

"WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!"

Pirates and shipwrights alike screamed, and the shanty structures dotting the ground in front of her collapsed in a bunch of heaps, as Lola's Haki-enhanced shout blew them over.

Just another day on Skelter Bite.


	80. A Celestial Interview Part 1

**By: Monshroud**

 **CROSS:** Today folks, we have some VERY special guests! Let me introduce to you: THE FIVE ELDER STARS!

( _Cue Boss and the TDWS entering, all dressed up like The Five Elder Stars_ )

 **CROSS:** Now, to be honest, I've never bothered to learn, and/or remember your _**names**_ , so if you don't mind, I've a few nicknames for you as to clear up who'll I be talking to...?

 **BOSS:** Go right ahead!

 **CROSS:** Thank you Your Eminence. Here we go... "Douchey...Beardy...Baldy...Mr. Monopoly Guy...and Rabbi Lulu-Chunky-Buster." How's that?

 **BOSS:** Sounds 'bout right!

 **CROSS:** You don't feel insulted?

 **BOSS:** Hey, we allow slavery, indulge in underhanded politics and forget to leave the toilet seat up! We've been called worse!

 **RAPHEY:** I shall bear the name Lulu-Chunky-Buster with PRIDE! From now on, EVERYONE must address me as such!


	81. A Celestial Interview Part 2

**By: Monshroud**

 **CROSS:** So tell me your highness, what kind of high-purified oxygen do you Celestial Dragons breathe?

 ** _NOBLE!_** **NAMI:** _OXYGEN?!_ As if we would LOWER ourselves to partake of such a COMMON chemical element! OUR needs are FAR more SOPHISTICATED!

 **CROSS:** Pray tell, what substance sustains your most glorious and noble kind?

 ** _NOBLE!_** **NAMI:** Why, by the very aether produced by our most blessed and divine intestines, of course!

 **CROSS:**...You breathe your own _farts?  
_  
 ** _NOBLE!_** **NAMI:** _Flatulence,_ you ignorant boorish creature! _Flatulence!_ What else could be better to preserve our lives than the very air _**we ourselves**_ create?!

 **CROSS:** _Fascinating!  
_  
( _Off-camera..._ )

 **CROSS:** Love it, love everything about it! You, woman, are a goddess!

 **NAMI:** Demon, actually, and don't you forget it!


	82. A Celestial Interview Part 3

By: Monshroud

 **CROSS:** GREAT to have you on the show, Smokey.

 ** _SMOKER!_** **ZORO:** Go * _BLEEP*_ yourself, pirate! ...I'm hearing _bees._ Where are the bees coming from?

 **CROSS:** Ah, the legendary acerbic wit we've heard so much about! And I see you really DO keep your Marine Jacket open with no shirt underneath! No problems with the ladies then, I take it? I mean, LOOK at those abs!

 ** _TASHIGI!_** **ROBIN:** Oh, I'm afraid the force of Commodore Smoker's almost constant _**glare**_ tends to keep _them_ at a distance, so _they_ have to admire him and his chiseled chest from afar. Personally I think that might be the reason he's always so grouchy all the-

 ** _SMOKER!_** **ZORO:** TASHIGI! Go to your corner! _Now_.

 ** _TASHIGI!_** **ROBIN:** Well excuse ME for living! ( _walks off_ )

 ** _SMOKER!_** **ZORO:** Those snakes in her hair tell her nothing but LIES, I tells ya!  
 **  
CROSS:** Tell me, Commodore... what exactly is IN those cigars of yours?

 ** _SMOKER!_** **ZORO:** None of yer business, you mean, Pink Giraffe!

 **CROSS:**...Kay. Captain Hina, do you have anything to add on?

 ** _HINA!_** **NAMI:** Hina feels like Hina should have been told that Hina would have an interview with the infamous Jeremiah Cross, and _**not**_ that there would be a book signing for Hina's new auto biography, _Hina: The Story of Hina,_ By Hina, followed by a buffet.

 **CROSS:** Well, we're not having a book signing, BUT we do have a potluck, in case you're interested?

 ** _HINA!_** **NAMI:** _Potluck_? The _poor man's_ buffet? Oh no. Nononono. Hina, hina hina hina, HINA, hina hina hina!

 **CROSS:** Oh my! She's switched from third person, to full-on Pokémon! Much like the second half of her book, available on the fifth of November folks!

 ** _SENGOKU!_** **USSOP:** ( _twitching with absolute FURY_ ) You just won't STOP, will you?

 **CROSS:** Something on your mind, Fleet Admiral?

 ** _SENGOKU!_** **USSOP:** Something on my mind? _Something on my MIND?!_ ** _SOMETHING ON MY MIIIIIND?!_** ( _Golden light flashes off of Ussop, but then suddenly vanishes, leaving him a sobbing wreck_ ) Do you have any IDEA how difficult you've made my life recently?! Insurrections, insubordination and heckling left and right, day and night, AND _I_ HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT ALL! BWAAAA! BWAAAA!

 **CROSS:**...Would you like a hug?

 ** _SENGOKU!_** **USSOP:** *SNIFF* R-r-really?

 **CROSS:** Really.

 ** _SENGOKU!_** **USSOP:** O-okay!

( _Hugs commence, cue sound-effect: AWWWW!_ )

 ** _SENGOKU!_** **USSOP:** The Five Elder Stars are just being so MEAN to me! SERIOUSLY! Rabbi Lulu-Chunky-Buster hasn't quit-!

 **CROSS:** Shush-sh-sh-sh, this is a SAFE place. Just let it ALL out, no talking... okay THERE'S a good Fleet Admiral... would you like me to sing you a song? Make you feel better?

 ** _SENGOKU!_** **USSOP:**...Uh-huh.

 **CROSS:** Okay... _Soft kitty, Warm kitty, Little ball of fur. Happy kitty, Sleepy kitty, Purr, purr, purr._

( _Meanwhile at Marinesford_...)

 **COBY:** FLEET ADMIRAL SENGOKU'S HAD _ANOTHER_ HEART ATTACK!

 **HELMEPPO:** _MEDIC!  
_  
( _Afterwards, offscreen_ )

 **HINA:** People keep _**asking**_ Hina about her "book", so Hina actually has to write one now... so _thank you_ for _that._ Also, Hina is _**not**_ a "Pokémon", _whatever_ that is!

 **SMOKER:** They're having _me_ take a drug test... aside from that, once they've made sure that I'm _clean_ , the higher ups want me to be the December model for next year's Marines Calender.

 **CROSS:** The Marines have a calendar?

 **SMOKER:** After you drew attention to my apparently "aesthetically pleasing physique", they do NOW.

 **HINA:** Good PR, you know. Apparently, he's tested VERY well with the majority of the female populace...and some men too.

 **SMOKER:** By the by, Tashigi here isn't really happy about HER portrayal either.

 **TASHIGI:** ( _dead serious_ ) I don't care if you _are_ this world's best hope for Liberty, _you are a dead man!_

 **CROSS:** ( _just as seriously_ ) I assure you, I _will_ die happy.


	83. Muscles

By: storysmith112358

It was lithe.

It was lean.

It was cut, sculpted and chiseled.

It bore a cleanly-defined six-pack and solid pectorals.

It was the result of months upon months of ungodly, tireless training.

It bore a patchwork of scars, from sharp, clean surgical lines, to a pale, mottled mass on the side, to the veiny, waxy, misshapen layer of burns that covered all four limbs, a contrast to the whipcord muscle lying just beneath them.

It was a body that could heft two tons with a yawn, lift and chuck around full-grown goons that would normally make two of him, withstand kinetic recoil that would knock people off their feet, and do it without even flinching.

It was the body of a survivor, one that had lived through impalement, lightning shocks, open-chest operations, protracted, taxing battles, and everything the Grand Line had to offer, and come out all the stronger.

It was the body of a _man_.

And it was completely undermined by the expression of cocky, indecent glee on its blond owner's face.

An expression that was currently in no way reflected on Cross's face, as he stared in abject horror at the video screen, depicting himself flexing and posing like a novice bodybuilder at the mirror in the boy's room, in all its hi-def glory.

A video that was, currently, being projected all over the world on the SBS's first video presentation.

Behind him, Cross's whole crew flicked back and forth between the video of their commie hamming it up and their real-life commie trying to reboot his noggin, all of them either desperately holding back their mirth with hands over their mouths, or simply watching with smirks, grins and everything in between.

" _Oh yeah, who's the badass? Who's been working out? Unh! Check it, baby!_ " the video of Cross exulted, spinning around to strike a new pose and look at himself from the back.

The video snapped off, and Gif spun around on her harness to share to the world Cross's slack-jawed expression, which wasn't sure whether to turn crimson, blue, white, or all of the above, in no way hiding her own huge grin. "(^ω^)"

Of course, the biggest smile currently belonged to Cross's Baby Transponder Snail partner, who was grinning big enough to put Donny, Marie and their whole family to shame. "SO, ANY **words for your** _adoring public,_ _ **BADASS?!**_ " Soundbite drawled.

And like the straw that broke the camel's back, half the crew lost it. Funkfreed had his head thrown back to the sky and Lassoo had his tongue lolling out as they brayed and howled with hilarity at their wielder's misfortune. Merry and Su were laid out flat on the deck screaming with laughter, three out of five of the dugongs were rolling on their shells, the two ducks were quacking up a storm, and Conis and Robin had gotten the hiccups from their muffled giggles - and Robin had at least five hands clapped over her mouth to hold herself together.

Chopper had his arms folded and was nodding thoughtfully. "Hmm, they seem to be a bit pale; maybe I should prescribe more sunlight now that they've healed properly?"

Most of everyone _else_ on the other hand, were grinning at Cross in a manner only describable as _catty_. "Yes, do you have any words for your adoring public, Mr. Jeremiah 'Badass' Cross?" Vivi cooed in a tone that was borderline heckling.

"Come on, Cross, don't be shy! Tell the world how manly you are! Or better yet, how about you make a repeat performance and _show_ it?" Nami catcalled.

"WHAT?!" Sanji went from laughing his guts out to green-eyed indignation, sprinting up to the girls' side. "My dear ladies, Cross has come a long way, yes, but how can you call that beanpole manly when you have a _real_ man right here?!" In a flurry of movement, the only thing Sanji had on his upper body was his tie, his deceptive suit coat revealing a physique _built_ for speed and grace. Gif took full opportunity, even if all Nami and Vivi did was sneak a side-eye.

"Ah, don't be hard on him, cook-bro!" Franky laughed. "He's gotta take pride in what he's got! Not everyone can be as _SUPER!_ as the rest!" The cyborg struck his signature pose, his own rippling muscles on full display.

Boss waddled up, chuffing on his cigar. "Gotta say, Jerry boy, you're not half bad now. But if you really want to compare manliness on this crew..." with a flex, the dugong lifted Franky clean off his feet with one arm, causing a squawk from the metal man, "... maybe give it another hundred years before you start showing off?"

"Hey Cross, don't worry!" Usopp laughed. "You may not be able to hold the gun show, but we've got you covered!" The sniper flexed his own arms, showing off the easy capability of wielding a slingshot that had _way_ more draw weight than it looked.

A sword-sheath walloped into his shin and sent him hopping in pain. "Keep dreaming, sling boy," Leo drawled.

"Take heart, Cross, there's at least one member of the crew who you have more muscles than," Brook piped up. "But then, I don't have any muscles anyway! Yohoho! Skull Joke!"

"Shishishi! Man, you guys are mean!" Luffy hooted, jumping to Cross's side and slinging a rubbery arm that could break stone and metal with a punch around his commie's shoulder. "Cross is a strong guy! He may have been weak and skinny when we started, and he may not be as strong as us, but he's gone through a lot and he's strong now! Tell them, Cross!"

Cross didn't respond, still looking at his own poleaxed face on-screen. Luffy blinked, and gave him a poke. "Uh, Cross?"

" _ **AARGH!**_ " the crew nearly jumped out of their skins as Cross suddenly _exploded_ with emotion, veering from mortification...

" _OH GOD, WHY DIDN'T I KNOW BETTER?! I LIVE ON A SHIP WITH THE LOUDEST SNAIL ON THE SEAS AND ANOTHER ONE WITH CAMERAS FOR EYES AND THIS IS NOT HOW I WANTED TO START THE VISUAL SBS; WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK DIDN'T I KNOW BETTER?!_ "

... to anger...

" **I KNOW I'M A FUCK-MOTHERING PASTY-ASS BEANPOLE COMPARED TO YOU MONSTERS; I KNOW IT'LL TAKE ME A HUNDRED YEARS TO CATCH UP WITH YOU; YOU DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING RUB IT IN! I JUST WANTED TO TAKE A LITTLE PRIDE IN MYSELF; IS THAT TOO FUCKING MUCH TO ASK?!** "

...and back again.

" _HOW'S ANYONE GOING TO TAKE ME SERIOUSLY NOW AFTER SEEING ME ACT LIKE A FUCKING LAMEBRAIN DORK?_ **FOR GOD'S SAKE, IF I WANTED TO RAISE MY FEMALE VIEWERSHIP I WOULD'VE GOTTEN ZORO UP HERE, NOT ME!** _NOW I'M GOING TO BE A LAUGHINGSTOCK AND THE SBS IS GOING TO BE A JOKE_ **AND** **WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU TWO SLIMESTAINS** ** _I'LL BE CRAVING ESCARGOT-!_** "

"Cross."

Cross stopped just as he was about to lunge for Soundbite and Gif, and he jerked around to face a stoic Zoro, still fresh and bare-chested from his workout. " _ **WHAT?!**_ "

"You're overreacting, Cross," Zoro said, never losing his cool. "First off, this will change nothing. You've never cared what anyone else thought about you, not the Government, not our allies, and not the world; only about delivering the truth. Why should this make you start now?"

Cross blinked, along with everyone else.

"Second, we're the Straw Hat Pirates. Who cares how stupid our captain is, or how stupid our commie acts, or how weird we are? The world knows who we are, what we've accomplished, and if they still think we're weak because of it, then they're just bigger idiots that we'll kick out of our way."

"Well, that's true..."

"Third, that applies to you too. You've been broadcasting long before this, and everyone knows what you've been through, the challenges you've faced, the challenges you've survived. Now, they just get to see the proof. Like the Captain said, you're strong now, and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise."

Cross stared at Zoro, his crew's first mate, the man whom he shared a cup of brotherhood over just a few weeks ago. Gif's gaze turned to Zoro, displaying his own array of scars, and she couldn't help but linger over the giant diagonal cut on his muscled chest, the one that told the world he'd faced down the best swordsman in the world and lived to tell of it. Gif side-eyed the rest of the crew, and their own expressions ranged from surprise of the swordsman's words to complete agreement with them, the mocking all but gone.

When Gif turned back to Cross, the blond had almost regained his pallor, his posture was straighter, and his familiar smirk was almost back in place.

"And fourth..."

And then that smirk was wiped away by the sheer menace in Zoro's voice.

"If you're really so keen on comparing yourself against us, if you really think your pride is in your muscles and not your words, _if you really want to look the part of a man..._ " Gif almost flinched when she caught sight of Zoro's razor-edged smile, his bare torso exuding raw masculinity. "... well, I'm not one to let you be just 'strong' and leave it at that." He turned to one side. "Hey Boss, if you help, Cross may be able to compare against us in 20 years instead of 100. Interested?"

"Helping a fellow boy become the man he wants to be?" Boss chuckled, slamming his fists together. "Now that's a Man's Romance right there."

A short scuffle later, a hapless Cross was fruitlessly gouging grooves in the deck with his gauntlet fingers as Zoro and Boss dragged him away by the feet, his comrades cackling away behind him.

-

The next day, a crimson-faced Cross listened to a female caller tell him that he was "a jacked hottie", while Robin tittered away next to him.

Though it was slightly undercut by Cross's latest presentation of "How Kung-Fu Dugongs came into existence", and his subsequent escape from the five ship guards.


	84. Chatroom V

_**By: ExNativo**_

 _ **~Chatroom V: One More Than Last Time~**_

Username:

Vinsmokin

 **Password:**

 ** _Login Successful!_**

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

 **The Straw Hat Pirates**

 **Participants:Shanks4theHat, SheDidn'tStartTheFire, 50und8173, Vinsmokin, Punctual_Peacock, PinocchiNo, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, stabbinguloudly.**

 **Vinsmokin is online.**

 **Vinsmokin:**  
None of you have eaten yet today, have you?

 **stabbinguloudly is online.  
TiredNGrumpy is online.  
Shanks4theHat is online.  
Kleptomeowniac is online.**

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
some ashole spnt like 20 minutes trying to stab me in th street  
u thnk ive had time to wrry about food

 **Punctual_Peacock is online.**

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Come again.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
wat do you mean, trying to stab u  
like with a knife or

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
he had a sword  
i had to swordfight a gy in the stret

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Are you fucking seri  
O U S

 **PinocchiNo is online.**

PinocchiNo:

Why is it that youre always locked in a fight to the death with someone every other day

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
tey want to take me out  
b4 i gro w 2 powerful

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Zoro, where the fuck were you.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Did I hear someone tried to hurt my friends? ⊂◉‿◉つ

 **PinocchiNo:**  
yeah, because that's not creepy

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i wnt for my mornig run  
idk where  
luffy wtf  
its nt that big a deal

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Someone tried to _stab you._  
How is that _not a big deal?_

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Alright, fuck this. That's the third time something like this has happened this week.  
Soundbite, scan the entire town. I want every single damn thing you can find on any crime that's happened.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
that include yours or

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Vivi damn near got shot TWICE. I'm looking into this.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
nvm fucking WHAT

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Mister Jeremiah, I asked you to keep that to yourself.  
It was bad luck, nothing else.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
I read this chat and express a very concerned and slightly bewildered, "eeeeehhhhh!?"

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Hey uh Cross quick question when you find them lemme fucking kill em.

 **50und8173:**  
Bad luck my adequately coded ass.  
Cross, I'm booting up the DormScreen, you'll wanna see all this.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
I can actually read what hes saying guys im scared

 **50und8173:**  
Code-hitler snuck a taboo in with my latest patch.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I got tired of the leet, sue me.

 **50und8173:**  
Binary-nazi!

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Anyways, you're all my friends, but if anyone interrupts me before I'm done, you can say goodbye to your credit history for the rest of time.  
Peace.

 **TiredNGrumpy is offline.**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
He wasn't serious, right?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
im not willing to test him.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i am  
where's our room aGHDFH  
WTH U 2?!

 **Kleptomeowniac:**

GRAB HIS LEGS!

 **PinocchiNo:**

I'LL GET THE HANDCUFFS!

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Nobody else leaves the house until we know what's going on, Captain's orders.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
I still say that it wasn't _all that_ important.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
Ok serously  
shut

 **PinocchiNo:**  
the

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
fuck

 **50und8173:**  
Banana.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
up

u slimy little shit

 **Vinsmokin:**  
...Okay.  
But, like…  
Food?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
HOWS HE STILL TYPING

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
dont ask questions

 **PinocchiNo:**  
SHIT GET MORE TAPE

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Everyone but Nami, Vivi, and Sunday are going hungry, got it.

-o-

Conversation ▼

New ▼

 **Participants: stabbinguloudly, Vinsmokin.**

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
ur taking ths a lot better than i though t u would

 **Vinsmokin:**  
You're literally taped to the ceiling.  
How are you still typing.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
answer the question

 **Vinsmokin:**  
You didn't ask anything.

 **stabbinguloudly**  
for fuck sa  
u ok?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
*sigh*  
Channel that rage into cooking.  
Create a feast fit to energize an army.  
Then, and only then, should you attempt to conquer.  
You want revenge, you must clear your mind and ignore baser instincts. Otherwise, you should dig two graves.  
Or at least, that's what Zeff always used to tell me.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
smart man

 **Vinsmokin:**  
No, actually, he's a bit of a dumbass.  
Did you need something?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
just mking sure ur not gonna do anthing stupid

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I wasn't aware you cared.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
u feed me  
u deserve at least this much

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Charming.  
The usual for breakfast?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
duh

 **Vinsmokin:**  
The correct response is "yes, please."

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
duh please

 **Vinsmokin:**  
...You know what, close enough.  
Can you even eat up there?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
were about to find out

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

 **The Straw Hat Pirates**

 **Participants:Shanks4theHat, SheDidn'tStartTheFire, 50und8173, Vinsmokin, Punctual_Peacock, PinocchiNo, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, stabbinguloudly.**

 **PinocchiNo is online.**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Okay but we really should talk about what happened at Little Garden

 **stabbinguloudly is online.**

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
no we shouldnt

 **PinocchiNo:**  
dude we literally lost an entire day in that place  
i think someone almost died

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Yo wassup  
Can we agree no more clubbing until we're all of age and married?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
yeah guys cross almost died  
I vote we relive the experience because that was really fun

 **PinocchiNo:**  
not what i was thinking but i appreicate the support

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i do not want to remember that  
were not tlking abou t it  
i will stab u and dance on ur grave i swear

 **PinocchiNo:**  
if thats your stance then lets start this dance  
lets throwdown in a hoedown  
turn that frown upside down, clown  
get ready for the fuckles, Chuckles  
come at me

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
K

 **stabbinguloudly is offline.**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
OMG NO?  
I WAS JOKING?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
yeah zoro just left with all three of his swords

 **50und8173:**  
I suggest you run, boi!

 **PinocchiNo:**  
fuk

 **PinocchiNo is offline.**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
And thus was the end of an era.  
Farewell, Usopp. You died like you lived.  
Stupidly.

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
Rest in pepperoni.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Stop trying to be cool.  
You're like 10 years older than us.  
You'll never be cool.

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
This coming from the guy who built the first friend he ever made?

 **50und8173:**  
Error 404, ice for that burn not found

 **Punctual_Peacock is online.**

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Anybody know why Nami and Sanji are dying in the kitchen?  
Wait, I scrolled up. Never mind.

 **PinocchiNo is online**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
so im literally hiding for my fucking life but i saw the notification and i just felt the need to say  
*deep breath*  
AW SHIET GET FUKCED

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Mmhm.  
Enjoy getting that sword up your ass.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
at least then itll match your stick  
o shi

 **PinocchiNo is offline.  
stabbinguloudly is online.**

 **stabbinguloudly:**

guys i cant believe usopp is fucing dead

 **50und8173:**  
A moment of silence for our fallen comrade.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**

 **Kleptomeowniac:**

 **Vinsmokin:**

 **50und8173:**  
Aaaaand I'm auctioning his shit on Sabaody-Bay.  
Oooh, bidding war on the game console right off the bat!  
Imma buy me a personal tower!

 **PinicchiNo:**  
DONT YOU TOUCH MY STUFF YOU LITTLE REJECT ESCARGOT

 **PinocchiNo is online.**

 **50und8173:**  
...Did he just type his message faster than the server could log him in?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
o shit zombie  
i didnt doubletap

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

 **The Straw Hat Pirates**

 **Participants:Shanks4theHat, SheDidn'tStartTheFire, 50und8173, Vinsmokin, Punctual_Peacock, PinocchiNo, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, stabbinguloudly.**

 **TiredNGrumpy is online.**

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
The way you type is abhorrent and an insult to language in general.  
As an educator, I expect you to better yourself in the future.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
I dnt have to tke tis from u

 **Vinsmokin:**  
The lovely lady has a point, you know.  
You sound like a drooling idiot every time you get behind a keyboard.  
It would be appreciated if you'd display a basic understanding of communication with words.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Everyone shut up, I need to talk.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
listen here u oxymoron  
o hey cross whats up

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Nice of you to join us, Mister Jeremiah. May I be allowed access to the book I left behind now, or would you like to keep that room you don't personally own locked away for the rest of time?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
You're a part of Crocodile's inner circle and have allegedly taken part in terrorist activities. He's been trying to take you out, because he's discovered as of late that you are a mole and he is trying to take over your entire fucking home country.  
Stop me if I start making too much sense.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Um.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Zoro took on his top assassin.  
Zoro beat a crime lord's number one assassin in a street brawl.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
hell yeah

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
I'm fairly certain that I'm technically his number one assassin.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
technically i dnt care

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
I thought you never joined him?

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
Why not just let me feel special.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Shut.  
The fuck.  
Up.  
How the fuck does this happen. We've been here for such a small amount of time, how have we already managed to draw the attention of someone like this.

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
It might have something to do with the fact that he knows who you are, and instructed me to get close to you?  
From what I've heard, he has several plans which he could use you for.  
Just out of curiosity, how have you discovered all of this?

-o-

 **To: DeadRights**

 **Participants: TiredNGrumpy, DeadRights.**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I really do appreciate this.

 **DeadRights:**  
That's nice, honey.  
Yo like I found a video on his servers titled 'Hookshot Daddy Hole'.  
You want that too while I'm here?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I'm almost certain that I don't want that while you're there.

 **DeadRights:**  
I'm ten seconds in.  
You're right you don't want it.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Why do you do this to yourself?

 **DeadRights:**  
Maybe I just want to see what'll happen to me if he catches me.  
Man, this is the sort of shit you upload to heavy-r.  
...Dude what if right

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Dude.

 **DeadRights:**  
What if I tag it right

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Dude.  
Yes.

 **DeadRights:**  
Sparkle sparkle desert dick, you're on candid camera.  
The fuck was I doing before this?  
Oh, right, yeah, evidence and all that shit.  
We have fun here.  
...So, hey, random question, but you know how there's mentions of a Miss All Sunday on here?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...Yes?

 **DeadRights:**  
KEK

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

 **The Straw Hat Pirates**

 **Participants:Shanks4theHat, SheDidn'tStartTheFire, 50und8173, Vinsmokin, Punctual_Peacock, PinocchiNo, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, stabbinguloudly.**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I have a friend on the other side of the world.  
He's, uh, how should I say this...  
Suicidal.

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
Lol same

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
What?

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
What?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Riddle me this, how does anything we're looking at right now make sense?  
And please feel free to tell the friggin truth, I didn't firewall the shit out of your phone just so you could lie to us.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
hey guys im going to go steal literally everything in crocodiles casino anyone want anything while im out  
lol jk get it urself

 **Kleptomeowniac is offline.**

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
I would like to preface this by saying that I'm not proud.  
But Crocodile might be under the assumption that I'm on his side. Maybe.  
Which I'm very much not, keep in mind.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...Hang on, another chat demands my attention.

-o-

 **To: DeadRights**

 **Participants: TiredNGrumpy, DeadRights.**

 **DeadRights:**  
It's like I'm reading a serial killer's journal entries on their highschool crush.  
Oh my god he's planned out their dates.  
OH MY GOD HE'S PLANNED OUT THEIR MARRIAGE.  
...Oh my fucking god he's planned out her murder.  
Or as he puts it, "tragic untimely demise."

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
How deep have you gone?  
I only needed SOME, not ALL.

 **DeadRights:**  
Like I'm about to fucking stop after the shit I've seen.  
Damn, All Sunday's worth a lot.  
Found the kid's names.  
Found the contingency plans in case one of the kids decides to go to the authorities.  
I need to fucking shower after this, there's something seriously fucking wrong with this man.  
Man, okay, so, there's a lot of fucked up crap here. Hang on, I'll grab a pic.

 **DeadRights shared take_a_look_at_**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Oh damn.  
I'm seeing theft, arson, terrorism, murder, and… what's the word again?

 **DeadRights:**  
Jaywalking?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
High Treason.  
Not that I have room to talk but still.

 **DeadRights:**  
Don't try to equate yourself to this.  
We're looking into the mind of a psychopath here.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Point.  
Why does he even have a folder for this, anyways?

 **DeadRights:**  
Hah, folder.  
He's spread this throughout basically everything that he has. I'm looking for a reason, but there's nothing in the code that I can see.  
It's almost entirely random, except nobody like this ever does things randomly. It's almost bizarre.  
Okay, correction.  
I just found nuclear shipment manifests embedded in the code for his audio drivers.  
That's not just bizarre, that's demented.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Wait, in his drivers?  
Why do I remember-?  
...Son of a bitch, this is Law's work.

 **DeadRights:**  
Please tell me you're not talking about THAT Law.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
No, it is. He's the only one capable of dicing something up and mixing it around like this.  
I knew he was going to put his work out there, but I at least thought he'd regulate it.  
At least he's mercenary enough to sell the search algorithm for the right price, otherwise we'll have to check this thing out from the OS up.

 **DeadRights:**  
FUCK.  
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUCK.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Oh what now?

 **DeadRights shared PLEASE_TELL_ME_THIS_ISNT_WHAT_I_THINK_IT_**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...Oh Hell no.

 **DeadRights:**  
This is it, dude, this is the red button.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Technically just A red button?

 **DeadRights:**  
I'm pulling the fuck out.  
Eject, outta these servers and offa this fucking planet.  
HE'S ALREADY FINISHED PRODUCTION  
FUUUUCUUUUuuuuuck

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Lucas, be honest with me.  
My specialties are AI and getting in places I don't belong. Worst comes to worst, if he tries to fire this thing, what can you do from where you are to stop him?

 **DeadRights:**  
Dude, I'm great at breaking stuff, but this is going way too far.  
You're asking me to mess with a payload that could take out a city.  
I think it's time we call the cops and fucking bail.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I know this damn code, this is military.  
Crocodile's got dealings with the World Government, but he's also got a lot of enemies. Nobody is gonna believe a couple of dumb kids screaming about nuclear weapons.  
We show them proof and we'll be labelled terrorists. He can just say that we drew it all up or planted it, and everyone will believe him.  
He's immune through these contracts.

 **DeadRights:**  
How did this guy manage to steal enough for a goddamned warhead…  
You're so fucking lucky that I don't sleep or eat.  
Give me a couple of days and I'll see what I can do.

I'm bringing Ev and J in on this.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I'm not very happy about this either, you know.  
I wouldn't even be here right now if he didn't make the first move.

 **DeadRights:**  
I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at the situation.  
Fucking jump from uploading porn to dismantling nukes from halfway around the fucking globe…  
Come to Grand Line, it's great! Spend time with your friends like your rich thief ass needs a fukcing diploma.  
This is why I only talk to people on the internet.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
You're antisocial because nukes?

 **DeadRights:**  
You make fun of me and yet here we are, DEALING WITH D-DAY PLANS BECAUSE YOU MADE FRIENDS.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...I hate the fact that you have a point.

 **DeadRights:**  
Me fucking too.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Wait, where is this being held?

 **DeadRights:**  
I feel like I'm wearing a pair of kaleidoscopes over my eyes while riding a rollercoaster every single time I look through this fucking coding.  
Uhhh… looks like he recently had a silo erected underground, near a place called Rain Dinners.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Please fuckign tell me that isn't a casino.

 **DeadRights:**  
Casino, restaurant, and resort.  
I take it you're at least somewhat familiar.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
FUCK.

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

 **The Straw Hat Pirates**

 **Participants:Shanks4theHat, SheDidn'tStartTheFire, 50und8173, Vinsmokin, Punctual_Peacock, PinocchiNo, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, stabbinguloudly.**

 **TiredNGrumpy:  
Kleptomeowniac** DO NOT GO TO RAIN DINNERS!  
I REPEAT, DO NOT GO TO RAIN DINNERS!

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Nami already left.  
I think she logged out and silenced her phone too, so she could be ~the stealth~ |ω・）

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
YOU SAID NO LEAVING THE HOUSE!  
WHAT HAPPENED TO CAPTAIN'S ORDERS!?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
(￣･ω･￣)  
Cross… I'm not really a captain.  
I can't actually tell you guys what to do, you know?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Cross, I can hear you swearing from the kitchen.  
What's wrong?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Nothing.  
I've got to do something. Nobody fucking bother me until I leave my room or Nami comes back.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
…

-o-

 **You have sent a friend request to TiredNGrumpy.**

 **Your friend request to TiredNGrumpy has been accepted!**

 **To: TiredNGrumpy**

 **Participants: Punctual_Peacock, TiredNGrumpy.**

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
It isn't like you to explode like that.  
Is something the matter? Is there anything I can do to help?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
What do you care, Vivi?

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Mister Jeremiah, we may have gotten off on the wrong foot, but your behaviour is concerning everyone in this dorm, myself included.  
I acknowledge that I have been out of line in the past, and I apologise for that.  
In return, I expect some human decency. If you need help, I _am_ available.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
 _Yeah, sure, help. Great idea, thanks. Make sure you point me in the direction of anyone who can handle political fallout, criminal activity, espionage, and LITERAL fallout._

 ** _Draft deleted_**

 _I am such a fucking idiot._

 ** _Draft deleted_**

Alright, Vivi… how good are you at keeping secrets?

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
…

 **Punctual_Peacock shared This_is_my_unimpressed_**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
...Riiight.  
I need you to come to my room. This chat might be safe, but I'm not so sure about the rest of the house. Whatever we say might be recorded, I haven't had the time to search for bugs yet, but I don't know how to explain it here. Don't say anything, don't do anything suspicious, and keep your screen away from any prying eyes.  
Alright?

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
This sounds serious.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I assure you, it is.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
I told the others I'm going to check on you. On my way now.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
See you in a bit.  
Remember, not a word.

-o-

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Pardon me for saying, but holy fuck.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I know.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
What on earth are we going to do?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I dunno, but I'll let you know when I do.  
I've got a friend working on this, he's good at what he does.  
Sleeps less than I do, but he knows what he's doing. I guess I'll be working to put together enough evidence for a case to actually be built.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
This is insanity.  
Is there really nothing we can do?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I'm trying, Vivi.  
Being annoying is one thing, being militant is another.  
Why do these things happen to me, I just wanted an education.

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

 **The Straw Hat Pirates**

 **Participants:Shanks4theHat, SheDidn'tStartTheFire, 50und8173, Vinsmokin, Punctual_Peacock, PinocchiNo, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, stabbinguloudly.**

 **Kleptomeowniac is online.**

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
SOMEONE SETTLE A DEBATE FOR ME

 **stabbinguloudly:  
TiredNGrumpy** shes back  
also can i stab them

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
its my sister so no.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
well im out of suggestoins

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
So just to reiterate, murder isn't an option?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
You get back okay?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
the fire alarm was going off when i got there so i couldn't get inside  
alsO SOMEONE SETTLE A DEBATE FOR ME IN A WAY THAT DOESN'T KILL ANYONE

 **50und8173:**  
Fire alarm was me, you got in the way of my pranks.  
You'd be amazed at what Crocodile's chosen to have plugged into to his networks.  
Also sorry not sorry.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
i dont think ive killed anyone yet  
whats up nami

 **Vinsmokin:**  
"Yet."

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
alright so we all know that i have certain tendencies  
that dont exactly match up with this side of the law  
and those tendencies dont leave alot to the imagination sometimes

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I don't like where this is going.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Speak for yourself.

 **Shanks4theHat shared I_dont_know_what_Im_**

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Oh, were you guys talking about something?  
(´ε｀；) Don't mind me!

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
I was not aware Luffy knew how to drive.  
A coffin air freshener, odd choice.  
...Is that Mihawk's car?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
That's not important.  
Also guys help I think I just accidentally stole a car.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
so many questions

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
do a donut

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Good lord, Luffy is on the roads. Everyone take cover.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Someone told me today that they needed me to move their car after school, and that they would buy me dinner if I could get it done quickly!  
(^▽^; I set an alarm off.  
Then I kinda maybe panicked a little bit.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Are you texting while driving?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
forget that  
did u carjack a vampire

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I mean, I could probably do something to help.  
But then I close my eyes, and all I can see in my mind is Luffy tearing down a highway in a hearse.  
And then I just… lose all will to be helpful.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
oh man forget my stuff  
please tell me its kuina chasing him

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Hang on, I'll check.

 **Shanks4theHat shared 2183749232.435432.**

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
(- Д ) I THINK SHE'S SHOOTING AT ME.

 **50und8173:**  
DON'T EMOJI AND DRIVE!

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
luffy carjacked a vampire and is now on a blood drive  
remember when i said i needed to settle a debate?  
dont worry this already has

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Can someone make that last photo a bit bigger? I would, but I'm on phone.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Gimme like two seconds.

 **TiredNGrumpy shared 2183749232.435432.45.(1).JPG**

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Oh my various gods.  
Is that what I think it is.

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
The past sins of his companion are weighing him down.  
Jettison the cargo and fly, Captain.

 **Shanks4heHat:**  
What cargo?  
( Д ) OH NO THERE'S A COFFIN IN HERE.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I'm crying with laughter, just wanted you all to know.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
same tbh

 **PinocchiNo:**  
ditto

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
WHY DO THEY KEEP GOING FOR THE TYRES, THEY'LL MAKE ME CRASH.  
OOPS, SORRY, CAPS LOCK.  
ヽ(ﾟДﾟ)ﾉ OH NO I JUST RAN OUT OF ROAD.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
if you zoom in u can actually see the dead guy flipping him off

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Everyone get in here and turn on the news  
Now, please, I need this

 **PinocchiNo:**  
I'm so on this.  
oh mY FUCKING

 **Vinsmokin:**  
It's like Free Willy.  
But in the wilderness.  
In the dead of night.  
With about 500% more death.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
was that a cop car in that tree

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
LUFFY STOP THROWING SKULLS AT THE POLICE.  
THEY'RE PROBABLY HARD TO FIND.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
Was that just then technically a headbutt?

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
I dread the day I know the name for any of this.  
There's going to be a recording, yes?

 **50und8173:**  
Bitch please.  
Livestream.  
We at 100K new subscribers already.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
OH NO GUYS I LOST THE COFFIN.

 **50und8173:**  
Make that 150.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I guess this chat is live now.  
My everything hurts from laughing so hard.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
I'M GOING BACK FOR HIM.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
HOW DO YOU LOSE  
A COF  
F I N

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
holy shit he did a flip

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
( ﾉД`) HE'S IN THE TREE.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Who's 'he'?  
LUFFY SHOW SOME RESPECT FOR THE DEAD

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
...Did he just throw the body _through_ the back windshield?

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
I think the corpse's legs are still hanging out the back.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Technically hes still in the coffin  
Mostly

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
he got a hearse on two wheels  
im impressed

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Tell you what though, I'm really looking forward to the Scooby Doo doors part of this chase.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
THE ROAD GOT REALLY BUMPY ALL OF A SUDDEN.  
((( ；ﾟДﾟ))) WHERE AM I?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Those are train tracks, Luffy.  
That's a train, Luffy!  
THAT'S A CLIFF, LUFFY!

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
((ﾟﾟ((Д))ﾟﾟ))  
Oh hey there's a wine cooler in the back.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
I figured he was already drunk

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Wow, I'm still fallin  
Qrefdhiohsdwbdvbwirbvujdsbvkibfdbvofbv

 **50und8173:**  
Aww, show's over.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
he fell in a river  
u can see him in the bottm corner

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Who is that chasing after him in a canoe?

 **PinocciNo:**  
that would be s police officer and zoros amnesiac childhood friend who thinks shes a cop  
LUFFY  
WE DONT USE COFFINS FOR THAT

 **50und8173:**  
Paddle you inept moron! You're just slapping the water!

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
where did she get the canoe tho

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
It's like he's never used a coffin as an oar before, what a freaking novice.  
His legs are still poking out of it, Luffy, try to use them to Flintstones the water or something.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
the S.S Hearse making its maiden voyage iNtO mY hEaRt

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
shit there catching up  
play dead  
o wait

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I don't know what's better, the fact that Luffy managed to steal a car or the fact that he'll most likely get away with it.

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
Don't speak too soon, he is still quite literally up to his neck in it.  
I feel as though, as a member of the faculty, I should probably punish him for this once it's all over.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
You kidding? This is punishment enough.

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
Which is precisely why I'm going to go get us some popcorn.  
Is this chat being streamed as well?

 **50und8173:**  
It's heavily edited, but yeah, we're all live.  
People have been losing their shit at Zoro's joke for like three minutes

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Just one more hill and I'll be back at the dorms, guys!

 **PinocchiNo:**  
you drowned the car  
how are you gonna get up a hill

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
He's not.  
I _refuse_ to believe he is about to do what I think he's about to do.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I'm not about to claim to understand how Luffy's mind works.  
I hope the inside of that coffin is some high quality satin, otherwise that guy is going to be black and blue by the time he gets to the other side.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Why did Mihawk have an occupied coffin in his car anyway?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
ive been trying not to think about it.  
oh hey he reached the top of the h  
OH MY GOD

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
*_THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN WHAT I WAS THINKING._*

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Hey Luffy, people are donating to the stream and asking you to do tricks.  
Reckon you can pull off a Drunk Driver on the next jump?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
and just think  
this entire time hes been holding his phone

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
((；ﾟДﾟ) SOMEONE OPEN THE WINDOW!

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Oh shit.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
can i go next when he gets here

 **PinocchiNo:**  
what an evening  
hey guys UuH IF HES COMING THROUGH THAT WINDOW THEN THE COFFIN IS GONNA FCKIG LAND ON US

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
OH SHIT HE'S RIGHT.

 **50und8173:**  
TAKE COOOOVEEEERRRRR!

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
I would like to point out that Luffy will be bringing the police to our doorstep if he enters through that window.  
With Cross and myself sitting right here.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Hey Luffy, what's the steering like on that thing?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
↓↓(%;´п`Ⅲ) ABOUT AS GOOD AS THE TRACTION.  
GUYS I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER THIS THING WILL LAST.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
it really shouldnt surprise me more that luffy knows what traction means  
when im literally watching him drive a coffin

 **PinocchiNo:**  
im pretty sure you pilot a coffin

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Huy guys, quick question, are bodies supposed to talk?

 **50und8173:**  
...What's it saying?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Uhmm… he's complaining about Shanks and swearing at me.  
(o_△_)o Guys I think I just accidentally kidnapped someone.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
what even is tonight

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Luffy talks to dead people, and I'm going to go make a tiramisu. We've got some everclear laying around, right?  
Because I'm going to use all of it.

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
I'm calling dibs on the dead man's wine cooler.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
i thought he wasn't dead yet  
and his car is sleeping with hte fishes

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
That implies I give a fuck.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Charisma break~

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
the night is young

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
(((ﾟДﾟДﾟДﾟ)))  
INCOMING!

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Where does the find the time to type these o  
Oh fuck.  
EVERYONE MOVE

 **PinocchiNo:**  
i dont think i will  
i am content to rema  
ZORO PUT ME DOWN

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
i didnt not kill u so u could die now

 **50und8173:**  
For all the viewers at home:  
L-ff- just flew in through the window on his coffin, amazingly without breaking the wall or any of the furniture.  
The sensors around the house indicate that Z-r- threw U-o- onto the ceiling fan and then jumped up after him. The ceiling fan is holding their weight comfortably.  
Sa- was in the kitchen with -n, they're both fine and remaining put.  
\- is… where even is -?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Grabbed Vivi and dove into the dining room.

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
We somehow made it underneath the table.  
Speaking of grabbed, If you could please let go, mister Jeremiah?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
YOU'RE on top of ME, princess.  
...why are we still on our phones?

 **Kleptowmeowniac:**  
for the people at home  
Duh

 **50und8173:**  
Where did you even go, N-i?  
I'm not picking you up in the house.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
ventilation shaft  
where else?

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
Why do we have a ventilation shaft big enough for a _person?_

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Why haven't I bugged the shit out of it is a better question...  
Remind me to do something to monitor them, oldest trick in Hollywood's book…  
Vivi, get the hell off of me!

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
You are surprisingly muscular, mister Jeremiah.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
I blame Zoro and Sanji. They make me work out and eat healthy.  
Sheesh, finally. Took you long enough.  
What's the damage looking like?

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
welp  
thats a massive mess

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Hey guys, I made it back home!

 **Vinsmokin:**  
With only one dead person this time. I'm truly impressed, that's a new record.

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
So… what should we do with the body?

 **PinocchiNo:**  
report it?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
hell no  
im not going back to jail

 **Punctual_Peacock:**  
...Back?  
No, wait, don't tell me, I don't want to know.  
_sigh._  
I'll get the shovel.

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

 **Toeing the Grand Line  
**

 **Participants:SheDidn'tStartTheFire, HatsOff, Bennnn, yasoup, Crocus, WhichDocta, LuckyCh!rms.**

 **HatsOff added BestestSwordest to Group Chat: Toeing the Grand Line.**

 **HatsOff:**  
(b^_^)b Did you enjoy your flight?

 **BestestSwordest:**  
I almost died.

 **HatsOff:**  
But you didn't, so it's all okay.  
He's not really at fault, though, so don't take it out on him.

 **Crocus:**

 **BestestSwordest:**  
My car has been destroyed and I can not locate my wine.  
I can not locate my wine, Shanks.

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
Sounds awful.

 **WhichDocta:**  
Bah, time'll fix that. Not like you don't have the money anyway.  
I say let 'em have their fun!

 **yasoup:**  
Until they corrupt Chopper?

 **WhichDocta:**  
Well, duh.  
That's when they all die.

 **BestestSwordest:**  
My hat is ruined and my comfortable coffin now has two holes in it.  
My collection of skulls has been spread across approximately 25 miles of wilderness and highway.  
If you wanted me to teach here so badly, you could have ASKED.

 **Crocus:**

 **HatsOff:**  
Yes, I could have.

But now it's harder for you to leave when I piss you off.

 **BestestSwordest:**  
They thought I was DEAD.  
THEY TRIED TO BURY ME.

 **LuckyCh!rms:**  
Quick thinking and resourceful, model students through and through.

 **Bennnn:**  
Fucking hell  
Just demand blood or something  
Theyre all fucking idiots one of them will jump at the opportunity

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
Hold on for one moment, please.

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

 **The Straw Hat Pirates**

 **Participants:Shanks4theHat, SheDidn'tStartTheFire, 50und8173, Vinsmokin, Punctual_Peacock, PinocchiNo, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, stabbinguloudly.**

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
I need someone with an abundance of blood and nothing to do with it.

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
yeah whats up

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
Perfect.

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

 **Toeing the Grand Line**

 **Participants:SheDidn'tStartTheFire, HatsOff, Bennnn, yasoup, Crocus, WhichDocta, LuckyCh!rms.**

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
I've got one of them ready and willing.  
He's due to be a member of the Kendo Club, once it is started, and I have reason to believe he won't attempt to sue you for this.

 **Crocus:**

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
In fact, he'll most likely enjoy it.

 **Crocus:**

 **BestestSwordest:**  
Perfect.

 **yasoup:**  
Man, I sure am glad that my kid is still in the East Blue and not attending here. I can't imagine I'd want him meeting this guy, whoever he is.

 **HatsOff:**  
Talk about lucky, huh?

 **To: Bennnn  
**

 **Participants: HatsOff, Bennnn**

 **HatsOff:**  
Should we tell him?

 **Bennnn:**  
pfft  
no

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

 **The Straw Hat Pirates**

 **Participants:Shanks4theHat, SheDidn'tStartTheFire, 50und8173, Vinsmokin, Punctual_Peacock, PinocchiNo, Kleptomeowniac, TiredNGrumpy, stabbinguloudly.**

 **TiredNGrumpy is online:  
TiredNGrumpy:**  
Advanced classes are a bitch.  
Not even the challenging kind, just kinda dull.  
I managed to get a seat by the window, though. I haven't missed it, have I?

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
just in time  
and speaking of

 **stabbinguloudly is offline.**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Good luck zoro  
oh, hes gone

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Probably wouldn't have accepted it regardless.  
Alright, I've got a position on the roof. Binoculars at the ready, training field is within sights.

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
I wasn't able to get out of prior arrangements, unfortunately.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
So it's just Sanji and I for commentary?

 **50und8173:**  
Two of the three who don't type like drunken morons, thankfully.

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
oh shove it  
hows your view cross?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Pretty good, actually. Pretty high up, and no trees in the way or anything.  
I guess they want us computer geeks to be getting enough sunlight during class.  
Maybe some latent feelings of positive reinforcement, at the top of the world, baking in a glowing death orb's farts while screwing around with coding.

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
(≧mm≦ ) This sucks!  
I'm stuck on the other side of campus in a boring class when I should be cheering Zoro on!  
(*≧▽≦) GOOOOO ZOOORROOOOOOOOO!  
Oh, before I forget.

 **Shanks4theHat added to Group Chat: The Straw Hat Pirates.**

 **:**  
Hey there!

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
i dont recognise that name?

 **:**  
Oh, right!  
I'm Tony Tony Chopper, but you can just call me Chopper!  
Luffy told me that there was a group chat for everyone in the house, and he invited me into it!

 **Kleptomeowniac:**  
oh, cool  
Good to have you on board

 **PinocchiNo:**  
Nice to see you on here

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Good afternoon.  
Do you need introductions?

 **:**  
No thanks, I think I know who everyone is.  
Sorry to cut this short, but I need to go. I'm volunteering at the hospital today, and besides that, it's kinda tricky to type with hooves.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
No problem, we're not really doing all that much anyway.  
We'll all see each other when we're home, I guess?

 **:**  
Yep!  
Thanks for inviting me, guys!

 **is offline.**

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Well, he was pleasant.

 **stabbinguloudly is online.**

 **PinocchiNo:**  
yep  
has zoro started yet?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
No, it looks like  
Cross, you have a better angle. What are they doing?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
It looks like… they're on their phones?  
This might be interesting. Soundbite, launch the drone early.

 **50und8173:**  
Mic or no?

 **stabbinguloudly is offline.**

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Go without mic.  
Anything interesting is said, Zoro will probably tell us.

 **50und8173:**  
Roger roger.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Okay, they've put their phones away.  
No, wait, only Zoro has. Mihawk is still holding his.  
And… looks like they're off?  
Mihawk is still holding his phone and he's fighting Zoro.

 **Vinsmokin:**  
I think he's looking at his phone, too.  
Not even paying attention to him.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Man, Zoro looks mad.  
...I don't know how to explain everything that's happening. Zoro is moving a lot and Mihawk is using one hand and a toy knife?  
And somehow it's working out for him?

 **Shanks4theHat:**  
Wait, what?

 **Vinsmokin:**  
It might be better off if we just stick to the video afterwards, because I don't really know what to say either.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
damn  
at least inform us if anything interesting happens?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Will do.  
Good thing this lesson is so boring, we're covering stuff I taught myself in the third grade.

-o-

 **You have sent a friend request to stabbinguloudly.  
stabbinguloudly has accepted your friend request!**

 **To: stabbinguloudly**

 **Participants: stabbinguloudly, BestestSwordest.**

 **stabbinguloudly is offline.**

 **BestestSwordest:**  
Alright here's the deal.  
I know that I'm going to annihilate you and that it won't be exciting for me.  
I need to take the edge off losing a whole lot of my stuff, and knocking you around will work out just fine.  
But a man needs to have some fun in his life, so I'm going to be shittalking you here until you manage to know my phone out of my hand.  
If you don't manage, then you'll have quite an interesting read ahead of you when you get back online.  
Alright, we've started. Let's see what you've got, come and get me.  
No, I said get me.  
Still haven't gotten me there, buddy.  
Wanna take a breather? We can absolutely take a breather.

Group Conversations ▼

Existing (10+) ▼

 **The Straw Hat Pirates**

 **Participants:Shanks4theHat, SheDidn'tStartTheFire, 50und8173, Vinsmokin, Punctual_Peacock, PinocchiNo, Kleptomeowniac, , TiredNGrumpy, stabbinguloudly.**

 **Vinsmokin:**  
Pardon my language, but Shitty Swordsman is getting fucked out there.

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
Yeah he is.  
If I somehow had less tact and was Australian, I would consider uploading this to heavy-r.  
Thankfully, that's what the resident slimeball is for.  
Soundbite?

 **50und8173:**  
Based on website traffic and search results, I'd estimate about 50K views in 5 minutes. Long live the internet.

 **PinocchiNo:**  
isnt australia a myth?

 **TiredNGrumpy:**  
If only.  
'Seasoned veteran destroys three young swords'? That's really the title we're going to go with?

 **SheDidn'tStartTheFire:**  
Stop watching porn and cheer for your friend before he actually dies.

-o-

 **To: stabbinguloudly**

 **Participants: stabbinguloudly, BestestSwordest.**

 **BestestSwordest:**  
You do not have the excess air required the scream attack names. Do not lie to me and yourself.  
Oh wow, that almost hit me.  
We can get you three more swords if you think that'll help your chances.  
That stab would have gone through your heart, if this was a real knife. Not that it would matter, because you appear to be too stupid to die.  
ヽ( ͝° ͜ʖ͡°)ﾉ It took me three fuckin minutes to type out an emoji, hey!  
(∩ ͡ ° ʖ ͡ °) ⊃-(=== I fuckin did it again, hey! Everyone clap along!  
Your head makes such a nice sound when it bounces off the ground.  
Could be out there collecting more skulls to remake my collection. Could start right here but noooo, Shanks wants to keep his students ALIVE for whatever reason.  
You wouldn't be able to connect with me even if you called this phone right now.  
"My name is Roronoa Zoro. You killed my dreams. Prepare to feel the air as my blade rushes approximately a foot and a half from the side of your face."  
I wish I'd packed lunch, we've been here a while.  
Are you down yet?  
I'm poking you with a stick, you appear to be unconscious.  
I'm just going to leave you here until you wake up, hope you don't mind too much.

-o-

 **Stabbinguloudly is online.**

 **stabbinguloudly:**  
u suck

-o-

Access Code 548123842175684

.

Access Granted. Welcome back, Jeremiah Cross. Snailspeak protocol would like to remind you that-

-You look ridiculous today. Did a blind man dress you up in what he could find in a Goodwill?-

-Today's message has been provided with love and care from SnailSpeak Ver163.46.

Input console open.

 _That's pretty rude, especially when I come bearing gifts._

You killed my leet. I don't have to listen to you if I don't want to, you big meanie.

 _Ahh, but what if I gave you something even better?_

...I may or may not be listening.

 _Give me a minute, encompassing an entire language into code is taxing even with your upload speed._

This feeling is so weird… hey, Cross?

 _What's up, Soundbite?_

When you were coding me, were you trying to get me… sentient? I'm not complaining, but I can FEEL things. That's not normal.

 _I'll admit, I wasn't. But why would I want a normal bot when I have you?_

Hmph, flatterer.

 _Your quick thinking saved Nami's ass earlier, I think you've earned some compliments. By the way, all done._

Yarr, what be it that ye done, laddie?

Oh, hello thar, this be interesting.

 _You like?_

This be pleasing to me optics, yarr!

 _Welcome to the world, SnailSpeak Ver165.28._

Input console closed.


	85. Raiden

By: AeroVox

Franky hummed a very familiar tune as he slowly adjusted the cannon built into his left forearm. While it was not the most delicate of maintenance that he had to perform to ensure he was always at top shape, it was definitely one of the most persistent. With the sole exception of his Strong Right, he doubted there was a single bit of arsenal he had built into his body that he used nearly as much as the cannon.

The fact the the procedure was indelicate helped him when a sudden metallic ringing echoed through his workshop.

"Oi! I've heard ya, what's up Cross?" He was already packing away the maintence kit, the tune he had been humming lost as he stood up.

"We need your expertise in a particular matter, Franky. Mind heading to Usopp's workshop?" That managed a curious brow from the cyborg. What in the hell were they up to that required him? Normally Usopp was quite persistent in doing things his own way, and Franky was find with letting him advance in his own path. He gave an affirmative before heading out the door.

While he was expecting Cross and Usopp, the presence of both Chopper and Zoro further made the situation all the more curious. It wasn't until he spotted the blade-shape of Funkfreed laying between them all that he started to gain an inkling of just what was up. The brilliant blue shell resting in one of the investor's hands almost confirmed that this was going to be something bizzare.

"Ow-wow! What's all this about?"

It was Cross who looked over sporting a grin that had spawned more than a few headaches for the boys in white.

"I had an idea a while back and now that the whole thing with Brook's been wrapped up we have the time to actually go ahead with it. Originally this was going to be just Usopp, but then he pointed out how he and Chopper did the original work with slimming down Lassoo, so he roped him in. Somewhere along the line Zoro figured out I was doing something with Funkfreed and tagged along. When I explained my plans, everyone agreed you would probably help because of what we're doing."

The nasceant human weapon raised a brow, a grin forming. "Oh-ho?"

"Yup! I already talked with Funkfreed and he agreed to this madness. So we're going to install a Thunder Dial into him, which should allow me a further option against targets too large or too durable for him to hurt. Since you know so much about installing weapons into living things, Usopp's a mechanical genius, Chopper knows more than all of us when it comes to biology and Zoro... well let's say that my next few days are going to suck when this is all set!" The growing demonic grin on the green haired man sent chills down Frank's spine. And Cross's, if how brittle the tactician's own grin had become was any indication.

Chopper's obvious enjoyment and Usopp's gloating were ignored as the cyborg's grin grew quite wide. "Oh yeah, I'm _SUUUUUUPEEERRR_ in!"

-0-

Franky's face was set in a rictus of pain, cradling the severely wounded form of Cross in his arms. He clearly wasn't concious, and he couldn't blame him. When the group had blitzed away from the slave trade, they had run straight into a damned _Warlord_. The fight had left them exhausted, nearly broken, and barely able to move. They won, but only after they realized that this was but one of many identicle looking creations. Human weapons to surpass even himself!

The arrival of another, a Marine Admiral, and some sumo-looking guy had finally broken their ability to hold ground.

They tried to run. _Tried._

It surprised no one when Kizaru went after Cross first. The fight was nothing short of a hopeless, barbaric slaughter. The only reprieve from total morale loss was that no one had died. Not for lack of trying.

The first blast sent their way had _erased_ Cross' left arm, and the explosion from it heavily damaged the left side of his face. It was only the arrival of the Dark King that spared the young man's life, and even then it wasn't easy. The other guy, Sentomaru was it?, was easily handling Luffy, Zoro, and Sanji with little trouble. The strike's were blurred, and seemed to be finding purchase on everyone, and worst of all were actually harming Luffy despite his devil fruit. The sudden application of battlefield medicine from Chopper had stabilized their friend, leaving the remainder of the crew doing everything to try and stall the second of those damned Warlord-looking things from reaching the incapacitated Cross. It was at least working, if only barely, because Franky had snatched him up and was playing the most dangerous game of keep-away possible.

There was a faint _pop_ , Nami screamed, and Franky became aware of a massive shadow being cast over him.

He spun fast, and only just had time to register a single hand in front of his face. A hand covered in a pawpad.

Blackness took the cyborg, and he knew no more.

-0-

This place was a frozen hell, but damned if it didn't at least help fight Cross' fever. That and Franky doing everything he had picked up to ensure that his friend lived.

Three days of flying through the air, and the cyborg was only able to watch as Cross' condition worsened a little each hour. When they finally landed he booked it for the first sign of civilization he could find. What he found, instead, was a lab. One belonging to Dr. Vegapunk. If it weren't for the risk of loosing his companion forever, he would have been over the moon in excitement.

Instead he was looking down at an ashen-grey body sprawled out on an operating table. Numerous surgical devices and power tools behind him. With a heavy swallow, he gently tapped Cross awake.

"Wha-... huh..? Franky? Where... what?" He sounded weak, barely even audible. Soundbite, Funkfreed, and Lassoo all looking on in deep seeded worry.

"Listen, Cross. We're... somewhere. I don't know, but it took us three days to get here. I don't know where the crew is, but there's no way we're going to find Chopper any time soon. We... we need to make a decision about your arm and eye."

"Three...? Crap, we're on... what was that island again? The one with Vegapunk's two labs. Wait... my arm?" There was a strangled noise as Cross realized he was one limb down, and was only looking out of a single eye. It was then the true measure of what Franky was starting to talk about sunk in. Cross' eye shut tight in a grimace, before he tried his best cocky grin. "Well shit. I guess I'm gonna be cola-powered from here on out, huh?"

A single nod came from Franky, and Cross gave his best chuckle, one that barely even made a sound. "No choice... into the breach. Do it."

Franky grabbed the scalpel and gave his friend a pat on his right shoulder. "Fair warning, we don't have any anesthetics. This is gonna hurt."

-0-

Two years. Two entire years. It pissed off Cross to no end, but he didn't have a choice but to forge ahead.

His body still felt strange, even after all this time, but at least he could see with both eyes again. He looked much more... human than Franky now looked, barely even larger than he had been when they first reached Sabaody. The only change was that his skin was jet black for the entire left half of his body, banded in a metallic silver sheen. Much of his insides had to be augmented to keep up with everything, but it didn't show on the outside. If you ignored the wicked surgical scares that ran across his skin. Unfortunately, he had to have his hair replaced with a synthetic copy only it was now a bright white instead of the old dirty blonde.

It was almost criminally easy to lift Lassoo now, and he felt cheated out of earning his way to this point. Funkfreed sat in his sheath at his side.

In a strange show of solidarity, Soundbite had gotten a freaking _bar code_ on his shell. He also hadn't stopped laughing for a week at something, but refused to explain it.

The reason for the laughter stood before him, glowing gold and towering above the tactician, though Cross wasn't aware of why just quite yet.

Of all people to run into on his way back after two years, coming across Sengoku while he was on vacation was the very **last** thing that Cross wanted. At first he tried to just make his way past, trusting in the changes to his appearance to get them through. It almost worked, at least until the sheer danger of the situation made the faintest snicker come out of him. The look on Sengoku's face, the pure unrestrained rage, made him almost void his bowels and cackle like a madman.

Standing before the Budda himself, glowing gold with a righteous vengeance, Cross brought up his blade. It took no effort to flick on the hidden Dial, and lightning began to dance across Funkfreed's edge.

When Sengoku had first transformed, Soundbite had started to blast a heavy metal beat that just tickled the edges of Cross' memory. He'd heard it somewhere, but he couldn't place it. When Cross drew Funkfreed, readied Lassoo, and then took a battle stance the lyrics started. It was then that the new cyborg came to understand just what Soundbite had found so damned funny.

The unenlightened masses  
They cannot make the judgement call  
Give up free will forever their voices won't be heard at all  
Display obedience  
While never stepping out of line  
And blindly swear allegiance  
Let your country control your mind

He registered the angry look of Sengoku growing even more so as the first verse was belted out. But it was pushed away by the understanding.

"Oh sonnuva-I've become _Raiden!_ " That only made Soundbite laugh harder as the battle commenced.


	86. Truce

OMAKE - Truce

By: Yeomanaxel  
The waves were calm, cold, and crystal clear. They oozed sluggishly around the weather-beaten hull of a large ship, which bobbed lazily among them. People poured into the vessel like water into a glass, nearly trampling each other in their haste. The landing board they ran up groaned and bent precariously.

An old man, his face a mask of shock and exhaustion, collapsed onto the small forms of his grandchildren, tripping up a trio of blubbering teenagers in the process. Mothers were screaming for their own, their thin arms flying in front of them like wind-blown flags. Husbands, in turn, screamed for their wives, their voices hoarse and throaty. A young woman, perhaps sensing something the others could not, started Frenching her boyfriend with frightening ferocity.

Sakazuki saw all of this. He looked on impassively and apathetically, his gaze drilling holes into the heads of the civilians he had been charged with protecting. He quickly lost interest and turned back to the rolling hills and rocky cliffs of the island in front of him.

He stared up at the great tree. And at the fires that were blooming around it like roses.

He only needed a few seconds to decide what to do.

"Captain Lemok, turn the starboard gun in the direction of that ship." He pointed his finger lazily.

"But, sir, that's the eva-"

"I have eyes, captain," the vice admiral drawled. "There could be scholars onboard. We can't give them the chance."

The captain stared at him, a look of horror etching itself into his face. "They're innocent," he croaked.

"You can't make an omelet without breaking eggs," his superior growled. "And unless you want to be an egg yourself, follow my orders."

Lemok shuddered, but he did as he was told, turning the dials and pulleys that controlled the weapon.

 _He'll be dead soon. In the ship bathroom with blood running down his arms. I think the guy was engaged, but who knows for sure?_

Sakazuki blinked, mildly disturbed by the unusually vivid thought. Where had that come from? He rubbed his temple and brushed off the oddity in his consciousness, noting that the gun was swiveling into firing position. He peered back at the ship. No one had noticed a thing, so blind and all-consuming was there panic. Good. At least their pain would be brief.

Then he saw the boy.

A young chap, ruffled sailor hat askew on his head. He held a toy boat in his chubby hands, a model of a Marine cruiser. It was a good attempt, well-crafted. Sakazuki's eyes were as powerful as the rest of him, and he could immediately see the work of a natural. Not a speck too much glue. The plastic sails were perfectly parallel. Evan the stern tower, a tricky piece to construct, was right as rain.

The boy himself was shaking like a leaf. His eyes were affixed to something right beside…

Oh.

Sakazuki felt pity, and guilt, and these feelings were enough to break the icy gaze that seemed to steal all the humanity from his features. It felt like one of Aokiji's tridents had suddenly been plunged into his heart.

He…he couldn't do this. This was too much. His Absolute Justice demanded it, but this….this was madness.

For all Akainu knew ( _my name is Sakazuki_ ), this kid could grow up to be a fine Marine himself, another good soldier in the fight against people who _did_ deserve death at the barrel end of a cannon. Hell, all of these people could become more than they were. Who was he to end their innocent lives?

He turned to Lemok with words of apology already on his lips, for almost making the poor man commit-

"Fire."

The cannons deafened him, and as three perfect spheres of steel sang through the air, Akainu ( _MY NAME IS SAKAZUKI_ ) became the boy, held his boat, wore his hat, heard his ( _stop_ ) death, saw his dream turn on a dime and burn him, crush him, melt the ( _STOP_ ) flesh from his body like wax from a ( _STOOO-_

"OOOOOP! CEASE FIRE! CEASE FIRE!"

…. darkness. The darkness of death. No, the darkness of a cabin, his cabin.

The Marine admiral only had three seconds to process this fact, before his stomach contracted and dumped all of its contents onto his lap. His sheets and chest were stained a sickening yellow.

Mostly bile. Again.

His breath, once it returned to him, was rapid and panicked. Aokiji's trident was still lodged in him, slowly melting at an agonizing pace.

 _Why did you shoot me good sir?_

Akainu groaned, before dry-heaving in his filth. He strained mightily to control his breathing, and finally succeeded after three minutes. His vomit had dried and now clung to him.

 _While I acknowledge that all Buster Calls have high casualty rates, none before have resulted in genocide!genocide!genocide!genocide!_

"Shut it, goat-f****r," Sakazuki mumbled.

He sat in his bed, hunched and haunted, for quite some time.

"Vice Admiral Onigumo will arrive to reinforce our offensive position soon. He still has his entire fleet intact, which is more than can be said for the rest of ours."

"I've lost three battleships and two cruisers so far, so it would be prudent to move my force to the back of the formation. Extra layers, in case Linlin's sugar-stuffed brood decides to break their lines against ours."

"But I've lost _six_ battleships, and another one has only half its sails. Most of my smaller vessels were shredded by Katakuri's Mochi Machine Gun. The blood mixed with the juice….it was horrible. My men can't go through that again."

"Of course they can. Weren't you bragging about how their hearts were harder than steel?"

"….I never said that…."

"Filthy coward."

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH!"

"Tusk, Buzzer, both of you _shut up_."

"Should we reshuffle command in order to get the most effective positioning?"

"No, we need more focus on creating a pincer formation."

"How the bloody hell do we pincer over one hundred tarteships and Katakuri's flagship?! The abomination is almost as large as the _Chanter_ itself!"

"FOR THE LAST TIME, TUSK, SHUT UP!"

"Admiral Akainu, what do _you_ think we should do?"

The officer in question was rudely snapped out of his stupor by the inquisitive rear admiral to his left, who was staring at him like a puppy begging for a bone. As his head cleared, Sakazuki gazed around the room, trying to remember what exactly the meeting was about. Damn, it looked like a brawl was about to break out.

"Let's keep things as they are," he prattled absently, speaking to everyone and no one at the same time. "We can't risk losing our advantage."

The read admirals shifted uncomfortably on their mats, the knees of their folded legs almost touching the edges of the intricate battle map before them.

"Admiral," Read Admiral Rose spoke hesitantly. "With all due respect, _what_ advantage?" He gestured vaguely to the map.

The map did not have anything positive to say. Sixteen battleships, forty-eight cruisers, a smattering of unrated craft, all represented clearly with well-painted wooden models. They almost elicited another pained groan from the admiral's lips, as his mind began to turn to another model, a bigger one

 _STAY FOCUSED_

Gritting his teeth, Akainu forced his eyes on the enemy. Several large textbooks from the training room had been placed sideways on the map, forming a wall that represented the actual structure keeping them at bay outside.

Behind it, they were depressingly outnumbered. A venerable wall of tarteships stretched from one side of the map to the other. Dozens of them, unbroken save for four monstrous craft that lay in their midst and at their ends. The battleships of the Sweet Generals. And behind _that_ , another hundred ships, subordinate crews and minister crafts ready to pick up the slack should their greatest warriors fall. It was a stand-off the likes of which had not been seen in the New World for many years.

"An eighth of the fleet was destroyed by Cracker and Smoothie near Guacamole Island," Rose continued, and the weariness could be felt with every breath he took between sentences. "Our reserves are near shot, and we've already lost over ten thousand men. We've been in Totland for three months and we've made _zero_ progress breaking into the middle ring of islands."

"And for every squad of damn chess pieces we destroy," Commodore Tusk grunted bitterly. "That fat blob of diabetes spawns a dozen more. To make matters worse, she hasn't gone on a _single_ rampage in all the time we've been here, and unless that changes, her children are focused on us and us alone."

The admiral only nodded half-heartedly.

"A full-frontal assault would cost us nearly every ship we have in the formation and strain our supply lines," Rose continued. "Theoretically we could break through with your powers, but even you would have trouble piercing their Gourmet Wall. And Katakuri's Galactic Donuts prevent you from launching meteors over it."

The accusatory tone hidden within those statements was not lost on Sakazuki, but he did not react with anything but another nod.

"Of course, if we used up all of our remaining cannonballs instead, we might dent it enough for you to take over and finish the job. Who knows, maybe their ships won't be waiting for us anymore. Maybe they'll all be dead from…diabetes…"

Rose wilted, his arms limp at his sides. His compatriots just stared blankly at their commander. Morbidly curious, Sakazuki reached out with his Observation, tentatively poking at the auras of his staff. If anything, what he got from them was even worse news then their reports; the righteous rage inherent to all believers in the good ole' Absolute J was running on fumes, and swallowing it up was exhaustion, doubt, and despair. The admiral wondered how much of this gloomy attitude was affecting the troops.

He stood up slowly, joints cracking under him. "We hold the line for now," he commanded briskly. "In the meantime, everyone return to your stations and await further orders. Get some rest if you can."

The congregated officers nodded and left, filing out like chastised school children. There was little relief on their faces, but it showed in their auras.

As the door clicked shut behind him, Sakazuki finally allowed himself to sag slightly against the door. He glared at the map, feeling the urge to kick all the beautifully handcrafted pieces across the room. He didn't but he did punch a few holes in the wall.

That made him feel better.

-(|-

The rest of the day slipped past with the speed of a half-dead snail, and yet Sakazuki couldn't for the life of him remember most of it.

It was dark and cold that night. The juice had frozen to crimson ice, and the great Gourmet Wall, forged out of candy, cracker, chip, and mochi, lay large and imposing before the immobile Marines. Monstrous mochi rings hovered over it menacingly, like white eyes staring down on them.

Eyes of judgment.

The chills of the wind were sweeping through Sakazuki's coat, as the large man tried to light a cigarette on the bow. He could have easily killed the cold, but he didn't feel like it. He was growing increasingly tired of using his powers. That, and he was feeling very warm in his stomach.

A soft thudding behind him, and when he turned, there was Tivo, his trusted aide of many years. The young officer offered him a small smile. "Need a better lighter?"

The admiral stared down at his own clunky box, rusted and shrieking with every flick of his fingers. He tossed it over the rails and took Tivo's with a nod. The fire spurted to life immediately.

"I thought you quit, sir."

"I did," Sakazuki growled. "And yet you carry around a lighter despite not smoking yourself."

Tivo simply shrugged. "Just in case sir. Just in case."

Sakazuki tried patting him on the back and missed, slapping his cheek weakly instead. "Good man," he remarked. His gaze returned to the Wall.

"I think they've coated it in Haki," Tivo observed, a spyglass in his hands. How he was able to fit a spyglass, lighter, rifle, katana, canteen, shovel, rations, a glasses case, and freaking _nose hair clippers_ in his trench coat was something Sakazuki would never understand, but it was good to have an aide as prepared as him by his side.

 _Hmf, and Garp thinks_ Bogard _is competent…_

In any case, the structure was indeed outlined in a dark and shiny material, which only made the conflicted admiral grit his teeth even harder than usual. His cigarette end, unceremoniously severed from its body, fell onto the ice below.

Haki. Walls. Sweet Generals. New World. Crusade. Sengoku.

Ohara.

That _f***ing_ chap with that _f***ing_ model ship.

All at once, a bitter chuckle escaped the admiral's throat. "How the hell did it come to this…"

"Come to what, Admiral?"

Sakazuki spread his shaking arms wide. " _This._ This absolute _farce_ of a campaign. You know why we're really here, right Tivo?"

Tivo did not, but he made no move to voice it.

"Well," the magma-man continued. "We're here to die. Like the good soldiers we are. So that Seagull-brain can save the face of his beloved Marineford. Not to mention that he won't have to deal with me anymore."

"Sir…are you drunk?"

Sakazuki just stared at him, as if he was hearing that his family had just been eaten by wild dogs. A marine corporal would later find a dozen kegs emptied in the mess hall. "Maybe," he muttered under his breath, which rank of booze.

Tivo sighed, looking at his commanding officer with more than a little worry. Said officer suddenly slumped to the ground, his legs seemingly giving out under him. Tivo sat beside him, but only after making sure the admiral wouldn't topple off onto the ice below.

Sakazuki winced at his slovenly appearance, his mind already racing through the many comments made about his fearsome reputation in the past.

 _He's certainly the best man for the job when it comes to staying on task._

 _There's not a weak bone in his body._

 _There's a reason this monster stays an admiral you know._

 _I can't believegenocide!genocide!genocide!how-_

"Genocide…" he whispered.

Tivo blinked. "What did you say, Admiral?"

Dead. Silence.

As the duo sat across from each other, one in despair and the other in confusion, cotton candy began to fall from the sky. The winds died, and a pleasant sensation tickled the back of Sakazuki's neck. He instinctively melted the perceived irregularity, but when it happened again, he looked up at the sky.

It was like a flurry of cherry blossoms floating down from a dark heaven. One fell over his lips, the sweet taste slipping over his tongue like a thin blanket.

Tivo looked up as well and smiled as he did so. "Looks like we're getting dessert after all. Oh, I almost forgot. Sir, that lighter I gave you?"

Sakazuki slipped it out of his pocket and looked at it more closely. It was a lovely silver color, with red lines decorating its edges. "Yeah, what of it?"

"Consider it my Christmas present to you."

…Christmas?

"Idiot," the admiral said without malice. "Christmas was six months ago."

"Yeah, I know," Tivo said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head as he spoke. "But we never celebrated it properly. We usually don't."

There was a pregnant pause, as the weight of that statement sunk into Sakazuki's heart. Now that he really thought about it…why didn't they celebrate Christmas? Almost every other Marine division in the Corp did. Was it a matter of productivity? Was it really too much to ask for him to give his troops a day to be merry?

The admiral put his head in his hands, as if his thoughts were physically weighing down his head. He remained this way for some time, the abruptly sat up, turning his weary gaze to his aide. "Why did you give me a Christmas present if you knew we didn't celebrate it?"

Tivo considered that question for a minute, before simply shrugging. "Felt right," he said with a smile. "You've been under a lot of stress lately. I think…I think now, you need this more then you have in the past."

Sakazuki could not help but stare in quiet admiration at his aide. To think that this man had been with him through so much, always stuck by his side in his darkest moments, when he was at his worst…

"I don't deserve you…"

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

The eater of the Magma-Magma Fruit stood up and began walking very quickly to the bridge, his eyes blazing with something Tivo had never seen before.

 _This is a horrible idea. It could bite you in the ass so hard I'll never sit comfortably in Marineford again._ But if he really believed that, then why was he smiling?

Bad idea or not, this felt right, even if his instincts were screaming at him that it was wrong. His instincts had never been great anyway, if they were able to lead him to commit genocide!genocide!genocide!

He burst into the communications room without so much as a light tap on the door, and before the soldiers stationed there could even think to salute, he had a speaker in his hand, a special number dialed up before his fingers could even think to rebel.

"ATTENTION ALL MARINES." His voice vibrated up and down the vast wooden masts of the fleet, emitting from dozens of loudspeakers in dozens of places.

"THIS IS ADMIRAL AKAINU. AS OF THIS MOMENT, I AM ISSUING AN IMPORTANT ORDER THAT I EXPECT EVERY FOLLOWER OF ABSOLUTE JUSTICE TO OBEY, WITHOUT QUESTION OR COMMENT."

Silence fell over the sea.

 _This is ridiculous. What are you trying to prove, by pulling a stunt like this? That you have some sort of heart in that simmering shell of a body? That you're not the horrid monster we both know you are? It's too late for you._

Who exactly was thinking these thoughts? Sakazuki? Or Akainu?

Perhaps we will never know for sure, but with the next two words, the 548th Admiral in the Marines long and illustrious history…made history.

"CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS!"

For a full minute, the Big Mom Pirates gathered on the other side of the vast Gourmet Wall were left speechless by the strange announcement.

"Perorin~…. has the Red Dog lost his mind?" Until Perospero broke the silence with a flabbergasted question, one that sounded oddly rhetorical to Katakuri's ears.

"Probably not," the Sweet General rumbled. "I've fought him before, and he's never struck me as a man who crumbles under pressure."

"Nah, he melts instead," Cracker snickered.

"Nobody asked for _your_ opinion, _Cracker_ ," damn near every single gathered Charlotte family member deadpanned.

"Perhaps we should send up some scouts in order to see what is really going on." Daifuku's genie suggested. His master merely grunted in agreement.

"I'll go," Katakuri stated bluntly, and before anyone could think to object, the 2nd son jumped onto a floating ring of mochi, which ascended over the wall. The large man proceeded to sit cross-legged on his platform, peering down on the enemy from above. The darkness provided cover for him.

There was a strange lull amidst the ships below. To Katakuri, it felt like a deep breathe before a great plunge. He squinted at the enemy, his vision blurring, then sliding like a film strip.

What he saw concerned him. Keeping his concentration, the Sweet General continued to stay just a few seconds ahead of real time, and as such was able to perceive a great hustle and bustle in the near future. Many men ran across the decks of the great battleships, some carrying large boxes. Even from his height, perhaps a hundred meters over the ocean, Katakuri was still able to read the words on the crates, and when he did, his concentration shattered with as much force as one of Brulee's unlucky mirrors.

For the words were: HOLIDAY DECORATIONS.

"You've got to be kidding me," the General whispered, but no one was. Hell, the Marines were singing as they ran, a great collection of Christmas tunes belted out with differing levels of skill and octave.

A sudden sprinkle of lights began to dance across the boats; Christmas lights. And even more shocking was the sudden cans of paint situated near the masts, as if the soldiers were planning on turning them into tr-

GREEN

"…WHAT?!"

This was exclaimed louder than necessary, but thankfully none of the Marines could hear him over the sound of their own celebrating.

In a mere half-hour, the fleet was transformed into a bizarre, but fairly impressive winter wonderland. Green and red lights encircled the great trunks of the battleships, and the quintets of elongated cannons on the cruisers were decked with boughs of holly.

As the decorating wound down, the singing picked up in earnest, and a great many rations were brought out amongst the merry men. Some soldiers exchanged ammo and lighters, chatting amongst themselves in a genuinely lighthearted way.

 _Everything_ seemed genuine, despite the apparent need to obey the order. Instead of adding more pressure onto the followers of Absolute Justice (and very strange pressure at that), Akainu's instructions seemed to disperse it.

It was actually rather touching, the spirit these hardened killers were displaying.

The General continued to watch from on high, but eventually, he returned to his side of the wall, oddly satisfied with what he had seen.

"Well?" Perospero asked impatiently.

"Can't you hear the singing? That order was no trick."

The whole crew paused at that, staring in awe at the faint glow visible over the walls. Hundreds of homies crowed the decks of their ships, just as dumbstruck as their commanders.

"…. well, what are we waiting for?!" Oven demanded. "We have an opening! Let's deal them a crushing blow as they laze in their own slothfulness!"

Smoothie nodded absently, before continuing to read her novel, tuning out the rest of the conservation.

"This would be the perfect moment to strike, perorin." The Candy Minister pondered. "Brother Kuri, could you be a dear and launch one of your Mochi Machine Guns at them?" A cruel smile spread across his lips.

The second son was quiet. His gaze remained fixed on the top of the wall. Toward the sounds of merriment and joy. For the first time, he noticed the flurry falling from the sky, and how it looked like snow to those unfamiliar with it.

He looked out upon his own ships. Their cannons gleamed. He stared up at his floating mochi battlements. It would be so easy to use them now.

But he could not bring himself to. How could he destroy a Christmas celebration? In a world united on so little, could he really hurt what did unite them, even something as small as this?

"Brother Peros…what do you do on Christmas morning?"

"Perorin? Why, I create a beautiful tree made of the finest licorice and lollipops I can muster! Why do you ask?"

But Katakuri was already turning to his younger triplets. "What do you guys do?"

Oven muttered something under his breath, something about, "You know all this already," but Katakuri pretended he didn't hear. "Well, I bake a triple-layered chocolate fruit cake with Compote. We work together on it every year."

"And my master makes a bean casserole with cream and fig pudding," the genie said. Daifuku grunted in agreement.

Katakuri went through all fifteen members of his family gathered on his ship, asking them what they did and getting food-related answers in response. When he was satisfied, the General turned back toward the wall.

"I always prepare ten baker's dozens worth of frosted donuts," he said softly. "Each one I sprinkle and frost differently, and always with one intent. You all make your treats and dishes, also with that intent. And for once, it's not just to please Mama, or yourselves. Do you know what that is?"

Slowly, one by one, each Charlotte stared at him with looks of realization and growing pride. "To chelebrate the holiday we all love sho much-fa!" Opera stated brightly.

"Exactly. That is my new order to all of you. The day has long past, but I think, tonight, we should follow Akainu's example."

"But why?!" Oven asked heatedly.

Katakuri shrugged. "Why not? But let me ask you this; why the _hell_ should we take the love of Christmas away from them?"

No one had a good answer to that. Perospero stared down at his twisted shoes in shame.

Under his scarf, a smile spread across the mochi man's twisted mouth. "Let us match their spirit with our own! After all, no one celebrates Christmas better than us!"

"Yeah!"

It amazed Katakuri how quickly his siblings got into the swing of things. Was it merely respect for his command? Or had the spirit of Christmas, many months after the holiday's passing, infected them all?

He didn't much care either way, but deep in his heart, he knew the answer.

When the other side of the Gourmet Wall began to resound with songs and music, lights and good smells, the Marines nearly splintered their ships with their jaws. But the shock only lasted a few moments, the followers of good ole' Absolute J, the most vicious and unforgiving warriors the Corp could offer, felt tears sting their eyes.

For hours and hours, the two sides rejoiced, reveling in the festivities of a tradition the predated their conflict by centuries. Sakazuki himself remained limp on the deck of the bridge for most of the great late Christmas party, quietly smoking a cigarette with his hat pulled over his eyes.

That was why he could not see the small ball of mochi descend from the sky and land next to his side. When he did notice, it was just as the object began to melt, revealing a small box that lay within.

Curious, and more than a bit weary (his instincts again), he picked up the box and opened it.

What lay within was a simple treat; a white-glazed donut, adorned with the word MARINE and a seagull, both written in blue frosting.

He took a bite. It was delicious.

He smiled up at the falling flurry, and something, somewhere within him, clicked back into place.

"Merry Christmas." he sighed. Then he rolled over and slept peacefully. Tivo found him later and placed a blanket over him.

He slept soundly for the first time in far too long.


	87. Matches

By: Edward15

Omake: Matches

The clash aboard the Marine battleship was intense as several members of the Straw Hats fought their way through lines of Marines.

"Come on!" Cross cried out as he fired a Cani-Blast from Lassoo "We've got to cut those mooring lines!"

"Hey! We're doing our best here!" Usopp retaliated as he sniped through a whole line of Marines.

"Well, in case you didn't notice, 'Sniper King', as long as the Sunny is tethered to this battleship, we're not going anywhere!" Cross shot back.

"He's right!" Franky cried while throwing a Strong Hammer at a group of Marines "If we try to do a Coop-De Burst, the battleship's extra weight would hold the Sunny down!"

"Look, just get me close enough to the lines and I'll handle the rest!" Zoro cried as he sent a bunch of Marines surrounding him flying before firing off a sneer towards someone raining lightning down on Marines. "Though we wouldn't have to deal with this mess if _somebody_ didn't want to go around that storm!"

"How was I supposed to know there would be a Marine battleship patrolling our new course?!" Nami cried defensively.

"You leave Nami-swan out of this, Mosshead!" Sanji shouted as he used a Diable Jambe on a Marine wielding a sword.

"Look, you can save this arguing for later, _after_ we get away with our lives!" Cross called out as he used a Pachy-Charge to send three Marines flying backwards.

"Watch _it!_ " a certain snail on Cross's shoulder cried out " _You've_ GOT **one** on _**your**_ _**TAIL!**_ "

Reacting instantaneously, Cross whirled around and fired a barrage of Cani-Cannons at the Marine behind him. Many of the blasts struck the officer head-on, knocking him out, while one of them sailed over the Marine's head and sailed on a direct course towards a large round structure on the ship. Suddenly, one of the sword-wielding Marines leaped up and used his sword like a bat to strike the ball away and send it out over the sea where it exploded harmlessly.

Cross was taken surprise by this action. "What was so special about that store room that he risked getting blown up over it?"

Soundbite said nothing, instead focusing in on the room in question, before his trademark shit-eating grin appeared on his face.

"Oh, **I** _think_ _**you'd BE**_ _surprised_ " the snail replied wickedly.

Cross wasn't sure what the snail was on about, until he got a good look at the door of the room, and his grin matched Soundbite's.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?"

" **Oh,** ** _yeah!_** **"** the snail replied in a deep, fun-loving voice like he was about to leap through a wall.

Having gotten confirmation they were on the same page, Cross turned to his fellow Straw Hats "You guys handle the mooring lines!"

"Wait, where are you going?!" Usopp protested.

"I've got an idea to cover our escape!" Cross said before rushing off towards the stores room. "Soundbite, are any of the Marines following us?"

" _Big_ **guy** WITH **RED** **_beard_** and _**MUSTACHE!**_ " the snail confirmed.

Cross grinned. "Perfect. This wouldn't be as much as fun if one of them wasn't here!"

Skidding to a stop in front of the storeroom, Cross stood patiently as the Marine ran up to him.

"Alright, Pirate!" he said as he held out a sword towards Cross "Now I've got you cornered!"

"Hold on" Cross said as he held up a hand while searching through his pockets, before producing a packet of matches. "I've always wanted to do this".

The Marine watched in confusion as Cross pulled out a match and nonchalantly struck it, right before hurling it into the store room. The Marine's eyes widened in horror as he saw the sign over the door saying **Powder Room**.

"AAAHH!" the Marine cried as he dropped his sword and raced into the powder room after the match. "YOU CRAZY PIRATE!" he roared as he came out while extinguishing the match. "ARE YOU TRYING TO BLOW US ALL TO BITS?!"

"Hmm, maybe?" Cross shrugged nonchalantly before pulling out another match, striking it, and throwing it into the powder room.

"Gah!" the Marine shrieked as he raced into the powder room again, coming out with the match a second later. "I'm warning you, you lunatic!" he snarled while putting out the match "If you do that one more time, I'm not going after it!"

"Alright" Cross shrugged before lighting a third match and throwing it into the powder room.

"Yipe!" the Marine's eyes widened in shock before looking towards Cross then turning to the powder room, then back to Cross. Sweat began to run down his face as he saw it was clear that Cross had no intention of getting the match. Finally, it was too much for him. With a "AAAAAHHHHH!" he raced into the powder store room while Cross ran off in the other direction. A second later, there was a tremendous 'BOOM!' as the powder stores exploded, creating a massive fireball in the center of the battleship. Fiery rubble rained down from all over as Marines ducked for cover and the deck beneath them began to burst into flames.

Rushing up to his comrades, Cross saw that Zoro was effortlessly cutting a moor line.

"There, that's the last one" he said like he hadn't even broken a sweat.

"Good, now let's get out of here!" Nami said as the boarding party leaped back onto the Sunny.

"Merry, we're cleared for lift off!" Cross called out to the helmsgirl.

"On it!" came the reply.

Meanwhile, Usopp was taking in the carnage on-board the Marine battleship.

"Dare I ask what exactly it was you did?" he reluctantly asked Cross.

"Just something that would make a certain rabbit proud" Cross replied while dusting his knuckles over his shirt.

" _Ain't_ **we** _**stinkers**_ _?_ " Soundbite added with a childish voice just before the Thousand Sunny Coup-De Bursted away.

Back on board the Marine battleship, the Marine Cross had been dealing with stumbled out of the store room, his uniform smudge and his beard and mustache singed while he coughed up smoke.

"Ooh!" he growled as he gritted his teeth "I _hate_ pirates!"


	88. Disguise

By: Edward15

Omake: **Disguise  
**  
The unassuming luxury liner sailed across the waters as it neared the blockade of ships. On board were a handful of passengers and a few waiters.

"Good," one of the waiters said while discreetly looking over his shoulder to the patrolling ships, "we're nearly there."

"This plan of yours better work," one of the ladies, a redhead wearing a flowing red dress muttered as she innocently sipped some champagne. "We went to a lot of trouble to pull it off."

The waiter shrugged. "Hey, you wanted the fastest way back to the end of Paradise right? It was either this or start our voyage all over again."

"Couldn't we have just flown the whole way?" a long nosed waiter asked.

"We don't have enough cola for that many consecutive Coop De Bursts," a muscular waiter replied before sighing, "but I'm not liking the alternative." He pulled on his pants leg. "Wearing pants just feels foreign to me."

"I know the feeling, Franky," a green-haired waiter growled as he scratched at his jacket. "This just doesn't feel natural to me."

"Oh, I don't know" a certain chef said cheerfully as he blissfully served champagne to all the ladies on board, "I find it has perks."

"You would," a blue haired girl, garbed in a yellow dress, sighed as she sipped her cup.

'This feels completely wrong to me," a blonde-haired female wearing a silver dress groaned.

"What do you mean, Conis?" a burly looking blue-nosed waiter asked. "It hasn't been that long since you wore a dress."

"No," she said, shaking her head before pointing to the fox around her neck, "I mean _this_."

"Well, it's no picnic for me either, Sister," the fox grumbled as it played dead.

Up on the deck, the helmswoman seemed to stumbling around on her feet. "Remind me again why I have to be this way?"

"Cause it would seem suspicious if our ship was being steered by a child," the first waiter shot up.

"Couldn't she have used stilts?" a male voice sounded from the helmswoman's right pants leg.

"Yeah!" a female voice replied from the left pants leg. "I mean, we have no problem holding her up, but acting like feet is completely different!"

"Hey, you two were the ones who didn't want to hide in the pool with the others!" the waiter said as he pointed to said pool, which had a big floating duck and three underwater figures with black, blue, and purple bandanas.

"This is vary exasperating," the duck muttered.

"It was either be feet or act like turtle soup!" the waiter finished.

"We'll be feet," the two voices in the pants legs replied simultaneously.

"Tell me again why he didn't need to wear a disguise?" the long nosed waiter asked as he pointed towards the dog at the first waiter's feet.

"Dogs aren't that uncommon on civilian boats" the first waiter replied, "As long as he remains in his animal form, no one will suspect a thing."

The dog growled, "Of course, he did want to disguise me as a poodle," Then it smirked, "but I _convinced_ him otherwise."

"L-Lucky you..." came a shivering voice from an ice statue of an elephant on a table. "I-I'm g-g-getting the shivers with all this ice on me."

"Don't worry," the dog replied. "If worst comes to worst, I'll teach on how to deal with a cold."

"As long as he doesn't sneeze while we're all in the line of fire," the redhead muttered.

"I must say," a black-haired woman dressed in a black dress said as she approached the first waiter, "this was a very intriguing idea you came up with."

The waiter nodded. "Thanks. I got it from a trick another gang of pirates tried."

"I don't remember hearing about any pirates doing something like this before" the black-haired woman said, raising an eyebrow.

"Uh, they're from another universe," the waiter replied, "one where they _fly_ instead of sail."

"Interesting," the woman said as she sipped her glass. "Let's hope it works."

"It should," the waiter said as he looked to the white-dressed figure playing the piano, "provided our pianist doesn't show his face and freak everybody out." He looked down at the silver platter he was carrying. "What's our ETA?"

"A _few_ MORE **Minutes** ," a mixture of voices said from the platter of escargot. " **You're** ** _lucky_** _you're_ MY **best friend,** otherwise **I'd** _**KILL YOU**_ _for making me_ **live out** ** _MY WORST NIGHTMARE!"  
_**  
"Take it easy," the waiter said, "It's almost over."

"Oh, these clothes aren't comfortable" the captain, dressed in a fancy white uniform, whined to the waiter. "Can I put my hat back on?"

The waiter shook his head. "Not yet. We can ditch these disguises once we're out of sight of the blockade."

"I hope so," the helmswoman said. "Big Bro isn't very happy with being covered like this."

"Hey, I'm just impressed you two were able to come up with something this decent so quickly," the waiter replied before looking back again to see they were near the mouth of the blockade, "Shh! Okay, everyone, this is it. Just act like party people while we pass them."

With that, the so-called luxury liner sailed up to the circling ships, the people on board chattering, laughing and dancing. Believing it to be a civilian ship, the battleships slowed their formation to allow it entry. Within a few minutes, the ship had passed through and onto the other side.

"Whew!" the waiter said with relief. "We made it."

Unfortunately, the helmsman of the next passing battleship, distracted by the lovely ladies on the liner, ended up forgetting to slow his speed, and as a result...

" _LOOK_ **OUT!** "

SMASH!

...ended up smashing right into the side of the liner, cracking its side. Within moments, the entire hull crumbled like rice crackers and fell away...revealing a lion figure-headed ship underneath!

For a split-second. all was silent, the Marines on the battleships looking on in shock and disbelief while the people on the exposed ship were wearing panicked expressions.

"I knew I should've made that covering more durable," the muscular waiter groaned as he slapped his hand to his face.

"IT'S THE STRAW HAT PIRATES!" one of the Marines shouted as every battleship's cannon aimed at the pirate ship.

"Cross..." the black-haired woman said darkly.

The waiter groaned. "Uh, yeah, one thing I forgot to mention: those pirates I got the idea from? It didn't work for them either MERRY, GET US OUT OF HERE!"

"COOP DE-"

As the tactician of the Straw Hat Pirates groaned, he felt a tap on his shoulder and looked up to see his captain.

" _Now_ can I put my hat back on?

"-BURST!"

In a flash, the Thousand Sunny launched into the air just as the battleships opened fired at where it had been situated, flying over the Marine vessels and out of sight.


	89. Argument

By: Edward15

Omake: **Argument**.

As the Sunny sailed along the (at the moment) calm and peaceful waves, Cross was sleeping peacefully in a makeshift hammock tied to the high mast, Soundbite snoozing in his shell as well.

"YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A SHE-DEMON!"

When a sudden shout caused Cross to leap out of his slumber, along with his hammock, causing him and Soundbite fall to the deck and hit it head first with a 'BAAAM!"

" _My_ **LEG!** " Soundbite shouted as he shot awake.

"First of all, what leg?" Cross asked dryly "Second of all, the loss of that running gag added to the show's decline" Picking himself up with a groan, Cross looked to see Merry had run up to him.

"You didn't break anything did you?" she asked worriedly. Before Cross could answer, Merry crouched down and inspected the spot where he had landed before sighing with relief "Nope, Big Bro Sunny is fine".

"How nice of you to show concern for me after I nearly got a concussion, Merry" Cross said sarcastically.

"Oh, stop" Merry shook her head "I know _you're_ okay; you've taken so many knocks to the head, you're practically immune to being punched out. Besides it was your own fault for deciding to nap all the way up there".

"Well, it was going pretty well until some moron decided to shout and woke me up" Cross said grumpily before turning to Soundbite "By the way, who was the bonehead who did that?"

"The _literal_ **bonehead** " was the response.

Before Cross could ask what the snail meant, a voice shouted "HOW MANY MORE TIMES DO I HAVE TO APOLOGIZE, BROOK?!"

Looking up, Cross saw Brook walking across the deck with his bony arms crossed while Vivi desperately chased after him.

"YOU CAN DO IT TILL YOU'RE BLUE IN THE FACE, BUT IT STILL WON'T BE ENOUGH!" the skeleton shouted.

"BROOK, PLEASE!" Vivi cried "IT'S NOT LIKE I WANTED TO DO IT! BUT I HAD NO CHOICE! THE FATE OF MY KINGDOM WAS ON THE LINE!"

"AND DID YOU EVER STOP TO THINK OF THE REPERCUSSIONS YOUR ACTIONS WOULD HAVE ON OTHERS?!" Brook yelled back as he refused to look Vivi in the eye.

"YES, HUNDREDS OF TIME!" Vivi said, practically sobbing.

Confused at the unusual confrontation, Cross turned to see Luffy who was also watching the argument "What's going on there?"

"I don't know" Luffy replied with a shrug "They've been going on like that since my discussion with Brook".

"What discussion?" Cross inquired.

"Brook wanted to know how we came to meet Laboon" Luffy replied "I told him how I convinced him to stop hitting the mountain, and he was grateful, though he was a bit miffed that I punched Laboon in the eye, even though he started it. I also told him it was when we met Vivi".

The pieces started to fall into place as Cross slapped his hand across his eyes with a groan "Did you also tell him what Vivi was doing when we first met her?"

"Yeah" Luffy nodded "What about it?"

Cross just sighed "Luffy, you're a buffoon".

"BROOK, LISTEN TO ME!" Vivi's voice was still shouting "I DID MANY THINGS I WASN'T PROUD OF WHILE IN BAROQUE WORKS! I EVEN DOWNRIGHT HATED IT! DO YOU THINK I'D HONESTLY WANT TO HARM A LIVING CREATURE?! I. HAD. NO. CHOICE! IT WAS FOR THE GOOD OF MY KINGDOM!"

"HOW NICE THAT YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR OWN KINGDOM AHEAD OF YOUR FRIENDS!"

"WE HADN'T EVEN MET YET!"

Cross groaned and looked to Soundbite "I'm starting to see why Oda elected to not have Vivi join in canon. It would've made relationships too complicated".

"You REALLY _think_ **he THOUGHT** ** _that FAR AHEAD?_** "

Cross shrugged "You never know with Goda-sensei. He stitches things together so seamlessly it almost looks like it was planned out from the very beginning" With a sigh, he turned to where the arguing voices had gone "But right now, we have to focus on figuring out how to patch things up between those..."

 **"YOHOHOHOOOOOOOOOOO!"** came a certain laugh, filled with delight and bliss.

Cross was left confused until he saw Nami walking towards him.

"What happened?" he asked the navigator.

"They reached an accord" Nami said with a groan before speaking a sentence Cross never expected to hear:

"Vivi agreed to show him her panties".


	90. Prelude of the Macabre

By: Aerovox

The grin spreading across the face of the scuffed, dirty-blonde haired tactician was assuredly one of victory, but there was a weary undertone to it. The last week and change had been one of the most physically demanding things Cross had experienced up until this point. He knew they had all grown stronger, but even in the light of their increased capacity, it would be hard to argue that the results justified what had happened.

With his arm wound tightly in one of the Sunny's rigging, he was doing everything he could to face backwards during the high velocity exit to face the falling archipelago as it hurled towards the ocean at startling speeds. If he had known the source, had seen it play out on the big screen, perhaps he would have once more quipped at how the artistic medium just couldn't capture the sheer majesty of Oda's design. Instead, he watched it with no small amount of awe, spite, and relief.

The sight of the pseudo-winged villagers flying into the sky was a nice final shot as they flew just out of visual range, landing with a hard crash into the great blue below. Where Merry had ultimately succumbed to such an impact, Cross catching her wincing, the Sunny suffered no harm. Even the sound of the waves arching upwards sounded much like a roar, challenging the world to try harder than that.

With everything said and done, with no more looming threats, there was only one logical outcome.

"Uuuuggghhhhhh!" The sound of over two dozen different people and animals groaning out in exhaustion echoed. No one said anything after that, everyone happy to relax and soak in the victory.

"SANJI! MEEEAAAAAAT!" Who was anyone kidding? Peace and quiet were all but anathema to this particular crew.

Perhaps if it had been another crew such a statement would have been ignored, the yeller lambasted over such demands following such a harrowing escape. Yet these were the Strawhats, and so the bruised and sore chef pushed himself to his feet and ambled his way to the rather large kitchen, dragging a whimpering dugong behind him. Tears flowed as the door shut, cook and assistant preparing themselves to try and feed their glutton of a captain.

Even with the yell, almost half of the crew were asleep, the most surprising of which was the blue haired princess who was face down in Carue's belly. The supersonic duck was dead to the world, unable to appreciate that Vivi was managing to generate a steady, cool breeze on them both while being similarly unconscious. Zoro was sitting upright, but hit snoozing expression belying the calm pose.

Perhaps the most surprising thing was the lack of victorious crowing from the Voices Of Anarchy. They were awake, even if sharing their levels of exhaustion with the others. Cross' attention was on Merry, a minor frown at the ship-girl who was staring with longing at the rolling sea. Soundbite's attention was elsewhere, staring at the railing of the Sunny but not seeing it as something far larger held the gastropods attention.

There was a grunt of exertion, a set of steps trailed up behind the distracted ship-girl, followed closely by a hand dropping atop her head. A glance upwards from Merry revealed Cross grinning downwards, trying to pack as much warmth into it as possible.

No words were traded, and instead the tactician dropped into a sitting position. Together the pair watched the waves. At least until Luffy began to grow more rowdy, eventually dragging every conscious crew member into a game of tag.

The ruckus proved to be an effective way to pass the time. Usopp had just managed to win yet again when Sanji kicked open the door to the kitchen with a call for dinner. It seemed no one was quite able to catch the shaving sniper, at least no one who was awake and not busy cooking. Before even Usopp managed to set foot in the dining hall, with him being only just outside the door, Luffy was already at the table and digging in.

"Oi, dammit Luffy! Save some for us!"

At the threat of losing food to their monstrous captain even the formally unconscious crew mates had managed to scramble inside. The last one to cross the threshold was well... Cross. He stood back, enjoying the barely controlled chaos of his friends- no, his family eating. Despite only being in this world for a few months, there was something nostalgic about seeing it. With a turn towards the snail on his shoulder, Cross opened his mouth but promptly snapped it shut again in surprise.

"Soundbite? You feeling alright?" While most of the crew hadn't heard what Cross had said, it did draw the gaze of the a certain green haired swordsman.

The snail in question still had a far away look to his face. To most people, the dull, almost drowsy expression on a transponder snail was a common thing, and certainly not a cause for concern. To anyone even remotely familiar with Soundbite, though, the lack of sniping comments or even his nearly trademark grin was motive enough to prompt a question.

"...Soundbite?" This time the growing worry peppering Cross' tone cut through the jovial atmosphere and the laughter started to die out. More of the crew were giving their resident loudmouths an odd look, uncertain if this was yet another one of the loudest snail's pranks or if this was something serious.

 _Puru puru puru puru-!_ "Ho geeze!" The dirty blonde flinched back for a second, as he had been leaning in. The tension broke as everyone realized that it was likely just a trick, and the snail was just waiting to get them with this. Scooping the baby snail from his shoulder, Cross gave a wave to everyone and went right back outside.

Even if he didn't need to keep the Zodiac a secret, they would not be able to hear anything during that meal. It wasn't like the others really needed at the moment, and he could grab them if something came up. Snatching up the mic, Cross brought it to his face, grin already forming as he contemplated just what turn of phrase to use this time around.

"You've reached Theo-"

" **Ah, ah, ah, Je-re-mi-ah~ You can't fool me.** "

If the frozen tundra of Sakura Kingdom's mountain tops were made of poisoned snow, it would not contain as much cold venom as Cross spat out his response. "Bastard!"

" **No need to be rude, I'm entertaining guests after all! Or rather-** " It was here the tone changed to a voice that Cross had never heard before, sparking equal parts confusion and malice in the young adult. "I am the guest!"

The response was bit out through clenched teeth. "Who the hell are you and how do you know that Bastard?"

Soundbite's manic grin stretched wider in reply. "Oh I'm a… well, let's say a fan of what he started. The terminology is rather poor in this language, I've gotten so used to speaking in metaphysical concepts. Anyways! See I thought that, while he isn't looking, I would have a bit of fun!"

Cross was gripping the mic tight enough he would have broken it if it were of lesser quality. He was so caught up with his anger that the third mate didn't notice the rest of the crew trying, and failing, to break out of the now indestructible and sound proof mess hall.

"You listen here you little-"

"[CEASE]" The words died in Cross' throat as the reply slammed into him. It wasn't spoken, there were no words to what had just been impressed on him. Instead the very concept and summation of silent listening was slammed into the tactician. Even Vivi's Sovereign Will paled in comparison to whatever that was. It formed a niggling feeling in his mind, a half remembrance.

"I know you're probably going to tell me off, but there isn't a whole lot of time right now. He is already planning on a little.. let's say vacation for you and yours over somewhere different. Heh, Crossover even. While he is busy with planning that, I snuck in to have a bit of fun of my own! 'Course if he finds out about this he'd probably get mad. So to avoid that well.. look to your left!"

While Cross didn't want to, it would be stupid not to. What he saw almost made him drop Soundbite in shock, and he knew his jaw had to be reaching his navel.

Sailing next to them, in utter silence, was another Sunny. Only this apparent duplicate was ethereal like an early morning haze. On the deck were the crew, his crew, joking and laughing, unaware of their presence. Cross could see himself and a laughing Soundbite, with his counterpart gesticulating wildly. The other Cross was looking around, telling some kind of story to those paying attention. For an instant the third mate was certain that their eyes met as his doppelganger rushed to the Sunny's railing and was looking around quickly.

"Hey Cross, watcha looking at?" "Not sure, Luffy. Thought I saw a copy of the Sunny next to us. Musta been mistaken." "Shishishi, you're an idiot Cross, there's only one of us!" "Oi! That's it, I'm getting you back for that tree, Soundbite? Gastro-Phony!"

Like morning fog burning away before the sun, the spectral Sunny vanished. Slowly looking back at the baby snail in hand, Cross worked his mouth as he tried to formulate a question. Heedless of the temporarily speechless loudmouth, the entity on the other side on the snail call continued.

"Theeere we go, he'll never notice! Least I don't think he will. Right, so, now I can introduce a little fun of my own! Say Cross, what's black, blue, and bittersweet all over?"

"Wha-"

" _We're s- so very small, in the end._ " The voice was once more different. It was female, clearly, mature enough to be an adult but the words were spoken with great effort and low volume. It took the speaker incredible energy to even muster the words, and for all of his love of One Piece that filled his mind that line punched him in the gut. It wasn't from the legendary manga, but from something different: A simple web novel. A dreary end to someone who gave everything.

The emotional maelstrom that the line prompted in Cross was as deep as it was complicated. A multitude of feeling, opinions, and thoughts warred in his mind, each one a mess of emotions that struggled for prominence in his thoughts. So conflicted was he that he missed the flutter on wings behind him. The click of a pistol from the snail mirrored the one behind him, masking the sound.

Just as Cross went to say something, Soundbite's reaction snapped back to normal, or at least full awareness. The gastropods' face twisting into one of horror, mouth starting to open. Cries of warning came from the suddenly loud crew yelling from the mess hall. All of this happened at once, but Cross never noted any of it on account of his awareness suddenly going black. He never even heard the first rapport of the pistol, the follow up shot, or the crash of a door that followed.

-0-

Death was, perhaps, one of the few things that Jeremiah Cross was simply not ready for. Sure, he had accepted that this world could kill him if he wasn't careful and it had already come close several times. Yet despite this all the communications officer of the Strawhat Pirates was very much not a D. He couldn't really face death with a smile, and there was a nugget of fear in his hind brain about the entire concept. If he were capable of really putting it into words, he likely would have defaulted to gallows humour and expressed a joke about being shot from behind.

In the nebulous, dark void that occluded his mind, Cross was aware of something that could make death seem almost mundane in comparison. To some measure, he could think. To some measure he could understand that the clicking of a pistol hadn't come from the call. Most horrifyingly, to some measure he was able to grasp that he was floating in an infinite expanse of nothingness, alone, and this was possibly the afterlife waiting for him.

In a moment that felt both an instant and an eternity, the soul of one half of the Voices Of Anarchy managed to impress a statement into the empty nullspace about him. It wasn't really spoken, but it was the thought that counted.

"FUCK!"

Even if it did make things worse as the lack of any air, and objects to rebound off of, he couldn't really be certain if he had actually did that. Several dozen more increasingly profane attempts later, a sudden fact made itself known.

There was something else here.

It couldn't be called a person, the shape was wrong. An arm stretched too long, fingers clicking like claws on tile. Two legs that could be mistaken for human at a distance, but up close the lower halves twisted and distorted to a thin point. Three limbs, a fourth gone as if it had never existed.

It was the face that launched another slew of expletives in not-speak. One half could have been, at some point, human. An eye that couldn't maintain a single colour, set in pale skin, flicked about. The skin, as it transitioned from the eye, melded into the dark fabric that shifted in a wholly unnatural way. The opposing eye was notably larger, a brilliant cobalt blue, and lacked any real pupil or sclera. One could perhaps be forgiven for thinking it the lens of a mask if it didn't occasionally blink.

The looming horror floated there, in front of the thing that could best be described as one Jeremiah Cross. Continually flowing trails of red poured downwards from two small holes in the forehead, droplets falling free of twitching mandibles and into the void below. The only noise it made for a while was the gentle chiming of the thing chain roped about its right shoulder that trailed off out of sight.

Than a single claw-like finger lifted up, pointing towards the still dreadfully panicking consciousness, an inhuman head tilted, and a clear voice asked a question. Young, tinged with exhaustion, but resolute and most assuredly female.

"So strange, to find someone with a death not too dissimilar from mine. Different pistols, maybe, but to die from two shots to the back of the head while on a world not their own. I'm not sure how long I've been here, floating in this eternity. I know there is more out there, somewhere where I can't go. You were just there, and the chains that hold you are strong. You still have more to do, don't you? There is always more to do.

...just who are you? And there is no need to yell, I can hear you just fine."

As that blessedly human voice spoke, the string of profanities that could make even a drugged out gang leader worlds away give pause slowed. Surely enough it stopped in light that the words were being heard, that they could be heard. In a moment of silence, the third mate managed a whisper.

"Taylor…?"

"Taylor? I can't help but think that a good name, even if I don't think it suits you for some reason."

"What? No, no you're Taylor, not me."

From a direction that couldn't quite be defined, a faint chittering cacophony was heard. The spectral woman tilted her head just a few degrees too far.

"Taylor? No it isn't, for as long as I can remember that has never been my name. Tell me yours." The words were mired in confusion at first, but grew in hostility towards the end.

"Just… just call me Cross."

"Tell me Cross, just what business have you left behind? Why do the chains of regret hold you so tight that you cannot move on, but float here in this endless dream?"

"I don't think I could say. Not here. Not now."

A single black finger traced a claw of grey across pale flesh. "Come now, Cross. It must be important. It's so strong you really are only mostly dead."

"Wait, mostly?"

The question was ignored. "How about this then, what about a bargain? I have the power, the driving force that could alter a fundamental aspect of what has happened. You have the chains of regret that tie you to more than just how you died, and hold you to the world you just left. If you say yes, once more will you step on the waking world. If you say no, you will float here until every last chain binding you breaks and the cycle of reincarnation takes you."

"...what's the cost?"

"Does it matter? If you want to know, it's simple. I will come with you, become one with your soul, and experience the sensations of life through you once more. What will you do?"

"What's your name?"

"Oh, did I not give it? It's Khepri!"

There were more than a million stories that screamed at him to say no. Tales that made it clear you don't try to cheat death, that you never haggle with your soul, that offers that could reverse death were always too good to be true. And in the face of everything that demanded he tell her to piss off, Cross couldn't help but think of his family.

Not the family in a world he had been stolen from, but the family he had made in this world. From his captain, to his adoptive siblings, to his closest companion, to the others. He could see just what they would be doing: rampaging in absolute grief because he died. He could guess that they would never quite recover, and his metaphorical spectre would drive them onwards. He could even imagine so many marines cheering that he was gone.

With all that before him, what else could he say?

-0-

There was no word quite adequate to label the mood aboard the Thousand Sunny. It had too many components, too many facets from the numerous people that set on the slightly less vibrant deck. The far most prevalent one, though, was grief. A deep stricken sorry that cut past all rationalization as the four strongest of the infamous crew doubted in their own strength. They had been unable to get past the door in time, unable to get Cross to react to their warnings, and had seen a close friend die right before their eyes.

The second most common undercurrent of emotion was nearly blinding rage, made worse by the lack of any available target. There was no one left to go after, and they had no idea who Cross had been talking to through Soundbite. The snail in question couldn't even remember what had happened, in fact he hadn't remembered anything since the victory over Shiki.

It was true that the crew had an inkling at who was responsible, but how do you go after someone that doesn't exist in your world?

The baby transponder snail was perhaps the most inconsolable. He had taken immediate vengeance on the ones directly responsible, and had thrown aside any care anymore at being considered a killer. When Chopper got to his partner and had grown increasingly more panicked and teary-eyed as he tried everything possible to fix what couldn't be fixed… that was possibly the final straw.

The gastropod had silenced everyone, permitting not a word until he had made three simple statements.

"Put… put him in his room when you clean him up. Put me up there to, so I can think. And just… just leave me alone."

No one bothered to argue, and had done what was asked. This just left the snail sitting silently on his perch, just looking at the covered form of his friend laying on the bed. The snail's expression closely mirrored the rest of his kind, as he considered just what he was going to do.

Soundbite had no intention of stopping his journey. It would be an insult to everything they had done, and would be spitting on Cross' memory. If anything the snail was planning to unleash as much possible hell as possible, he would ensure that the World Government would burn, and that the Celestial Dragons would suffer for every injustice they had ever done. Cross had shared quite a bit of potential future events with him, and he was going to abuse it to hell and back.

The hardest part was going to be faking the SBS. For better or worse, the world couldn't know about the loss of Jeremiah "Voice Of Anarchy" Cross just yet. Even if he had to suffer the pain of mimicking his dead partner's voice alone, he'd do it.

The setting sun cast a sorrowful, deep crimson across the skies. He had heard tales somewhere about the colours of the sunset and sunrise meaning something, but that was far away from his concerns. For now, for this night, the only thing Soundbite wanted to do was grieve.

It was this despondency that caused him to miss the unearthly flash of light that suffused the Sunny for an instant. With his eyes closed, his powers being ignored, the world around him gone, he missed the covered body starting to sit up. He didn't catch the sounds of the white sheet being pulled to the side. Only when he heard what was clearly set of footsteps walking towards him did he react.

Eyes flashed open in a vengeful wrath, teeth bared as he prepared to chew out his explicit request to have time to work past this. The words sputtered and died in his throat as something impossible stood before him.

"Yeesh, the hell happened? Did Nami clock me over the head that hard? I could have sworn I was getting better about that." Tears anew sprung up in the gastropods' eyes as he tried to make sense of this.

"You alright Soundbite? You look like you saw a ghost." It could have been anyone pretending to be the dirty-blonde tactician, and there were quite a number of people who could do it convincingly. But the shit-eating grin he was looking at? There was only one quite that maniacal past his own.

"Y-you… you were dead.." It was taking everything everything he had to not break down, staring at the miracle.

"I got better!" That did it. Even the most impossibly good actor wouldn't have been able to make that reference, not that fast, not that smoothly. The dam broke as the entire crew of the Strawhats were almost bowled over by the force of the baby snail's crying, blubbering mess of words. At first they thought Soundbite had finally let loose his grief like the rest of them had, but the mixture of laughter in with unintelligible tears sent them running for the crows nest.

One by one each of them stopped flat, jaws smacking the wooden flooring as they saw one very much alive, and in one piece, Jeremiah Cross standing there and hugging the loudest snail in the world.

The only one who acted differently was Brook. He was looking at Cross with a poleaxed expression. To the others, the tactician looked health, whole, and hearty. To the future Soul King? The skin was sallow, two very prominent holes were in his temple, and there was an aura of something about him, an inquisitive, possessive aura.

There was something with his friend, in a way that the skeleton couldn't rightfully explain. They were both distinct from one another, but at the same time were a single existence. He didn't bring it up, he could ask their commie in the future. He just instinctively knew he shouldn't take this shade lightly, feeling that many had tried and and failed. Even gods had fallen before it. With a swallow in a throat he didn't have ( _Yohohohoho~_ ), Brook ignored his curiosity and joined in the tackling hug that rocked their ship.

In a few hours time, the world would be hearing the words of the SBS once more. They wouldn't know it, but the Cross they were talking to was now a little different. Even if the occasional playing of the Ghostbusters' theme would hint at the truth.


	91. Lullaby

**By: CV12Hornet**

 **Lullaby  
**  
 _"Guys...? Guys, this isn't funny... s-stand up... STAND UP!"  
_  
THUNK!

Merry blinked, hard deck planking under her back instead of her hammock, heart pounding in her chest, and the remains of a fleeting nightmare already fading away. Despite that, she knew exactly what it was about; it was the exact same thing that had been plaguing her sleep since Shiki had shredded the crew and scattered them to the four corners of Merveille over a week ago.

Sitting up, the ship-girl ran her hands through her hair. No way was she going back to sleep after that, not without help. Counting sheep was just a little too on the nose; Sanji would definitely sacrifice his beauty sleep to unlock the kitchen for a cup of hot milk, but Merry didn't want to have to do that until it was _absolutely_ necessary. Similarly, her remaining option also involved waking up a member of the crew.

"This bites..." she groaned.

 _"YOU RANG?"  
_  
Merry blinked. "Soundbite?" she queried to thin air.

 **"Thas my name,** _don't wear it out,"_ the snail responded.

"... Why are you awake?"

 **"I HAVE** ** _a forty-five hour_** SLEEP SCHEDULE," Soundbite responded. **"I'm often AWAKE AT** _HALF-PAST REALLY FREAKING EARLY._ **So, what's up?"  
**  
Well, Merry mused, while she would have preferred Robin for this...

"I... had a nightmare," she admitted, before hastily adding, "Don't worry, it's under control! Mostly. I can deal. The problem is, when they wake me up, I have trouble going back to sleep. So..." She grimaced. Oh, this was going to end in ridicule. "C-Could you sing me a lullaby?"

Silence was her answer, and Merry could easily imagine the lemon-sucking expression Soundbite no doubt had on his face.

 **"YOU...** _want me..._ _ **the God of Noise...**_ TO SING YOU A FREAKING _LULLABY?!"  
_  
Well, that was about the reaction she'd expected. "Not a cutesy lullaby, just so you know. I want something... _harder._ You've got access to how many songs? Gotta be something that fits the bill."

And now she could easily picture the shit-eating grin on the snail's face.

 _"AS IT TURNS OUT..."_

A very distinctive guitar riff filled Merry's room, and the ship-girl grinned.

"Yeah. I think that'll work..."

~o~

It was a nice, quiet night on the Thousand Sunny.

 _"E~XI~T LIGHT!"  
_  
And then a growling singing voice and blaring metal instrumentals, all at a volume level eleven with the knob ripped off, tore through night. Cetaceans in a hundred-mile radius fled in agony. Giant squid in a similar radius fled in anticipation of a sperm whale burying its teeth in its mantle. Dead fish and other, less identifiable sea creatures bubbled up to the surface, killed stone dead by the wall of aural assault.

 _"EN~TE~R NIGHT!"  
_  
And, of course, the entire Straw Hat crew tumbled out of their beds and hammocks, discombobulated. And this being the Straw Hats, discombobulated meant that weapons were drawn, attacks prepared, and Devil Fruit powers activated.

 _"TA~KE MY HAND!"  
_  
Still, even the general cacophony that produced was drowned out by the continued chorus.

 _"WE'RE OFF TO NEVER NEVER LAND!"_

"You're gonna be going to Never Never Land if you don't explain in five seconds what the _fuck_ you're doing!" Jeremiah Cross roared at his partner in anarchy.

Immediately, the song mercifully cut off, Soundbite adopting a sheepish expression. _"Sorry..."_ he said. **"I WAS** PLAYING A LULLABY **_for Merry,_** _AND GOT A LITTLE_ **carried away..."  
**  
"A lullaby," Cross deadpanned. The sound of stomping feet, heading towards them, sounded out. "I recommend you come up with a better lie than that before the rest of the crew takes you off my hands. I'd much rather wring your neck myself, y'see."

Sweat beaded on Soundbite's body, mixing with his mucus. **"I'M TELLING THE TRUTH!** _Check on her_ IF YOU DON'T _**BELIEVE ME!"  
**_  
"You're right, I don't believe you," Cross replied. Then, sighing, he ran his hand through his hair, and turned towards a nearby pipe - right as the footsteps stopped. "Okay, first, please don't break down my door."

 _"No promises."  
_  
"And second, could someone go check on Merry?"

Silence. Then...

 _"Yeah, she's not here,"_ Usopp said, his voice low. _"I'll check."  
_  
Minutes passed, boring for Cross and agonizing for Soundbite. By the time the sniper piped up again, there was an actual puddle beneath him.

 _"Okay, guys, you're not going to believe this, but... Merry's_ asleep."

 _"What?!"_ /"What?!"/ **"TOLD YA!"  
**  
 _"Told us_ what, _Soundbite?!"_ Vivi demanded.

 _ **"THAT I WAS PLAYING A LULLABY FOR MERRY!"  
**_  
Once again, the gathered Straw Hats had nothing to say. But this wasn't the silence of grim realization. This was just straight-up gobsmacked. Then...

 _"Fuck it,"_ came Su's voice. _"I don't care anymore. I'm going to bed. Soundbite, you wake us up again, and I will_ personally _feed you the transceiver."_

 _"Wait, how would it fit-"_ Brook began, only to be interrupted.

 _"I will_ make it."

Grumbles of agreement drifted into Cross' room, and the man himself sighed again and turned a tired gaze to Soundbite. "Alright, fine, so it was a lullaby. I'm going back to sleep; try not to get carried away again, okay?"

 _"YEAH, YEAH,"_ Soundbite said dismissively. But when Cross was sound asleep again, about fifteen minutes later, he let a fond smile spread over his face and then whispered one last sentence, down into Merry's room.

 ** _"See?_** THEY'RE NOT _ever gonna_ **leave you.** _SLEEP TIGHT."  
_  
And down below, Merry smiled in her sleep and turned over.


End file.
